I have been anxious. Really anxious. I have good days and bad days. So much going on gets me... bugging. Much is hanging off each other. My physical health will get better once my mental health gets better, my mental health will get better once my financial health gets better, and so on. So, if I get a better job, hence better income, happier mood, hence mental relaxation and de-stressing which will in turn be less taxing on my physical wellness. Make sense?
Sunday, I stepped out in the backyard. I was thinking about how grateful I am that Emily and the girls did not get hurt in the accident. I was thinking about my little truck, and the fact it has stopped working (it's okay, it had 254,000 miles on it, it lived a good life). I thought about how much I don't "love" this house, and how I ponder if it was a mistake. I was thinking about Annie growing up and moving on. I thought about my folks getting old. You know, this & that, whoas me. Okay, I was feeling sorry for myself.
One of the things I know I will miss the most about the last home is my Iris'. I had been planting, breeding and loving them for ten years. I have posted about them before. I had some beauties that I was proud of. When we moved here, I tried to transplant some. I had hope but, no guarantees.
While I walked the back yard, I went over to the area that I had planted the twenty or so, iris plants. Low and behold! What is that I spy? Could that be the green stems poking their little leaves up from the ground?
I am exhilarated!
I felt at that moment seeing these little stems, that if my Iris' could transport into this new soil at this new experience then I can too. That I can survive here as well. I do not have to have what I had to have normalcy. Even when you want the comfort of what you are use too, doesn't mean you can't change, move and grow.
I think seeing this with my Iris' is a sign for me. It opened my eyes. It helped me to look forward and not behind.
resolution of the blues and other matters
19 hours ago