Chapter 60 (plus 252 days)

  

It’s been so long since I was a devoted Blog writer. I miss writing. I feel a piece of me has been missing since I stopped. But things happen, and well, I needed to stop when I did. Starting back up has been more difficult than I intended. I thought I could & would just start typing my thoughts back out as I once did. Do I play catch up? Or do I start from present? Do I go to Just Breathe Janis, & just go? I stumble. I fall. I fail.

So today, I decided to start over. A second time. Same intention but a new format. A new beginning. A fresh start. So here we are. Just Breathe Janis Chapter 60. Seems to be fitting since I’ve turned 60 this year. So much has changed since Just Breathe Janis. And I’ll catch up slowly. I’m hoping some of my old followers will find me. And we can rekindle connections.

Life. What a roller coaster. Highs and lows. Twist and turns. We never really know what is to come. We have ideas, we have dreams, and we have hope. For me, I have all the above. But, it took me to learn to trust my journey and not fret so much when it goes differently than planned. I’ve had some beautiful blessings hidden amongst the sadness. 

I’m in a good place. It is well with my soul. I’m happy. I’m healthy. I’m fortunate. I’m blessed. My life is far from perfect. It’s very scattered. But I’m more confident and at peace with this life handed to me. 

I’ve discovered balance is certainly in place in my life. Life use to be unbalanced. But I now understand how to see more. I’ve opened up & realize there is this center. And I will look for the good that comes from something not so wonderful.

xoxo

Healing Time

My Dad has been living at Crestwood East Assisted Living in Indianapolis for three months now.  While grieving Mom's untimely death, he has been doing extremely well considering.  I had always heard that those frist few months are so crucial to a loved one that has become widowed.

Prior to Mom's death, Dad was not doing well.  His health was declining rapidly and he was feeling a burden to Mom.  She had been his primary caretaker for so many years.  They were in "The Accident" 49 years ago, that robbed my Dad of a normal un-handicapped life. From the minute my Dad woke from his coma, my Mom vowed to take care of him.  And that she did.  Sometimes we'd scold her, as she babied him.  But, then again, he had always been a bit spoiled.  Dad was very demanding.  He had a mean streak in him.  But, he also was a very dear man, that loved her very much.

One year ago, Mom and Dad decided it was time for Dad to live in assisted living.  They were very stubborn and head strong refusing to hear of my Sister & I advice.  My Mom always turned left when I said right. Up when I said down.  It was what it was. For years, we begged her to slow down and lessen her load.  I almost had them convinced to move Pops to Indy, finding a grand place... but at the eleventh hour, Mom pulled the rug and said no.  So, Dad moved into an Assisted Living in their town.  Not one we approved, but nonetheless, a safer environment. Dad enjoyed his stay for five months.  The scariest part was the lack of any type of nursing care, whereas, if Dad fell, (which he does a lot) they can't tend to his needs.  There was also a cost issue... but we needn't go into that.

My parents moved to a "side-by-side senior apartments in April of this year.  Mom was exhausted.  Her health was a mess. She intended on being able to care for Dad here. She wasn't able to do this.  She died three weeks following their move.  Dad was now alone, without any help.

Pops 5/11/2012

This picture was taken of my Dad this past May. He looked scary old and weak. It had become very difficult to understand him.  He was not eating properly, nor was he taking his medications regularly He was on oxygen much of the time.

Pops 9/11/2012

This is my Dad now.  He looks great! He is taking wonderful care of himself now that he has a routine.  His medications have been regulated and he only uses the oxygen when he sleeps.  He LOVES the wonderful home cooked meals and as he has been "forced" to socialize, his speech has greatly improved. He is quite popular and has made friends with everyone there. He has a shower that he can easily get into (something we take for granted) and he enjoys taking pride in his appearances once again. He has changed his beard shape a dozen times, finally choosing this  GQ clean cut look.

He teases me as I am on it... no messing around. I have been a tough cookie when it comes to telling Dad what to do.  BUT... it's paying off. He is HAPPY. He is finally getting the fact that he CAN be happy. I refuse to permit him to sit in his chair and wait to die. I have showed him a taste of life he has forgotten.  We have big plans.  We are going places and doing things. And we are having a wonderful time.

I can't make everyone that promised to visit him come. That is a disappointment. But, we are done waiting, we are getting out, and don't be surprised if we come knocking on your doors to visit. He needs his friendships more now than ever.

What A Day!

Bandit telling me his side of this story

I had one of those...

OH MY GOSH! kind of days.

I could probably make this into six different post but I will try to reduce it into one.

I'm not even sure where to begin...

Might as well start with the beginning...

 I fell asleep around 3 am (problem sleeping whenever Hubby is out of town). I woke early to the sound of my cell phone  ringing at 4:39am. It was my youngest daughter (away at college).  Now, anyone with college children know the drill...

{WTH? the phone is ringing? OMGosh.. it's my daughter! what's wrong?}

but when I answered... silence... no voice, no sounds, nothing. It hangs up... I call her back and it goes to voice mail... I try again... and again... then I try texting... again... and again.

Somehow, I calmed myself, and actually feel back to sleep after much prayers!

At 7:22am I receive a text telling me, she thinks she must have "sleep called" me... strange child of mine. 

Made me think of my college roommate, Angela... and the MANY nights, she amused herself talking to me when I was asleep.  Apparently I was a chatty sleeper and you could get ALL kinds of honest information out of me when I was asleep. Quite entertaining so I am told.

Back to my day.. so relieved she was okay!

I "woke" up at 8:30am to start my day. (okay...hang on.. I am sure some of you are wondering, what the heck? 8:30? LAZY! But let me explain, I get off work at midnight, therefore I am entitled to a later morning).. So, I get up, have my cup of Joe, read some emails, fed the pets, take out the Dogs, and jump in the car to head to my 10am appointment with Betsy's.  If you are not a follower from way back, you may wonder who's Betsy.  She is my wonderful Angel ~ Therapist... that has taught me valuable coping skills and helps me to stay sane as well as keep things in check.

Great Session! whoa I love this Gal!  I'm on the right path & always feel fabulous after my Betsy hour.  See you in 6 weeks Betsy!

Now, I have just enough time to swing by Target before heading to my ASL classes, so in I pop.  They have WONDERFUL Dollar Deals, and to my pleasure the Dollar Easter Socks are in. So I pick up a couple dozen for my "Girls" to have (I am becoming, "that Dorm Supervisor that always gives out Holiday socks").  Which is fine, as you can never have too many socks & the girls get a kick out of them. 

I realize as I am in line to pay that I have to go pee really bad.  I am standing there doing my Kegals to keep myself together.  I think to myself, do I really want to go into that public restroom?

Naw...

I can hold it! At lest till I get to class.

OR NOT

As I am walking to my car in the parking lot I feel myself sprinkle as I take each step. I arrive to my car...with a big wet spot in my crotch.

OMG!

Did I really just pee myself?

Seriously?

Well, that is some serious... "Becoming an Oldie situation!"

So much for getting to class... I have no choice but to go home and clean up.

You'd think that would be enough...
NOPE!

lets move along to 1:00pm...

We live in a neighborhood that is picky about fences.  The type of fence I am allowed to place would cost us big bucks for the full back yard.  Not gonna happen. So, unfortunately, I am a Hillbilly that attaches my dogs leashes to a long tie down leash outside.  My Dogs LOVE being outside.  We hate having to keep them leashed but, well, Bandit is not real bright, and Riley gets very into scents (she is a Coon hound) and they will take off. We have been using this method for two years, as we debate buying the "Fence" or attempting the "Invisible Fences".
The Dogs were enjoying the sunshine, No barking, just relaxed and happy. They have managed to slip off the main leash a couple of times, but never venture past a neighbor house. Dakota, the little guy, does not require a leash. He stays put although he can be an instigator.
FIVE MINUTES...
I stepped inside for 5 minutes.
Then I checked on them. Dakota was a nervous Nelly, and Riley & Bandit were GONE.
I mean GONE.

I'm running around calling them. No barking, no howling.
I start to feel panicky.
I jump in the car and spin around the block.
Not a Pup in sight.
I drive around again adding the additional streets.

our neighborhood (we are "A")

Where the Heck did my Babies go?
OMG
I have asked every person I see in the neighborhood and NO ONE HAS SEEN THEM...
I exit the neighborhood and circle the exterior perimeter slightly terrified.
I start back into the neighborhood & receive a call. It's a Los Angeles number so I let it go to voice mail  (I'm a little busy).  Then I get another call, this one is from my Veterinarian. I answer...OMGosh..do you have our Dogs? Jenn (Vet Tech) says we have Riley... a Good Samaritan picked her up running down the middle of Brookville Road (very busy street with 55 speed limits).  Riley was with Bandit, who apparently was hit by a car...
He ran off though, she wasn't able to get him in her car, although big ole' Riley was tired of this adventure and more than happy to get her 110 pound butt in the nice lady's car.
Riley was taken to our Vet's Office, one of the Gals that work there headed out looking for my Bandit, as I also continued the search... I pulled off the side side of the road, where Bandit was last seen, calling & searching...but where did my Bandit go?
I get another call...
"Hi, I think I may have your Dog..."
OMGosh!
Is he okay? Where are you? I will come now!
Turns out, Bandit headed South after Riley got picked up.  Met another Dog and followed it home. The man that called, happened to have been a cilent of mine from my Real Estate days. He said Red, (the Dog that brought Bandit home) was a stray that he & his wife befriended & started feeding.  He came up the drive-way with Bandit. They found us through his tags.
I thanked him, loaded my very happy to see me but very exhausted Dog into the car & headed to the Vet.  Bandit has a couple of skinned spots on his leg, but other than than he is fine!  We picked up Riley who was very thrilled to see us.She started HOWLING as soon as she heard my voice.
I brought them home for a good long nap.

safely home

All this took place within one hour.
2:00pm

Off to work.
Now, work stuff I have to be careful what I am allowed to say. So I am gonna try to be brief but give you an idea of the craziness of the day.
3:00-3:15pm
Staff meeting... Grab vehicle keys & paperwork for off campus outing, open Dorm
3:15-3:45pm
Roll call, get Girls off to practices, take some to another Dorm and take one with me to get vehicle
3:55-5:45pm
At Med Check, for a Resident's Physical appointment, fill out a TON of paperwork, get parent on phone to talk to Med Check person, interrupt for my Girl, get HALF WAY FINISHED when they stop the check up & inform me they have made a serious mistake, and can not complete this.  She can not continue here due to out of network and an insurance issue (although, I have already paid out of pocket personally).  Without going into detail, I got reimbursed, and we left, two hours wasted.
6:00-6:30pm
Arby's with my disappointed Girl, talk about possibilities so we can get her IHSAA forms completed and get her playing her team sport. 
7:00-12:00am
Back to work, met with supervisor, take care of my 15 residental Girls, talk to three parents, dissolve some high school girl drama, meeting with supervisors & Dorm Counselor on an issue, tuck my Girls in, clean up Dorm, fill in Night Dorm Supervisor, and clock myself out.

12:30 - 2:30am
Get home, shower, chat with Hubby on phone, (he's in Detroit), grab a glass of wine & LOVE my Dogs.

As crazy as it was, I know it could have been a REALLY HORRIBLE Day.  So many things could have happened...
My Dogs! My precious spoiled Dogs could have been lost, hurt, or killed.
So I peed myself... probably not the last time and
my girlfriends and I have gotten quite a laugh over it.
Work craziness... I may not have gotten accomplished what I sat out to do, but I tried, and I did have a bonding experience with one of my Girls. She will survive and prehaps can get this issue resolved. It gets caotic but it also is wonderful. I love love love this job.  It brings me so much joy.

This all had a lot of value as well. I appreciate the good when I remember that things don't always go as planned. I have once again learned the value of laughing can help you through ANYTHING.
Life is good.

That's Not ME!!!

Hubby & I

Have you ever got ready to go somewhere... and felt pretty good about your hair, make up, and clothes? Felt you are looking good... healthy.. grateful for the few shedded pounds, feeling comfortable.  But then, later, catch your reflection, or see a photo and think... who is that? I know I left the house looking better than that!

Yesterday, I had to attend a wake service thingy, for my Brother-In-Law. I chose a brown dress that makes me feel pretty.  Both my Daughter and Father In Law, commented on how I looked, that I looked thinner & pretty. Made me feel very good.

We got home made a quick change & took off for a college football game and tailgating fun.

I still felt good about looking how I felt. I thought my hair was behaving (not doing that stupid cowlick thing I catch in most photos) and was happy that my jeans were actually needing a belt.

Things aren't always the way they seem.  Rather than a person with an eating disease that thinks they look worse than reality, sometimes things are flipped & you don't look as good as you thought.

My friend Carol took this photo...obviously, not a good profile of me. My waist is not that wide... I'm still a size six, but I hope that it's just the damn chair making me look like that... And the bus driver arms... please someone tell me how to rid myself of these cruel oldie reminders..

I use to embrace aging. I absolutely loved the ages 35-45.  I had a rocking little body that I finally accepted. My hair was healthy, and my skin was amazing. Something started changing once I past 45 and let me tell you... it's been down~hilling ever couple of months.

Weight gain... whatever. My hair lost it's shine & has odd gray curly hairs that stick out like floral sprays. I get these "age spots" all over my body, as well as stray "eyebrows" that manage to make their way in the worst places... not to mention the occasional skin tag and sebaceous cysts. My vision has weakened and I can't always see well enough to get make up on without looking like a clown (hence why I rarely wear it).
I am MENOPAUSAL... Oh now this is quite a joyous journey. Mom had a Hysterectomy at 35 so she skipped this little phase of womanhood.  My Sis, just told me her Doctor told her it can sometimes last 10 years. WTH? Seriously?  Not what I needed to hear! I'm always hot... I get teary EASILY... I have to admit, I get annoyed and yes, occasionally bitchy.  (I'm sorry to those in my path).

I wanna be that woman I know I can be & look.  The one I see myself... in my mind... not in the mirror!

I wish Calgon could really take me away in a wonderful bath like the old commercials.  I need my "Peace in the Valley".
sigh

Malfunctioning!

Thursday evening I had a hard time getting to sleep.  Usually, for the past couple years anyway, I pretty much fall asleep within an hour of hitting the pillow.
Nothing new on my mind, nothing new to be stressing over.  Feeling okay health-wise...except for  allergies (which I haven't been bothered with since 2008...until this summer).  But this particular evening I tossed & turned.  I also had a persistent little cough.  You know the kind... like something is tickling the back of your throat.  Just that barely there.. cough cough. I went into the living room with a cough drop as I didn't wait to wake the Hubby (poor thing rarely sleeps well & I certainly didn't want to be a culprit that kept him up).  I laid trying to sleep, finally, once I got that cough quieted. I returned to bed. And went to sleep.

I woke up, Hubby already off to work. As I swung my legs off the bed and went to stand, my left leg completely collapsed. It wasn't hurting, but it wasn't "working" either.  It's like no muscle control at all. I couldn't move it. I could manipulate it with my hands, and locked it into a standing position, but I couldn't make it move on it's own at all. I tried to take a step with the right leg and as soon as weight was put onto the left leg, down I collapsed again.
weird...
scary!...
I tried massaging it, slapping it around, begging it.  Eventually I started getting some control and soon enough it was functioning normally.
But, seriously? What the heck?

I have always had some circulation problems.   My legs would get that tingling "falling asleep" problem and not function well. Arms and hands too. For as long as I can remember.

On occasion, my leg will give out from under me. I've had some painful and some embarrassing moments. It always frightens me but I have been living with it for as long as I can remember.

A couple years back this was happening a lot more frequently, especially with my hands and arms. I went through some testing at the hospital (I was sure I had Restless Leg Syndrome).  That was ruled out as well as anything "major".  But I never got an answer as to what was going on.  We kind of dropped it once we realized it wasn't anything major.

But, now, after Friday morning's incident.  I am concerned.  Is this getting old?  Is this going to continue to get worse?  Is this going to affect my walking, driving and daily functioning?
It was a tiny tiny window into my friends with Multiple Sclerosis and other  muscular diseases daily living.  Not being able to use your limbs or control them. To lose something we take for granted so easily. I don't even "think" about movement.. I just do it. To lose movement, it would be so imprisoning and frightful.

My adoring Doctor has recent moved far away to begin a new wonderful journey.  I am in the process of setting up a new Doctor's care and doing the transfer stuff. I have been so Blessed that our "old" Family Physician was also one of Hubby's best friends.  He knew us better than any other Doctor possibly could.  Maybe new Doctor will have some fresh perspective of what is happening to my aging and changing body. Or maybe, she will think I am a hypochondriac. Either way, eventually I will have to bring it up.  Oh well... it can wait, for now.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday was my Birthday. I am 48...
48.
When did that happen? Time is in fast speed. Freaks me out.
I mean sometimes I feel like I am just 38, then I will feel 58. I feel playful and strong, or tired and sore. I still think the same as when I was 18, however I am more logical and practical. Sometimes I am wise beyond my years.
I really don't mind the "age thing". I do mind the "aging thing". The body changes, the aches, the forgetfulness.
I am in a good place... I have a wonderful husband, and darling daughters. A roof over our heads, food on the table, and jobs to pay the bills. I have Christ in my life that gets me through the tough times as well as the good. My health is good, my state of mind is fair.
Sometimes I am troubled by the would have, could have, and should haves. But I feel the paths I have taken are those with God at my side guiding me along the way.
My day was truly Blessed.
I was able to spend it with extended family~ my folks, Aunt & Uncle, Cousins (including a fav that shares my birthday), and Emily for a cook-out. After that, Annie and Emily took me for Mani-Pedi's. Then Sergio meet up with us for a lovely dinner, stroll and some shopping. We ended the night with a good suspense flick {Shutter Island}.
Today we will enjoy Fathers Day, and it will feel wonderful celebrating the great Father my Husband is to the girls.
Life is good.
Even at 48.

...I hate that!

Need I say more?

What The Muck?

One of natures cruelest aging things to happen has to be the freakin' skin tag. What a hideous nasty looking thing that reminds me of a witch.

Guess who has found one on her delicate aging body?

How gross! I am gonna research how to remove this thing before it grows into a new limb.

I was trying to "embrace" growing old gracefully but, this I did not expect!

What the Muck?

What's This?

Here we go again!

I really was trying to grasp this whole aging thing. I am starting to accept certain changes my body has been making. Embrace it... almost.

• Lines on the face? laugh lines, I have had many smiles!
• Little extra weight? healthy, smooths the wrinkles!
• Menopause? kindof look forward to the end of periods!
• Hot Flashes? finally, I am not freezing!

See? I am making some good out of some bad.

Embracing... yeah, trying.

BUT... now I noticed my hands are turning old! Yes, it's true. Yucko Old Lady Hands! I am pissed. Also, my arms! They lost that elasticity. I swear, I did not recognize my own arm!

I am not looking forward to what is next!!!

old enough...

Why is it that we have to be of a certain age for many things, but for some very crucial things, there is no age limit?

You must be 14 yrs old, in the state of Indiana, to obtain a work permit (with restrictions)

You must be 16 yrs old, in the state of Indiana, to obtain a driver's license.

You must be 18 yrs old, to obtain a voter's registration.

You must be 18 yrs old, to buy cigarettes.

You must be 18 yrs old, to enter the military and fight for our country.

You must be 18 yrs old, to obtain a gun permit.

Unless you request emancipation, you must be 18 yrs old, to be considered an adult.

Marriage, varies from state to state, but I think for the most part, you have to be 18 yrs old to obtain a marriage license.

You must be 21 yrs old, to buy alcohol.

HOWEVER~

As long as you are physically able to procreate, you can have children (no instructions or training required!) You can even have children if you are a criminal, a molester, or unstable!

As long as you meet the age requirements, you can vote, no matter if you are an imbecile, racist, or terrorist!

You can pretty much buy a gun, after a little back ground search, and I do mean LITTLE, if you intend on using it on others.

Even though we consider you an adult, old enough to make decision like marriage, voting, buying a gun and cigarettes, as well as fighting for our country, we don't think you are old enough to drink alcohol.

I could go on.

I just got a little pissy thinking about this last night. It makes no sense to me.

Do you wonder where we messed up on some of this? What the heck?

It's My Birthday!

Today I am 46 years old.
So I am told, many times today. Obviously, this picture was taken a while back. I was 5 years old here.

So far, it has been a good day. I feel good. I have had calls from my family and friends. Ms Sheri called me @ midnight to wish me a happy day first. We had a little celebration at work. Annie has made me a cake (her first!) It looks yummy! Strawberry :) Sergio is taking me out for dinner, I will probraly have a Margarita. I am just chilling with the computer and a glass of wine, doing pretty much none of the many things I should.
I am looking forward to the year. I try not to be superstitious, but my even years are always better. I married Sergio on an even year. Had my Babies on even years. Even started hanging with the Lifers on an even year.
This past year.... lets just say it has been trying and not my favorite. I am anxious to put 45 away. far far away. Odd years are more than odd, I hate them.

46 is going to be a good year for me. We have much change coming up. We will make this a wonerful year and I can not wait. So cheers to my happy new year!

Chinny Chin Chin

One of the worst things about getting older is that your body kindof goes on the fritz and weird things happen. You get aches that you never imagined you would. Strange sounds come from your joints when you bend. I found myself making grunting noises to when I bend down to pick something up or try to stand up. ( I can't do the Elle Wood, "Bend & Snap!"). Weight sneaks up on you, and I wake up with new wrinkles every day.

I think that one of the cruelest of all of these strange freakish changes has to be the frightful, Chinny Chin Chin Hairs! If you are over 40, you know what I am talking about. Some of you 30 plus have even experienced this creepiness. I like to think of them as stray eyebrows. They just really stray sometimes. As I have aged, my vision isn't as good as it use to be and no matter how well I prepare myself to go out into the world daily, I never find these... till I am driving in my car. There is something about the lighting in my car. I will be at a stop light and, Holy Crap, what the Sam Hell is that sticking off my chin! Of course I don't have tweezers with me so the rest of the day I will be touching it thinking, "God, please let no one else see this!!!" The chin isn't the only location these thick witchy poo hairs can be found. I have found them sticking out my neck and once or twice even sprouted a tail!

I know I am not alone. Often I will notice someone else. I want to tell them, only because I would want to know. But, I keep it to myself, unless it's a Bestie. Then I tell her and we both bust out laughing.

There is this woman that works at a store I frequently go. She has at least 20 growing off her chin and several more all over her face. I want to give her a really good magnifying glass. Maybe she doesn't see them. I try to not stare. She is very friendly and always wants to chat. I try hard not to vomit. I can't eat after I talk to her. Isn't that awful?

Maybe that is why I always seem to get one after I see her.

Or maybe they are contagious!!!

The Dreadful "Fat" Pants

For years I have giggled about women having their "fat" pants. You know what I am talking about. The pants that you keep because you may gain weight and have nothing else that fits. The pants that most likely are sweats or some other kind of comfy pants with a draw string type closure.

I have been very blessed to be thin most my life. Okay, too thin for a majority of my life. However, after two kids and a Dietitian that taught me how to eat, I have maintained a healthy weight for at least 10 years. I love fattening foods. I eat olives, sweets, fried foods, buttered foods, and soda. I am a nibbler. Gotta have chips & dip, cookies, candy, all day.

Last year, things started to shift in my body. The alarms must have gone off and said.. "she's 45 now! make her look it!". At first, I wasn't to bothered about moving away from my "targeted weight". For 10 years I have had to get on the scales to be sure I was within this targeted weight. But, the problem had always been, going below, never did I exceed it. So, no problem, I felt normal. Now, it is becoming a problem.

I seem to have NOTHING that fits me in the area between my waist and knees. What the Sam Hell is happening? I have one pair of jeans I can squeeze into, but it is not pretty what spills over the waist. I have ripped out the liners in three of my dress pants. Last night I couldn't get into a pair of JAMMIE BOTTOMS!

I bought these slightly ugly Capri pants to wear to the Race for a Cure. I bought them because of the comfort factor and they have deep pockets. They are mesh, black & have a draw string. I seem to be wearing them alot lately. Yesterday I tried to wear them out in public. Sergio asked me to please change. Apparently he isn't ready for the rest of the world to see me wearing such things.

I need to go shopping. Better yet, maybe I will actually start exercising. Any suggestions on a quick reduction in the waist, butt, and thighs?

bump, lump, abnormal cell growth...

I have had my share of medical "almosts". I always get lucky and get the "good news". I have yet been told something devastating. I am pretty good about yearly check ups & if something seems wrong, I have it checked out. I had a lumpectomy when I was 30 and also had a cyst removed that same year.

Common regular things we women go through from time to time. To be good to those we love, we try to make sure that we are healthy so we can take care of our loved ones. I try to stay educated and on top. Having daughters that are now young women, I feel it is important to set a good example and have them learn to take care of themselves.

Last month, I had a suspicious lump in my breast. Joy. I had to go to the hospital & have a more intense mammogram & ultrasound. Everything turned out fine. Just one of those little "build ups" that we will watch. Relieved I returned home with a clean bill of health.

A couple of days later, I received a call from the Doctor. It appears that my Pap came back abnormal as well. Okay, here we go again. They had me come in for a Colposcopy. Not fun, didn't help that I was nervous. He didn't like the way my "abnormal cell growth" looked and decided to do a Biopsy as well. Ouch! That isn't a pinch, that is a slicing of my Cervix! They tried to take the whole growth, just in case. Not too alarming, but it was worthy of removal.

So, now I sit waiting... Don't you love it when they say we should have results in a couple of days, and the days pass with no answer. I call yesterday, with a slight complication, no biggie, just "watch it". That is so comforting. Just tell me the results! Am I good to go? Or am I in for a little fight? I am up for the challenge. With God by my side, I am ready for anything.

44 & HOLDING!!!!

I am 44 years old.

At least for a few more hours. Tomorrow I turn 45! Yuck. That sounds old. I miss 42, 38, and 34. Those are good numbers. I hate the ones that end in 9, 5 or 0.

I don't feel old. Although sometimes my body tells me I am. I really hate when you notice an old person thing going on with the body. Every year it's something new. What's up with that?

What I love is my mind is the same. I am still a silly girl inside this old lady body. I like to sing loudly to any REO Speedwagon, Lynyrd Skynard or Areosmith song. IF "Time for me to Fly", comes on, my friend & I still call each other up & say..."listen, this is for you!!!". Just like when we were 16. Sometimes I still feel the same as I did when I was 16, just smarter.

I share this Birthday Week with one of my oldest (as in time not age) and best friends. She declares it her Birthday week and celebrates or uses the week as an excuse for whatever she needs and wants. I have decided that is such a great idea and I should do the same. I am driving my family crazy. They keep reminding me that I am not S. therefore we don't celebrate all week. I know I am not her, but why not pick up on this wonderful concept!. They say they are not buying it.

Hmmm. I got flowers yesterday. My bed made this morning. Ice Cream this afternoon. Dinner made by the girls. And they are "hanging out with me". It is not my birthday yet.

I like Birthday Week! This might just make up for that ugly number I am turning!