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When I was a Realtor, I learned to be a wonderful Chameleon. I could make myself appear to be just about anyone you wanted and needed me to be. I learned quickly what to say & more important, what not to say. I worked with people of many different backgrounds and learned how to fit in and be trusted. I also worked for a marketing company that used chameleon in the company name. (Which I found to be very genuine & creative). There it was so appropriate as every client had a different need from us.
Have you seen Julia Roberts in THE RUNAWAY BRIDE? Her character Maggie, can't seem to decide who she is and mirrors whatever her fiance's wants and needs are. Even something simple like how she prefers her eggs..., that depends on which fiancee she is with. As she nears each wedding, she bolts unable to commit and then starts over, having the new fiance's wants.
Sometimes, I feel like a combination of the two.
I hate to admit, that just about everything I choose, I think first is this what Hubby wants too? Food, entertainment, plans... I am the wife that will sacrifice to make him happy.
I find that I do that with my daughters as well. Friends? Family? even strangers? Check, Check, & Check. It's what I do. And I do this honestly and lovingly. I'm 48 and my whole life I have tried to please others and make things better for them, even if it cost me comfort.
Please don't misunderstand. I have made choices to get me where I am and who I am. It's just, if others are involved, I tend to try and be considered of what they want first.
I'm not complaining. What concerns me is, I wonder if I am starting to lose who I am? What I want and need. Things that were very important to me, that are no longer a part of me. I sometimes seem to follow the lead so well, I don't seem to be able to choose for myself.
I don't know... kind of rambling here.
I will be light & cheerful again with the next post. Just a bit morose today.
5 comments:
Janis ...What i feel at this point is that I spent a lot of time wanting to take care of others. I centered on them, and where and how i belonged in their life....and all the while they were centered on themselves....which leaves me alone....and not really having...me.
Its kinda like this: I have been dumped by people that were never dating me in the first place....hehehe
Maybe all women our age feel like this......sigh
you seem like a compassionate loving person janis, in every capacity, daughter,
friend,employee, wife and mother. if everyone were more like you what a peaceful happy world it would be.
maybe you are ready to find some new loves, just for you. a hobby, could be anything. i bet your family would love to support your interests, if you give them a chance, just like you've always been there for them.
happy easter dear
xoxo
Janis,
You are not alone in feeling a little odd about your role in the world. I have had many conversations with my bride which indicates she feels similar sentiments of, "who am I now?" or "what happened to me?" I can't speak for anyone else, but for her, now that the kids are just about on their own and we're approaching 50, she now and then thinks about how she was once a fiercely independent, career-minded woman on her own with her own goals and aspirations.
As a young woman, her ideal of those goals did not center much around family. Once that family started, she put her heart and soul into that family, putting their needs and desires before her own for over 20 years. It may have not even been a conscious decision; it just happened. And it was based in love.
Now that the immediate needs of being a mom are diminishing with kids most of the way out of the house, she feels her role a bit diminished, and it seems she feels maybe even a little disoriented at times.
I tell her she can do whatever she wants--50 is young. She can go back to school. She can get an advanced degree. She can find a job doing something she enjoys. She can pursue a career, old or new. Or she can wait for the inevitable arrival of grandchildren coming just around the corner, offering a wealth of love and life experience to another generation, helping our kids and their spouses to navigate the hazards of early parenthood, of being newly married and learning to give up something of themselves for something greater.
Those of us who have chosen to commit to family and loved ones do give up a little of our own identities, but there is strength in voluntarily surrendering some part of yourself for the sake of family.
Listen to the still, small voice inside your heart--it'll tell you what to do.
I wish you peace--
has been pilot...you are very wise.....and kind
Are you a first born child? First borns are supposed to be huge people pleasers. My self I like to make people happy but I feel most comfortable being the "wall flower" who just watches every one else. ;)
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