Oh There It Is!

Deb's Pansies

Last night as I was driving home from work at midnight, I felt something familiar. 
What is that?
Oh! Now I remember!
Happy!
That feeling of being happy.

This emotion was on a sabbatical...a leave of absence.  Certainly not excused but for whatever reason... left the building, or in my case, left the body and mind.

It is difficult for me to reason with myself as I ponder the who what and especially whys...  I truly believe that EVERYTHING is for a reason, but that does not make a difficult situation any easier.  Sometimes, I am so....COME ON! REALLY? THIS TOO? ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE? JEEZ LOUISE!  Don't  I deserve a break?

This isn't gonna be a poor poor pitiful me post.  Let's just say, some stuff is over crowding my plate spilling over, therefore has caused some dreadfully dispensed tears. (Seriously!  I hate that so often my tears flow out of control. I'M NOT WEAK! It's just rather than words flowing...tears stream down my face when I am extremely stress/passionate/pissed/offended/etc etc etc.)

Juggling three or four stressful matters is hard enough, but when a handful of unexpected things are tossed in, I'm struggling.

HOWEVER~
I am finding what an extraordinary strength and prevalence I am capable of.  And I actually was able to use one of my "trials" as an example to one of my Dormies to help her see and grow herself.  Yes, we are sometimes meant to go through things so that others can learn from it and hopeful be in a better situation.

Back to last night...
So after a week of turmoil, and Hubby being out of town on business (meaning I had to toughen up by myself).
Yesterday, I was fussing about running late... 
As I arrived to my bank, irritated with myself for not being there 30 minutes earlier...The door is locked... What now?  Oh My! They just got ROBBED!

Oh My Gosh! Had I arrived when I meant to be there... I would have been stuck in the middle of a robbery!...
So much for banking today, but I'm good with that.  More time freed up for errands.
A difficult class situation proved to be not so bad.  Sometimes, showing that you are not going to stay down when pushed can show a certain character that demands respect. 

(no..not mine, but I like it)

I can continue to dust myself off, and get back up.

Some chaos {too be expected}, the last evening before spring break for a dorm full of kids that are ready for a week out of here.  I did get a pleasant surprise learning a favorite co-worker will be working more with me and our Dormies following Spring Break, giving me an ahhhhhh yes!

The day flowed way better than I expected. And as I was on that drive home, I really felt BLESSED.  I started car singing (oh so scary).  As I drove through the ghetto ...{yes I have to go through a ghetto type area}.. at midnight, mind you, I'm sure some of those sketchy characters that looked my way as I am blaring K-LOVE, Christian Music channel, and singing my little heart out

♫My God's not dead, He's surely alive
And He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!♫

 That was when I felt that oh so familiar but distant emotion.

Happiness

yeah...

I think I prefer Happiness.

I think I will try to stay here awhile longer.

Just try to stop me!

What A Day!

Bandit telling me his side of this story

I had one of those...

OH MY GOSH! kind of days.

I could probably make this into six different post but I will try to reduce it into one.

I'm not even sure where to begin...

Might as well start with the beginning...

 I fell asleep around 3 am (problem sleeping whenever Hubby is out of town). I woke early to the sound of my cell phone  ringing at 4:39am. It was my youngest daughter (away at college).  Now, anyone with college children know the drill...

{WTH? the phone is ringing? OMGosh.. it's my daughter! what's wrong?}

but when I answered... silence... no voice, no sounds, nothing. It hangs up... I call her back and it goes to voice mail... I try again... and again... then I try texting... again... and again.

Somehow, I calmed myself, and actually feel back to sleep after much prayers!

At 7:22am I receive a text telling me, she thinks she must have "sleep called" me... strange child of mine. 

Made me think of my college roommate, Angela... and the MANY nights, she amused herself talking to me when I was asleep.  Apparently I was a chatty sleeper and you could get ALL kinds of honest information out of me when I was asleep. Quite entertaining so I am told.

Back to my day.. so relieved she was okay!

I "woke" up at 8:30am to start my day. (okay...hang on.. I am sure some of you are wondering, what the heck? 8:30? LAZY! But let me explain, I get off work at midnight, therefore I am entitled to a later morning).. So, I get up, have my cup of Joe, read some emails, fed the pets, take out the Dogs, and jump in the car to head to my 10am appointment with Betsy's.  If you are not a follower from way back, you may wonder who's Betsy.  She is my wonderful Angel ~ Therapist... that has taught me valuable coping skills and helps me to stay sane as well as keep things in check.

Great Session! whoa I love this Gal!  I'm on the right path & always feel fabulous after my Betsy hour.  See you in 6 weeks Betsy!

Now, I have just enough time to swing by Target before heading to my ASL classes, so in I pop.  They have WONDERFUL Dollar Deals, and to my pleasure the Dollar Easter Socks are in. So I pick up a couple dozen for my "Girls" to have (I am becoming, "that Dorm Supervisor that always gives out Holiday socks").  Which is fine, as you can never have too many socks & the girls get a kick out of them. 

I realize as I am in line to pay that I have to go pee really bad.  I am standing there doing my Kegals to keep myself together.  I think to myself, do I really want to go into that public restroom?

Naw...

I can hold it! At lest till I get to class.

OR NOT

As I am walking to my car in the parking lot I feel myself sprinkle as I take each step. I arrive to my car...with a big wet spot in my crotch.

OMG!

Did I really just pee myself?

Seriously?

Well, that is some serious... "Becoming an Oldie situation!"

So much for getting to class... I have no choice but to go home and clean up.

You'd think that would be enough...
NOPE!

lets move along to 1:00pm...

We live in a neighborhood that is picky about fences.  The type of fence I am allowed to place would cost us big bucks for the full back yard.  Not gonna happen. So, unfortunately, I am a Hillbilly that attaches my dogs leashes to a long tie down leash outside.  My Dogs LOVE being outside.  We hate having to keep them leashed but, well, Bandit is not real bright, and Riley gets very into scents (she is a Coon hound) and they will take off. We have been using this method for two years, as we debate buying the "Fence" or attempting the "Invisible Fences".
The Dogs were enjoying the sunshine, No barking, just relaxed and happy. They have managed to slip off the main leash a couple of times, but never venture past a neighbor house. Dakota, the little guy, does not require a leash. He stays put although he can be an instigator.
FIVE MINUTES...
I stepped inside for 5 minutes.
Then I checked on them. Dakota was a nervous Nelly, and Riley & Bandit were GONE.
I mean GONE.

I'm running around calling them. No barking, no howling.
I start to feel panicky.
I jump in the car and spin around the block.
Not a Pup in sight.
I drive around again adding the additional streets.

our neighborhood (we are "A")

Where the Heck did my Babies go?
OMG
I have asked every person I see in the neighborhood and NO ONE HAS SEEN THEM...
I exit the neighborhood and circle the exterior perimeter slightly terrified.
I start back into the neighborhood & receive a call. It's a Los Angeles number so I let it go to voice mail  (I'm a little busy).  Then I get another call, this one is from my Veterinarian. I answer...OMGosh..do you have our Dogs? Jenn (Vet Tech) says we have Riley... a Good Samaritan picked her up running down the middle of Brookville Road (very busy street with 55 speed limits).  Riley was with Bandit, who apparently was hit by a car...
He ran off though, she wasn't able to get him in her car, although big ole' Riley was tired of this adventure and more than happy to get her 110 pound butt in the nice lady's car.
Riley was taken to our Vet's Office, one of the Gals that work there headed out looking for my Bandit, as I also continued the search... I pulled off the side side of the road, where Bandit was last seen, calling & searching...but where did my Bandit go?
I get another call...
"Hi, I think I may have your Dog..."
OMGosh!
Is he okay? Where are you? I will come now!
Turns out, Bandit headed South after Riley got picked up.  Met another Dog and followed it home. The man that called, happened to have been a cilent of mine from my Real Estate days. He said Red, (the Dog that brought Bandit home) was a stray that he & his wife befriended & started feeding.  He came up the drive-way with Bandit. They found us through his tags.
I thanked him, loaded my very happy to see me but very exhausted Dog into the car & headed to the Vet.  Bandit has a couple of skinned spots on his leg, but other than than he is fine!  We picked up Riley who was very thrilled to see us.She started HOWLING as soon as she heard my voice.
I brought them home for a good long nap.

safely home

All this took place within one hour.
2:00pm

Off to work.
Now, work stuff I have to be careful what I am allowed to say. So I am gonna try to be brief but give you an idea of the craziness of the day.
3:00-3:15pm
Staff meeting... Grab vehicle keys & paperwork for off campus outing, open Dorm
3:15-3:45pm
Roll call, get Girls off to practices, take some to another Dorm and take one with me to get vehicle
3:55-5:45pm
At Med Check, for a Resident's Physical appointment, fill out a TON of paperwork, get parent on phone to talk to Med Check person, interrupt for my Girl, get HALF WAY FINISHED when they stop the check up & inform me they have made a serious mistake, and can not complete this.  She can not continue here due to out of network and an insurance issue (although, I have already paid out of pocket personally).  Without going into detail, I got reimbursed, and we left, two hours wasted.
6:00-6:30pm
Arby's with my disappointed Girl, talk about possibilities so we can get her IHSAA forms completed and get her playing her team sport. 
7:00-12:00am
Back to work, met with supervisor, take care of my 15 residental Girls, talk to three parents, dissolve some high school girl drama, meeting with supervisors & Dorm Counselor on an issue, tuck my Girls in, clean up Dorm, fill in Night Dorm Supervisor, and clock myself out.

12:30 - 2:30am
Get home, shower, chat with Hubby on phone, (he's in Detroit), grab a glass of wine & LOVE my Dogs.

As crazy as it was, I know it could have been a REALLY HORRIBLE Day.  So many things could have happened...
My Dogs! My precious spoiled Dogs could have been lost, hurt, or killed.
So I peed myself... probably not the last time and
my girlfriends and I have gotten quite a laugh over it.
Work craziness... I may not have gotten accomplished what I sat out to do, but I tried, and I did have a bonding experience with one of my Girls. She will survive and prehaps can get this issue resolved. It gets caotic but it also is wonderful. I love love love this job.  It brings me so much joy.

This all had a lot of value as well. I appreciate the good when I remember that things don't always go as planned. I have once again learned the value of laughing can help you through ANYTHING.
Life is good.

oh where to begin...

I hate when I get so far behind in Blog World.  I feel like I have so much catching up, but then, some is such old news, I feel I should just move on.  I have several started post that never got finished... Should I just delete or save for another day? Jeez Louise! I guess I will just move along.

So much has happened in these few weeks.
highs & lows & highs & lows.
A freaking roller coaster of emotion.

Someone I thought was a friend, was extremely cruel and took me by surprise. However, karma snuck up kicked that person in the booty. A friendship has ended, and sadly a trust has been broken.

HOWEVER... an old wounded friendship, has strengthened and taken a tender turn.

We are considering moving... I know. We just moved here two years ago! But, those who really know Hubby & I remember we use to move a lot many years ago, playing monopoly and advancing in the process. Hubby never really loved this house as much as I, there is something...something about this house, that he just can't like.  I, on the other hand, can make any house into a home.  It's about the feeling more than the structure for me. We have been looking at a couple of houses, and considering putting this one on the market. We are just toying with the idea.


We had a car accident last Sunday.  It was so freaky.  Why do these always feel like they are happening in slow motion?  We were very fortunate.  We were coming from a ramp pouring us into the interstate, this guy, came from the medium, jumping over that section nobody is suppose to cross, as if he wanted to try to back off the interstate. Thank Goodness Hubby was driving.. I would have lost control. He pretty much saved our lives..  Major damage to the truck, but we were unharmed.  (As well for the idiot).

We lost a dear friend this week.  Even though it was not completely unexpected, it still was a painful lost. This was one of Hubby's original Lifers.  He was just 53.  The past 25 years Multiple Sclerosis, mangled and stole from this funny and amazing man. He is finally, without the gripping horrific pain. John will be missed.

It made me feel so appreciative. We really are fortunate. Cars are replaceable we are not. And neither my Hubby nor I have a disease that is so disruptive and fatal.

Speaking of appreciation... where as, I still am madly deeply in love with my job, I find it interesting that so many people (and we are talking about kids as well), are so unappreciative. 

What ever happened to manners?  Why do the younger generation feel they deserve everything and don't need to so much as say please and thank you?  Why do they think they can be rude and "it's all about them"?  And I am NOT talking about everyone.  Certainly not.  But the thing is politeness seems to be so rare these days, and I have had a bellyful! As for adults... seriously?  How do you expect children to respect you when you are not setting the example?

MIND BOGGLING!


My college class on American Sign Language is going well.  I am learning a lot. Class is great, participation is interesting.  However, I am somewhat disappointed. The whole class thing, I feel old, I am not as quick to pick up as my younger colleaques. I do really love my proffessor .  I would love being friends with her!

Then there is that weighted tangled mental health issues that has grasped some loved ones. That I am forced to sit by and watch loved ones self destruct. It is such a horrible thing to love someone and not be able to help them.  The help is here...but not wanted.  And no matter what you may think, things aren't always what they appear. Nor are all things fixable. Laws differ from state to state and, well, this is not a helpful state. You can't help someone that doesn't want it. {oh heavy heavy sigh}... I just got off the phone with a family member.. Looks like its time for me to try to step in again. This is one of those stressful anxiety pushing moments.


BUT...
That's all okay, because in the long run, I feel stronger, and I am proud of who I am and who I am becoming.  Who'd have known it would take me a lifetime to find who I really am?

So, on a lighter note...

I am feeling pretty good. 

I feel healthy.

I feel happy. 

I feel competent.

I feel validated.

In spite of what all is on my very full plate, I am coping and putting it all into prespective.
The really great thing...
I'm starting to love the skin I am in and like the person I am.

POKER FACE

I have always been a very expressional person.  My face is very much a window into what I am thinking.  If I try to tell a lie... You will know it.  If I do not approve of something, oh you so can tell by my expression.

Working with Deaf people I am becoming aware of the need for a Poker Face.  When I am talking to my "kids"... sometimes they can play me and read me too well.  If only I could put a Poker Face on... 

Had a little confrontation the other day.  What started as a chat between two of my teens that were not getting along turned into a tense situation...  They saw FEAR in my Face. If only I could have showed "no fear" perhaps I could have gotten a handle on things better.  {BTW~ It wasn't that bad, just the first time I saw such negativity between a couple of Dears.  I was a bit afraid one of them was going to get physical, which they did not.}

So anyway... I am trying to learn how to control my facial expressions.  It is so important in conversation.
My Deaf friends can read me like a well known book.  They can tell when I am not feeling well, when I am sensitive,  when I am confused, and when I am pissed.  My Deaf friends are way more in-tune with my emotions than my Hearing friends.
Another thing... I notice little things that we do so differently that are rather crucial.  They can be taken the wrong way if not understood that we have these differences.  Such as, looking away... the next time you are talking to someone that is hearing, pay attention to how often you or the person you are speaking to looks away..  we do it all the time, and think nothing of it.
I will be talking & explaining something, and I am not looking at the person I am talking to but rather the space just beyond them. 
When speaking to someone that is Deaf, it is proper to look them directly in the face. I use to watch their hands, to see what they are saying.  But I have been corrected and now know that looking at them directly into their face, you still see what they are saying with their hands .
My immerse into the Deaf Culture has been so wonderful.  I am learning so much, not only about this Culture, but about myself.

So excited to start my ASL classes (thanks to our partnership with Vincennes University).  They will begin in January.  I do believe that this will help me not just with my signing but with expressions, my understanding and maybe, just maybe, I will learn to use a Poker Face!

Hello Blog World...

Hello Blogettes... How are you all? I have missed you..

I have been WORKING..{yay me!}.
I worked my booty off this week! Let me tell you!
The week back to work was a grand mixture of loving excitement & grueling exhaustion.  My job changed at the last minute and I was assigned one on one with a special needs student. I'm great for this as I can mix being loving and yet be tough, and I seem to have a high patience level (who'd have known?) ..but it is difficult when you are not fully aware or trained to deal with all the medical & physical demands a child with special needs have. For confidential reasons, I can't share much. Let's just say it was a truly difficult week, but I love my job.

I am adjusting to working this shift as well. I enjoy it although working second shift is a change.  Especially when I come home after midnight & try to quietly shower & come to bed without waking the Hubby. We haven't seemed to get the dogs use to my schedule & they give Hubby a hard time, and get excited when I get home. I try to shhhh them but the Little Guy is a yapper.

I spent all of Friday & Saturday free time sitting around relaxing and catching up on email, Blog World, Pinterest, & Facebook. I have a Twitter account but never pop on. Time magnets. I know. But, it was a nice way to unwind.

Hubby & I have really enjoyed this weekend. I guess he missed me a bit♥
We have gone on walks, bike rides, and even drove around a target area we would love to live. What's that you say? Didn't we just move here 2 years ago? Yes... BUT those that know us know we use to move a lot. We made a good chunk of change flipping homes. Stayed for a while in one spot while the girls grew up. But the thought of moving again is lingering. Especially with a favorite house on the market. I will blog more about that on another post.
Hanging with the Hubby has been Bliss.
Today, I work but not until 8pm. I am going to help the Hubby clean the garage. Maybe cook a nice dinner. Hope to see a daughter & give her the little curtain I made her. And, I have a girlfriend that is having a party at a Roller Skate place we all hung out at when we were kids. She is turning 50. How fun to celebrate on skates??? It's been a while... Not since the girls were little. I am not sure if I will actually skate or sit & gab. Either way, Im sure glad she is having it in the afternoon so I can pop in. Lets hope I don't break a leg!
Well, I best be going. A lot on my schedule and the day is ticking away.
Love to you all, have a blessed day♥

Best Two Little Words

I LOVE YOU

may be the best three little words we need to hear

but

YOU'RE HIRED

are the best two little words I got to hear this morning.

YIPPPPPEEE

Sign Me Up

I am in the process of becoming a hospital volunteer.  It is a long process.
When my Aunt became disabled and required time in the hospital, and later in a nursing home, I spent much time visiting her. I became very aware of all the people that help make these experiences more valuable and tolerable. I started thinking I would do well working in these environment. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a real job within.
HOWEVER~
I have discovered they will take me without a salary.
I decided to go with the local Catholic hospitals (where we go when necessary).  They have three locations, two that I would be interested in.
My first step was inquiring online on their website. Second, fill out the 7 page inquiry, including allowing them to do a background criminal and reference check. I completed and returned in November. They finally called me a couple of weeks ago, to proceed with step three, Orientation. I was sent more paperwork, and required to take a test, and bring with me to the orientation. I meet with other volunteer hopefuls and the Coordinators this past Tuesday. More paperwork, sizing for the "uniform" {choice of a burgundy polo or a navy vest. First I choose the polo, but then changed my mind and with with the vest as I can keep it cleaner & its more versatile. The orientation was informative and I am very impressed that one has to go through so much just to volunteer. They take it seriously and one must know and agree to the rules, mission statement, and confidentiality.
I still feel really good about volunteering. Actually even more convinced.
I have three more steps. I will be called for my interview, to decide where I am a best fit. I will have a "shadow day" to give it a trail. Finally, if I am still in... the blood test & screenings and my ID badge will be made.
They expect a six month commitment, and I have already discussed the possibility of changing hours, should someone actually hire me for a real paying job.
I am hoping to be placed in one of two areas: Hospice or "The Help Program" which is a program for Geriatric Care.  I love the elderly and I have great patience with them. I think our elderly have such wonderful stories to tell us, and we can learn so much from them. As for Hospice, dying is something we all must do, I try to see things from a good prospective view. I feel I would be a great asset for either.
I feel a calling to do this. So many advantages for me. To feel needed. To feel helpful. To make others smile. To give back. And possible, find something networking or getting discovered or even discovering a career within the hospital. Who knows? I just know that this is something I need to do.

Into the Tunnel

My daily commute to the office involves going through a few tunnels. I walk a total of just over 2 miles though tunnels. This includes going through a couple of buildings and a brisk outside walk as well.

I walked these same tunnels back in the 70's, when my mother worked downtown. Back then, security wasn't like it is today. My Bestie & I would go meet my Mom for lunch and take these shortcuts that few knew about. We thought we were cool as my Mom showed us these tunnels to use. Little did I know, one day I would be trekking through on my own, daily, to get to my office. Today, they are very secure. You can not go into the tunnels without scanning your badge and passing security stations. Which is good, I certainly feel safer. However, it is also kindof creepy, when I go through them in the morning, they are empty and erie like the pictures.


Years ago I worked at the Indiana Deaf School. We had tunnels there too. It is interesting how many places have tunnels to get from point A to point B. I use to think we had so many of them because Indiana has such unpredictable weather. I now believe we have these mystery tunnels everywhere.
The weird thing is they look the same. Very 1950's.

I had some really cool pictures of my journey into work. Decided maybe not such a good idea to share them. Security issues. So, I am only sharing these very bland boring shots. They are still kindof cool though. I wonder how they keep these tunnels so freaking clean & shinny?

deep breaths

I am starting to get anxious...

My plate is not overflowing, but I have learned to pick up on my symptoms. My right wrist starts shaking, I sit with crossed legs bouncing them, I get that worried scowl across my forehead...

Certain things do trigger it.

I know that one of the things is the uncertainty of my Temp job. Everyone acts like it is all good... No plans to send any of us away, however, the other building (same corporation) just gave their Temps the 30 day notice and now they are gone.

I did apply to a permanent position yesterday, but so did tons of others, surely many of those Temps that just got sent Bye~Bye. BUT, I have to be optimistic and I am so glad I threw my hat into the ring.

Sergio sold his Snow plow last week. It was bitter sweet. It was not as profitable as we had hoped. Given the years he has had them, we have had record low snow falls.

We knew as soon as we did, a big snow would come. We are expecting 4-8 inches staring tomorrow morning.

One of the Girls is stressing through a situation or two at school. Decisions, decisions. She will get through it, making the right choices I am sure. But she is hard on herself, and overwhelmed. I sat listening to her call the other night, trying to get her to calm down. It was difficult to understand through the tears. She will be fine, she will become stronger through her trials. BUT, I still just wanted to jump in a car and hurry up there to hug her and make everything all right.

Frustrations over another loved one that insist on making things difficult for others. Their need to go on and on with theory and actualizations. Trying to force their opinion onto others and hurt "loved ones" along the way. Speaking of others ill-advised.

"Shit-stirrer". That's what the Hubby says. I am so upset about this person upsetting others, (me included). It is making me sick...

...and that is just part of my anxieties lately.

Worry worry worry...

Why do I do it?

I know better. I know it will not help. It will not change the situations.

It is times like this that the walls feel like they are starting to close in on me. I have to take a little pill that makes me relax and remember to breath again.

I will be fine. I will be strong.

Big Day

Today I start the new job.

I am nervous yet excited at the same time.

Today, I will get my badge ordered, get shown around, start to learn the ropes. I have a nice notebook in my purse waiting for the notes to begin. I have my clothes laid out, stuff organized. I will soon get my face on as well as the outfit I chose to make those first impressions.

I feel like a youngster getting ready to meet new classmates. Will they like me? Will I make a friend? Am I really qualified for this position? How quick will I learn names let along the job? Will I like this job?

My title is Retirement Quality Analyst. There are so many duties with this position. I am interested and curious about the details. Basically, I will be auditing retirement accounts.

Sergio, tells me, no one loves their job. I know this not to be true. In fact, he is so passionate about his, I can't imagine him not loving what he does. I loved a few jobs myself. My work at the Deaf School and Preschools were among my favorites.

I think, I can learn to love any job given the right environment and work relations.

Well, it's time to roll! Wish me success!

Yay Me!

I got the job I have been trying to get!

A real job with "full time" hours!

I start Monday!

Yay Me!

The Birthday Boy

This handsome little boy turned 51 today.
He grew up to become my handsome husband, Sergio.

He is already off to work, heading to Louisville, Kentucky, today. He will return this evening and I will attempt to prepare a wonderful meal. He gave no suggestions for the birthday dinner so I am on my own to decided. After 22 years of marriage I have learned what he likes, but I don't know what he is going to be in the mood for tonight. I am hoping his meeting will go well, and keep him in an upbeat mood.

Sergio has much to be proud of. He is very successful in the Union business and very respected. He has been blessed to have many friends over the years. He is still best of friends from the guys he grew up with. From the "neighborhood", as well as friends from high school. Then, of course, over the years he has picked up many friends. He has a charming charisma. Most people like him immediately.

Sergio is also blessed to have two beautiful daughters that think the world of him and of course, his adoring wife, Me! I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He is my rock, my center, he keeps me strong and his love keeps me going. I still get giddy when I see him and think he is sexier today than when we married. I love him more and more each day, I look forward to growing old with him. And I thank God every day for him.

So, to my dear Husband, Sergio, Happy 51st! I love you forever!

Please Let Me Sleep!

I am so tired! I recently started back with FedEx and have so much to re-learn as well as many new task. That's fine, I love staying so busy that time flies. It is a good job and I love the people. It is exhausting trying to get back in the groove.

Annie is still at Butler for Yearbook Camp, and Emily got home from Florida, then from camping at St Paul. I am trying to get my laundry out of the way so Emily can get hers done quickly as Annie will start this evening. (Thank goodness they can get their own done).

Sergio has been working on a negotiation from one of his plants in Kentucky. I think the phone is growing out of his ear. This one has in in overdrive stress-wise. Hopefully while he is there today, he can get it settled and not bring it home with him.

My house is a mess. It always is. I just can't seem to learn after all these years how to keep it clean and orderly. I have several projects started, piles everywhere (toss, keep, new house, goodwill, etc). Every time I get started, something or someone will distract me with something they need. My secret years ago, was to clean it when the girls were babies in bed, and Sergio was at work. With a little Areosmith or Lynryd Skynryd, I can accomplish much at midnight!)I do not have time for myself, except for a few minutes here or there usually typing away in this blog. We have a showing coming up though so I need to really get it clean and make it stay that way.

Last night, I went to bed while Sergio was on a late phone conference. I was awaken by a phone call @ 11:30pm, it was not major, a family problem that we were able to take care of. However now I was awake. A little Advil PM, and I was back asleep. Until Sergio woke me up telling me the puppy was having an accident on the carpet. I jumped up to take care of it, and I kept asking him where? We then discovered that the puppy and other two dogs were fast asleep on the bed. HE DREAMED IT!!!! (That what kind of dreams he has, the pets messing up the house). With that being a false alarm, back to wonderland for a few hours. I feel so tired today. I think I must go to bed early tonight so I can try to get a better nights sleep!

Didn't See That Coming!

Do you ever feel like you have had just about all you can take and then...POW! Hit by a train. Didn't see that coming! Your plate is full, then someone throws something else on it and it is about to tumble down. You're treading water, tired and about to give up, and instead of a rope, you get thrown a rock.

That is what is happening to me. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself and I am not looking for sympathy. I am just observing this and wondering how much more I can endure.

Is this a test of my faith? It's working.

Is this Murphy's Law (or "Meyers Law" as we called it)? I don't like it.

I am pretty tough. Those who know me understand this to be true. But I am also under an extreme amount of pressure and must hold on and ride this through.

I will not give up. I will not fail.

What tears me down, will strengthen me.

I have a strong love & faith in God that all this is a necessary part of my life and that God will not put more in front of me than I can handle. But, I also believe God is responsible for the genius that came up with the medications that will help me cope just a little better to get through all of this.

With God and my prescriptions, bring it on, I am as ready as I am going to be!