Welcome To Heaven Barbie

I need to go ahead and write about Mom and her death.
This may be too long and too much information.  Writing is more about me and my coping and processing. So with that, I am just gonna breathe it out of my cluttered head.

Most of you did not know her other than what I portrayed here in Blog World.  I recently went back and read some of it.  I still feel that what I wrote was honest and was loving.  I truly loved my Mom.  I wanted to better understand and realize that when she was crazy, it wasn't really my Mom, but the sickness of manic and depressive behavior.  She was thought to be bi-polar by some diagnose.  She was thought to be a manic depressant. She also was diagnose as a Boarderline Personality Disorder person.  And this fit her to a tee.

I want you to know that even when others felt my "Tough Love" was cruel, and when others felt my boundaries where unnecessary, I did what I knew best to protect myself as well as to help and not enable my Mom.

For most only knew this incredible loving and wonderful woman.  I am so glad of this.  I wanted all to know that side of her & prayed that others would not see the harsh or feel the pain.  Mom was a beautiful person.  She was full of love and very generous.  She was helpful, a rescuer.  She would give a stranger whatever they needed. She was a good Mom, and a good Wife.  I have a lifetime of the best memories a person could ask for.


However, with that being said.  She also had a deep side that was very troubling.  I don't blame her.  I blame her illness. Few knew, what my Sister and I really have been through over the past 50 years.  I am not looking for sympathy or even understanding. I wrote because it helped me.  It was really a way to help myself to understand and to heal.

Looking back, especially now that my mom has died, do I wish I had done things differently? Perhaps... but I can't go backwards only forward.  I forgave my mom a long time ago. When she was manic, I coped best I could.  It is extremely frustrating and heartbreaking to see someone you love self-destruct. Especially when your hand is out and it isn't accepted.  I'm sure I could have done things differently or even better.  But, the bottom line is I can't blame myself or anyone for Mom's problems or her death.  Only God knew the exact day, hour and even minute, my mom would be released of her demons and brought home to Heaven.

The weeks before Mom's death, my sister and I were in consent contact.  We are close and we "understand" much that others can not.  My parents moved just three weeks before she died.  She was on a ... mindset.  She had decided to go headfirst into another quick decision without thinking much ahead or allowing others to give input. It is thought that my Sis and I were not "cooperating" or being supportive.  That wasn't so much the case, rather we wanted my parents to rationalize their decisions and go forward cautiously crossing T's and dotting I's.  My mom decided to have a party, prior to the big move in which my Sister and I were not able to attend.  I had hoped she would wait and have this gathering following the move but, well, Mom does things her way.

There was much concern also as she was tired.  She recently was confined to have COPD and she has been very depressed.  She had decided to move herself from her apartment as well as my father from the Assisted Living where he was, and combine their households to a side by side independent living apartments.  We had a lot of concerns...

Sis started having strange dreams, and I started having an extreme desire to see Mom.  While she usually is very much in contact with us with emails and phone, she stopped the week they moved.  Not a peep, for more than a week.  And we couldn't get through.  Internet not yet connected, her cell was not in service, and Dad did not have voice mail on his line.  We got a hold of Dad on Friday the 11th of May.  I asked if we could stop by for a visit and to see the new place (they had been there two weeks now).  He was thrilled and put Mom on the phone.  She too said yes, I could come and she would like that.  So, the next day, May 12th, I packed my girls & self in the car and met Julie and her husband & daughter as we visited Mom & Dad for a while.  There place was dismayed and still packed.  Mom continued to have not felt up to unpack.  She agreed that maybe she could use some help and made arrangements with Julie while we were there for the following Thursday to come unpack.

Our visit was nice... Mom was so ..quiescent. Not at all talkative and animated as usual. But she was smiling and enjoying her visit wit us and the girls.

On Sunday, we chatted on the phone.  i called to wish her a Happy Mother's Day as I was heading to work.  She was apologetic and grateful.  I reminded her that she had nothing to apologize for and that I loved her always. On Wednesday, I got a thank you card from her for the Mother's Day gift and visit.  On Thursday, she cancelled getting together with Sis, to finish the unpacking.

On Friday, she was dead.

I was vacuuming at around 6:30pm. Annie had some friends stopping by and I was doing a run through on the house.  I saw I missed a call from Mom & Dad while the vacuum was running. The voice mail clicked.  I hit play...
Dad: " Yeah Jan, better call me. Mom just past away. I tried to get her help but she wouldn't do it. So please call."
Me: whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt?  I played it over on speaker for Hubby to hear, then we tried to call Dad, Mom, Sis... again and again. I left voice mail for Sis to call me back ASAP. I then got a hold of Dad finally.  Yes, mom, died... she passed out while standing in the bathroom.  The paramedics were there now.  So was the police.  Yes, Dad, I am on my way.  then Julie called.  I carefully gave her the dreadful news and we agreed to meet at their apartment asap.

When we got there.  The Police were very kind, as were the paramedics.  We were waiting on the Coroner.  She confirmed...  It appeared, Mom had stood up, got that dizzy feeling we sometimes gets, but because she was on oxygen when she gasped, she got a burst of extra oxygen that slammed into her heart, causing it to go into cardiac arrest.  She most likely died before hitting the floor around 6:00pm.

I asked if I could go in...
She said, No.
I said, "please, I would like to see my mother now."
She said, she did not advise it and preferred me to wait till the funeral director gets her to prepare her, them we can see her.
I said, "well, I really want to see my mom now.. not later.  I understand that my mom may not look good.  I understand that she may have had body fluids leave her body... that I have worked hospice, and I get it. But, I needed to see her now. Right now".
A bit more arguing then, she let me go see my mom.

I touched her hand that peeked out of the cover. It was cold.. I uncovered her sweet face... I stroked her temple. The way I use to as a child. It was something I would do to comfort her when she was overwhelmed or sad.  I would sit with her, sometimes even on her lap, and stroke her temple forehead. pulling the tension away, calming her ever so.  I sat there on the floor, stroking my mom.. I told her it was okay.  I told her she could go home now. I told her not to worry anymore.  That it was okay.  That I would take care of Dad, and it was time for her to go home. I told her I loved her. I felt her peace.  I felt mine.

I am very grateful for those few moments alone with my mom. I needed them.

They took Mom's body. and we were left with Dad.  He didn't want to leave.  He wanted to stay and assured us he was okay.  We agreed, and since it was late, we headed home.

The next few days were fuzzy.  Our main priority was to get Dad in proper care.  He is fairly independent, but because of his many health problems and the fact that Mom did much of everything for him, we needed him in a safer environment. We all agreed (with Dad's Blessings to start the process of moving him closer to me.  That where he was (40 minutes west of me and 70 minutes east of Julie, was not an idea location.  Moving him to the East side made more sense as many of his friends, family can now visit with him.  My Sis plans to move back closer to this area also before too long so it was agreed.  Also, Dad agreed to assisted living as he was familiar with it while he briefly lived in AL while in Greencastle.  He liked the idea of having his own apartment, and still having a dining hall (with great food), nursing on staff, as well as a bunch of other opportunities.  Also, my In Laws live just 3 doors down from Dad at this wonderful place. So it came highly recommended.

We also, had to go through funeral arrangements.  We knew what Mom wanted. She had it laid out in her lock box.  We honored her wishes as well as added some love. Annie made these wonderful book markers.  They were just the ticket... gave everyone a smile as this is the Barb they loved.

Mom had two beautiful services.  First, at her church in Greencastle, a beautiful service, by a loving Pastor. Second, a Celebration of Life, held in Indianapolis.  Here we gathered, shared Barb stories, tears, and laughs.

what was left of the Barbie Bangles

My mom had a lot of Flare.  She loved big earnings, noisy bracelets, and bright fun colors.  I had gathered dozens (maybe a hundred) bracelets and bangles that Mom had worn over the years.  I placed them in a big Fish Bowl with a note asking for all to take one, in remembrance of my mom. This was a huge hit.  I looked around the room, seeing her friends wearing the Barbie Bangles as we started calling them.  It was beautiful.  Over the next week, I got wonderful messages of how much they were loved and appreciated, as well as where they were going wearing them.

There were lovely flowers as well as donations made to Mom's favorite charities... The Putnam County Humane Society and The St Andrews Non Food Pantry where my mom gave much of her time to help those less fortunate than herself.

We had a bunch of picture boards.  Much fun to see the many faces of Barb.. And the many hair styles and colors..lol.  Mom LOVED to jazz it up! She enjoyed coloring her hair, perming her hair, a variety of hair styles as well as wigs.  She was adorable in these many photos.  Prior to the funeral, I had the picture boards at home.  I caught my cat, Mischa, starring at the many pictures... moving across, looking in depth to each one.

I was thrilled to see so much love at Mom's services.  Just seeing a roomful of people that loved her so was wonderful.  At one point, an old friend approached me.  She said some things... some cruel things.  Some blameful things.  It was very unexpected and hurtful. I was very gracious.  I tried to change the tone. But as I saw, it wasn't going to happen, I said, I was sorry she felt this way, HOWEVER, my Father is sitting right here... close-by.  He just lost his wife of 53 years.. I just lost my Mom... we are trying to celebrate her life as positive as we can, and that I do believe it was time for her to leave. I calmly asked her husband to take her out..now.  And I retreated to the restroom, where I broke down in a heap...  Who could be so cruel?  Why was she so mean?  I quickly had friends & Sis surround me, and the love was uplifting.  As things were being said, I suggested (through my tears), that we all mourn differently.  That she said what she felt must be said. That, it is done, and best we could do is to Pray for her, as surely, her words, needed prayer.  Who am I to pass judgement?  She spoke what she felt and knew.  As we reentered the room, composing myself, I must say I was a bit tickled to see a couple of my dad's buddies (Oldies that is) scanning the place, making sure this negative person had left the building.  It was very sweet to see them so protective. I knew my Mom.  She would never want someone to put blame or say such things. I'm just relieved this person ran into me rather than my Sister.

With Mom's funeral services complete, we focused on the task of getting Dad moved as well as taking over Power of Attorney and taking care of his financial and medical needs.  I have been introduced into the world of the Veteran's Hospital, and the medicare system.  Dad gave us quiet a scare...Thankfully, we were at the new Assisted Living facility, visiting and got to see first handedly how prompt and caring they are. Dad went into a diabetic crash, sugar down to a 37 (35 is diabetic coma).  We got to know the local fire department as well as the paramedics.  I was terrified as I thought I was about to lose my Dad just two weeks following Mom.  Within 35 hours he went the opposite way with a high sugar at 408.  We are so grateful to now have him in a place where he can be regulated.  With a dining schedule and medication schedule as is he is flying toward a healthier sugar levels as well as general health.  And he is starting to show some happiness.  He is starting to laugh again.

Cousin Shari with Dad

My precious cousin Shari came to visit us and to help us with dad.  I didn't realize how much we needed her till she actually got here.  She is a blessing.  Dad said she "Sharitized" his place, as she spent much time with him and getting things organized.  (Dad can't tell Shari NO like he does Sis & I).

My role as a daughter has changed.  I am now also a caretaker.  I am a power of attorney.  Dad depends on me and Sis now. I'm now a Motherless daughter. Not an easy role, but one that I must accept.

The road is not over, it has just begun.

I will honor Mom.  I will take good care of Dad.  I will make Mom proud.

whew... this was long, but so therapeutic. thanks for lending your ear. 

Sister~Cousins

Meyer's and Tribby's July 1967

I love this photo.  I just discovered it and I love the how you can see more than just a family gathering photograph.  Notice everyone is tense.  Almost as if we have been yelled at or forced.  I am the little five year old in the green dress with giant flowers in the front row. My cousin Shari is next to me, and we are the only ones smiling. What ever it is that has everyone else so uptight isn't affecting us little girls so much. We just know to smile when told "cheese".  My cousin Billy has a suit & bow tie on. What's up with that?  My Mother, who always is smiling and happy in photos, but here she can barely be seen hiding behind my Aunt Nancy's hair.  My sister Julie also is always hamming it up and this is a rare photo of her being still and somber. Julie is the sweet little seven year old in the center. The other day when this was discovered, Shari, Janet (the baby in the photo), and myself, started trying to analysis this photograph.It was a good laugh.

Family can be interesting.  Very complex or very simple.  Sometimes, I think for most, somewhere in between.  I believe that when you have a dysfunctional family, you are very much clinging to each other, knowing you know each others secrets.  You need each other to survive.

Through the years, I have been Blessed to stay in touch pretty well with my cousins. Of course there are times we get busy and are not as close as we wish, however given the fact that we live across this nation in multiple states (as well as countries, with one cousin that lived in Canada for 7 years), we have always been there for each other. Not so well with my boy cousins, somehow, ever though we love each other and all, we didn't stay as close.  Except the silly boy in the striped shirt.  That is my cousin Rob, whom I was very close to. (He even lived with us for a while).  Unfortunately, we lost Rob to suicide several years back when he was just shy of his 40th birthday.

Through recent tragedy, I have reconnected more with my cousins. We don't have as many distractions now that our children are grown (well, mine anyway). We have vowed to stay connected.  We now feel more like sister's than cousins. We will keep our priorities straight.  We will try desperately to meet yearly with a fun Sister~Cousin trip. 

These girls know me better than anyone.  They understand who I am and how I got here.  My sister and I both are both so lucky to have each other and now we have the cousins to lean on and to embrace.

Janet, Janis, Shari

I am very fortunate to have these women in my life.

It All Amounts To ...Not Much

I just completed two long, hot, tiring days of an Estate Sale. I am talking 90+ degrees baking sun, with my Uncle, a couple of Cousins, Husband, and a couple of friends. My Husband & Cousin's Husband joined us day two, so day one, I was the "most able-body", (My Uncle & friend, both had multiple heart surgeries, knee surgeries, as well as other health issues, oh, and they are up there in the sixties & seventies also). One Cousin is a scrappy, tiny, seventy-six year woman who certainly can pull her weight... but she weighs maybe 90? The other Cousin is 13 years younger than I, but ridden with health issues, and unable to lift things). So, I got a work out. Very thankful day two Sergio & Bradley's muscles were at hand!

To take a couple's household of 50th years, and reduce it to an "Estate Sale", is heart wrenching. Sure, several items were already "inherited" out and some stuff was thrown away, but think about the contents of your home.... then imagine it lining up your drive way and garage being sold pennies for the dollar.

My Aunt & Uncle hoarded alot of stuff. They recorded EVERYTHING and had these records on hand, just in case ever needed. My Aunt kept every card, letter and notes. Her postie notes from her office job, graduation & wedding announcements, even from friends granddaughters and sons. My Uncle had paperwork, notes and receipts for just about everything in the home and then some. We found their dog Sam's little sweaters and leases ( Sam died about thirty years ago when they lived in another state).

My Aunt & Uncled bought the higher quality stuff, paid big bucks, but it lasted forever. To sell a $1000 treadmill for $30, a $2000 bedroom suite for $200, and a $300 painting for $20 is crazy, but what else can you do? The economy is bad, ebay & Craigslist is time consuming and no guarantees (let along we had hundreds of items). We were forced to take what we could so that money could go toward my Aunts care, as well as empty the home so it could get on the market. Some of the things are truly treasures and difficult to see go for next to nothing. Some didn't find new homes. Goodwill will hopefully find homes for these items. Some items made their way to our trunks as we just could not throw away. I couldn't watch this hair dryer go to the trash. It was a little beauty I had to keep. My Bestie, Sheri used these forever. I am hoping she will give it a good home. I worked hard at getting the best prices for their things. I am grateful that my Cousins, the Daughters, were not here to watch this transpire. It was heart breaking enough for us, I can only imagine watching people take the pieces of my parents life little by little.

On a happier note, It was lovely to see, particularly young families, excited about getting the deals. To see people happy about their finds. I would like to think that this stuff will continue to get good use.

The house has been updated, and is just about ready to go on the market. It's tough. The whole process has been difficult. It is an eye opener. Makes me want to "be prepared". I don't want my daughters to be in a position to have to go through all of this ordeal.

It is really an strange feeling. To see that a lifetime of a person's "stuff" amounts to not much at all in the end. I guess, the important lesson here was, enjoy what you have and make the best of it. Get rid of what you don't need or use. Pass things on to your loved ones while you still have the chance... or they just might end up in the wrong hand.

The End of A Lifetime

Over the past few months I have been consumed by the death of my Uncle and care of my Aunt. I have a dozen Posting to write and a slue of thoughts swimming in my head. I want to express my feelings, yet,I must be respectful and careful on those I tread upon. Many lives have been affected. Many secrets unleashed.

One of the task at hand, settling affairs and handling of the estate.

This is a huge task.

This isn't always handled properly.

I think that most families, particularly families that are not ... close, have many "chiefs" that have their own idea of what is best.

There is also the problem of "no will", or at least, "no will that will see the light of day and hidden from family so that things will be done the way a "chief" wants them done".

I am not saying this was done in my family.... I am just saying it can & does happen in some families.

My head is spinning, my heart is breaking. I have seen a side to people I never knew existed.

So, for the record... if I die, maybe you can witness this, if my will is not found.

How I want my Estate to be handled:

• My spouse, if alive, and has his faculties, makes the choices first. What he says goes. If I really wanted you to have something, he will know, or he will make it happen. If he questions it, move on.
• Second in line, who should have that opportunity to go through my things, and have closure, my daughters. Both of them, together, at the same time. If they do not get along, they need to get over it. At least while getting my affairs together. Their husbands & children need to stay out of it too. Let Emily & Annie make decisions. Without the influence of others.
• Third in line, my Sister. Not my Sister In Laws, not my Brother In Laws. My Sister~ Julie. She has an extremely good head on her shoulders & she is the person that can make the good decisions and get things to move forward.
• My parents would be next. But, if they would outlive me, I am sure they would be very emotional and want to keep my trash. Don't let them. help them to get their closure and get out.
• Nieces, nephews, cousin, In Laws, friend of families, the Fix It Man, everyone else, don't even think about it! The above people will let you know if they have something I wanted you to have, or something they thought you would want. Otherwise, you can have first run at the stuff that will be sold or given away. It is not a free for all. If there is an Estate Sale or such, there is a reason. Money may be needed for care of spouse, or divided up for my daughters.

Estate sales are not only taxing and tiring, they are emotional. It's hard to part with "stuff". It's hard to give something away at a fraction of it's value. Tens of thousands of dollars worth of stuff, evaporating into pennies. Stuff that is dated does not go for top dollar unless it goes into the vintage - antique category. That really cool lamp made with marbles, or the very expensive sleeper-sofa that weighs a ton is junk now. Just because you love it doesn't mean a buyer will.

Feelings will be hurt. And skeletons will come out. It's an end of a lifetime. Do your family a favor and have things prepared.

Now, I must get that will updated! You never know!

the inevitable

We all know that eventually we will die.

There is no getting around this.

We do what we can to prolong our lives. We eat right, we exercise, we try to follow healthy lifestyles. Most do anyway.

(Some could care less and abuse their lives and bodies. Suicide is there as well.) That's another post!

Some people get lucky and seem to live great long happy lives. We have all seen the many Smucker people that get recognition for their 100th milestone on the Today Show.

That is why it is so strange to me when we are shocked of a death. I think it is more about a person being shocked that "They" will have to adjust to this loved one being out of their physical lives.

We are always surprised when a death is sudden, particularly with a young person. That is the hardest to understand. We are mostly saddened by our loss and the thought of not having the joy of seeing that young person get to experience life.

When a loved one has lived a long and happy life, I feel a sense of happiness. A relief for that person. Oh what a grand life. Imagine what they have seen & been able to experience.

When my Grandma Kitty died, I felt joy that I was Blessed to have had her in my life and for the life she was able to live. She was vibrate and brought joy to all around her. She wasn't terribly old though and I felt she still had so much to give. The pain of knowing I would no longer have insightful conversations with her, have a good belly laugh or to hold her close again was so hard. But, years have pass and she is still very much a part of me. I think of her daily and find myself thinking of what she would say or do if I was having a conversation, asking her opinion and I know I feel her presence.

Last week, my Uncle passed. Actually, he died somewhere between February 16th and 18th. He was 76, had several health issues and we all know it was a matter of time. BUT his cancer was being treated, and we were allude to believe he had several years.

The real problem of Art's death is his wife, my Aunt Nancy. She has been declining in health and has Parkinson's disease as well as Alzheimer's. Art has refused any help in her care and has been her sole health care provider. He seems to have taken good care of her physically. My uncle had alot of ...issues. He was always very controlling and full of alot of hatred. He has always been this way and for this, it was difficult to visit them. Scary to visit.

Concern for the inevitable didn't seem to sink in for him or really for the family. They tried. And I believe that they thought that plans were in place and it would not be quite the way it is.

Last Saturday, (2-4 days following Art's death), my Aunt was found in a crumbled mess at the bottom of the basement stairs. My uncle, deceased in their bed on the second floor. He must have realized that it may be coming. He had their driver's licences, important papers and such laid out on the table. Had been trying to finish their taxes, and left a door unlocked (something this gun happy man has never done before). Unfortunately, he did not make any phone calls to let anyone know he may be dying. We don't know how long Nancy was twisted on those basement stairs or how long he was dead. There is evidence that she was alone for some time prior to the fall. When they found her Saturday, and I saw her, I couldn't believe how she looked. I have never seen such fear in someones eyes. Days later, following her surgery, she is recovery well. She has a difficult time talking and her thought process is difficult (as it has for some time due to the Alzheimer's.) She needed to tell us what she knew. It was difficult for us, particularly her daughters, but she felt such a need to tell the story. Very heartbreaking. How she tried to wake him, tried to get him up. Not knowing what to do. Not remembering how to use a phone, or even go next door for help. It was a terrible scene.

I have been trying to help my cousins (whom all live out of town) get the arrangements made to bury their Father, and find the best care for their Mother. As well as decisions on the estate. Choosing not only a good fit but one that accepts their insurance. She will need to go into Rehab first then some kind of nursing home. When your family lives so far apart, what do you do? Where do you place your Mom? If she stays in Indy, she will have nieces, Brothers, Sisters to look after her. The daughters all live in different states...

Watching all this unfold has been so emotional and sad.

I told my sister & parents we need to sit down not just with a plan but a backup plan as well.

I am getting wordy and have so many ore thoughts in my head... BUT I must end for now as I have so much to do on this day I have taken off in preparation for addition out of town guest, and getting much necessary stuff done. (I also have to find an appropriate outfit for this big ass girl that has outgrown all her clothes!).

Let me end with this. One day you or a loved one will be in a similar situation as we are. What is your plan?

DON'T put it off. It is so emotional and difficult. The funeral home alone can make you feel so guilty in your choices. The rock bottom no thrills 1 hour service for my Uncle tomorrow is costing over $12,000.00.

footnote* The beautiful photo is of National Cemetery in Alexandria Virginia. This photo was taken by Brooke Young http://brookiecookies.blogspot.com/ Used with permission. Thank you Brooke!

Spirit In The Sky

Robert Dale Tribby
1958-1998

This photo is of my favorite cousin (sorry girls!) Robbie and his wife Donna. They lived in California at the time. A very free spirited, simple, loving and gentle life there during the late seventies early eighties. They also had the pleasure of life in Vermont, as well as Tennessee.

When we were little, Rob, and two of his sisters, lived in Indiana. I was little but remember them moving away. Texas was so far, but at least I had other family there so I knew we would still see each other. In Houston, he was blessed with yet another little sister. Rob was all boy. He teased us girls all the time and we loved it. Julie & Leann were always trying to join in on the corrupted fun, but poor Rob always got in trouble when they'd get caught.

Rob's life was always torrid. His relationship with his father was unthinkable. He tried for so long to please, then he rebelled. Things only worsened for him.

When he was a young teenager he came up to Indianapolis to give life a whirl. His father left him on the Interstate with a point of the finger as to the direction to Indianapolis from Houston. Rob hitched rides till he arrived. He moved around alot. I was four years younger than Rob, so I only got parts of the stories, but I never understood, why on earth, my cousin did not live with us, my other Aunt & Uncle, my Grandparents or his other Aunts & Grandparents. He mostly lived in what was called a half-way house for run-aways. He would stay with us for weekends but return during the weeks. He also tried to go back "home" to Houston a few times. Whenever he did stay with us, Julie and I were thrilled. We thought of him as our big brother. We loved him madly.

I understand Rob was, well, a rebel. He didn't follow rules too well. He smoked, he drank and he did a few drugs. Such were the seventies for a lonely, confused, angry young man.

He found his way to a Commune, in Tennessee. There he found a new way of life. Say what you will about Communes, this place was a bit of Heaven on Earth for him. There, he was loved. I remember my sister and boyfriend (now husband) going to see him. She must have been 17 or 18. I was so afraid she would stay and never come back! She did. She was able to explain his way of life to me and I was glad he found this place. This is where he found Donna.

From there they moved to Vermont, then settling in California. Rob & Donna had two beautiful sons. He was so good at keeping in touch. And keeping us in his life.

I am not sure why, but Rob got restless with his peaceful life and journeyed back to Indianapolis. He kept in touch with his family in California but chose to start a new life back in Indy.
For the next 10 years, Rob would try to find himself. He was an extremely smart man. He was never afraid to try new things and was a true Jack of all Trades. He meet a new love, had another son and was living his life the best way he knew. I loved having him at all our family gatherings. He was funny, he was like a mini-Tom (my Dad).

Rob fought many demons and depression. He always wanted to please and make others proud. I don't know if he will ever know how deeply he touched our lives. I see his smile everywhere. I hear his laugh. I feel his presence.

Rob died one evening over 11 years ago. It was a great loss. He is deeply missed. I try to keep his memory alive. His spirit is all around.

Today was Rob's birthday. Today Rob would have been 51. He died when he was only 39.

He will always be The Spirit In The Sky to me. This is Rob's song.

Julie, Leann, Shari, Janet, Jamie and I miss you, Rob.
My folks do. My husband and daughters do. We all do.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

I have such a busy day ahead of me.
So much to do, but I want to have one more cup of Joe and a few minutes in Blog World.

Today marks my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary. I will Blog of this later. I need to devote a well written Blog, not a rush version. So, with that in mind, I will enter it later this weekend.

Today also is my Cousin's Wedding. "Baby" Jamie (she is 34 but so much younger than my sister and other cousins, she will always be Baby Jamie to us). Jamie & Brad have chosen to marry in a park. The weather looks lovely, but I anticipate being hot, even in the evening, when the wedding will take place.

This afternoon, I will pick up another cousin at the airport, that is coming for the Wedding. I am most excited about this. Even though Janet will only be here for 20 hours, I can't wait to see her. We are both products of a very dysfunctional family. We get each others pain and there is an understanding that can not be explained. The plan is to have a couple of glasses of wine prior to today's event and stick together!

We have to go to dinner before the wedding to celebrate the 50th Anniversary. I will have Sergio, Annie & Nathan, Emily and Mike, Janet & myself, joining Julie, Brent, Michelle, and of course Mom & Dad. Nothing like a little stress before a Wedding.
Wine may have to be involved.

My house is a disarray, packed boxes, missing the homey feeling with the bare walls. Janet will overlook this and appreciate the bed and wine. We will laugh. Catch up. And maybe a tear or two will flow.

I am anxious.
My cup is empty so I must get going. I will keep you posted.