Being Afraid

Are you ever afraid? I mean really afraid. The feeling of anxiety and constant thinking of what lurks beyond.

I am a Big Frady Cat. Always have been. Never the adventurous one wanting to go first or lead the way. I think too much about the what ifs. I am the type that lays in bed thinking of the worst scenario instead of the best. I anticipate things are going to be bad.

With my current situation of anxiety and fighting depression, the slightest problem I foresee with the worst thing that can happen. I am a freaking bag of nerves.

On Tuesday, I go in for another cone biopsy on my cervix. The first one I had in May, came back fine. They managed to "snip" all of the precancerous growth and decided I have high grade dysplasa. I then started going in every three months for a new pap smear. The first recheck came back fine. But this last last month came back abnormal again. So, back to getting a biopsy.

I know it'll be fine. But this time I have such an uneasy feeling. I am feeling afraid. I am being a big frady cat.

Keep me in your thoughts, I will let you know how it goes.