Censorship within the Blog

This Blog has been very therapeutic for me. I find that writing my feelings and thoughts, validate how I am feeling and help me to understand that I am not crazy, just struggling with my life.

I try to be be very careful in what I allow myself to write. I don't dear write all that is playing inside my head. Frankly, I would scare the crap out of people that love me. There has been a couple of times when close friends called to talk to me about reconsidering some of what I "let out". I have edited a couple of things. Their opinions mean more to me than any.

I also do not share the fact that I have this blog with some people. No one from my employment know, nor would they have an interest in blogs. I also keep a tight lid with the family. My parents love me in our strange dysfunctional way, however, my Mother could easily be hurt and not read things for what they are. She jumps to conclusion and I would never want to hurt her. She would also worry way to much about things that she must not.

My oldest daughter, Emily reads this. She even posted an blog, that I was very honored. She gets me. And I think at 20, she is mature enough to see this side of me. It helps her to understand me.

My Annie has read a bit. Basically, at 18, in her Senior year she is just to busy with her own life. I always give her a heads up if the posting regards her, and she reviews them.

Sergio has read a little as well. He doesn't really have an interest in reading them. He doesn't understand my love of this and thinks it is a little weird. Letting strangers read about me freaks him out and he thinks some nut will stalk me or something. He thinks it is odd, but he tries to understand why I feel better when I write. He is supportive, but would rather see me pour my frustrations, depressions and energy into something like baking so he could "appreciate the outcome better".

My sister, and a few close friends read it. I have reconnected with a couple of friends that have found me. And I have a wonderful small circle of Blogger friends that have made me feel very good about myself and I so appreciate their interest.

This is my way of feeding a need of feeling more appreciated and heard. Everyone I am close to is so busy with their own crisis and life in general. I also have a therapist that keeps me from going over the edge and helping me to get back the me I miss.

Sometimes I may write about things that are heavy, but if I can help just one person that is going through this see they are not alone I know that would help. Also I appreciate advice from people that may have struggled like me.

I will continue to be careful with what I write. I will keep the too private stuff out. But I will continue to write from my heart, and hope that this will continue to bring me joy.