But What About MY DREAMS?

My husband is home from his well deserved vacation. Hiking, camping and just breathing the Arizona air rejuvenated him. He came home home full of dreams and plans for our future. As we reach retirement, my husband is alive with goals and plans.
{The above photo is of the Pinaleno Mountains in Arizona where he visited}

His job is demanding and taxing. He has been beat up a bit with all the GM negotiations as well as the many plants that are folding and dealing with helping all these union members. He also shoulders the weight of "our world", with our own dilemmas, demands and issues. We have Oldies to worry about and college daughters to worry about. If it isn't work, its something on the home front.
I realize many are thinking... who doesn't? We all have stuff to deal with. He doesn't complain much {he is a man so hello? so complaining can't be helped}, he is always taking care of everyone and he has come back to us with certain pride... ideals... dreams...and finally some hope.

He has big dreams and ideals of how to achieve them. He is excited and enthusiastic about these new thoughts and plans. I have listened whole heartedly for the past several days. So pleased to see him happy about our future and wanting the best for us in retirement.

We have been married for 23 years. I took my vows very seriously. I like to believe I am about the most supportive wife there possible can be. I have agreed and abide by his thoughts of what is best for us. He has always made me & the girls most happy and provided very well for us.

The problem I am having will seem selfish. Please know, sometimes to write about these things puts a new prospective on my thoughts and helps me to see and think more clearly. I will continue to do as he sees fit and best. I always have and always will be the "Dutiful Wife". The "Proverbs Wife".
But sometimes I wonder, what about my dreams? What about the things I had hoped to achieve? My dreams? My thoughts and ideals? Are they to be cast aside and sit in this blog for me alone? Does the Hubby forget that maybe, I don't want some of those same plans and that those might not be my dreams? Does he forget when we were young, some of the plans that we dreamed about together? Am I just to be content that he knows best, therefore follow his dreams? Is it too much to wish that he tell me his dreams and ask me what I think? Ask me would I like to consider these things before just assuming?

I gave up on many a dreams long ago. It happens. We grow old and see that some things are just not possible or practical.

• I will never have 4 kids.
• I will not live in Texas.
• I will probably not own horses (I can't give that one up yet).
• I am not going to win/earn/inherit a ton of money so that I can open "Jan's Ark" my Haven for abused, neglected, and orphaned animals. {horse photo is a rescue horse looking for a home}
• I am never going to have that ability to make people happy and light up a room.
• I may never have the confidence I lack.
• I will never learn to stop trying to fix and save people.

I won't give up on hopes, dreams, and wishes. I just think it would be nice to have my opinion, my input, be considered. I also just want to feel like my feelings are more worthy.

"Cross Check & Call Forward"

That is one of my Besties favorite sayings. Too her that means, 'vacation time has begun".

Today, my Husband got to hear those words.

He boarded a plane with one of his "Besties" and headed for a vacation. A well earned vacation. A first in many years. His last "fun time" trip was five years, and even that was a family trip. The last "guy trip" has to have been more than seven years ago for a ski trip. This will be an adventure that I hope will give him some wonderful memories and stories to tell.

He and this Bestie have traveled these parts together before... some 30 years ago, when they were about the same age as their children are today.

Sergio's Bestie, Brian, and he have truly been friends forever. They are brothers even though not by blood. They have been there for each other through thick and thin. Seen each other through good and bad. And enjoyed their friendship along the way.

Today, Sergio packed up his gear, and together with Brian, B's son & son's friend, and headed out West to Arizona. A "roughing it trip". Tents, backpacks and all.
{Ew.. so glad he has a buddy to do this with!}

I know they are tough guys. But where they are going... out in what we call virgin territory. No people, no communications (even with cells..I would freak!), they are really roughing it in my opinion.
Oh yeah, and lets not to forget, "The Mountain Lions, Black Bears, & Bobcats! Oh My!" The Scorpions and snakes are also plentiful. How lovely indeed.

On a positive note, his Bestie, Brian, is also his Doctor. That makes me feel tons better. Brian knows my husband even better than me. I trust him to not allow Sergio to push himself. They have two 21 year old's to help them out, carry the heavy stuff, and listen to a couple of old men talk about the good ole days!

One more thought: As you know, Arizona has been in the news much about the new Illegal Alien Law. The importance of having "proof of citizenship". It has been targeted at the Hispanics. As most of you know, Sergio is Mexican. Born in Monterrey, and came here at a few weeks. (His parents and siblings were already living in Detroit, however, his Mother traveled back to have her children born in Monterrey )how ironic that so many people travel to American just to HAVE their babies born here today). He has been a citizen since he was 18. ANYWAY~ He has been waiting for his Passport to be renewed. It should arrive any day... it did not arrive yet. He was slightly panicking looking for his citizenship papers the other evening. I don't believe they were found {I am ashamed to say, some things were not unpacked when we moved in September, and some things are misplaced}. I am hoping that in a few days, my tired ragged husband with his scruffy beard, dirty sunburned body and his equally tired rugged friend, don't look suspicious with a couple of young men out in the middle of nowhere! IT could be a different point of view for a different person! Let's hope I don't get a call that they have been "DETAINED". LOL