Runaway Chameleon

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I can relate to the Chameleon.  She is always changing to adapt. Changing to blend in. Wanting to please and just fit in.  Or sometimes just hide.

When I was a Realtor, I learned to be a wonderful Chameleon. I could make myself  appear to be just about anyone you wanted and needed me to be. I learned quickly what to say & more important, what not to say. I worked with people of many different backgrounds and learned how to fit in and be trusted. I also worked for a marketing company that used chameleon in the company name. (Which I found to be very genuine & creative). There it was so appropriate as every client had a different need from us.

Have you seen Julia Roberts in THE RUNAWAY BRIDE? Her character Maggie, can't seem to decide who she is and mirrors whatever her fiance's wants and needs are. Even something simple like how she prefers her eggs..., that depends on which fiancee she is with. As she nears each wedding, she bolts unable to commit and then starts over, having the new fiance's wants.

Sometimes, I feel like a combination of the two.

I hate to admit, that just about everything I choose, I think first is this what Hubby wants too? Food, entertainment, plans... I am the wife that will sacrifice to make him happy.

I find that I do that with my daughters as well. Friends? Family? even strangers? Check, Check, & Check. It's what I do. And I do this honestly and lovingly. I'm 48 and my whole life I have tried to please others and make things better for them, even if it cost me comfort.

Please don't misunderstand. I have made choices to get me where I am and who I am.  It's just, if others are involved, I tend to try and be considered of what they want first.

I'm not complaining. What concerns me is, I wonder if I am starting to lose who I am? What I want and need. Things that were very important to me, that are no longer a part of me. I sometimes seem to follow the lead so well, I don't seem to be able to choose for myself.

I don't know... kind of rambling here.

I will be light & cheerful again with the next post.  Just a bit morose today.

The Right Choice

What drives someone to make the choices they make?
Religion?
Intelligence?
Common Sense?
Influences?
Emotion?

I would lie to believe that all of these factors are involved. For me anyway. I just hope that I am using the correct references at the right time. I would hope that I am capable of rationalizing the differences as to making a reasonable decision and not taking an easier more convenient way.

Who decides what the "right thing" is? If you disagree with me, does that make you right? Or me?

I think we must remember that a decision is a trickle of events to occur. Your decision may impact my decision and so on. How I handle a decision can offset other decisions. With that in mind, I carefully weigh out my choices.

It is important to me at this time in my life, to remember how does this affect me?

I too often choose the decision that will make the most happy. Too please those I love. Forget to look at how will it effect my happiness.

I do believe I can respect one's choices and still not be supportive of them. It is what I have decided to attempt. Even when respecting one's decision, it can be difficult, knowing the cost it will take.

Recently, a friend made a decision that I feel is wrong. She is doing what she feels will bring her the most happiness. I love her and therefore want her to be happy. I have been pondering her decision, her consequences, her reasoning. I have prayed for her, and I have prayed for those involved. However, it is too difficult to push the past away. People may change, but cruelty is a hard one to forgive and forget. Memories of her pain, losing herself and her dignity are hard to erase. She has struggled. She has gone through many hills and valleys these past few years. I just can't find it in me to let that all be swept under the rug and embrace a decision to go back to something that nearly completely destroyed her.

I can't support it. In doing so, I understand that consequences are attached. It will be painful for me but necessary. I have to look at how these decisions affect me. Sometimes I think I am not as strong but then I realize that actually I am stronger. Therefore, this decision I have made is the right one. Right for me. Right for those that will be affected through me.

Life is full of choices. But, we only get one life. You have to make your decisions carefully. The impact can change that one life you have to live.

The Paths We Choose

I am not sure if this is the right title for this blog this evening...

My thoughts are wrapped around how people choose to live.

By choice.

I daily drive through a few lower income neighborhoods. I also drive by some pricey downtown condominiums.

As I drive by the lower income neighborhoods, I am amaze by several things.
I notice that this is a diverse neighborhood. There are mostly Caucasians, African Americans, and Hispanic families that live here. There are churches of many denominations.
I see graffiti and I have seen a drug deal "go down".
I see children playing, neighbors chatting, and people enjoying life. I also see parents waiting with children to board school buses and I see parents waiting for them to get off buses. When driving through the weekends I see baseball games, with huge turn outs.
I see drunks trying to walk a straight path, homeless people passing by, and occasionally I see a tired young prostitute walking in the early hours.
Most of these people appear to be hard working people. Some appear to be freeloaders.
Most of these homes are well kept. Flowers, gardens, even several hang those Tomato Topsy Turvies things with lush tomato plants hanging out. Some are not so well kept with high grass, broken glass and junk in the yard. Many have furniture sitting on the front porches.
With Halloween around the corner (okay... I agree, we still have 8 weeks, but if it is in the stores...) I am already seeing the "artwork" begin. Massive spider webs, and those giant air filled characters, pumpkins and such. This will continue throughout all the holidays, with the Mother of them all (Or should I say Father) Christmas with elaborate light displays that stay on all night. I also notice that although money may be tight, I see a ton of satellite dishes, as well as other items that are not inexpensive. I am curious as to why people would chose to spend their hard earned dollars on the like.
These people for the most part enjoy the lives that God has given them. They make the best of them and do what they gotta do. I hear and see people singing, playing guitars and I hear laughter.

The upper class condominium neighborhoods?
I see runners and joggers. I see dog walkers. I see expensive clothing and expensive gadgets. I see posh furniture gleaming out the windows. I see expense cars. I see restaurants.
I see homeless wander through. I see some gang activity occasionally. I hear a loud ghetto blaster pouring out of a passing car.
That's about it.

I don't see children. I don't see neighbors chatting. I don't see holiday greetings. I don't hear laughter.

I wonder if the wealthy get too caught up in the high society world and forget to sit back and enjoy life?

Do you need to be a little humbled to appreciate life and make it the best you can?

I ponder this. I do believe we choose the lives we live to a point. Situations happen that can turn a world upside down in a nano second. I do believe you need to accept and make the best rather than complain and whine. I do believe it can be easy to get to caught up when one is privilege and forgets to relax and enjoy.

Of course I am not talking about everyone. We all have a story. We all live a life and see things differently.

But I do wonder. What if we took a good look at what we have and what we don't. Maybe remembering to be thankful for what we do, and to remember to LIVE isn't such a bad idea.

Annie's College Pick

My Annie has made her decision!
She decided to be a Cardinal.
She has looked into her options, checked out different schools, but when everything was laid out, the choice was pretty easy.
Ball State has the best opportunities for her.
With Journalism there are many outstanding programs out there. She has also an interest in Fashion, and an interest in Telecommunication. BSU has a fabulous program for the Fashion Journalism student. If she chooses, she could get degree in this and go abroad to Italy or Paris. BSU is the top school in the Nation for Telecommunication degrees. Also the wonderful David Letterman has given jillions of dollars to the Journalism School at BSU.
She teetered with the idea of going to Chicago's Loyola University. I held my breath. I would have supported that choose, but golly that is far for my baby to be! Would she ever come home?

BSU is the school her big sister is at. She didn't want to necessarily follow in Emily's footsteps, but she isn't. Emily is in the Elementary Education Department. They would rarely be on the same side of campus. Emily lives in an apartment off campus, whereas, Annie will be living in the dorms.

Annie has had the opportunity to go to BSU for several weekends and day trips. Not only her sister is there but several friends.

It is a wonderful school that is not too big, not too small. The campus is beautiful. And Muncie has much to offer. Not to mention, just an hour drive from home!

I am relieved. I am proud. I am ready to let her fly onto this next journey. (Well, almost ready!)