Just PRAY Janis

So much has happened since I last wrote. I will try to review things as I get back to writing here in my Blog.

Over time.

It's hard to jump back in... you think of where do I begin? How do I catch up?

Last night I could not sleep, for the umpteen time.  My brain was on fire. I had so many things I was trying to comprehend.  I lay there having quite the conversation with God. My prayers became just that... a conversation. I was so very consumed with troubling things. Particularly where and why God was becoming vague within so many I loved.  Somehow, over the course of world issues, especially here in the United States, people have become so callus. Not only looking the other way, but accepting the horrible things that have become tolerated and even encouraged by our embarrassing president.

{Yeah... I'm going there. I am not only a Democrat but I am a human that believes we should all be equal regardless to race, religion, gender, marital status, or identity.}

As I laid in my bed, tears slowly falling... I asked God to help me to understand.  To help me to know what I need to do?  How can I help? I also did my share of begging to help some loved ones find there way back to His loving arms.  I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having God lead me & help me to trust His plan for me.  My walk hasn't been horrible, but I certainly had my share of stumbles and a few valleys to cross.  While I had believe at the time, perhaps my path, or rather how I accept & trust my path, would be an example to others that are watching, and maybe inspire them to have better relationships with God.  But then I realized how vain that was & remembered it is not about me. So here I am.

Where do I go from here? My personal life is really very Blessed. I am in a good place. My Hubby and I are better than ever, after 32 years of marriage.  My oldest Daughter is living Happily Ever After with her darling Husband, not far from us.  My youngest is living her dream in sunny California with her Fiance and we are planning a wedding for the coming year.  My Dad is safe and continent living nearby in the most wonderful Memory Care Residence. Hubby is retired & I get to continue a great job working from home. We are healthy  (for the most part).

So why am I distraught? Why the anxiety? Oh Honey... if the News doesn't scare you... you are one of the reasons I am so troubled. I need to figure this out. Once upon a time, when I struggled with depression, self worth and anxiety, I was introduced to this little (at the time) world of Blogs.  It is a different animal these days... the Blogworld I was so affectionate over seems to be hidden under many layers of Blogs today.  However, I know what this outlet can do for me.  And maybe it is really about me... here anyway.  A porthole to finding some relief, some comfort or even some resolution and answers to what I am looking for.

I am coming home to my Blogworld. Like a long lost friend welcoming me back. I am the same person I was when I started Just Breathe Janis so many years ago.... but I have grown, I have gotten stronger, wiser and mindful.

Just Pray Janis... and then you can Breathe again.

Control Alt Delete

Recently I got a forward that had some funny little, don't you wish you could...blah blah blah. It was good and I did forward it. I don't mind the forwards that make me laugh, especially when they do not say, you must forward.

Anyway, one of the funny little things said,..

"wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life, we could simply press, "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start over?"

I keep thinking about this. Man, wouldn't it be great? I mean really! I can not tell you how much that could help me out this year. Things just kindof happened, and suddenly, whoops! How can I fix that?

I tell myself, that it isn't suppose to happen like that. We learn from our mistakes and from others as well. I am not always clear on why I had to go through certain things, but I am pretty crystal clear that it happened for a reason. Whether I like it or not. God didn't give us a Control Alt Delete button so we would understand and grow from our mistakes.

But, sometimes, just sometimes, it sure would be great to push that button and start over!

Christian Catholic

I was raised a Christian. Baptized in the Methodist Church, switched to the Presbyterian Church as a teen. Settling in the Catholic Church when I decided to marry a Catholic Man. I gave poor Father Harry Keneven, a tough time with questions and wanted to know exactly what I was getting into when I became a Catholic. He taught me well, and I appreciate his patience with me. I think I have "done him proud". It is said that those who join the Catholic Church as an adult have a better understanding and a sometimes stronger grasp on our religion. Some say we make better Catholics. i don't buy it. Religion is what you make of it. You should be with your faith because you believe in it and you are it.

I have always been active with my church. sometimes more often than other times but I love my church and it makes me feel more a part when I am actively involved. I taught Continuing Catholic Education one year, that was interesting. My favorite memories are the ones that I was a Confirmation Leader. I had the most awesome kids ever! All three years. And I still love every one of them and pray for each of them too. I wanted each to walk away after our year of discovery and growth in the church and wanted them to make their own decisions. Be a Catholic because it is who they are & what they believe, not because ..they had to. We succeed. And I truly feel that each of them left me with a greater love of the church.

I am currently perplexed with someone I love deeply as she is struggling with her beliefs. She has always been one of the strongest Christians I know, and now she is doubting her belief in Jesus Christ as our Savior. She tells me she believes in God, just not sure anymore about Christianity. I am blown away! I want to shake her! I want to say the right things and help her through this challenging time. I don't want to say the wrong things and push her further. I pray for her even stronger today as I try to find the right words and hope that by example to show her the love of our Lord. I need help in knowing how to guide her.

I shared with her this quote my Emily gave me from C.S. Lewis:
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

Didn't See That Coming!

Do you ever feel like you have had just about all you can take and then...POW! Hit by a train. Didn't see that coming! Your plate is full, then someone throws something else on it and it is about to tumble down. You're treading water, tired and about to give up, and instead of a rope, you get thrown a rock.

That is what is happening to me. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself and I am not looking for sympathy. I am just observing this and wondering how much more I can endure.

Is this a test of my faith? It's working.

Is this Murphy's Law (or "Meyers Law" as we called it)? I don't like it.

I am pretty tough. Those who know me understand this to be true. But I am also under an extreme amount of pressure and must hold on and ride this through.

I will not give up. I will not fail.

What tears me down, will strengthen me.

I have a strong love & faith in God that all this is a necessary part of my life and that God will not put more in front of me than I can handle. But, I also believe God is responsible for the genius that came up with the medications that will help me cope just a little better to get through all of this.

With God and my prescriptions, bring it on, I am as ready as I am going to be!