stifle

I have been quite for some time.  Slowly my writing was suffocating as I was told to repress... I needed to stop embarrassing others with my thoughts.  I needed to suck it up, constraint myself from expression, and shut the fuck up.

I was merely writing what was in my heart and going through my brain, however... some people took it personal... feeling exposed, or worried I would make myself look ridiculously stupid.  If I "feel the need to write", then why couldn't I keep it private?  Why did I feel I needed to blog? 

Because... it allowed me to breathe.

I wasn't attempting to expose.  I was simply giving my outlook, my two cents, my point of view of how life was for who I am and how I came to be.  In the process, I did on occasion feel validated.  I felt proud, and I felt myself growing and flourishing.

Just Breathe Janis, was never intended to call people out, show off or even to gain pity.  For me, years ago, my Aunt Linda, Grandma Kitty, and sister Julie use to tell me WRITE your story!  They were the recipients of many letters.... Some of my pre-historical blog entries. I had friends that loved my stories as well.  A friend use to beg me to enter them into Readers Digest.  My sister still encourages me to write... she never gave up on me. I have a Bestie, Sheri, who had started her Blog, Living with the Oldies, just a year prior to my launch. Watching her write was so therapeutic for her as well as lessons for all to learn to laugh rather than cry. When my therapist, Betsy, heard it was an outlet for me, she insisted I let it flow.

And so I did.
I wrote....
and I wrote.

Sometimes I could make others laugh, and sometimes cry.  Sometimes I would endorse things I found to enjoy. While other times I just had to put things out there.  My life was far from perfect and blogging made me realize I was not alone.

Three events took place that made me pull the plug a few years ago.
Three important relationships were struggling severely...
I had a job change that was very intense about having anything personal easily accessible...
And my depression was evolving into something different.

I began to Just Stifle Janis.

I have DOZENS of un-published post, lingering like a thought in the back of your brain. Something always stopped me from finishing them and most certainly publishing them. I just couldn't unleash them anymore...  Too afraid of the consequences. I lost my voice.

I started reading less (I know! that alone is a disaster!).
 I felt myself, forgive me friends that this will bother... dumb down.  When I had to change my primary language... using my secondary language, I often found myself losing the power of words. Like when I wanted to say how beautiful, attractive, exquisitive, gorgeous, alluring,.... it's all the same word as pretty.  Which wasn't as powerful as I may have wanted to say. 

Recently, I felt the need to write submerge.  The words forming in my brain.... as I lie in bed, the stories unraveled.  Tonight, I have decided to face my challenges, and let myself BREATHE again.

So... bear with me, and my grammar stumbling as I jump back on this computer journal.  Feel free to comment.... I can even take the negative.  I am writing for myself.  If I help anyone else along the way, as so many have helped me... then please pay it forward. Maybe, we can make each others lives a little better with truthful words and raw emotions.

Snail Mail

When I was a little girl, I wrote a lot of mail.  Snail mail.  My Grandparents, my Cousins, my Friends, and when I was spending my summers in Texas, my Parents, Sister, and the Besties.

I remember in grade school getting to write Pen Pals at another school far away.  Our Teacher taught us how to write a letter.  What an opportunity.  How fortunate was I?  How sad this is no longer taught.  Do you remember the "rules?"  Date... Salutation...Body... Closing... Signature. 

In Middle School, I was notorious for note writing.  Once, a Teacher took one of my notes, read it out loud to my classmates, exposing my crush, and embarrassing me nearly to death. 
That did not stop me.
I was just more careful.. Writing (sometimes in code or with initials) passing the notes, and reading those from friends.  It became an art itself.  I still have many silly and precious notes from my Bestie. We have had a wonderful times reading over them so many years later... a good keep.
It tickles me to see Deliver De Letter De Sooner De Better... Or Sealed with a Kiss to Make it Stick.
Think of yesterday, when we did not have instant gratification of email, texting, and social media.  Even the phone calls.  Why when I was in college I was lucky to get to talk to my Mom once a week.  On a Dorm phone shared with 3 other girls. Nearly impossible to talk to a Bestie privately. To pour our hearts out, we had to depend on snail mail... knowing it would take three days to get to someone and three days to get a return letter. But so worth it.  Seeing that familiar handwriting, and knowing there is wisdom, humor and love within the letter!
I recently challenge myself to get back into writing snail mail.  I decided to send 52 letters in 52 weeks. It's going quite well. Actually, it is going splendid.  I did not realize the smiles it would deliver, yet alone the letters I would receive back.  Many friends have been motivated to join me in bringing this almost lost art back.  Do you remember the joy you would get seeing a letter to you in the mailbox?  Much like Christmas cards, another dying practice (please don't get me started about these Christmas email group messages).  I really want to hear from loved ones and I will take what I can get, but, I so prefer a personal letter of card.  I love the pictures and I enjoy the Christmas newsletters.
With some rather time consuming (and emotional) derailments that have hit, I am a tad behind but am not going to let this stop me. I am so back on it and writing my little fingers off.  I love hunting down stationary (not an easy task!  I am actually having to make some). I have been selecting friends that I need to get in touch with as well as those I do talk to on a regular basis.  I am finding that telling someone how much I appreciate them and how special they have been to me, is very gratifying.  How often we forget to tell those we love, thank you.  This has been a wonderful wya for me to express just that.
Yep. Letter writing.
The Lost Art has found it's way back to me. Good old fashion hand written letters from my heart♥

.

Today I am 50

Fifty

The big 5-0

Half a century.

that is...

600 months...

2,400 weeks...

18,250 days...

crap.

that's a whole lot of time.

a whole lot of living.

so... today is my birthday.  I have mixed emotions.  

I have been almost looking forward to it.  I feel mature enough to be 50.  So with anticipation, I was ready to start "this" chapter of my life.

My forties had some great moments, wonderful events, and happy memories.

My forties also took a toll on me.  I never expected the depression, anxieties or the let down I experienced.

I have recovered from the "set back" years and ready to move forward.  I have healed and learned to grow from experiences.  I have become not only wiser but stronger and better.

bring it on Baby! Hello 50.

The one thing I absolutely wasn't prepared for was losing my mom right before my big birthday.  This obviously, is the first birthday without Mom.  No call, no birthday card or visit.  

No Mom...

On a sweeter note, my family surprised me greatly with a birthday party last weekend.

I had NO CLUE.  I was so surprised I was scared.  I have never been surprised.  I mean really surprised. I am that person that figures things out way before.  This was truly a first.  Maybe with age I am slipping.

My Babies pulled this off.

With the help of Hubby.

 Blessed with great friends...

great family...

 

great weather...

great cooking ...

and great toasting...

I know that this is the start of a wonderful chapter♥

D-Liver D-Letter D-Sooner D-Better!

For those of you of my generation and before, you know that little saying on my title.  You may have written it on an envelope to be mailed as well. Or maybe you wrote: SWAK (Sealed with a Kiss). OR  Sorry So Sloppy, Longer Letter Later... I guess our own version of the texting versions of shortcuts & codes.

As Monday arrived, I knew I must tackle at least one of my many projects that have been waiting patiently.  I chose to work on Photo Organizing... Yes, yes.  I know I get so caught up in the memories, good & bad.  It is a task that always takes me days as I will get side tracked and I am off doing something else such as today, under-covering some long lost photos that BEGGED to be posted on FaceBook.  So, 2 hours later after scanning, tagging, and writing descriptions, I got my 40-some photos up. 

That wasn't the only treasure I found.
I found a shoebox stuffed with letters. From the Besties, parents, and Grandparents, written  1977-1981. That is part of High School, and my one year at Vincennes University.

big sigh...

Wow.  Talk about some memories. I only opened a few.  They brought tears to my eyes.  Sometimes I forget how things really were. Some things not so important, turn out to be pretty important.  There are so pretty heavy (in a good way) things that were brought to me.  I was truly loved by my friends. And my family.
Looks like I was missed when not around.

Most of you know that I spent my summers living in Texas with my Grandparents, during my teen years.  It turned out to be the best thing that could ever happen to me and I am extremely grateful that I had those wonderful summers.  They were AMAZING.  And what I got from my Grandparents few ever get to experience.  I was truly Blessed.

The letters that I received, saved and found in this box, show some love from those that missed me. As a teen, I was also kept up on the teen drama & gossip.  Some stuff that may not have been written about was in these letters. Remember Young'ens we didn't have cell phones let alone texting & emailing opportunities. 
Rarely did you call long distance... Lord knows we "Thought" that was so expensive! So we would write letters, and wait a week to get one back.  But we wrote back and forth all the time.  Then when we went off to college, we wrote each other back & forth, back & forth.

I have some reading to catch up on tonight.  Hopefully, they will be full of the good stuff and not open up some wounds... I'm hoping anyway.

I really need to start writing letters again.  It is becoming such a lost art.

I think I will sign off for now and write two brave young nephews that are in Boot Camps right now.  That's what I need to do.

The photographs spilled out on the tables, and the letters on the floor, can wait. 

I need to write.

Sweet Tea

It's a Sweet Tea kind of day.
I made mine with Good Earth Sweet & Spicy Herbal Tea, and threw some cherries and an orange slice in. I guess it's not really sweet tea... Sweet tea is Southern sun tea with a ton of real sugar thrown in. But this will have to do for today.

There is a gentle warm breeze, high temps...
My neighbors empty hammock.. (why oh why do they NEVER use it? I wanna go jump in with a book and some sweet tea...)  One of these days I'm gonna do it. They are so nice, they wouldn't mind... However, I would rather just have one myself & not lay around their yard...

My weekend at the Bestie was Fabulous.  We didn't do much. That is what made it so fab.  We did exactly what we intended... laughed, ate, and was lazy.

Something about completely vegging with a Bestie... It is heavenly.   It was plenty hot down in southern Tennessee.  We lounged in the pool on Saturday morning. Until it got too hot.  Then ran off to see a movie (Bad Teacher...cute predictable chick flick. Not grand, but fun). We also grabbed a bite out.  But, mostly just talked the days away, watching HGTV, sipping on wine, and eating fabulous cupcakes.  Early Sunday I was back on the road for my 8 hour drive home.  I love her dearly and wish she was a few hours closer at least.

Monday, Hubby left for a business trip. Gave me a great opportunity to clean the carpets. Then I watched a bunch of goofy Lifetime Movies.

Tuesday, I visited a couple of Hospice patients and had a funeral to attend. 

By 6pm I was starting the Yoga class, breathing for the first time all day.

After class, some of us went out to a nearby Italian Restaurant. Iozzo's Garden of Italy.  Oh Baby! Made that workout worth every struggle!  Ohhhh old Italian Restaurants are the best!  We sat outside, again, enjoying this amazing gentle summer breeze we have been blessed with lately.

Carol, Me, Jill, Joann & Jerrilee

What beautiful women.
Inside as well as out.
They have incredible souls and I feel such joy being in their presence.

The Hubby is home from his business trip early. I am trying to catch up on blog readings.  Boy, its easy to get side tracked then takes forever to catch up! 
I just wanted to let you all know that I am well and busy.  I guess that is good. Even though I have a lot I wanted to blog about & never seem to enough time.
Love to you all~

Going to Merino Manor

Merino Manor

Heading to the Manor in Tennessee tomorrow.

It's a grand house...

Which houses the Darling Duchess Deborah and her sweet Family.

It's nearly an eight hour drive from my casa to her manor.

I'm so looking forward to the drive.

It is peaceful and well, fun.

You see, when you drive solo...

YOU choose the music, and you can sing along...

LOUDLY.

I can eat all the munches I want.

notice the healthy stuff too please

(The York Pieces are in the freezer, Raisinets and carrots & grapes in the fridge.

Coffee will go with me as well as Diet coke & my McAllisters cup for ice.

Yep... I am pretty stoked.

Gracie & Greta will greet me

But I am most looking forward to seeing this Bestie.

Hanging in the Kitchen..most definitely!

I think we will hang a lot here to watch HGTV...

(Gracie is keeping my seat ready)

 and here too... 

(I actually am bringing a bathing suit...  no pictures will be taken)

 It's all about the girlfriend time...

sit back...

laugh a bunch...

eat a bunch...

and embrace my dear girlfriend♥

I leave in the morning...

and will be back in a couple days.

So excuse my absence please...

I promise to be back soon.

ta ta♥

Bulldog Magic

Brent, Julie, Grandpa, Grandma, & me

Butler University is up tonight as half of The 2011 NCAA Basketball Tournament. This small private college in the heart of Indianapolis is being talked about across the country. Not only did they surprise and upset many teams and playoff games, these young men representing Butler are wonderful role model students. Nice boys from nice families.

My Sis, Julie, went her Freshman year of college. She participated on their Pom Pom Dance Team, performing at the halftime of Football games. (maybe basketball too, I only remember going to the Football games when I was a Junior in high School watching my Sis).  Back then {1979} they gave her a small scholarship in return of her participation. She was awesome to watch! She was a Bulldog for only one year, leaving the following fall to attend Brigham Young University.

My Bestie, Deb, is also a Bulldog. She went to Butler four years, then to Grad School at Kent College.
My girls both went to Butler~ but just for Cheer Camp. My daughters didn't opt for Butler as it wasn't their top choice for their major choices. (thankfully as it is rather expensive).

The university offers 60 degree programs to 4,400 students through six colleges: business, communication, education, liberal Arts and sciences, pharmacy and health sciences, and fine arts. It comprises a 290-acre campus located seven miles  from downtown Indianapolis.Butler University is such a beautiful campus. It originally sat further in northern Indianapolis, was founded in 1855 and named  North Western Christian University. In 1875, renamed for Ovid Butler, moved to the 25 acre campus in Irvington, Indiana (in Indianapolis). Then moving to a 290 acre former amusement park site, on the city's Northwest side of town. It's final location.

Butler University was founded by members of the Disciples of Christ Church, though it was never controlled by the church. The university charter called for "a non-sectarian institution free from the taint of slavery, offering instruction in every branch of liberal and professional education." The university was the first in Indiana and the third in the U.S. to admit both men and women.

Last year Butler came second to Duke in  the NCAA National Championship.This year we are back to the final game... This year we reallllly want to win.

Brad Stevens

Coach Brad Stevens is phenomenal and has been the head coach since 2007. He is young (34) and is well loved. In his first year coach he led Butler to a 30 win lead, ranking him the third youngest head coach in NCAA Division 1 history to have a 30 win season.  Stevens has become the youngest coach to go to two Final Fours. Stevens is known for a calm, focused coaching style.

Last thing about the Butler Bulldogs I want to leave you with is Blue II, the Mascot.

Need I say more?
Isn't he a handsome DAWG!

GO DAWGS!
Win the Championship!


We will be watching♥

Meet my Muse

"Many artists, writers, poets and musicians have said that their creative work has been inspired by an individual whom they refer to as their "Muse". A muse is someone who has such an influence on another that he or she becomes the focus and inspiration for that person's creative work. The term has historically been used by men to describe the women that they have been in love with and made the subject of their work.

The word muse originates from Greek mythology. The Greek gods Zeus and Mnemosyne had nine daughters called the Muses. The nine daughters were of one being in heart, spirit and thought. If the muses loved a man, then the man's worries instantly disappeared. The man who was loved by the muses was considered to be more sacred than a holy man."

I have been in a slump. I have had little creative let alone positive energy. I have let myself get overwhelmed yet again and needed to snap out of it. With the past couple of weeks throwing job loss, financial concerns, health issues, family conflict and death at me, I threw up a white flag.

In comes my rescuers.
First, credit goes to my Hubby. He is my hero and pushes me to do what is best for myself and to stop concerning myself with the rest.  He knows when I need to give myself a break and I am so grateful he guides me to sanity.
Second, I am giving my Bestie Deb the credit due. She is amazing. And I am very grateful for her as well. She helps me put things in perspective and she inspires me. I am at awe in her achievements and very proud to be her friend. She has accomplished much and hardly takes recognition.
I was able to take an impromptu trip to visit her this weekend. That is a seven and a half hour trip one way. Not for the cranky impatient traveler.  I relished every mile as a milestone closer to my dear friend.  483 miles. 2 gas station stops plus one more stop when I had go to the restroom. Driving that far can be such a wonderful adventure even alone. I chatted a bit on my cell.  I sang...a lot and loudly. I played the alphabet game front ways and backwards. (I both won and loss). And I sang some more.
I made good timing and didn't feel so tired as I was giddy about seeing Deb.

My weekend consist of getting to see her beautiful family (the kids have grown so much since I last saw them and they are turning into fine young  -almost-adults), I got to finally see her home (that I had been promising for 5 yrs to come see, and is absolutely gorgeous), we started decorating her house a little in preparation of a upcoming party, we ate (a lot) we watched the HGTV channel and a movie or two (so wonderful watching with a Bestie and be able to be catty), we took in some sights (visited the quaint city of Collierville, check out Memphis as she took me to the beautiful Mississippi River@ sunset and The Peabody Hotel with their famous ducks that live there), and we just hung out and chatted.
Gosh I love her so much! We have been friends for over 30 years. Even got to be roommates for a year when we were in our early twenties. Oh how I wish we lived closer!
However, we cherished every minute.
I feared the trip home would feel longer and that I would be more tired from. Surprisingly it wasn't.
She had inspired me, lifted my spirits, gave me sound advice, and helped me get my Mojo back. I was anxious to see Sergio too.  I wanted him to see how rejuvenated I was and grateful he encouraged me to take this little trip.
So 483 more miles and two stops to the gas station, as well as one stop at Loretta Lynn's Kitchen for yummy lunch, witnessing one car accident (they were okay and plenty of help, so I continued on my way), a couple more phone calls, and a bunch more loud singing, I made my seven and a half hour trip home safe & sound.

Ahhh, a road trip.  Sometimes the best medicine is doing these little things for ourselves.

Deb Came to Visit!

One of my dearest friends in the entire world came to visit!
She is an original Bestie.
A Lifer.
I have known Deb since elementary school. Had way too much fun being her friend through high school. Actually survived living together in an apartment during our early twenties.And we managed to remained friends even when she moved away.
She has been the glue of my foursome friendship with Sheri, Lynn, Deb & I. She is the calm one. The rational one. She is logical, and well, she does have a degree in Psychology and therefore, can make us all maintain and "chillax".

But this year the girlfriend trip was different.

We originally planned to go to Deb's in Tennessee earlier in the year, but that got scratched. Actually, Sher & I couldn't make it, however, Lynn did make the trip south. Sheri also made the trip earlier the year before. I am the only one that has yet to visit Merino Manor. Something always gets in the way. I must make it a priority to visit before the year is up.

We are women in our mid/late forties.
We have issues.
We have drama.
We have life altering experiences going on in our little lives. Something seems to be going on in each of our lives that is pulling and tugging at us. Whereas we should unite and bond stronger, which we always have been able to do, isn't happening this time. There are some things that are weighing heavy in our hearts. That were "off limits" to discuss this time around. That is hard with four women that have always said what they felt and not afraid of the truth. It is hard to explain, and not appropriate for me to discuss. I just feel sadness as I know things will never be the same.

Some times things happen, and no matter how hard you want or try, you can't go back.

So, we did much of our weekend in parts. Deb spent great times with each of us individually. And great times with us together. The together times were as if an elephant was in the room. Safe conversations only we discussed. We laughed, we ate, and we did enjoyed each others company.

...but it just isn't the same.

candy store!

The other day, I stumbled onto the Marion County Public Library website. I was impressed. I haven't belonged to a library for quite some time. I loved it for many years, but when we moved out of this county, and into another, we were not able to utilize there services as well. We are now back in Marion County!

I called on my Bestie, Sheri, for guidance, as she is the Book Guru! The girl knows books! What she does not know, she will find out. So, being a Bestie, she said, "when & where and I will meet you". So, this afternoon, to catch up, teach me about the anatomy of a library, and to find the best books, she joined me.

I got there first and started my process of becoming a member (FREE!). The librarian set me up, gave me some rules, told me my limits, I had to try to stay calm, but I swore she said I could take up to 75 books at a time and keep for 21 days. What! Sweet! She did! Not that I ever will, but dang!

I walked into the BOOKS sections and OMG! I texted Sheri. "It's a F*cking Candy Store!" She soon came around the corner and welcomed me to the candy store!

I am in HEAVEN! How could I have forgotten this wonderful haven that I loved so much as a child? Seriously, it was such a wonderful part of our upbringing, getting to go to the library every couple weeks and pick out books. I also enjoyed the Book Mobile as a pre-teener. Which was perfect because it chose to park in my cul de sac, during the summers and I could not wait for this groovy bus to pull up.

Today, I was able to get one of the books on my list. Four others that I found intriguing and two audio books to try out while I am working on spreadsheets at the office.

I wanna be a Librarian now when I grow up!

Back Home Again, in Indiana...

For all you non-Hoosiers, this is what you are missing in Indiana:

Our local Hardee's fast-food restaurants are now serving, Fried Bologna Biscuit sandwiches.
YUCK!
I had to eat my share of fried bologna when we were poor growing up. That was "the meat". That and SPAM. Oh, and of course, the dozen of recipes that you can make with hot dogs.
The last time I had Fried Bologna was in honor of an elderly dear southern friend that made it too often. She lived with one of my Besties, and the smell aways chased us away. However, when she passed away, I had to make it, and yes, eat it, as I know she would be smiling down upon me.
I drive past two Hardee's every day. Haven't had the urge to grab a Fried Bologna Biscuit yet. But it does makes me laugh. Makes me wonder if this is national. Can you get a Fried Bologna Biscuit?
Do you wanna?

Walmart Cards

Walmart just started a line of cards for 88 cents!

(hey~ I don't have a cents key on my laptop! Have they always been that way? I am sure my type writer does...whoops showing my age! back to the blog posting.)

Anyway, I found a line of cards at Walmart the other day that I love. Sarcastic like me and yet cheap! I just stood there laughing at each one. They are great!

Here's the one I got for Deb (Bestie).

Deb has kids younger than I and they are at that age. I don't miss that age.
Mine would just roll their eyes, or possibly even sing along. Although, Annie asked me what "Air Supply" was when she read the card! Maybe it should have said REO Speedwagon or Lynryd Sknyrd from me!

Acceptance

I am constantly trying to get acceptance. I want people to like me. I want my family to like me. I want strangers to like me.
I am a people pleaser, for the most part. I am one of those souls that will seek out the lonely, the shy, as well as the mover & shakers. I introduce people. I make sure they are familiar, comfortable and happy.
I like people. I find everyone interesting. I like to know the who, what, and where. I want to know your story. I like to find the good in everyone. I see a potential friend and go from there.

I am lucky with friendships.
I have been Blessed with friends from childhood, from my twenties, my thirties, and my forties. Friends that are very young and friends that are very old. I have a story about everyone I know. I cherish my friends and I cherish what makes them happy. If they are unhappy, I try to turn frowns into smiles. I am a goof, and know how to make you laugh.

I also, for the most part, am friends with my family. I treat them as I want to be treated and expect no more, no less. I like to think that my girls get some of this from me as I see them do the same.

My Sergio is loved and known by everyone. Well, actually he has a few enemies, but even they "like" him somewhat, and most definitely respect him. In his business, he will always have a few people against him and what he stands for. He handles it with such grace, and I admire him so for that. He too has "Besties" or "Lifers" that have been with him for 40+ years.

My Emily has friends from grade school and high school as well as college. She has been blessed and I have seen her friends be there for each other. She has some wonderful lifers within her girlfriends (and a few guy friends too).

My Annie has also manage to keep friends from grade school as well as high school. As her college journey begins, she will no doubt make some incredible friendships and memories to come.

Blooming the friendships
For as much as I do, friendships take alot of work. They need tending much like a garden. I have to feed & water them (with love and consideration). I need to care for them.
And on those rare occasions, I need to weed out the bad. Now, don't get pissy with me. It takes alot, to get me to weed someone out. However, sometimes a person is toxic. Can drag you down. Or like a weed, choke the life out of the delicate.

For me, acceptance is too important. I can't seem to let things go when they don't go according to plan. If I feel unliked or unwanted it gets to me and I over-analysis it. "What did I do? What didn't I do? Why didn't they ask me? Why am I feeling like this friendship is one sided?" Why can't I just have a, "whatever will be will be" attitude?

I have such low self-esteem and issues about pleasing others. If you met me, you would never know.

Even with the Blog, I often worry and wonder what people think or if they do at all.

I realize I have so much and to want more is ridiculous. What the Hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel everyone must approve and accept me? Why can't I learn to be proud and happy of who, what, and where I am?

Peace In The Valley

Somewhere along this road of life I travel, I picked up strange little habits. Odd little things to help me cope.
One of those things was saying something to clam myself when stressed.
I don't know where I picked this up. I am sure it wasn't my own thing, I must have borrowed this exercise.

I say to myself again and again:

Peace In The Valley
Peace
and I think of happy thoughts, places and people

If I am trying to calm the dogs, it goes:

Peace In the Valley of Dogs
Think of your happy place puppies! Chasing the ball, chewing on a Rawhide

It works. Crazy as it seems, it does.
I have even caught a Bestie doing this with her puppy!

Photo of Youth

Ha Ha! I just found this photo from 1979. That is Kim, Janna, Elaine, Me, & Delphine. We were on a Student Council trip and just being silly. I think the funniest thing about the picture is my leg. It is freakishly longer than the others.

This particular weekend we were in Highland, Indiana. Although two of my Besties were not in the same Host house with me (Lynn was but she was always the photographer, I think to avoid photos), we still hung out together and had a ball. My Student Council was a weird little haven for me. I cherish these memories. I also would like to think that we made a little difference in some way. We all meshed well. We were a good blend, especially my Junior and Senior years.

Annie and Emily both enjoyed Student Council as well. I think that it is a wonderful experience to learn about government and getting the voices of students heard.

Mrs Aman, Room 220 and my fellow SC's I miss. I also am grateful for the memories!

Aunt Jemima Came to Live With Us!

Look what I got!!! Now as you know, Lynn & I are passionate about antiquing. We each have our items that we search for. Lynn is big on ashtrays and political pins. Me, I love looking for Cookie jars and old black dolls, Aunt Jamima items, and Sammi items. Once I found a Humpty Dumpty Cookie Jar in mint condition, on sale for..$495. Slightly out of my price range! Someday though, I want to have a cookie jar collection in the bulk head of the kitchen cabinets. I want an old house and do my kitchen very retro.

When we had our Girls Weekend, Lynn & I dragged Sher & Deb to an Antique Mall. Low and behold, I found not one, but two Aunt Jamima Cookie jars, in perfect condition! But, even though they were priced very well ($35 & $40), that was my weekend girls money and choose to use it on the weekend rather than myself. Sneaky Lynn, asked which of the Aunt Jamima's I preferred. One was wearing a blue dress and the other white. I felt the white was more authentic and looked better.

Today, I was surprised by Aunt Jamima on my dining room table! Stinkerbell Lynn went back and bought her for me!

Isn't she lovely? I am blown away. I haven't had something like that done for me in a long time.

I LOVE IT & I LOVE YOU LYNN!

What a great friend. I am a happy girl today ( :

"don't forget your questions!"

One of the fun little things my besties and I look forward to with our Girls Weekends is, The Questions. I can't remember who came up with this, although I suspect, our Ms Sheri. It can seem strange, invasive and even rude. However we see it differently. Lynn had to take some warming up to it as she is new in our Girls Weekend. She hesitated to say the lest. But eventually she got it. She was ready to play.

Above are a few of the questions we had this year. Every year we are to come up with as many as we can and fold them into tiny pieces. We carry a bag around with us,as we never know when we will be ready for one. These are not just to break that quietness that sometimes can creep up (so I am told as we never have a quite moment). We take them to lunch, dinner, movies, whatever.

Some questions are deep. Some helpful. And some silly. They make us learn more about each other as well as ourselves. They help us to improve and help us to appreciate. Rarely do they make us mad often make us smile.

We have lots of rules. Some of us get a little pissy if the rules are not followed. Particularly, "it's not your turn!" You also have to go around in order to answer. The person that drew the question, reads it, then answers first. Then its CLOCKWISE. You are also allowed to toss it back in the bag if it is one better read with a glass of wine or another time. You can also pass. We also tend to comment on each others answers.
(Here is Sheri contemplating her question)Silly as it seems, we love the questions. It is one of our favorite things. I must also add that some of the answers are, "to the grave!"

Whew! What a Weekend!

First, let me tell you, I realize how
fortunate I am to have these amazing friends. I know that it is a rare thing to have been friends for 30 plus years. Seriously, countless people ask, "Really? You are still best friends all these years?"

We have had our moments. There have been gaps in the friendships. But, we got it back. The biggest gap was losing Lynn. I am still tickled pink to have found her and have her rejoin our circle of friendship.

Our weekend was filled with laughter. You know the belly laughs, snorting laughs and the "I peed alittle laughs". There are few people that can pull those kind of laughs out of me. We had a few tears as well. But that is a good thing! To have friends you can truly pour out your heart to. About how you feel and about what each other needs to do. We have a rule that you can tell me anything I need to hear and I will still love you. "I will listen and I will take it to heart. I will still ultimately make my own decision, but, I do want your input."
We sat around the dining room table most of the weekend and talked while none stop munching and yes, wine was involved. We got out a couple of times. Had a fun run to lunch, antiquing (still Lynn & mine thing, Sher & Deb clearly don't understand the passion in this). We also ran to Sher's parents to visit and laugh. We made it to church on Sunday, and yes, the preacher called me out as I kept giving Sheri a look. In my defense, I was trying to make Sheri pay attention to what the preacher was saying. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or anything. Rev Cameron was great.


All in all, what a weekend. Monday, after Deb left, I felt sad. My house was too quite. My Besties were gone. Back to my daily life. BUT.. my Besties are always with me. They are such a part of me and who I am. They gave me strength, courage, laughter and love to carry on and to take with me day to day. They are just a phone call away. We will talk and see each other often.
The Girls Weekends are so important to us. They build us up and make us better people, wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends.

I have much more to share. But will give you bits at a time. Plenty to blog about. But I don't want to write the novel today!

Stay Tuned....

Having a blast with my Besties!

It is Heaven, more to come, they are waiting for me to get off the computer!
(=

My Happy Place

My life is so crazy right now. One minute things are going up and I feel like I will survive. Then something will happen to drag me back under. I feel like I am in water treading to keep my head above, then an anchor gets tossed to me. I had another anchor thrown at me last night.

I have a book written by Charles R Swindoll, titled, "Three Steps Forward Two Steps Back". Isn't that the truth that says it all? Although sometimes it feels like, two steps forward three steps back.

I feel that I gravitate to my happy place when the walls are caving in on me. Currently that happy place for me is here. Blog World. Not just to write, but to read. This morning I spent two hours catching up and commenting on several blogs I read. They take me away like Calgon. Give me a few minutes away from what looms over me at home.

I have so much I should be doing. With my upcoming guest, I really need to get the house in order. I have a resume waiting to be updated and sent on its merry way to assist in the job hunt. I have a mountain of paper work surrounding my desk needing to be filed, shredded and dealt with. I have a dozen other things begging for attention.

Instead, I keep finding my way back to the computer. I also gave two of the dogs puppy massages (Riley has a pulled muscle and Bandit got jealous). I have found myself sitting a few times watching Ellen (I love her show).

When I can't get to the computer, I find myself singing the Ant Song. The Besties and I started that so many years ago. Amazing how much that song works. Just a simple little song about High Hopes.

I have got to get out of this funk! I want to be geared up for my girls weekend. I have to get ready for it and I want everything perfect.

The good part is my Besties love me no matter what. We are all Dog people so the dog hair wont bother them. They are coming so we can be together not to inspect my house.

The best part about Besties is they love you no matter what, flaws and all.