hammered

Last night I got hammered. 

Not the drunk kind. 

The emotional WTF ~ didn't see that coming kind.  

My head is swimming in thoughts... 

how... why... when... what. 

I am trying to stay claim and use the wonderful coping skills I have learned over the past couple of years. 

I have been praying really hard, 

and I am trying to pray the right way. 

Not asking to make this all go away, 

asking for guidance and understanding. 

Asking for my head to be clear and my heart strong.

I am putting my "Big Girl Panties" on, 

and dealing with what is at hand.

I don't have time to have a pity party.

Tears flow, but I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand why some are forced into difficult situations.  

It's hard not to get upset or even jealous.  

I must trust that all things have a reason. 

I must trust that God would not give me more than I can handle.

love jan