Back In The Saddle...again

San Antonio Bi-Centennial Trail Ride 1976

I'm moving forward. 
Life certainly throws some interesting things at us and it isn't always easy to make the right choices.  The thing is you have to make choices and accept the consequences.  In hindsight, would we make the same choice had we known the outcome?  Who knows. 
But we have to trust in ourselves that we are doing the best we can and for me... with a little help from my friends (and family), and a lot of help from God, I am moving forward.

One year ago today, I could not imagine what was to come in the next several months. I feel a bit like a hurricane hit and I am cleaning up the after mass.  You can't expect it to come together quickly.  I have learned that all that praying for patience (my whole life) would come in handy one day.

Several times I have come to my Blog, ready to write... to vent... to heal.  But as the words flowed off the keyboard, I couldn't finish a post.  They are like broken pieces waiting to be fixed. So much to say and yet so much not to share. For the first time in a long time I felt I had to figure this out by myself.  You might say, I am different now.  I would like to say it's a good thing.  But it is also a little sad.

The above picture is a snippet of a very large photograph  taken July 4th 1976.  During one of my treasured summers in Texas, my Grandparents took me along with them on a Bi-centennial Trail Ride.  It took us 3 days to ride horseback from Austin to San Antonio. It was amazing.  If you look close, Grandma circled our faces in this photo, just left of the horse that moved his head.

Just prior to this trip, I was in an accident on my Grandmothers horse, Fancy.  I saddled her up myself.  My Grandparents always told me to knee her chest so she would exhale before strapping the breast strap.  I felt like it was cruel... I wasn't going to"kick" her with my knee.  I felt she was just fine. She wasn't.  30 minutes into my ride, she wanted to go back to the stables.  She was "done" entertaining me.  That's when I realized what my Grandparent was talking about.  She snorted a bit, causing the saddle to loosen.  She started jumping around rearing up and bucking.  The saddle started to slip and some how, my foot tangled between her side and the saddle.  I was dragged a bit, terrified to say the least.  I was so sure she would crush me. My Grandfather caught up with us and calmed her.  I was untangled and pulled to safety.  Once my scrapes were tended and we saw no serious damage.  I was thrown back on her.  Oh My God! The last thing I wanted was to ride!  But, like the wonderful Grands they were, they kept me back on her until my fear subsided and I was back in control.  (Took frickin' forever, but I finally came around... Fancy too, she was pissed!).

Life is that way.
no matter what the fear, the pain, the obstacle... we must find a way to conquer it and move forward.

Much has transpired over the past few months. I have much to share. Hopefully, I will get my comfort back as I jump back onto this saddle.

Happily Ever After ...100 Years Ago

Fred & Beulah 1911

I haven't done a Quondam Tuesday for a while. This was meant to be posted on June 28th of this year, but I missed the date.  So, fitting to post today.  This photo was actually taken in August of 1911...
one hundred years ago.
It is the wedding photograph of my Great Grandmother (maternal) Beulah Viola Ball Rahlmann and my Great Grandfather Frederick C Ralhmann.
Apparently, "the photograph", and I say photograph, as far from it that hundreds were taken as they are today, anyway, you were lucky if you got ONE professional photograph. They usually took the photograph on a different day as the wedding, as it was a big deal and you went to the photography studio for it.

My Great Grandparents, married on June 28th 1911.

(how cool is this that I actually have an original invitation and an equally old frame that it has rested in all these years.) I don't know how this became a possession of mine, I just know I have had it for many years.  I actually used it as the basis of my own invitation...simple and timelessly eloquent.
They were married in this home:

the home Rahlmann's married in~ taken in1910

This is a photograph of what they called, "the gang".  The many close friends between them that gathered prior to the wedding.

Beulah is center white dress, with Fred above her right shoulder

I believe they were truly in love. I hold a beautiful love letter Beulah wrote Fred while they were engaged.  It is very dear.  I love the language they used, so proper yet endearing.

love letter dated 8.16.10

They seemed to have a rather Blessed life together. Each coming from prominent families. Fred holding a well educated position, and Beulah raising four daughters as well.
I have inherited so many photographs, yet I know that there are so many more throughout our family.  I am no longer in touch with cousins through that vein of my family tree, however, my Mom is.  She has been close to her cousin, and always was with her Aunts as well. I remember them all from trips out to Texas as a child, but, once I grew up, sort of lost touch once Grannie (Beulah) passed.  It's a shame.  Perhaps we should share these treasures we each hold.  How interesting it would be to see what they have as well.
 
One last photo for you, my Grands as they celebrated their 50th Anniversary, on June 28th, 1961.

Fred & Beulah 1961

Unfortunately, Fred passed not long after that.  In 1963 I believe, I was not quite a year old.  I did not get to met him, although I remember fondly my Great Grandmother who lived well up to 102 years of age. She is a sweet part of my memory of Texas visits.  She even "tried" to teach me how to play the piano.  I hold a passion for Fiestaware because of her.  I proudly cherish three of her pieces, displayed along side my own.

Interestingly Fred attended Valparaiso College here in Indiana, in early 1900.  How ironic that some 50 years later his Granddaughter would fall for a Sailor and settle her in Indiana.   I am very proud to have a Grandfather that had a college degree from 1908.

100 years ago...

How interesting and different their lives were from ours today.

D-Liver D-Letter D-Sooner D-Better!

For those of you of my generation and before, you know that little saying on my title.  You may have written it on an envelope to be mailed as well. Or maybe you wrote: SWAK (Sealed with a Kiss). OR  Sorry So Sloppy, Longer Letter Later... I guess our own version of the texting versions of shortcuts & codes.

As Monday arrived, I knew I must tackle at least one of my many projects that have been waiting patiently.  I chose to work on Photo Organizing... Yes, yes.  I know I get so caught up in the memories, good & bad.  It is a task that always takes me days as I will get side tracked and I am off doing something else such as today, under-covering some long lost photos that BEGGED to be posted on FaceBook.  So, 2 hours later after scanning, tagging, and writing descriptions, I got my 40-some photos up. 

That wasn't the only treasure I found.
I found a shoebox stuffed with letters. From the Besties, parents, and Grandparents, written  1977-1981. That is part of High School, and my one year at Vincennes University.

big sigh...

Wow.  Talk about some memories. I only opened a few.  They brought tears to my eyes.  Sometimes I forget how things really were. Some things not so important, turn out to be pretty important.  There are so pretty heavy (in a good way) things that were brought to me.  I was truly loved by my friends. And my family.
Looks like I was missed when not around.

Most of you know that I spent my summers living in Texas with my Grandparents, during my teen years.  It turned out to be the best thing that could ever happen to me and I am extremely grateful that I had those wonderful summers.  They were AMAZING.  And what I got from my Grandparents few ever get to experience.  I was truly Blessed.

The letters that I received, saved and found in this box, show some love from those that missed me. As a teen, I was also kept up on the teen drama & gossip.  Some stuff that may not have been written about was in these letters. Remember Young'ens we didn't have cell phones let alone texting & emailing opportunities. 
Rarely did you call long distance... Lord knows we "Thought" that was so expensive! So we would write letters, and wait a week to get one back.  But we wrote back and forth all the time.  Then when we went off to college, we wrote each other back & forth, back & forth.

I have some reading to catch up on tonight.  Hopefully, they will be full of the good stuff and not open up some wounds... I'm hoping anyway.

I really need to start writing letters again.  It is becoming such a lost art.

I think I will sign off for now and write two brave young nephews that are in Boot Camps right now.  That's what I need to do.

The photographs spilled out on the tables, and the letters on the floor, can wait. 

I need to write.

Spring Break is Upon Us

 

Emily left yesterday. By car, with her girlfriends, for her last SPRING BREAK, to Florida. Ironically, she is heading to Daytona Beach, Florida, home of her Mom & Dad's last Spring Breaks of youth. I got a text about an hour ago saying they are in Florida now. 

Annie left this morning at 5am. Hubby took her to the airport, where she and girlfriends are flying to South Padre Island, Texas. The ironic thing here, is I use to go to SP as a child, with my Grandparents. I had a Great-Aunt that owned condominiums in this little vacation town. Annie texted me a few minutes ago to let me know she is in Chicago, her stop & plane change, to head on down to Texas.

My sweet girls still text me, giving me piece of mind, when they are here or there. I got texts from Emily as she crossed into Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and finally Florida.

They both yearn for the ocean air. This they get from their Dad. He craves it as well. They will brown their skin, Emily's hair will poof, and they will soak in the sun. They have loved it since they were babies. They come alive on the beaches. 

Emily's first trip to the beach, she was just 16 months old.  I was pregnant with Annie. We have gone just about every year since then. When you live inland in the middle of nowhere, you crave the warmth and beauty of the sea.  {Personally, I could be happy anywhere, as long as I have loved ones!}

The tiny flip flops in the picture are the girls first pair {hand me down for Annie}. I discovered them recently while starting my baby clothes project. They are so tiny! And were worn so much!

I sit here anxiously waiting for Emily's text that they safely arrived in Daytona Beach, and Annie's text that she has safely arrived to South Padre Island {Annie will have to take an hour shuttle from the airport to SP, once she arrives}. I am grateful they have this opportunity. Worried, as any Momma, but my girls are smart, and they are good girls. But still I worry. They deserve the break, a week to put the school stress out of mind. To have some fun, and to make some memories.

But, I'm gonna worry till they are home safe and sound!

I remember...

Thinking about childhood last night made me think about some stuff.

You may remember some of these as well.

 Playing with Kiddles way longer than I should have. But they were so cute!

 

Tiger Beat Magazine

Reading my favorite gossip magazines.

Mark Spitz

Sneaking into Julie's room to stare at this poster. (It was lifesize!)

Playing kickball in our cul-de-sac till porch lights came on to signal us to come home.

Tammy Bayliff, Mary Chrenshaw, Me

 Memories of my Camp Fire Sisters. And the shenanigans we got into.

Believing my Sis, that Bobby Sherman's song, "Julie, Julie, Do you Love Me", was written for her.

 Playing down at the "forbidden creek" by our neighborhood.

Watching & knowing that The Partridge Family was way cooler than The Brady Bunch.

Shari, Me, Janet, Leann, Julie

Whenever the Tribby cousins came to town.

Maureen Kern, Me & Lisa Deer

Birthday parties!

Slumber Parties, and playing the stupid games like, "I think shes dead..." and having seances, and playing Ouija. (Then being to afraid to fall asleep.)

{Im the last one kneeling on right}

Summer Camp at Bradford Woods Camp Fire Girls Camp. (Even though I worked in the kitchen for my "scholarship").

Me, Carla, & Julie

Dance Lessons..(nervous about recital).

Fancy & Me

Riding Horses at Grandma & Grandpa's home.

Grandma, Grandpa, & Me

Learning to work hard. Hard enough to be sore and learn to appreciate it.

My parents Volkswagons.

Rebbie

Inky

Fester

Sherman

Oliver

Tanda

Childhood pets...

Summer porch jam seasons with my Uncles, Aunts, Grandparents, & friends, down in Texas.

Grandma & Me

Grandpa & Me

Being very silly and laughing with my Grandparents.

Jubilee & Me at the tack house after a big storm

Caring for the horses to earn my keep, during the summers in Texas.

Being so excited when my Dad bought us the "Video" game PONG.


I could go on and on.... Last night, I just kept thinking of all this stuff. A lifetime ago. Yet, only yesterday.

Concerts

Are you old enough to remember paying under $10.00 for great seats to a rock concert? This was one of my favorite bands. Grant it I paid more on occasion, I think REO Speedwagon and Rod Stewart got more from me and I am sure that my Rolling Stones concert tickets cost me more. But, I know that I went to plenty of concerts and paid roughly $10.00-$20.00 for most seats. Maybe these Van Halen tickets were cheaper because they were in Texas, I don't remember. I do remember that they were great seats and I was so excited to see them with my San Antonio friends.

Today my daughters pay outrageous prices for seats. Many times they don't even get a seat, they are on "the grounds". Meaning bring your blanket to sit on. Recently Emily had tickets to Kenny Chesney that she paid $235 for two tickets! She ended up having to sell them and got slightly less than what she paid for. Annie goes to many concerts and generally pays for her own tickets too. She prefers the group concerts where you see several artist at one concert.

The last concert Sergio & I went to was John Mellencamp at Horizon (or what ever they are calling it now). We had pavilion seats, I think they cost us $75.00 each. I thought that was ridiculous, and I love John Mellencamp. That was a couple of years ago.

I miss the days were you could go to a concert, buy a t-shirt, and go to Taco Bell or Steak N Shake afterwards all for about $25.00. Ahh, those were the days!

What I Miss Most ...part one

My life is about half over, if I am lucky. I have had wonderful opportunities and should have many more. Some things are gone though. I wont get them back. Here's what I miss most:

From Childhood:
riding my bike ...for hours
climbing trees with Richie
sledding at Pleasant Run w/ the neighborhood gang
sneaking down to the swing at the creek
Summers in Texas
water balloon fights
"ghost in the graveyard"
catching lightening bugs
kickball in the cul de sac
Camp Fire Girls
riding horses with my Grandparents
birthday parties
Carol Burnett, Love American Style, & The Partridge Family
High School Football games
High School Float Meetings
High School Hayrides
Sleepovers
when my friends made me watch Sammy Terry
Trendz
Getting our License and cruising all night
Bob Byrds Beefy Tostados he made me @ Taco Bell
Working @ Eastgate w/ Sheri & Deb
Performing Theatre Arts w/ Sheri & Deb
Student Council w/ Sheri & Deb
Everything Sheri, Deb & I got ourselves into during HS
Our Secret Codes
Lynn Farrow
Parties at the Seats, also at Bruce's
REO Speedwagon hand motions & singing
Southeastway Park
The Track during qualifications
Jack, Harry Buffalos, & Tom Collins (our guys)
Lynyrd Skynyrd, and watching the guys "play"

Can You Smell Him?

This isn't what you think.

I just got out of the shower and as I grabbed a fresh towel, I smelled a memory. It was Texas. My summers in Texas. My towel had that summer coastal smell for some reason.

Then I remembered something that happened 12 years ago. My Grandpa Texas was ill with Cancer. We had taken a week to visit with him & my Grandma. He wanted to take my girls to some places, give them some special memories of him. We then said our tearful goodbyes. My girls were too young to understand that this would be the last time they saw him. They absolutely loved him!

Then the next week, Annie was standing in the living room inhaling deeply. Again & again. Smiling as she giggled. I asked my 4 year old what on earth she was doing. She said, " He's here Momma! Don't you smell him?". I asked her who as I inhaled the room. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "HoHo! Can you smell HoHo? He is here with us Momma!". HoHo is what my girls called Grandpa Texas. I said, "No, Baby, HoHo is in Texas, I wish he was here though." She smiled and said, "He IS here Momma!". Then she ran off. A couple of hours later, I got the call that HoHo had passed early that day.

Which brings me to today. As I struggle with much anxiety and stress lately, my memory smell getting out of the shower, makes me feel..safe. Loved. Watched over. I think that God sends my angels to bring me peace and make me have more faith.

Aunt Linda

We try hard not to have favorites. It's rude to favor one person over another. Or at least to show it. As I get older, I don't care so much about being rude or polite. Don't get me wrong, I am a polite person, for the most part. But today, I want to talk about my favorite Aunt.

I met her when I was about 12 and she was in her early twenties. She was the coolest woman I had ever met! She was a tall pretty Texan with the longest hair I had ever seen. She had just married my Uncle, and best of all she was a "horse person". Linda had a horse named Diamond.

Through my summers spent in Texas, Aunt Linda gave me the best gift ever. Diamond. She was mine for the summer, as long as I took care of her. Duh!!! I would walk on water for that horse! She was a beauty & the sweetest horse ever. That was probably what sealed the deal that I knew Linda was the coolest ever.

But she was so much more to me than the horse Aunt. She was also the person that explained things to me when I was a teen with so many questions. She talked to me. She had faith in me and made me feel so extraordinary. She was my biggest fan as I was hers. I loved that she always made time for me.

She was pregnant when I was 13. I was fascinated with her growing tummy. She'd let me feel him kick & I was just so amazed! Baby Tully was the tiniest thing I ever held. She made me want to be a mother.

I also had a blast with her. She was one of my first "adult friends" and I loved how she treated me like an adult. When I was 17, my Grandma Kitty, Linda & I went out for Cocktails. (The drinking age was 18 in Texas back in the seventies, I don't remember how they convinced the Bouncer I was 18, but anyway..). I got introduced to flaming drinks, crazy drinks & shots. We sang with the band! It was hilarious.

As an adult, I lost touch a bit. We kept up with the Christmas cards, but that was about it. She was always there in my heart. I would pick up the phone, and never miss a beat with her. I sat with her at my Grandparents funerals, and hated that we never see each other. Within the past couple of years, with the help of email, we are close again. I love getting emails from her & she sends the best forwards. She is my confidant, I can tell her anything and she has a gift of helping me see through it.

She is no longer a horse person. She has moved on to goats. Now she is my goat person. And now I too love goats! She is still that beautiful tall Texan with the long hair.

I love my Aunt Linda!

Texas Summers

I was Blessed to spend my summers in Texas with my Grandparents. I did this for five summers from 1975-1979. If I had to pick one thing that I am most grateful for from childhood it would be that my parents allowed me to go.


These summer trips started the summer after 7th grade, ending when I was a Senior in High School. They were magical. I felt safe, happy & loved. I had wonderful friends there. Also was very close to my Grandparents & got to know my roots of who I am. It is true that Texans are different from other Americans. I wish we were all Texans. The world would be a better place.


I earned money babysitting and what not jobs to go on this yearly adventure. My Grandparents had me work hard to earn my keep. They had horses, a small piece of land, and always things to do. I learned alot & sleep well every night.


My Grandparents helped to shape me into the person I am today. They live through me every day. I became quite the little Cowboy, and learned much through the experiences. I am forever thankful for the experiences, opportunities and the memories I got during those summers.

30 years later, I miss being there during the summers. I miss my Grandparents.