Jingle Bells

♪dashing through the snow...

in a last miute panic effort....

to get those last few gifts...

that I have yet to buy...

trying not to freak...

 remembering to breathe...

Oh what fun it is to buy and get through this holiday!

♪ Jingle Bells♪ Jingle Bells♪

oh where is my White Zinf?

I only need a few more days squeezed into the next two!

Oh Jingle Bells♪ Jingle Bells♪

Forget the White Zinf...

I really need to pop a few of my precious little Xans!♪ 

...away in a manger

With the recent death of my Mom, dealing with the Holidays is an emotional ride I can't explain. Thanksgiving was not only difficult, it was a teary blur.  I hear I hosted a wonderful meal but it was like I wasn't there at all. I was a huge fake.  Everyone worried (except my Dad).  My family could not only see but feel my sadness.  It runs deep and different than other those I know that have loss a parent.  Everyone deals with grief differently, but also, I had this dysfunctional relationship baggage that I am trying to sort out. A lot of guilt and misunderstanding to my grief. I am still trying to fix everything through my Dad... which is a whole different post...

Christmas is upon us.

This year even without the dealing the grief, our plans are a bit different.  We are not planning to drag all of the Christmas stuff out.  I am not even planning to put the tree up.  I am only pulling a few things out. Along with my Christmas containers, I have found a couple of bags of my Mom's Christmas decorations that I salvaged when we moved Dad and condensed their belongings. I barely remember putting them in with mine. But I started going through them today.  Among them was this...

It is my Sister Julie & my Childhood Nativity Set.  It has several chipped and broken figurines. The manger is barely standing with it's weakened cardboard frame torn and caved in.  But other than a couple of the original sheep... I believe it is all here.
My Sis and I would spend hours playing with this.  Re-enacting the story of Baby Jesus born in the Manger.  The Three Kings, the Shepperd's coming with their gifts.  As we grew up we would constantly change the setting stage.  I think I preferred them all looking onto Baby Jesus, and my Sis would switch them to look out to us as if it were a play.

I remember getting new Kings and Shepperds.  We would get them at Ben Franklin or Murphy's.  It was exciting looking them over in the store all lined up waiting to join a Nativity set. The price sticker still remains on  this one.

Through the years, through the chaos... somehow this Nativity Set was not destroyed or lost.  It survived.  Much like my Sister Julie, and I.

Thankfulness and Tears

As Thanksgiving approaches, I reflect on all I am grateful for.
I am Blessed.
I have the most wonderful daughters, whom I am so proud of. A loving Husband that tries to understand and protect me. A Sister that I don't know what I would do without.  My job, has brought me much joy and opened a new culture to me. And many family and friends that have Blessed my life along the way.
But...
It is also a time where I reflect on those things in my life that are not going so well.
I try so hard to remember not to dwell on things that I can not change, but it is difficult.
I find myself in prayer asking that God will provide me the comfort in knowing this is all part of His plan & that I need to trust in Him. However, I  can't seem to be able to accept certain things that have brought such sadness.  I find myself wondering why? Why God, must I endure this and if I must, please help me to accept and move forward.
When you have depression issues, the Holidays can be difficult instead of joyous.  I am trying so hard.
I want to make everything perfect for my loved ones. But I also have this unbearable pain that some of whom I love so dearly can't join us and celebrate all we are Blessed with.
Life is so short...
I just want...
to be happy
to make others happy
and to learn to accept and move on.

Fireworks VS Godworks

I hate fireworks.

I am one of those "weird" people.
I don't find them beautiful.
Not even pretty. 
I do think they are incredible.
Powerful and interesting.
They are loud. They are dangerous. They are expensive.

For years our neighborhood, where the girls grew up, had an outrageous firework exhibit.  I had a neighbor, who had a rather large love for fireworks. He spent thousands... tens of thousands on his firework displays.  He hired crews. Hired firemen, and hired police men to handle the powerful illuminations and the crowds of people that came to our neighborhood to watch. We, as well as all our neighbors, took an advantage of this spectacular show to have massive cookouts and enjoyed the show.  Mike spent an average of $16,000 per 4th of July.  Seriously...

While we enjoyed our cookouts, and the entertainment that my neighbor provided.  And while we deeply appreciated the precaution he took...I couldn't help but think of what all that money spent on a two hour firework show could do.

Now...
Let me tell you what I find truly incredible and beautiful.
God's natural fiery displays.

I could sit for hours and watch a lightening show.
To me there is nothing more powerful than this.

Now, that is remarkable.

The Paths We Choose

I am not sure if this is the right title for this blog this evening...

My thoughts are wrapped around how people choose to live.

By choice.

I daily drive through a few lower income neighborhoods. I also drive by some pricey downtown condominiums.

As I drive by the lower income neighborhoods, I am amaze by several things.
I notice that this is a diverse neighborhood. There are mostly Caucasians, African Americans, and Hispanic families that live here. There are churches of many denominations.
I see graffiti and I have seen a drug deal "go down".
I see children playing, neighbors chatting, and people enjoying life. I also see parents waiting with children to board school buses and I see parents waiting for them to get off buses. When driving through the weekends I see baseball games, with huge turn outs.
I see drunks trying to walk a straight path, homeless people passing by, and occasionally I see a tired young prostitute walking in the early hours.
Most of these people appear to be hard working people. Some appear to be freeloaders.
Most of these homes are well kept. Flowers, gardens, even several hang those Tomato Topsy Turvies things with lush tomato plants hanging out. Some are not so well kept with high grass, broken glass and junk in the yard. Many have furniture sitting on the front porches.
With Halloween around the corner (okay... I agree, we still have 8 weeks, but if it is in the stores...) I am already seeing the "artwork" begin. Massive spider webs, and those giant air filled characters, pumpkins and such. This will continue throughout all the holidays, with the Mother of them all (Or should I say Father) Christmas with elaborate light displays that stay on all night. I also notice that although money may be tight, I see a ton of satellite dishes, as well as other items that are not inexpensive. I am curious as to why people would chose to spend their hard earned dollars on the like.
These people for the most part enjoy the lives that God has given them. They make the best of them and do what they gotta do. I hear and see people singing, playing guitars and I hear laughter.

The upper class condominium neighborhoods?
I see runners and joggers. I see dog walkers. I see expensive clothing and expensive gadgets. I see posh furniture gleaming out the windows. I see expense cars. I see restaurants.
I see homeless wander through. I see some gang activity occasionally. I hear a loud ghetto blaster pouring out of a passing car.
That's about it.

I don't see children. I don't see neighbors chatting. I don't see holiday greetings. I don't hear laughter.

I wonder if the wealthy get too caught up in the high society world and forget to sit back and enjoy life?

Do you need to be a little humbled to appreciate life and make it the best you can?

I ponder this. I do believe we choose the lives we live to a point. Situations happen that can turn a world upside down in a nano second. I do believe you need to accept and make the best rather than complain and whine. I do believe it can be easy to get to caught up when one is privilege and forgets to relax and enjoy.

Of course I am not talking about everyone. We all have a story. We all live a life and see things differently.

But I do wonder. What if we took a good look at what we have and what we don't. Maybe remembering to be thankful for what we do, and to remember to LIVE isn't such a bad idea.

Did I Miss the Memo?

Why is everyone making Christmas so Gung Ho so dang early? I mean, I know it's in five weeks, but they started putting Christmas stuff out before Halloween was over!

Can we please celebrate Thanksgiving and give this Holiday the respect it deserves before jumping over to Christmas?

Seriously. I LOVE Christmas! I love celebrating my Christian faith, gathering with family and all the Christmas celebrating. I don't want to be a Grinch but good golly!There are three local radio station's already playing Christmas only. There is a Christmas movie on every night.

BUT I WANT THANKSGIVING FIRST! I want to think about what all we are Thankful for. I want to embrace my friends, family and faith. I want to have the opportunity to say, thank you.

Why do we let ourselves get pushed and hurried so much? I just want to relax for a moment and reflect on the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday. Just for a moment please!

Hippity Hoppity...

"Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hopping down the bunny trail,
Hippity Hoppity, Easter's on it's way!"

Easter is in 8 days! Eight days! Oh my Goodness! Time has flown!

Easter has always been my favorite holiday. It is a new awakening. Spring is in the air. Flowers blooming, birds chirping. It is a time for us Christians to remember and rejoice in Christ. Our faith is renewed. Our hopes are lifted.

When the girls were younger, I was the queen of decorating for holidays. Christmas - check, Thanksgiving - check, Halloween - check, Forth of July - check, Valentines - check, St Patricks Day - check, Easter -DOUBLE CHECK!

I get it honestly. One of the things I am grateful in my Mom is she was the same way. I grew up with the idea. Although, Mom can go overboard. She loves Easter egg hunts, we made her retire the tradition when we counted several hundred plastic eggs filled with candy & money for our four children. That was a bit overboard!

This past year, one of my girls mentioned they miss that I don't decorate anymore. They both told me how much they appreciated it and missed that we don't do it anymore. With depression, moving and even the girls growing up and lacking in the interest of helping me with the decorating, i just let it go. I gave away alot of stuff, but today I found a box of Easter stuff.

Annie is on her way home from Florida. My goal is to get this stuff up and decorate the house to surprise her. Emily too will be pleased when she comes home Friday for the weekend.

So, I best be off. Gotta play Peter Cottontail!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to one and all!

Valentine's Day is one of those days that I say, it is what you make of it.

For me, I reminiscence of all that I love and love me back.

I think of my family.

My wonderful Sergio, and the twenty~some years we have shared.Where would I be without him? I got lucky. I married my soul mate. I look forward to growing old with him.
My sweet girls. Emily & Annie. They are adults now but will always be my baby girls. They are so full of love and sunshine. Their happiness means everything.
I think about my sister, Julie. I love my big sister. Only she understands my childhood. I have been blessed with her friendship as well as the family ties. As we age, we get closer. Even look more alike!
My parents. Crazy or not, they are my parents. I appreciate all they have done for me and the love they have given me. I will always love them.

My friends. I often write about them and wish I could post all of them in a picture. I am just using a shot of the Besties. Sheri, Deb, & Lynn. This group of Besties have seen me through thick & thin and have continued to love and support me. I know we will truly be friends forever. I love them completely. And will forever. They are more a part of me than anyone can imagine. They are my strength and courage.

My pets. Call me crazy, but the unconditional love I get from them blows me away. They are always right there by your side. They sense when I am sad, or in need. They wag tails and are so happy to see me, every day. I love puppy kisses, the pur of a cat and just the love that is there with my four legged family.




I could go on and on. I am grateful for the love of many. But, it's taking me forever to post this, and I need to get my Valentine's dinner started.
Soo, ta ta! Have a lovely lovely day!<3

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Gosh, here it is already. Tonight will be our first Halloween at the new house. I am use to at least 100 "Trick or Treaters" and my neighbor tells me I will be lucky to get 7. I love sitting on the porch as the little ones come. We use to let Bruno sit on the porch with us in his pussycat costume. He was our 120 pound gentle giant. The kids loved him. Prior to that I loved taking the girls trick or treating. I would get a coffee travel mug and walk with them and their friends.

Tonight, Annie is in Muncie with Emily. They will be celebrating the holiday together at parties. I am sure they will have fun. I can't wait to see pictures.

As for me & Sergio, we will just sit here with our bowl of candy, watching Law & Order or CSI, passing out candy to our half dozen or so Trick or Treaters.