Sister~Cousins

Meyer's and Tribby's July 1967

I love this photo.  I just discovered it and I love the how you can see more than just a family gathering photograph.  Notice everyone is tense.  Almost as if we have been yelled at or forced.  I am the little five year old in the green dress with giant flowers in the front row. My cousin Shari is next to me, and we are the only ones smiling. What ever it is that has everyone else so uptight isn't affecting us little girls so much. We just know to smile when told "cheese".  My cousin Billy has a suit & bow tie on. What's up with that?  My Mother, who always is smiling and happy in photos, but here she can barely be seen hiding behind my Aunt Nancy's hair.  My sister Julie also is always hamming it up and this is a rare photo of her being still and somber. Julie is the sweet little seven year old in the center. The other day when this was discovered, Shari, Janet (the baby in the photo), and myself, started trying to analysis this photograph.It was a good laugh.

Family can be interesting.  Very complex or very simple.  Sometimes, I think for most, somewhere in between.  I believe that when you have a dysfunctional family, you are very much clinging to each other, knowing you know each others secrets.  You need each other to survive.

Through the years, I have been Blessed to stay in touch pretty well with my cousins. Of course there are times we get busy and are not as close as we wish, however given the fact that we live across this nation in multiple states (as well as countries, with one cousin that lived in Canada for 7 years), we have always been there for each other. Not so well with my boy cousins, somehow, ever though we love each other and all, we didn't stay as close.  Except the silly boy in the striped shirt.  That is my cousin Rob, whom I was very close to. (He even lived with us for a while).  Unfortunately, we lost Rob to suicide several years back when he was just shy of his 40th birthday.

Through recent tragedy, I have reconnected more with my cousins. We don't have as many distractions now that our children are grown (well, mine anyway). We have vowed to stay connected.  We now feel more like sister's than cousins. We will keep our priorities straight.  We will try desperately to meet yearly with a fun Sister~Cousin trip. 

These girls know me better than anyone.  They understand who I am and how I got here.  My sister and I both are both so lucky to have each other and now we have the cousins to lean on and to embrace.

Janet, Janis, Shari

I am very fortunate to have these women in my life.

Spirit In The Sky

Robert Dale Tribby
1958-1998

This photo is of my favorite cousin (sorry girls!) Robbie and his wife Donna. They lived in California at the time. A very free spirited, simple, loving and gentle life there during the late seventies early eighties. They also had the pleasure of life in Vermont, as well as Tennessee.

When we were little, Rob, and two of his sisters, lived in Indiana. I was little but remember them moving away. Texas was so far, but at least I had other family there so I knew we would still see each other. In Houston, he was blessed with yet another little sister. Rob was all boy. He teased us girls all the time and we loved it. Julie & Leann were always trying to join in on the corrupted fun, but poor Rob always got in trouble when they'd get caught.

Rob's life was always torrid. His relationship with his father was unthinkable. He tried for so long to please, then he rebelled. Things only worsened for him.

When he was a young teenager he came up to Indianapolis to give life a whirl. His father left him on the Interstate with a point of the finger as to the direction to Indianapolis from Houston. Rob hitched rides till he arrived. He moved around alot. I was four years younger than Rob, so I only got parts of the stories, but I never understood, why on earth, my cousin did not live with us, my other Aunt & Uncle, my Grandparents or his other Aunts & Grandparents. He mostly lived in what was called a half-way house for run-aways. He would stay with us for weekends but return during the weeks. He also tried to go back "home" to Houston a few times. Whenever he did stay with us, Julie and I were thrilled. We thought of him as our big brother. We loved him madly.

I understand Rob was, well, a rebel. He didn't follow rules too well. He smoked, he drank and he did a few drugs. Such were the seventies for a lonely, confused, angry young man.

He found his way to a Commune, in Tennessee. There he found a new way of life. Say what you will about Communes, this place was a bit of Heaven on Earth for him. There, he was loved. I remember my sister and boyfriend (now husband) going to see him. She must have been 17 or 18. I was so afraid she would stay and never come back! She did. She was able to explain his way of life to me and I was glad he found this place. This is where he found Donna.

From there they moved to Vermont, then settling in California. Rob & Donna had two beautiful sons. He was so good at keeping in touch. And keeping us in his life.

I am not sure why, but Rob got restless with his peaceful life and journeyed back to Indianapolis. He kept in touch with his family in California but chose to start a new life back in Indy.
For the next 10 years, Rob would try to find himself. He was an extremely smart man. He was never afraid to try new things and was a true Jack of all Trades. He meet a new love, had another son and was living his life the best way he knew. I loved having him at all our family gatherings. He was funny, he was like a mini-Tom (my Dad).

Rob fought many demons and depression. He always wanted to please and make others proud. I don't know if he will ever know how deeply he touched our lives. I see his smile everywhere. I hear his laugh. I feel his presence.

Rob died one evening over 11 years ago. It was a great loss. He is deeply missed. I try to keep his memory alive. His spirit is all around.

Today was Rob's birthday. Today Rob would have been 51. He died when he was only 39.

He will always be The Spirit In The Sky to me. This is Rob's song.

Julie, Leann, Shari, Janet, Jamie and I miss you, Rob.
My folks do. My husband and daughters do. We all do.

Water Under the Bridge

The definition of this idiom is as follows:
Something in the past and no longer important.

Hmm. I keep hearing the voice of a ghost that said it on Saturday.

"That's Water Under the Bridge!"
Something in the past and no longer important.

I was faced with this ghost, a family member, that has caused so much sadness and pain. I had not seen him in some time. I stayed away for the most part. With the exception of my teen years, and the years I was a new mother, I keep him out of my life as much as possible. He happened to live with family that I love dearly and I did not understand or realize how dangerous he was when I accepted him in my life. I am sure that my parents did not realize it when they allowed me to be in his care as a teen.

Many years have past. The pain he caused was irreparable. It spun out of control for years, causing physical pain, mental anguish and even death. But yet he continued to be the mean soul he was.

As a child I did not understand.

As an adult I do not understand.

You see he is not really a ghost, yet, anyway. Occasionally he appears unexpected at a family function. No one ask him to leave. He has someone near and dear, with him. She doesn't remember us, or him for that matter. Her Alzheimer's keeps her as a walking shell of the woman she use to be. If she was not with him, he would not be welcomed. Some of the family has forgiven him. Some just look the other way.

He made the comment, in regards to his deceased son. It echos in my heart. He truly doesn't care about what he did or who he has hurt.

It's just water under the bridge...