Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reclaiming Myself

I miss the old Jan. I use to be happy. I use to be the one that cheered up others, showed others the brighter side of things. I was goofy and I had fun.

Now I worry too much. Have this nagging depression weighing me down. I feel bad, sad, not how it use to be.

It makes me so mad, because I know that I am so fortunate! I truly have this wonderful family and amazing friends that love me so much. I want to be enjoying life again.

Yesterday, I came to the realization that life is quickly passing me by. I don't want to miss another minute of joy. I want to change gears and appreciate the good more. Make the best. And grasp the opportunities I have and make more wonderful memories to come.

I have tried to adjust my attitude. I noticed my mood affects those around me more than I realize. Annie was a joy last night. She laughed, shared pictures and facebook stuff, we even window shopped for prom dresses online. I almost forgot how much joy she brings me. She is so amazing and I am so in awe of all she has become. Before I know it she will be off to college. I don't want to miss another minute.

One more note: these pictures are all from my 35-40 period. Maybe that awful blond hair did more than I thought with the blonds have more fun. I didn't realize it before reviewing this post. My happiest times I went for the "highlighted & blonder" look. Hmmm. Makes me think.


Linda said...

I like the photos! :-)

I can relate in that I have great mood swings and feel very sad at times, though it's a paradox as that's when I do my best writing. I guess it's because I think so deep on things, but that same aspect gets me down.

It's great that you're recognizing things that you want to change and I pray that you accomplish your task.

janis said...

Thanks Linda!

sroman said...

You still let the fun girl out once in a while. This is a down period and it will pass. You spread great joy whether you realize it or not.