Today's Favorite Thing...

Feeling kind of melodically today.  Some stress... some emotions. A strange feeling day.
As I walked through my bedroom, I glanced to my dresser and this made me smile.
It is a framed photograph of my girls from about 15 years ago... a basket of stuff I don't know what to do with...and a wooden Breathe cutout surrounded by a pearly necklace that my daughter use to wear.
Pretty much sums it up.
I need to breathe
:)

stronger than you know...

As Thanksgiving arrived I had that nervous feeling.  I knew I could handle the day, and what God had in store.  I had Hubby, and both daughters to spend the day with so, feeling rather ready to face the day and start my cooking frenzy.

Emily & Annie

After much thinking and missing of my parents... I picked up the phone and spoke to them both. Not as easy as it sounds, and no I will not go into it. Let's just say I wanted to tell them I love them and let them know they are in my thoughts & prayers.

I was able to reach my Sis, which always brings me love. I am saddened that we were unable to meet up for Thanksgiving. She & Hubby were going to stop by later but were unable to. Sis was able to update me on some family developments but I stopped her, as I really wasn't ready to discuss too much of these details.. not now. Not today.

As I hung up the phone, I noticed Dakota chomping on something. DAKOTA!!! That's my new Mouth guard! ugh. I already know insurance will not allow me another one, & frankly I don't have another $400 sitting around.  Maybe I can "alter" it, cutting the chewed ends off and still utilize the purpose as the center seems unaffected.

My Husband's Sister, Nora, & her handsome guys joined Hubby, the girls & I for a nice Thanksgiving meal. That was good.  To have their company as well as breaking bread together. I can make a mean Thanksgiving dinner and all was tasty.

Nora & Sergio

Cousins~ Emily Annie Chris & John

As the evening arrived, Emily's boyfriend had to skidadal to his family dinner. The in-laws also headed out.  We visited and grazed with our girls for a while longer.
For the most part... it was pretty good.  We are Blessed.

Right before hitting the sack, I opened my Laptop to check mail.  That's when I saw it. A message from a ghost. A molester. Someone that I grew up believing I was to trust, that in turn, molested me.

The message was short. He had found me through a mutual person on Facebook. He said something about despite what happened, he had a lot of photographs of me and my family that he would like to pass to me.
Now, as much as I love photos, and he was an amateur photographer that took tons of us, I don't want a thing from this person.
He stirred up some painful memories. Thirty-five years later, and the pain is just as fresh when surfaced.

Just when my plate is so full of peas and they are starting to overflow off my plate, I have tripped, and they are flying off. 
I felt so overwhelmed with the problems I had.  I really don't think it's fair to get this thrown on top of the lot.
BUT, apparently, God knows I can handle this.  He knows what He is giving me & He knows that I can handle it.  I just keep telling myself to BELIEVE & to TRUST.  I do realize how fortunate I am, and I am very grateful.  It's just sometimes I feel... well, dang it like, OKAY! I think Ive had enough... please give me a break.  God knows me better than anyone.  He knows that I am Stronger than I know. 
I do believe. I do trust.

Me & the Hubby

always something...

"You know Janis, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

Thank you Roseanne Roseannadanna. You give me a smile remembering this.
Today is definitely one of those days. I am grateful for the memory of Gilda Radner's character. For laughing is so much better than crying.

It seems so often things will be so amazingly awesome, I'm on top of the world, and someone has to go and give me a big push. I haven't been knocked completely down... I am hanging on by roots, determined not to fail.

I am reminding myself that I can't fix things... I can't change things... I can't make others follow the rules ... I can't turn that dang chair into a couch. No matter how hard I try.

I am remembering to pray. Really really really hard.  But I am praying for forgiveness of my angry, remembrance that this pain someone is causing is not deliberate. For this loved one can't control their illness that makes them do what they do. I am praying for strength. For guidance, for understanding.

When someone is ignorant... selfish... incompetent... manic... or downright crazy. You can't feel anger. You must be full of compassion and love.
It's a hard one.
A really really hard one.

But...
It is what it is...

And Dang it, I just can't stick a band-aid on it and move on.

I must be patient, and listen to my heart.

{also...prayers...so send on the prayers my dear friends. I could really use them}.

101 Stress Copes

My dear friend/Family Doctor had this posted on one of his exam room walls. I wanted to copy it, but he gave it to me as I much needed it :)
I want to share with you all. I plan to try to attempt one a day covering all within the next 101 days.

101 Ways To Cope With Stress


~GET UP EARLIER~ PREPARE AHEAD~ AVOID TIGHT CLOTHES~ AVOID CHEMICAL AIDS~ SET APPOINTMENTS~ WRITE IT DOWN~ PRACTICE PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE~ MAKE DUPLICATE KEYS~ SAY NO MORE OFTEN~ SET PRIORITIES~ AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE~ USE TIME WISELY~ SIMPLIFY MEALS~ COPY IMPORTANT PAPERS~ ANTICIPATE NEEDS~ MAKE REPAIRS~ GET HELP WITH JOBS YOU DISLIKE~ BREAK DOWN LARGE TASKS~ LOOK AT PROBLEMS AS CHALLENGES~ LOOK AT CHALLENGES DIFFERENTLY~ UN-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE~ SMILE~ PREPARE FOR RAIN~ TICKLE A BABY~ PET A DOG/CAT~ DON'T KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS~ LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING~ SAY SOMETHING NICE~ TEACH A KID TO FLY A KITE~ WALK IN THE RAIN~ SCHEDULE PLAY TIME~ TAKE A BUBBLE BATH~ BE AWARE OF YOUR DECISIONS~ BELIEVE IN YOURSELF~ STOP TALKING NEGATIVELY~ VISUALIZE WINNING~ DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOR~ STOP THINKING TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER~ HAVE GOALS~ DANCE A JIG~ SAY HELLO TO A STRANGER~ ASK A FRIEND FOR A HUG~ LOOK AT THE STARS~ BREATHE SLOWLY~ WHISTLE A TUNE~ READ A POEM~ LISTEN TO A SYMPHONY~ WATCH A BALLET~ READ A STORY~ DO SOMETHING NEW~ STOP A BAD HABIT~ BUY A FLOWER~ SMELL THE FLOWER~ FIND SUPPORT~ FIND A "VENT-PARTNER"~ DO IT TODAY~ BE OPTIMISTIC~ PUT SAFETY FIRST~ DO THINGS IN MODERATION~ NOTE YOUR APPEARANCE~ STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE, NOT PERFECTION~ STRETCH YOUR LIMITS~ ENJOY ART~ HUM A JINGLE~ MAINTAIN YOUR WEIGHT~ PLANT A TREE~ FEED THE BIRDS~ PRACTICE GRACE~ STRETCH~ HAVE A PLAN "B"~ DOODLE~ LEARN A JOKE~ KNOW YOUR FEELINGS~ MEET YOUR NEEDS~ KNOW YOUR LIMITS~ SAY HAVE A GOOD DAY IN PIG LATIN~ TROW A PAPER AIRPLANE~EXERCISE~ LEARN A NEW SONG~ GET TO WORK EARLIER~ CLEAN A CLOSET~ PLAY WITH A CHILD~ GO ON A PICNIC~ DRIVE A DIFFERENT ROUTE TO WORK~ LEAVE WORK EARLY~ PUT AIR FRESHENER IN YOUR CAR~ WATCH A MOVIE AND EAT POPCORN~ WRITE A FAR AWAY FRIEND~ SCREAM AT A BALL GAME~ EAT A MEAL BY CANDLELIGHT~ RECOGNIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE~ REMEMBER STRESS IS AN ATTITUDE~ KEEP A JOURNAL~ SHARE A MONSTER SMILE~ REMEMBER YOUR OPINION~ BUILD A SUPPORT NETWORK~ QUIT TRYING TO FIX OTHERS~ GET ENOUGH SLEEP~ TALK LESS AND LISTEN MORE~ PRAISE OTHERS~

TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME... YOU HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO LOVE

deep breaths

I am starting to get anxious...

My plate is not overflowing, but I have learned to pick up on my symptoms. My right wrist starts shaking, I sit with crossed legs bouncing them, I get that worried scowl across my forehead...

Certain things do trigger it.

I know that one of the things is the uncertainty of my Temp job. Everyone acts like it is all good... No plans to send any of us away, however, the other building (same corporation) just gave their Temps the 30 day notice and now they are gone.

I did apply to a permanent position yesterday, but so did tons of others, surely many of those Temps that just got sent Bye~Bye. BUT, I have to be optimistic and I am so glad I threw my hat into the ring.

Sergio sold his Snow plow last week. It was bitter sweet. It was not as profitable as we had hoped. Given the years he has had them, we have had record low snow falls.

We knew as soon as we did, a big snow would come. We are expecting 4-8 inches staring tomorrow morning.

One of the Girls is stressing through a situation or two at school. Decisions, decisions. She will get through it, making the right choices I am sure. But she is hard on herself, and overwhelmed. I sat listening to her call the other night, trying to get her to calm down. It was difficult to understand through the tears. She will be fine, she will become stronger through her trials. BUT, I still just wanted to jump in a car and hurry up there to hug her and make everything all right.

Frustrations over another loved one that insist on making things difficult for others. Their need to go on and on with theory and actualizations. Trying to force their opinion onto others and hurt "loved ones" along the way. Speaking of others ill-advised.

"Shit-stirrer". That's what the Hubby says. I am so upset about this person upsetting others, (me included). It is making me sick...

...and that is just part of my anxieties lately.

Worry worry worry...

Why do I do it?

I know better. I know it will not help. It will not change the situations.

It is times like this that the walls feel like they are starting to close in on me. I have to take a little pill that makes me relax and remember to breath again.

I will be fine. I will be strong.

Time To Take A Xanax!

These are the kind of post that help me most but I hesitate most about writing...

The day is going, well, interesting is a nice way to put it.

We awoke to a snow storm here in Indiana. No problem, we are use to changing weather. We have "weathered" them before. Nothing like the good ole days when SNOW meant SNOW.

One of my daughters, needs to be back @ school by tomorrow morning for an exam. We wanted her to go yesterday before the storm hit, but, she wanted to wait till today. Now, there are severe road conditions and she no longer drives an SUV but a small compact car. We are making her wait, much to her protest. I promise Baby, we will make sure you get there before tomorrow's exam!

The Hubby, cancelled his business trip to Louisville because of the weather. Headed out to plow some streets and parking lots instead. (Small side business). His 4 wheel drive won't work...Can't plow without it. He is awaiting help @ a repair shop. Not in a peachy mood.

I am working on a project that I can't seem to complete in a timely manner at work. Stressed out and tying to get my speed up to par. Timing is so important when you are "contracted" I really want to become permanent. I need to become a necessity instead of extra.

My friend's Dad just had MAJOR surgery. He is recovering, but, we all fear these times as our parents age and run into these situations. I want to go sit with her. Hug her and be by her side. We have many miles between us that make this impossible for me right now. I am with her and her family in prayer though.

My own parents are having issues as well. We will leave that at that for now. Again, I am deep in prayer.

Tuition, mortgage, utilities, as well as a mountain of other expenses have hit as promised this time of year. Gosh, what happens to our paychecks?

I have to get the tax stuff together... Where is everything???

Another friend has been going through the toughest of all times, yet I can't help her with what she needs most. The frustration of not being able to make it go away, or make things right is torturous. I want her happy and smiling again! Prayers, Prayers.

Health issues are pissing me off. Plus I start my weight watchers group. I am sure I will be a peach too.

My home is a mess. I keep cleaning and it just magically gets a mess by time I get home. How does that happen? I need a day off just to make it sparkle again. While I am at it I need to throw all the Christmas stuff in the attic for another 11 months.

I am having my first get together, since moving into the new house. A little Wine & Candle Party on Sunday. I am stressing over wanting everything so nice for this gathering. Plus many of the gals I wanted to see, can not make it. Crap...I have no chairs. Is this storm going to interfere?

I still have to drive home in this mess and it just hasn't stopped snowing yet! I miss my SUV. Will my Monte Carlo impress me or chicken out?

These are the days I fear most. I get overwhelmed. Overpowered. My depression creeps in. My anxiety goes sky high. I am feeling Kookoo!
I am praying. I am playing some great music from Pandora (Internet music). I am trying to remember to breathe.

But, some days, I have to listen to my body. My mind. It is telling me I could use a little extra help that my Doctor has told me I must use when this happens. After all, he is a strong Christian man that would never steer me wrong. He prays with me. He is a man of God over his being a man of medicine. He knows how I feel about medication. But, I will trust him and listen today. For I know not what else is to come. Today, I need a little help from panicking.
Hello Xanax.
Take me Away!
Chill Me Out!

Capivating Fear

As I sat in the dentist chair, I shivered. Tightly gripping my cell phone in one hand, and Annie's ipod in the other. I completely trust my Dentist and her staff. However, I have had a few mishaps in the dentist chair before and the thought of them sawing and drilling the broken crown out of my mouth put a fear into me. Apparently I had a faulty crown with a hairline crack. It happens. No charge to me, other than the anxiety attack , discomfort and time spend replacing it.

For the next two and a half hours, I cranked up the music, shut my eyes and opened my mouth. Xanax was my friend as it took the edge off. Uncomfortable, scared, but no pain. I have a temporary and get the real McCoy June 18th.

Than is one form of my fears.

I also have fears that I can not control such as finances, job security and economy.

I have the parental fear that my daughters will not need me anymore, or worse, they WILL need me in ways never imagined.

I have fears that involve medical situations.

I have the fear of the unknown. The things to come or not to come.

How will I get through? What is to come? Will I survive as usual? Or will I crash?

Life doesn't come with a manual or instructions.

I dig in, do my best, pray, hope and dream.

I have my posse. Family, Besties, even ordinary people that have a genuine care for me.

With so much on my plate for the next few weeks, I am going to have to hold back another anxiety attack that is biting my ankles. I just don't have the time or patience. So, pray for me, think of me and watch my back...please.

Handsome Hubby!

This is one of my favorite photos of Sergio. I love the look in his eyes and the smile on his face.

It was taken a few of years ago at South Beach, Florida. Sergio & I took a weekend trip, just the two of us.

It was wonderful.

We haven't had an opportunity to get away since, and we could use a little R & R trip like this. It was the most stress-free vacation ever. Currently, we are both about as stressed out as one can get. We have alot on our plates.

Soon, all of this will pass. We will survive. We will have opportunities to take such trips again.

I anxiously look forward to those "ahhh" days.

ps... isn't he handsome (-8

Please Let Me Sleep!

I am so tired! I recently started back with FedEx and have so much to re-learn as well as many new task. That's fine, I love staying so busy that time flies. It is a good job and I love the people. It is exhausting trying to get back in the groove.

Annie is still at Butler for Yearbook Camp, and Emily got home from Florida, then from camping at St Paul. I am trying to get my laundry out of the way so Emily can get hers done quickly as Annie will start this evening. (Thank goodness they can get their own done).

Sergio has been working on a negotiation from one of his plants in Kentucky. I think the phone is growing out of his ear. This one has in in overdrive stress-wise. Hopefully while he is there today, he can get it settled and not bring it home with him.

My house is a mess. It always is. I just can't seem to learn after all these years how to keep it clean and orderly. I have several projects started, piles everywhere (toss, keep, new house, goodwill, etc). Every time I get started, something or someone will distract me with something they need. My secret years ago, was to clean it when the girls were babies in bed, and Sergio was at work. With a little Areosmith or Lynryd Skynryd, I can accomplish much at midnight!)I do not have time for myself, except for a few minutes here or there usually typing away in this blog. We have a showing coming up though so I need to really get it clean and make it stay that way.

Last night, I went to bed while Sergio was on a late phone conference. I was awaken by a phone call @ 11:30pm, it was not major, a family problem that we were able to take care of. However now I was awake. A little Advil PM, and I was back asleep. Until Sergio woke me up telling me the puppy was having an accident on the carpet. I jumped up to take care of it, and I kept asking him where? We then discovered that the puppy and other two dogs were fast asleep on the bed. HE DREAMED IT!!!! (That what kind of dreams he has, the pets messing up the house). With that being a false alarm, back to wonderland for a few hours. I feel so tired today. I think I must go to bed early tonight so I can try to get a better nights sleep!

Didn't See That Coming!

Do you ever feel like you have had just about all you can take and then...POW! Hit by a train. Didn't see that coming! Your plate is full, then someone throws something else on it and it is about to tumble down. You're treading water, tired and about to give up, and instead of a rope, you get thrown a rock.

That is what is happening to me. Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself and I am not looking for sympathy. I am just observing this and wondering how much more I can endure.

Is this a test of my faith? It's working.

Is this Murphy's Law (or "Meyers Law" as we called it)? I don't like it.

I am pretty tough. Those who know me understand this to be true. But I am also under an extreme amount of pressure and must hold on and ride this through.

I will not give up. I will not fail.

What tears me down, will strengthen me.

I have a strong love & faith in God that all this is a necessary part of my life and that God will not put more in front of me than I can handle. But, I also believe God is responsible for the genius that came up with the medications that will help me cope just a little better to get through all of this.

With God and my prescriptions, bring it on, I am as ready as I am going to be!