My husband is home from his well deserved vacation. Hiking, camping and just breathing the Arizona air rejuvenated him. He came home home full of dreams and plans for our future. As we reach retirement, my husband is alive with goals and plans.
{The above photo is of the Pinaleno Mountains in Arizona where he visited}
His job is demanding and taxing. He has been beat up a bit with all the GM negotiations as well as the many plants that are folding and dealing with helping all these union members. He also shoulders the weight of "our world", with our own dilemmas, demands and issues. We have Oldies to worry about and college daughters to worry about. If it isn't work, its something on the home front.
I realize many are thinking... who doesn't? We all have stuff to deal with. He doesn't complain much {he is a man so hello? so complaining can't be helped}, he is always taking care of everyone and he has come back to us with certain pride... ideals... dreams...and finally some hope.
He has big dreams and ideals of how to achieve them. He is excited and enthusiastic about these new thoughts and plans. I have listened whole heartedly for the past several days. So pleased to see him happy about our future and wanting the best for us in retirement.
We have been married for 23 years. I took my vows very seriously. I like to believe I am about the most supportive wife there possible can be. I have agreed and abide by his thoughts of what is best for us. He has always made me & the girls most happy and provided very well for us.
The problem I am having will seem selfish. Please know, sometimes to write about these things puts a new prospective on my thoughts and helps me to see and think more clearly. I will continue to do as he sees fit and best. I always have and always will be the "Dutiful Wife". The "Proverbs Wife".
But sometimes I wonder, what about my dreams? What about the things I had hoped to achieve? My dreams? My thoughts and ideals? Are they to be cast aside and sit in this blog for me alone? Does the Hubby forget that maybe, I don't want some of those same plans and that those might not be my dreams? Does he forget when we were young, some of the plans that we dreamed about together? Am I just to be content that he knows best, therefore follow his dreams? Is it too much to wish that he tell me his dreams and ask me what I think? Ask me would I like to consider these things before just assuming?
I gave up on many a dreams long ago. It happens. We grow old and see that some things are just not possible or practical.
- I will never have 4 kids.
- I will not live in Texas.
- I will probably not own horses (I can't give that one up yet).
- I am not going to win/earn/inherit a ton of money so that I can open "Jan's Ark" my Haven for abused, neglected, and orphaned animals. {horse photo is a rescue horse looking for a home}
- I am never going to have that ability to make people happy and light up a room.
- I may never have the confidence I lack.
- I will never learn to stop trying to fix and save people.
I won't give up on hopes, dreams, and wishes. I just think it would be nice to have my opinion, my input, be considered. I also just want to feel like my feelings are more worthy.
