Just PRAY Janis

So much has happened since I last wrote. I will try to review things as I get back to writing here in my Blog.

Over time.

It's hard to jump back in... you think of where do I begin? How do I catch up?

Last night I could not sleep, for the umpteen time.  My brain was on fire. I had so many things I was trying to comprehend.  I lay there having quite the conversation with God. My prayers became just that... a conversation. I was so very consumed with troubling things. Particularly where and why God was becoming vague within so many I loved.  Somehow, over the course of world issues, especially here in the United States, people have become so callus. Not only looking the other way, but accepting the horrible things that have become tolerated and even encouraged by our embarrassing president.

{Yeah... I'm going there. I am not only a Democrat but I am a human that believes we should all be equal regardless to race, religion, gender, marital status, or identity.}

As I laid in my bed, tears slowly falling... I asked God to help me to understand.  To help me to know what I need to do?  How can I help? I also did my share of begging to help some loved ones find there way back to His loving arms.  I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having God lead me & help me to trust His plan for me.  My walk hasn't been horrible, but I certainly had my share of stumbles and a few valleys to cross.  While I had believe at the time, perhaps my path, or rather how I accept & trust my path, would be an example to others that are watching, and maybe inspire them to have better relationships with God.  But then I realized how vain that was & remembered it is not about me. So here I am.

Where do I go from here? My personal life is really very Blessed. I am in a good place. My Hubby and I are better than ever, after 32 years of marriage.  My oldest Daughter is living Happily Ever After with her darling Husband, not far from us.  My youngest is living her dream in sunny California with her Fiance and we are planning a wedding for the coming year.  My Dad is safe and continent living nearby in the most wonderful Memory Care Residence. Hubby is retired & I get to continue a great job working from home. We are healthy  (for the most part).

So why am I distraught? Why the anxiety? Oh Honey... if the News doesn't scare you... you are one of the reasons I am so troubled. I need to figure this out. Once upon a time, when I struggled with depression, self worth and anxiety, I was introduced to this little (at the time) world of Blogs.  It is a different animal these days... the Blogworld I was so affectionate over seems to be hidden under many layers of Blogs today.  However, I know what this outlet can do for me.  And maybe it is really about me... here anyway.  A porthole to finding some relief, some comfort or even some resolution and answers to what I am looking for.

I am coming home to my Blogworld. Like a long lost friend welcoming me back. I am the same person I was when I started Just Breathe Janis so many years ago.... but I have grown, I have gotten stronger, wiser and mindful.

Just Pray Janis... and then you can Breathe again.

always something...

"You know Janis, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

Thank you Roseanne Roseannadanna. You give me a smile remembering this.
Today is definitely one of those days. I am grateful for the memory of Gilda Radner's character. For laughing is so much better than crying.

It seems so often things will be so amazingly awesome, I'm on top of the world, and someone has to go and give me a big push. I haven't been knocked completely down... I am hanging on by roots, determined not to fail.

I am reminding myself that I can't fix things... I can't change things... I can't make others follow the rules ... I can't turn that dang chair into a couch. No matter how hard I try.

I am remembering to pray. Really really really hard.  But I am praying for forgiveness of my angry, remembrance that this pain someone is causing is not deliberate. For this loved one can't control their illness that makes them do what they do. I am praying for strength. For guidance, for understanding.

When someone is ignorant... selfish... incompetent... manic... or downright crazy. You can't feel anger. You must be full of compassion and love.
It's a hard one.
A really really hard one.

But...
It is what it is...

And Dang it, I just can't stick a band-aid on it and move on.

I must be patient, and listen to my heart.

{also...prayers...so send on the prayers my dear friends. I could really use them}.

愛、祈りとヘルプ

愛、祈りとヘルプ 

translated from Japanese to English

Love, Prayers and Help

I know you are all aware and following along with the current tragedies in Japan.

First came the massive Earthquake,

followed by the devastating Tsunami,

and now the damaged Nuclear Plant causing much
panic and fear.

And the weather is not helping.

I too have read much in the Internet, paper, and watched
the news intensely.

Tonight reports claim
4164 confirmed deaths
12,000 unaccounted missing

I have been in awe of the amount of people that can / will stop and go help without a second thought.
I am so impressed with the many Bloggers that have written beautiful pieces and are doing so much with them for the Japanese victims.

My Blogger friend Erin Wallace did it best 

(of what I have seen)

Please click this link
HERE
Her Blog
Dropped Stitches
is a wonderful resource of ways you can help
as well as cool things you can purchase that will also help through proceeds.

I also found helpful the radio station I listen to
K-LOVE

Please remember, Prayer is Free!
We can all keep those affected by this disaster in our prayers.

This will have a domino effect in many ways.

Let's be a part of the positive effect.

Bowen Update

Bowen is off his ventilator! I hope that you have been following his blog Mom & Dad have going. He has captured my heart and reminded me of what is important. Please continue to pray & visit his family at Bowen's Heart.
http://bowensheart.com/
Bless his little heart!

Time To Take A Xanax!

These are the kind of post that help me most but I hesitate most about writing...

The day is going, well, interesting is a nice way to put it.

We awoke to a snow storm here in Indiana. No problem, we are use to changing weather. We have "weathered" them before. Nothing like the good ole days when SNOW meant SNOW.

One of my daughters, needs to be back @ school by tomorrow morning for an exam. We wanted her to go yesterday before the storm hit, but, she wanted to wait till today. Now, there are severe road conditions and she no longer drives an SUV but a small compact car. We are making her wait, much to her protest. I promise Baby, we will make sure you get there before tomorrow's exam!

The Hubby, cancelled his business trip to Louisville because of the weather. Headed out to plow some streets and parking lots instead. (Small side business). His 4 wheel drive won't work...Can't plow without it. He is awaiting help @ a repair shop. Not in a peachy mood.

I am working on a project that I can't seem to complete in a timely manner at work. Stressed out and tying to get my speed up to par. Timing is so important when you are "contracted" I really want to become permanent. I need to become a necessity instead of extra.

My friend's Dad just had MAJOR surgery. He is recovering, but, we all fear these times as our parents age and run into these situations. I want to go sit with her. Hug her and be by her side. We have many miles between us that make this impossible for me right now. I am with her and her family in prayer though.

My own parents are having issues as well. We will leave that at that for now. Again, I am deep in prayer.

Tuition, mortgage, utilities, as well as a mountain of other expenses have hit as promised this time of year. Gosh, what happens to our paychecks?

I have to get the tax stuff together... Where is everything???

Another friend has been going through the toughest of all times, yet I can't help her with what she needs most. The frustration of not being able to make it go away, or make things right is torturous. I want her happy and smiling again! Prayers, Prayers.

Health issues are pissing me off. Plus I start my weight watchers group. I am sure I will be a peach too.

My home is a mess. I keep cleaning and it just magically gets a mess by time I get home. How does that happen? I need a day off just to make it sparkle again. While I am at it I need to throw all the Christmas stuff in the attic for another 11 months.

I am having my first get together, since moving into the new house. A little Wine & Candle Party on Sunday. I am stressing over wanting everything so nice for this gathering. Plus many of the gals I wanted to see, can not make it. Crap...I have no chairs. Is this storm going to interfere?

I still have to drive home in this mess and it just hasn't stopped snowing yet! I miss my SUV. Will my Monte Carlo impress me or chicken out?

These are the days I fear most. I get overwhelmed. Overpowered. My depression creeps in. My anxiety goes sky high. I am feeling Kookoo!
I am praying. I am playing some great music from Pandora (Internet music). I am trying to remember to breathe.

But, some days, I have to listen to my body. My mind. It is telling me I could use a little extra help that my Doctor has told me I must use when this happens. After all, he is a strong Christian man that would never steer me wrong. He prays with me. He is a man of God over his being a man of medicine. He knows how I feel about medication. But, I will trust him and listen today. For I know not what else is to come. Today, I need a little help from panicking.
Hello Xanax.
Take me Away!
Chill Me Out!