Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Just Another Day...

I am taking it easy today. Yesterday I was wiped out. I am not sure if it was the LEEP surgery or the emotional toll. I imagine both. So today, after reading and catching up here in Blog~World, I am going to turn some music on & attempt to clean the house.

It is finally snowing. Sergio is frustrated as he had to go out of town this morning on business. I know he is thinking about the snow plow and commitments here. He will rush home this afternoon and start pushing. I just pray he will be safe coming home and not rush into an accident!

For the past few months I have been seeing a counselor for my depression. She makes me face things and look at them differently. This past week, the assignment she gave me was to daily list 5 things I did that was positive or made someone pleased. It could be as simple as opening a door for a stranger. She is trying to help me to see the good I do instead of only seeing the negative I do. I could quickly give 5 things that are negative but the positive is not so easy. I know I am nice and make others feel good, but to actually think about it and list has been surprisingly difficult. I did not think this would be so difficult. I also have been "forced" to see where some of the negative energy comes from, and that frightens me.

I know this is a part of my getting better, but I really didn't think it would be so hard. I guess I just thought I needed someone non-bias to chat with, I never thought that I would actually have to deal with myself.

I hate depression. I hate how it grasp you and sucks the life out of you. I want to be me again. I really miss being goofy and happy all the time. I love my family so much and this is unfair to them. I am proud of myself seeking help. I wanted to show my girls that the important thing is to not let it control you and to show them that one can get there life back and live "Happily ever After".


sroman said...

It's only 10:30 in the morning and you've already said nice things to me and told me nice things you've done. They are all around you if you just allow yourself to see how kind and devoted you are to others.

Anonymous said...

Being in therapy is not easy. If it doesn't get uncomfortable and difficult your therapist is not doing their job. You have to look at parts of yourself that you want to change, not easy or pleasant, but that's why you are there. It's the, it will get a bit worse before it gets better scenario. I am glad and proud of you for taking time and effort to strengthen yourself. But I think you're great already anyway! Love you....Deb

Lori ann said...

I wish it were so easy to just tell depression to pack it's bags and be off! Sending you big hugs new blog friend. Snow???!!
xxx lori