Over time.
It's hard to jump back in... you think of where do I begin? How do I catch up?
Last night I could not sleep, for the umpteen time. My brain was on fire. I had so many things I was trying to comprehend. I lay there having quite the conversation with God. My prayers became just that... a conversation. I was so very consumed with troubling things. Particularly where and why God was becoming vague within so many I loved. Somehow, over the course of world issues, especially here in the United States, people have become so callus. Not only looking the other way, but accepting the horrible things that have become tolerated and even encouraged by our embarrassing president.
{Yeah... I'm going there. I am not only a Democrat but I am a human that believes we should all be equal regardless to race, religion, gender, marital status, or identity.}
As I laid in my bed, tears slowly falling... I asked God to help me to understand. To help me to know what I need to do? How can I help? I also did my share of begging to help some loved ones find there way back to His loving arms. I can't wrap my head around the thought of not having God lead me & help me to trust His plan for me. My walk hasn't been horrible, but I certainly had my share of stumbles and a few valleys to cross. While I had believe at the time, perhaps my path, or rather how I accept & trust my path, would be an example to others that are watching, and maybe inspire them to have better relationships with God. But then I realized how vain that was & remembered it is not about me. So here I am.
Where do I go from here? My personal life is really very Blessed. I am in a good place. My Hubby and I are better than ever, after 32 years of marriage. My oldest Daughter is living Happily Ever After with her darling Husband, not far from us. My youngest is living her dream in sunny California with her Fiance and we are planning a wedding for the coming year. My Dad is safe and continent living nearby in the most wonderful Memory Care Residence. Hubby is retired & I get to continue a great job working from home. We are healthy (for the most part).
So why am I distraught? Why the anxiety? Oh Honey... if the News doesn't scare you... you are one of the reasons I am so troubled. I need to figure this out. Once upon a time, when I struggled with depression, self worth and anxiety, I was introduced to this little (at the time) world of Blogs. It is a different animal these days... the Blogworld I was so affectionate over seems to be hidden under many layers of Blogs today. However, I know what this outlet can do for me. And maybe it is really about me... here anyway. A porthole to finding some relief, some comfort or even some resolution and answers to what I am looking for.
I am coming home to my Blogworld. Like a long lost friend welcoming me back. I am the same person I was when I started Just Breathe Janis so many years ago.... but I have grown, I have gotten stronger, wiser and mindful.
Just Pray Janis... and then you can Breathe again.
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