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Showing posts with label saddness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label saddness. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

When Breathing is Not Enough


What do you do when remembering to breathe is not enough?

When you feel so overwhelmed and so incapable.

I try so hard to keep things in prospective. I try to keep positive. I have so very much to be thankful for. Such a wonderful husband and dear sweet daughters.

Every time I am back up and happy, something or someone cruelly punches me in the gut or knocks me down. How do I keep that from sucking me into a dark place?

I was doing okay, trucking along, when suddenly I was blindsided by the Boogey Man. An evil crusher that takes my self esteem and destroys it.

Last night, I was so overwhelmed. I tried so hard to stop the tears from sliding down my checks. My supervisor, is sweet and reminded me I could take a 10 minute break if I needed. I thanked her, but told her my quota is too low and I could not afford the break. I finally pulled it together after Sergio's texts made me smile (God, how I love this man!).

Why can't I stay out of this funk?

I have so much I need to be doing.
I must find a job that gives me the hours and pay that will adequately subsidize our income.
I must clean this home before Emily and her friends arrive Friday.
I must get photos organized and start Annie's senior slide show.
I must get correspondence and bills together and sent out.
And I must get ready for my visit with Betsy. Ahh Betsy. Hopefully, she can shed some light on my dilemma and bring me to a happy or at least peaceful place.

Sorry to be doom and gloom. Just one of those weeks...