Fraying Friendships

I am far from an expert on friendships.  I have been Blessed to have many friends. Some are new, and some are a lifetime. People have come and gone in my life. Even when a friendship is lost, I look at the blessings of what that friendship brought me.

My parents raised me seeing the importance of good friends.  I grew up seeing first hand my parents having friends as an important part of their lives.  Many weekends my sister & I would go along with my parents to friends homes.  While the parents enjoyed visiting, we enjoyed the children of these friends. I saw my parents friends generously support and be there through many events of my parents lives as well as my parents being there for others.  Children learn what they see.  I learned the value of a friendship.

Where would I be without the guidance, support or love of my friends?  My life has been full of circumstances that the love of a good friend carried me through.

My childhood friends ~ gosh, they helped mold me into who I am today.

College friends? Even though I only went to Vincennes University for one year, those girls will never know how grateful I am that they were a part of my life.  I am lucky to still be in contact with three, but my old roommates, well, lets just say I am on the hunt. I loved them and now with my girls having their own experiences in college, I feel an even greater need to reconnect with them. Particularly Angela & Carmen. I hope that with the ease of today's technology, I will find them.

Throughout the next thirty years, so many friends developed through church,work, marriage, and having children. They come and go in my life. Some were keepers, some were just passing through.

I am truly blessed to still have many of them. Lately I have even reconnected with several through the awe of Facebook.


Knowing when to let a friendship end is difficult. Especially when you love that person and what you have shared. A betrayal? Friendships that develop a jealousy? Or when there becomes a drug, alcohol and abusive situation?
Trying to save the friend that doesn't want your help is next to impossible.
Sometimes we change, grow or develop in a new direction and perhaps a friend does not. It can be difficult when a friendship starts to fray. You try desperately to mend it, sometimes with success, sometimes not.  Devastating that someone you knew and loved so well is no longer a part of your life. While for some relief is a better word.
Sometimes it is very black and white.
Other times it is not.
You make an honest effort to communicate and the friend isn't reciprocating. Tired of the drama. Had enough of rescuing. Tired of one sided giving into the relationship.It is not healthy to hang onto a friendship where we are hurting more than growing. But feel how can you just let them down and walk away?

And what about when "you" are getting the brush off?  When someone has outgrown or for whatever reason, chooses not to remain friends with you.  That I will admit is difficult for me. Especially when I do not know what I might have done to cooled the friendship. I crave being liked. Being accepted. My feelings hurt too easily and I am too sensitive. But I realize that just because I like you, you don't have to like me.

Having a true friend can be wonderful and scary at the same time. Sometimes we are called upon to tell something a friend does not want to hear or know. Currently, I know someone that must tell a friend something that he does not want to hear. This person is taking a huge risk of ending his friendship with the news and revelation that is to be shared. But as a good friend, he knows he must. Fearfully, and with much prayer, he will have this difficult conversation.

Friendships are an important part of life. They help us in becoming a better me. But if you are not careful they can bring you down negatively and harm us. There is a balance that you must find. Sometimes, if the friendship starts to fray, you are lucky and able to mend. Sometimes you are not. It is okay to have people come and go. It is wonderful, to rekindle friendships and pick up where you left off.
Even those that leave my life have left an imprint. I do believe I am who I am because of the many that have left imprints in my heart.

DON'T WORRY! I'M OKAY!

WTF?
I really am shook up.  Don't worry, I'm okay... It really is petty, but eweeeee!
Took the dogs outside, just like every night. In my jammies, just like every night. Standing in the middle of the yard waiting for everyone to, uhm, take care of business. Nice night. Nice breeze. Starry sky.

Everything seems fine. All three dogs are, Good Dogs! WE head back in. I'm sitting on the couch chatting with Sergio looking at my foot telling him,I think something bit me. He's talking about burning some wood this week to get spiders away from it, telling me, ahh you'd know if you got bit. I show him a tiny bite mark on my foot, then notice a tingly feeling and see SOMETHING CRAWLING INSIDE MY PANT LEG! This is what fell out!

Now, mind you I am so kind to every creature... I get teased for saving bugs. Why, I even spend ten minutes carefully removing a tiny spider out of my tub without "hurting" it.
I freaked out! Ripped my jammies off! Sergio is yelling to get it! Get a plastic cup! (Big bug squish would leave a big mess.  Why is he not getting it for me?) I run back in {minus my jammies} from the kitchen with my cup & napkin. The Wolf Spider starts to run but I caught it.  Sergio starts to tell me what to do but I can't kill it, he'll have to deal with it.  I run to the shower...just in case, and to get that feeling off me.  He then reports to me it was a pregnant spider... The babies came out when he killed her :(... Now I feel bad.

At least it wasn't one of these big guys!

Now I am off to have nightmares... Good night~

The Help

I just finished a wonderful book!  I must share. This book is the fabulous Kathryn Stockettt's The Help.

Click her for the synopsis  http://www.kathrynstockett.com/stockett-synopsis.htm
I loved these characters, I loved the settings, and I can actually remember when times were segregated. Luckily my parents brought me up color-blind, but I did still see much. Especially on trips through the South during the 1960's.
This novel is well written (sometimes hard to read some character's language skills, but the style actually makes it more believable and entertaining).
It was a good read. Even though fictional, it was realistic and believable. A keeper. I hope you add it to your list.

Bowen Update

Bowen is off his ventilator! I hope that you have been following his blog Mom & Dad have going. He has captured my heart and reminded me of what is important. Please continue to pray & visit his family at Bowen's Heart.
http://bowensheart.com/
Bless his little heart!

Bowen Hammitt

http://bowensheart.com/
Please go to this website and Pray for this beautiful little guy and his family as he is recovering from his heart surgery.

Bowen is the son of Christian Music Artist, Matthew Hammitt of Sanctus Real and his lovely wife Sarah.  Bowen was born last Thursday and his first heart surgery was yesterday. Bowen has Hypo-plastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS). It is pretty scary. He's just a little guy...

He has this wonderful family that loves him so much. Please join me and so many more in praying for him and his family. Emmerson & Claire want their brother to get strong and be able to play with them. ♥♥♥♥♥

Indiana Foliage

Today I ran to Bath & Body Works for a candle sale.  I got 4 candles in splendid autumn scents. Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin, Spiced Cider, Cinnamon & Clove Buds, & Fresh Balsam {okay~ that one is a little more Christmasy}. This weekend's fall breeze has me giddy for the Fall.
I am not your average Summer gal, not even a Ahhh Spring kind of girl. I love Christmas, but not a real Winter Baby either. I am an OH MY GOSH! I LOVE FALL kind of woman.

The smells, the sounds, the colorful outdoor canvas, the cool crisp air. I would love to live in the mountains or hills overlooking valleys, a lake, ravine, or canyons.

This is the one time I love most about living in Indiana. Our foliage is amazing. The colors vivid.

I can't wait for the leaves to start changing and falling! 

For as long as I can remember, I went to a small town called Nashville, Indiana. It is in the heart of our Beloved Broun County. People swarm the streets and the breath taking State Park to get a glimpse of Mother Nature at work.
This photo above is a favorite spot of mine and I have returned to the same spot so many years.
There is something about this place that brings life to me. I need it. I want it. From when I was a child, to the teen years, through adulthood sharing with Sergio & our girls. It is magical.
Sergio & I use to take the motorcycle down, and have stayed the night in the Brown County Inn.  We have camped (yes, I have been camping) we have hiked, and I love to shop the lovely little Nashville Village too.

The candles have brought me back.  I am so excited to have fall in the air! I will make a point of going a couple of times this fall. And I will take pictures to share instead of borrowing these!
However, please go to http://www.dannyburk.com/ or http://www.browncountystatepark.com/ for more information and photos.

45 +Years of Brotherhood

Once upon a time some little boys lived in a neighborhood. They were a bunch of your little average Joe's. They didn't see that they came from different backgrounds. Italian, Hispanic, Catholic, Methodist, as well as other differences, it didn't matter. They were all the same age and they played together in the neighborhood.

It was a time that little boys got out of bed, then ran off to play with the "guys". They played sports together. They helped each other with chores. Sunrise to sunset.

They were a pack. There were several of these friends. They shared more than good times. More than laughs and more than tears. They shared families. They shared their lives.

Some forty five years later. They remain like brothers. They have survived marriages and divorces. Births of children and deaths of parents. They have buried a few friends along the way.

Recently, I had the pleasure of being a fly on the wall, and enjoy the company of 6 of these friends. My hubby had some of them over as one from out of town was visiting. After I went to bed, I occasionally heard "belly laughs" coming from the front room.  My hubby actually stayed up past 1:30am. They had a wonderful visit.

They must do this more often! They need it. We all need it. To be able to keep a friendship a lifetime is truly priceless. This band of Brothers, they are absolutely wonderful!

(These photos are of the evening. Still trying to figure the new format w/ blogger. 
photo one is of Anthony, Sergio, Kyle, Rob & Brian.
photo two is Brian, Kyle, Mark, Sergio & Rob)

The Right Choice

What drives someone to make the choices they make?
Religion?
Intelligence?
Common Sense?
Influences?
Emotion?

I would lie to believe that all of these factors are involved. For me anyway. I just hope that I am using the correct references at the right time. I would hope that I am capable of rationalizing the differences as to making a reasonable decision and not taking an easier more convenient way.

Who decides what the "right thing" is? If you disagree with me, does that make you right? Or me?

I think we must remember that a decision is a trickle of events to occur. Your decision may impact my decision and so on. How I handle a decision can offset other decisions. With that in mind, I carefully weigh out my choices.

It is important to me at this time in my life, to remember how does this affect me?

I too often choose the decision that will make the most happy. Too please those I love. Forget to look at how will it effect my happiness.

I do believe I can respect one's choices and still not be supportive of them. It is what I have decided to attempt. Even when respecting one's decision, it can be difficult, knowing the cost it will take.

Recently, a friend made a decision that I feel is wrong. She is doing what she feels will bring her the most happiness. I love her and therefore want her to be happy. I have been pondering her decision, her consequences, her reasoning. I have prayed for her, and I have prayed for those involved. However, it is too difficult to push the past away. People may change, but cruelty is a hard one to forgive and forget. Memories of her pain, losing herself and her dignity are hard to erase. She has struggled. She has gone through many hills and valleys these past few years. I just can't find it in me to let that all be swept under the rug and embrace a decision to go back to something that nearly completely destroyed her.

I can't support it. In doing so, I understand that consequences are attached. It will be painful for me but necessary. I have to look at how these decisions affect me. Sometimes I think I am not as strong but then I realize that actually I am stronger. Therefore, this decision I have made is the right one. Right for me. Right for those that will be affected through me.

Life is full of choices. But, we only get one life. You have to make your decisions carefully. The impact can change that one life you have to live.

the red thread... a novel

Instead of giving you a recommendation for a good read, I am going to give you a recommendation for an audio book that I just finished.
THE RED THREAD, a novel by Ann Hood. It was marvelous, not only thought provocative , but got me googling for more information on the subject matter.
I don't know what it was about this audio book that made me pick it up. I had never heard of it. Not aware of the "red thread theory", nor had I ever heard or read anything from Ann Hood. To be honest, I didn't know what I was picking up. The jacket said briefly it was a novel about a woman that opened an adoption agency in the wake of losing her daughter.
I got much more.
It is a wonderful journey.
About the conception of little girls born in China, the story of their mothers, and the story of their adopted parents. It is about 31 people and how their lives intertwine.
It is beautifully written (and luckily read by a very good reader Hillary Huber). The author takes you back and forth through the eyes of the biological parents and the adoptive parents. It educates you about the Chinese superstitions, the laws, and the culture of the Chinese.
The Red Thread Proverb~ Is how we are connected by a red thread. That this thread connects us by destiny, from birth to death, the connects of people in your life. That the thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.
I became not only deep into the novel, but thirst for knowledge and understanding to these customs I did not know existed. I did know little, but found myself very uneducated. I learned so much more because of the interest this novel gave me. I found myself bewilder in discovering how girls are portrayed in China. I was not aware that this way of life continued today.
It makes me want to pray for them. It makes me want to adopt. It makes me want to educate.
Tiny steps, like a baby.
Please read, listen or google more about this!

My Favorite Television "Sport"

While some people love to watch Football as the fall is beginning, I have another love that I am excited for new seasons to start. I have never been a very competitive person, however I can not even begin to tell you how much I love to watch the "competition" on the following shows.

1. Project Runway. Has already begun and we are well into episode. I am currently rooting for Valerie & Mondo. I am amazed that these designers can come up with the incredible creations in a nano second. Although I have been a tad more impressed with previous designers, I am enjoying the drama in this season. I catch this one on Lifetime Channel Thursday evenings.

2. America's Next Top Model. Oh Tyra Tyra Tyra! You had me at, "you wanna be on top?" I LOVE this show! It started 7 years ago when the girls were 12 and 14. IT was THE SHOW, that we enjoyed watching together, picking our favorites and enjoyed for the next several years. We dreamed of them being on it and what would you dos. It was my sure ticket date night with the girls. However, now that the girls are off to college, I typically watch solo, then chat to them or my Sis about it later. Last night was the premiere and I was as giddy as a young girl, watching and hoping along with them as they learned who would be the chosen 14 to start the competition. I'm leaning toward Ann and Kayla. Kind of the underdogs. I like them. It is my Wednesday night show. Catch it on the CW.

3. Finally, we have the upcoming~ Dancing With the Stars. Oh how I love this one! Not only do I get to enjoy the "stars" they have tons of guest stars that are so entertaining as well. I sit with phone in hand and vote every vote I can get out. A little disappointed with this season's line up. Really, did we need Sarah Palin's daughter? Bristol? She is hardly a star, certainly not a role model! But, I am sure she will not last and soon the competition will get intense I imagine with Brandy and Rick Fox. I am hoping Margaret Cho will surprise everyone will talent galore! Monday and Tuesdays will occupy my evenings on ABC.

I will occasionally watch The Bachelor/ Bachelorette, Big Brother, and America Idol (especially in the crazy early auditions with the crazies). I will admit that I have seen some of the really awful stuff like Brett Michael's Rock of Love, SuperNanny,Wife Swap, and a few other wacky ones... Remember Farmer Gets a Wife, The Surreal Life, and Tool Academy? Okay, truth be known, on a boring night when Sergio is out of town, there is nothing better than a glass a wine & Daisy Love or Flava of Love.

Happy Labor Day

"No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country. By living wages I mean more than a bare subsistence level–I mean the wages of decent living."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Fall in the Air

Last week we had temperatures reaching the 90's. With the arrival of Earl on the East coast (some 700 miles away from us in Indianapolis) we have had quite the change in weather. The air is cool, the breeze pleasant and the temperatures closer to the 50's (current temp is 55).
I love it!
This is my favorite kind of weather.
The evening breeze is wonderful. Almost too cold. Just the way I like it. This morning as I took the dogs out, I noticed I could see my breath. Now if we would get a first frost, my allergies would go away.
In Indiana, we are Blessed with the most beautiful watercolors in the heart of Fall. The vivid colors are incredible.
The cool crisp air is bringing the change of colors in our autumn leaves a bit early. The yellows are beginning, soon to be followed by reds, purples and browns.
This afternoon my youngest will be in town and Sergio, Annie & I will try to get to the RibFest. It looks like it is going to be a perfect day for it.

The Paths We Choose

I am not sure if this is the right title for this blog this evening...

My thoughts are wrapped around how people choose to live.

By choice.

I daily drive through a few lower income neighborhoods. I also drive by some pricey downtown condominiums.

As I drive by the lower income neighborhoods, I am amaze by several things.
I notice that this is a diverse neighborhood. There are mostly Caucasians, African Americans, and Hispanic families that live here. There are churches of many denominations.
I see graffiti and I have seen a drug deal "go down".
I see children playing, neighbors chatting, and people enjoying life. I also see parents waiting with children to board school buses and I see parents waiting for them to get off buses. When driving through the weekends I see baseball games, with huge turn outs.
I see drunks trying to walk a straight path, homeless people passing by, and occasionally I see a tired young prostitute walking in the early hours.
Most of these people appear to be hard working people. Some appear to be freeloaders.
Most of these homes are well kept. Flowers, gardens, even several hang those Tomato Topsy Turvies things with lush tomato plants hanging out. Some are not so well kept with high grass, broken glass and junk in the yard. Many have furniture sitting on the front porches.
With Halloween around the corner (okay... I agree, we still have 8 weeks, but if it is in the stores...) I am already seeing the "artwork" begin. Massive spider webs, and those giant air filled characters, pumpkins and such. This will continue throughout all the holidays, with the Mother of them all (Or should I say Father) Christmas with elaborate light displays that stay on all night. I also notice that although money may be tight, I see a ton of satellite dishes, as well as other items that are not inexpensive. I am curious as to why people would chose to spend their hard earned dollars on the like.
These people for the most part enjoy the lives that God has given them. They make the best of them and do what they gotta do. I hear and see people singing, playing guitars and I hear laughter.

The upper class condominium neighborhoods?
I see runners and joggers. I see dog walkers. I see expensive clothing and expensive gadgets. I see posh furniture gleaming out the windows. I see expense cars. I see restaurants.
I see homeless wander through. I see some gang activity occasionally. I hear a loud ghetto blaster pouring out of a passing car.
That's about it.

I don't see children. I don't see neighbors chatting. I don't see holiday greetings. I don't hear laughter.

I wonder if the wealthy get too caught up in the high society world and forget to sit back and enjoy life?

Do you need to be a little humbled to appreciate life and make it the best you can?

I ponder this. I do believe we choose the lives we live to a point. Situations happen that can turn a world upside down in a nano second. I do believe you need to accept and make the best rather than complain and whine. I do believe it can be easy to get to caught up when one is privilege and forgets to relax and enjoy.

Of course I am not talking about everyone. We all have a story. We all live a life and see things differently.

But I do wonder. What if we took a good look at what we have and what we don't. Maybe remembering to be thankful for what we do, and to remember to LIVE isn't such a bad idea.

Never Enough

I am very hard on myself, and often feel that I am not enough.


Not smart enough;

Not strong enough;

Not happy enough;

Not pretty enough;

Not healthy enough;

Not content enough;

Not thankful enough;

Not grounded enough;

Not careful enough;

Not willful enough;

Not competent enough;

Not thankful enough;

And

Not good enough.


Self-esteem issues. I know. I am working on them. Sometimes I go about feeling my best is enough. But sometimes, often, I don't.


I pray about it. I seek counsel. I write and I have coping skills to help.


Sometimes, it isn't enough.


The overwhelming feeling can creep up building slowly, and sometimes just kick me in the behind so fast I certainly didn't see it coming.


It has a grasp on me some days. A strong grasp. The fight within is wearing me down.


I just want to go back to bed.


I know, I know, this will pass. I am good enough really. I have to remember I am like the little engine that thought he could. Just keep working it till I can convince myself .


Maybe one day I will feel it...

my affair w/ the Cap'n

Yes, it's true. I am in love. This guy has had my heart for about 40 years. He knows a way to my heart is my.... stomach.

If only his cereal didn't leave the roof of my mouth so raw!