Sweet! An Award!

All my bitchin' has caused an itchin'. My dear Blogger Friend FireByrd has sent me an Award! It is my first :D I am a happy camper and can now die peacefully knowing I have recognition!

I am very honored and yes I will play!

So, here we go:

The award is the Kreativ Blogger award and the rules are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
Thank you FireByrd!!! I am so tickled and I feel validation! You are so kind & I do love reading your Blog.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
Done

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
Okay, lets see if I do this correct:
http://byrdonfire.blogspot.com/

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
hmm. not easy.
I blog about myself, so, much of this may be known.

1~I grew up with a Father that was Handicapped
2~I spent my summers from 12 - 17 yrs old, with my Grandparents in Texas
3~ I learned to drive in graveyards, with a stick shift car
4~I went to college @ Vincennes University to become a Special Ed Teacher, but ran out of money & had to drop out.
5~I worked at The Indiana School for the Deaf and know Sign Language
6~I almost married the wrong guy (Thank God that DIDN'T happen!)
7~My Husband STILL makes me giddy & I am more in love today than the day we married.

5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
Several come to mind but I am going to hit Bloggers that haven't received Blogging awards to my knowledge.

1~ Sheri from Riley Writings http://rileywritings.blogspot.com/
Because of her, I started my Blog. She rocks my world! Bestie~Lifer

2~Mark from Pirate's Bay http://markspiratebay.blogspot.com/
I know Mark from High School, and found him again through BlogWorld. He is one of the best writers! And reminds me of Sergio. These guys will truly be friends if we ever get together!

3~Pam from Scott's Place http://www.scottys-place.blogspot.com/
My first BlogWorld friend. I love her Blog! I love her. I feel like she is my long lost friend. She has talent oozing from her fingers. Crafts, culinary, sister animal lover, and can make me laugh till I snort!

4~Brooke from Brookies Cookie Jar http://brookiecookies.blogspot.com/
She makes me feel like family. I LOVE her photo journals of her loving family. She also educates me on tours. It's like a mini vacation or a visit for coffee when I stop by her corner of BlogWorld.

5~Linda from Over The Fence http://my-over-the-fence.blogspot.com/
My awesome, smart, Laura Ingalls twin~ oh are you sure we are not sisters separated at birth Blog Friend. Linda has a wonderful writing gift that takes me back...sometimes listening to her tell of her daughter and her relationships and situations (oh I hear you! I was just there not so long ago!) and sometimes she takes me back to my youth. Pictures and all. Oh my, Linda, I remember that too!

6~Wizz from An English Shepard http://anenglishshepherd.blogspot.com/
a charming true story of a United Kingdom English Shepard puppy's journey into adulthood. Her many adventures. Seeing things through her eyes. And educating us on her breed. I find it enchanting. She is beautiful, her story is so worthy to check out.

7~Nathan, my Young Rocker from Nathan's Blog http://napierson.blogspot.com/
This is where to go to get inside a college man's head. He is bright, funny, can play the guitar, write music, sing, and he happens to bring smiles to my youngest daughter as her boyfriend. He is super-busy, but worth being patient for. Because when he writes, you will smile!

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
see above

7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.
Whew! this is taking me forever. Okay let me go let my peeps know!

Thank you again FireByrd. You made my day. Sorry to everyone for my whining all the time. I love BlogWorld. It is my venting, am I crazy or what~ thank you for making me feel normal world.

Good Night y'all!

Acceptance

I am constantly trying to get acceptance. I want people to like me. I want my family to like me. I want strangers to like me.
I am a people pleaser, for the most part. I am one of those souls that will seek out the lonely, the shy, as well as the mover & shakers. I introduce people. I make sure they are familiar, comfortable and happy.
I like people. I find everyone interesting. I like to know the who, what, and where. I want to know your story. I like to find the good in everyone. I see a potential friend and go from there.

I am lucky with friendships.
I have been Blessed with friends from childhood, from my twenties, my thirties, and my forties. Friends that are very young and friends that are very old. I have a story about everyone I know. I cherish my friends and I cherish what makes them happy. If they are unhappy, I try to turn frowns into smiles. I am a goof, and know how to make you laugh.

I also, for the most part, am friends with my family. I treat them as I want to be treated and expect no more, no less. I like to think that my girls get some of this from me as I see them do the same.

My Sergio is loved and known by everyone. Well, actually he has a few enemies, but even they "like" him somewhat, and most definitely respect him. In his business, he will always have a few people against him and what he stands for. He handles it with such grace, and I admire him so for that. He too has "Besties" or "Lifers" that have been with him for 40+ years.

My Emily has friends from grade school and high school as well as college. She has been blessed and I have seen her friends be there for each other. She has some wonderful lifers within her girlfriends (and a few guy friends too).

My Annie has also manage to keep friends from grade school as well as high school. As her college journey begins, she will no doubt make some incredible friendships and memories to come.

Blooming the friendships
For as much as I do, friendships take alot of work. They need tending much like a garden. I have to feed & water them (with love and consideration). I need to care for them.
And on those rare occasions, I need to weed out the bad. Now, don't get pissy with me. It takes alot, to get me to weed someone out. However, sometimes a person is toxic. Can drag you down. Or like a weed, choke the life out of the delicate.

For me, acceptance is too important. I can't seem to let things go when they don't go according to plan. If I feel unliked or unwanted it gets to me and I over-analysis it. "What did I do? What didn't I do? Why didn't they ask me? Why am I feeling like this friendship is one sided?" Why can't I just have a, "whatever will be will be" attitude?

I have such low self-esteem and issues about pleasing others. If you met me, you would never know.

Even with the Blog, I often worry and wonder what people think or if they do at all.

I realize I have so much and to want more is ridiculous. What the Hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel everyone must approve and accept me? Why can't I learn to be proud and happy of who, what, and where I am?

Scotty's Place Blog

My favorite Blogger Friend is Pam from Scotty's Place.
http://www.scottys-place.blogspot.com/
She is fabulous! Hilarious! Smart! Witty! And she is very Talented.
You must check out her Blog. She writes very well and always brings a smile to my face. She shares wonderful recipes, dog stories, and knitting projects. She has a gift of gap and I love reading her blog.
She is a Knitting Queen. All Hail Queen Pam because this gal is the Bomb. She very generously has shared some of her ware with me. Recently, because of my jealous co-workers wanting my cup-cozies, Pam sent me a few to share with my office-mates.
This is a shot of our cozies together.
I have happy campers in my office aisle.
So, again, Pam, I thank you! I could so market these in the Mid-west for you!
Indiana Wants You!

Copycat~Copyright

My fellow Bloggers & Writers. Please advise me as I am baffled.

What exactly is meant by "Copyright"? My trusty Dictionary defines Copyright as following: "exclusive legal right to print, publish, perform, film, or record material. protected by copyright." I by no means, ever, ever mean to copy something that I should not. I always give credit to who what & where. BUT, I don't always ask for permission.

That is where the gray area is for me.

My little Blog is by far not extraordinary. I have a very small following. I have very few comments. I am green with envy at some of my Blogger friends with their many followers and dozens of comments. I can't even imagine, having people interested in me and what I have to say. For the most part, I write to express my feelings. To feel "normal" and to share things I find that are helpful, frightful, and or interesting.

Sometimes I write about a product. A book. Or an article. Sometimes I add a photo of what I am reading and give my review. Is that wrong? Am I infringing on copyright laws?

This evening I started to photocopy the cover of a current book I am enjoying and caught the "copyright" information ...."this book may not be reproduced in whole or part, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage & retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written permission from the publisher."

I really don't mean to sound silly, but, does that mean I can't write my reviews, have photos of books, and such? I am confused!

Please advise your opinion of what is the proper Blog etiquette! Your knowledge on this is much appreciated.
I really don't want to be a Copycat
^. .^
=*=

The Baby Bird in Her New Nest

Here's the Baby with her roommate! Wednesday was a lovely day to move in. All went well. The loft Bed, along with the rest of the stuff, was carried up by the sweet Fraternity Boys that helped. (Thank you Sig Eps!) You are wonderful! We had Annie, Sergio, Emily, Nathan, and Me. As well as Ashley , Melissa (Mom) and Ralph (Dad). The Dad's and Nathan, got the Loft together. And the girls got their room together rather quickly. The Futon will come next week. We just wanted them to get settled first with all their major junk. Ashley who is friends with Annie from New Palestine, is also majoring in Journalism. Her parents went to the same High School that Sergio & I did. Ralph and I ran with the same crowd! Although, Ralph is a year behind me. Melissa is several years younger. It is so funny that here we are all these years later, with our children as friends. They are great and have an awesome daughter. I think it is safe to say these young women could become Lifers.

The girls are in a dorm that houses 1,900 students. It is mostly Freshmen. It is co-ed. It is eight floors of student life.
The girls are on the eighth floor. The elevator goes to the 6th. Then you either walk up or down. It does not stop on 2nd-5th. So, I guess it isn't so bad. The kids don't seem to mind. I must say, the view is lovely. I see Annie & Ashley's room from this shot! I won't tell though, never know if a creeper is reading!

I am proud of how well the day went.
I am proud of how well I kept it together (okay, yes a few tears flowed, but it was all good. The facet didn't start till I was out of Annie's range).
Please understand, I could not be more proud of her and her accomplishments. She is amazing! She is independent and she is very smart. She is likable, downright lovable and is a magnet of people. She is a friendly person that makes everyone feel good. She will make new friends. She will join clubs, sororities, love her classes, she will succeed. My Annie will thrive!

My problem is strictly selfish.
I will miss her. I will feel not needed, I will worry and be Mom.
Did I do enough? Did I raise her well? Did I prepare her? Will she still need me?
I know the answers. But, I still feel the pain. I feel the fear.

We also enjoyed Emily's company. Although Sergio had to get back to Indy earlier than I, Emily helped me keep it together and not crowd Annie's new venture. I ended the day taking Annie, Emily along with their Roomies, Ashley and Dana, to Scottie's Brewhouse for dinner. Although we had the worse Waitress, I completely enjoyed the girls.

My Babies are in a great place and time. I am so glad that they are experiencing this together in the same town! I feel relieved that they are close and have each other to lean on.

Annie has been in Muncie for 36 hours now. I am happy to say I have received 14 texted messages from her today.

Life is good. I am Blessed.

twenty four hours...

The Baby is packed. She is excited. She is ready to go to Ball State.

I have twenty-four hours of her home before she leaves.

Wait...
I am not ready...
When did she grow up?
And why did she do it so fast?

When her sister left, I was more prepared. I worked hard at preparing myself. I was ready to let her go into this new journey. I knew Emily would always come back, always need me.

But Ms Independent. My Annie Banannie, I just am not ready to let go. She will spread her wings. She will fly! No, she will soar!

She figures it out. She does it herself. She is so determined and self-sufficient, just like her father.

Ohhh, Baby. Please at least "pretend" you still need me.

curve balls

Dang...
Whenever I feel like I am getting it together,
a curve ball is thrown at me!
I am getting so tired of it.
I am tired, tired, tired.

I am trying to breathe.
I am trying to take one step at a time.
I am trying to see the positive and be a reflection of that.
I am trying to take things with a grain of salt.

I am so tired of trying so hard...

A Perfect Ending

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.


Gilda Radner




I haven't given you a quote for a while. I found these from Gilda Radner, and found them fitting for where I am at right now. I hope you enjoy.

Spirit In The Sky

Robert Dale Tribby
1958-1998

This photo is of my favorite cousin (sorry girls!) Robbie and his wife Donna. They lived in California at the time. A very free spirited, simple, loving and gentle life there during the late seventies early eighties. They also had the pleasure of life in Vermont, as well as Tennessee.

When we were little, Rob, and two of his sisters, lived in Indiana. I was little but remember them moving away. Texas was so far, but at least I had other family there so I knew we would still see each other. In Houston, he was blessed with yet another little sister. Rob was all boy. He teased us girls all the time and we loved it. Julie & Leann were always trying to join in on the corrupted fun, but poor Rob always got in trouble when they'd get caught.

Rob's life was always torrid. His relationship with his father was unthinkable. He tried for so long to please, then he rebelled. Things only worsened for him.

When he was a young teenager he came up to Indianapolis to give life a whirl. His father left him on the Interstate with a point of the finger as to the direction to Indianapolis from Houston. Rob hitched rides till he arrived. He moved around alot. I was four years younger than Rob, so I only got parts of the stories, but I never understood, why on earth, my cousin did not live with us, my other Aunt & Uncle, my Grandparents or his other Aunts & Grandparents. He mostly lived in what was called a half-way house for run-aways. He would stay with us for weekends but return during the weeks. He also tried to go back "home" to Houston a few times. Whenever he did stay with us, Julie and I were thrilled. We thought of him as our big brother. We loved him madly.

I understand Rob was, well, a rebel. He didn't follow rules too well. He smoked, he drank and he did a few drugs. Such were the seventies for a lonely, confused, angry young man.

He found his way to a Commune, in Tennessee. There he found a new way of life. Say what you will about Communes, this place was a bit of Heaven on Earth for him. There, he was loved. I remember my sister and boyfriend (now husband) going to see him. She must have been 17 or 18. I was so afraid she would stay and never come back! She did. She was able to explain his way of life to me and I was glad he found this place. This is where he found Donna.

From there they moved to Vermont, then settling in California. Rob & Donna had two beautiful sons. He was so good at keeping in touch. And keeping us in his life.

I am not sure why, but Rob got restless with his peaceful life and journeyed back to Indianapolis. He kept in touch with his family in California but chose to start a new life back in Indy.
For the next 10 years, Rob would try to find himself. He was an extremely smart man. He was never afraid to try new things and was a true Jack of all Trades. He meet a new love, had another son and was living his life the best way he knew. I loved having him at all our family gatherings. He was funny, he was like a mini-Tom (my Dad).

Rob fought many demons and depression. He always wanted to please and make others proud. I don't know if he will ever know how deeply he touched our lives. I see his smile everywhere. I hear his laugh. I feel his presence.

Rob died one evening over 11 years ago. It was a great loss. He is deeply missed. I try to keep his memory alive. His spirit is all around.

Today was Rob's birthday. Today Rob would have been 51. He died when he was only 39.

He will always be The Spirit In The Sky to me. This is Rob's song.

Julie, Leann, Shari, Janet, Jamie and I miss you, Rob.
My folks do. My husband and daughters do. We all do.

Water Under the Bridge

The definition of this idiom is as follows:
Something in the past and no longer important.

Hmm. I keep hearing the voice of a ghost that said it on Saturday.

"That's Water Under the Bridge!"
Something in the past and no longer important.

I was faced with this ghost, a family member, that has caused so much sadness and pain. I had not seen him in some time. I stayed away for the most part. With the exception of my teen years, and the years I was a new mother, I keep him out of my life as much as possible. He happened to live with family that I love dearly and I did not understand or realize how dangerous he was when I accepted him in my life. I am sure that my parents did not realize it when they allowed me to be in his care as a teen.

Many years have past. The pain he caused was irreparable. It spun out of control for years, causing physical pain, mental anguish and even death. But yet he continued to be the mean soul he was.

As a child I did not understand.

As an adult I do not understand.

You see he is not really a ghost, yet, anyway. Occasionally he appears unexpected at a family function. No one ask him to leave. He has someone near and dear, with him. She doesn't remember us, or him for that matter. Her Alzheimer's keeps her as a walking shell of the woman she use to be. If she was not with him, he would not be welcomed. Some of the family has forgiven him. Some just look the other way.

He made the comment, in regards to his deceased son. It echos in my heart. He truly doesn't care about what he did or who he has hurt.

It's just water under the bridge...

Peace In The Valley

Somewhere along this road of life I travel, I picked up strange little habits. Odd little things to help me cope.
One of those things was saying something to clam myself when stressed.
I don't know where I picked this up. I am sure it wasn't my own thing, I must have borrowed this exercise.

I say to myself again and again:

Peace In The Valley
Peace
and I think of happy thoughts, places and people

If I am trying to calm the dogs, it goes:

Peace In the Valley of Dogs
Think of your happy place puppies! Chasing the ball, chewing on a Rawhide

It works. Crazy as it seems, it does.
I have even caught a Bestie doing this with her puppy!

The Almost Moon

I finished reading this book, "The Almost Moon" by Alice Sebold, last month. I have passed it along, as it is not a keeper. It was one of the most disturbing stories that I have read.
Sebold also wrote, "The Lovely Bones" and "Lucky" which I loved. She writes so well and had me devouring every page of these first two books.
"The Almost Moon" , was ...different. She writes of a woman that does something shocking in the first chapter, and for the next 24 hours continues to make horrible choices. Sebold, takes you back and forth from the past to present, so we can better understand the main character.
Usually, I can transform into the main character when I read a good book. I hated this stupid character.
I continued to read page after page, just sure it would get better. I had read a bad review or two, but pooh-poohed them. I mean, it's Alice Sebold! She writes sooo good.
Okay everyone is entitled to a flop. Although, you may not think this is a flop.
It is interesting in some warp way.
Much like an automobile accident on the highway. You are stuck in traffic forever. Creeping along. You know it's bad because the lane is closed. You approach, and you have to look. Trying to see what happen, who, and how. Because your curious.
That is how the book was for me. I hated it, yet I wanted to keep reading.
Then when it ended, I threw the book across the room.
Don't say I didn't warn you!

Buzz Buzz Buzz

I have such a busy day ahead of me.
So much to do, but I want to have one more cup of Joe and a few minutes in Blog World.

Today marks my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary. I will Blog of this later. I need to devote a well written Blog, not a rush version. So, with that in mind, I will enter it later this weekend.

Today also is my Cousin's Wedding. "Baby" Jamie (she is 34 but so much younger than my sister and other cousins, she will always be Baby Jamie to us). Jamie & Brad have chosen to marry in a park. The weather looks lovely, but I anticipate being hot, even in the evening, when the wedding will take place.

This afternoon, I will pick up another cousin at the airport, that is coming for the Wedding. I am most excited about this. Even though Janet will only be here for 20 hours, I can't wait to see her. We are both products of a very dysfunctional family. We get each others pain and there is an understanding that can not be explained. The plan is to have a couple of glasses of wine prior to today's event and stick together!

We have to go to dinner before the wedding to celebrate the 50th Anniversary. I will have Sergio, Annie & Nathan, Emily and Mike, Janet & myself, joining Julie, Brent, Michelle, and of course Mom & Dad. Nothing like a little stress before a Wedding.
Wine may have to be involved.

My house is a disarray, packed boxes, missing the homey feeling with the bare walls. Janet will overlook this and appreciate the bed and wine. We will laugh. Catch up. And maybe a tear or two will flow.

I am anxious.
My cup is empty so I must get going. I will keep you posted.

Yummy

Last night Sergio & I went to Cracker Barrel. We had a 15-20 minute wait. You know, I think they do that just so you will buy all that candy and stuff they have in the "store".
Good marketing. It works. I bought this candy.
Oh My Goodness!
This is so good.
Coconut, Chocolate, and Lime.
150 calories and 11 grams of sugar. But worth it!
I gotta go back and get some more!
Yummy! completely yummy!

Traveling Abroad

Annie, Nathan & Michelle

My niece Michelle is home from her year of study in Germany. She looks wonderful. She lived a healthy lifestyle while there. This photo was taken at a local bike shop, where we met up with her as she decided on a bicycle purchase. Riding was her main source of transportation, and she is missing her German bike riding!

Michelle loves Germany. She is already missing her friends and family. A particular young man as well. She is planning a year of study here, at DePauw University. Then, she wants to go back to Germany and go to a University there.

My Sister, Julie, and husband, Brent, had a wonderful welcome home party for her a couple of weeks ago. She had a nice mix of family and friends. I loved seeing Michelle. I wasn't able to chat much with her, as she was the Fraulein Michelle was in demand by all. I look forward to upcoming gatherings as I am anxious to her of her adventures.

My Emily, has a few friends that have or will be traveling abroad this year. One of her Roommates will spend a semester in France, I believe, studying Culinary Classes. Emily and Annie also have a few friends that are or will travel due to military.

Frankly, the selfish Worry-Wart Mom that I am, makes me glad the girls haven't gone out of the United States. I hope they will have an opportunity in the future, but, I feel they are safer here. I realize several of my readers won't like that comment, and I apologize for any ill feeling I may cause. Particularly to my friends in the UK, Australia and Canada. I love you all and would love to travel to your beautiful countries one day. But, I am not crazy about my 18 and 20 year old daughters going across the state lines let alone the country borders. Traveling is kindof scary these days.

Heck, everything is scary lately.

Zhanis! You Putting on more Weight!

Quoted from my dear Mother -in-Law this weekend.

First of all; obviously this old woman doesn't realize how hard it was to gather my family and pretty much MAKE them go see her & Poppa Saturday. It certainly wasn't anyone other than me saying: "Come on, we need to go see them. Show the love. It's been a while. I know it would make them so happy!"

Second; we came to eat at the Assisted Living Retirement Center they are currently staying at. No one wanted to eat at 4:30 (why do oldies do that?), let along there. The food isn't an, uhm, favorite shall we say?

I said, "Thank you Momma, I see you are packing a few new pounds too, no wonder with the pound of butter they put into each meal." She laughed and said, "yes! I gain 10 pounds!"

Third; She has no idea how self-conscious I am of gaining this weight. Earlier Emily caught me measuring my fat body parts, and told me that no one does that. Nor do I look like I gained any weight. Yes, Her eyes rolled back when Momma, announced to the dining room crowd about my gaining weight.

My Father -In-Law laughing chimed in: "You weigh a good 140 pounds now, huh? 140? Am I right?" Shut up Poppa. He caught me slip in the weigh room on the way back to their apartment. I jumped on the massive scales. Poppa pipes up: 140? No? I said, "Old Man, watch it!" In which,he laughed.

Fourth; Hello? The home we are purchasing has two master bedrooms. May be a good idea to stay on my good side! My folks are rocking right now...

ps.. I do love my In-Laws dearly. I appreciate them, even when they are mean. I see where Sergio gets it....

What I Feel

Happy. Sad... Loved. Hated... Excited. Frightened... Skilled. Awkward... Calm. Anxious... Baffled. Satisfied.

Emotional.

I am an emotional mess. I never know what will strike me.

Will I be in a good mood? Or will I be sad?

Am I going to be a Bitch? Or a Saint?

Whine Whine Whine.

Poor me.

I know that much has to do with Menopause. It also has to do with my depression. Throw in finances, relationships, stress, and stability and you have my life.

What is so crazy is it is such a roller coaster.

I feel that it is up to me to make the best of each situation. To take what I get and make it good. Turn my frown into a smile.

My motto has always been, "You get what you get, so, don't throw a fit". It is up to you to make what you want out of every situation and opportunity.

I don't always suceed. Sometimes I am in the company of people that are so negative it is difficult to see past. That is when I work harder and hope that I will turn more than one frown upside down.

I am Blessed to have my religion, family and friends. Without them it would all be pointless. It is because of them I "pick myself up, brush myself off, and start all over again", when it gets tough.

What I Know

Not enough.

I thirst for knowledge. I desire to be more educated and refine. I want to not only follow but converse and have a valued point. I want to make people think and I want to share.

I am proud of what I have accomplished. And of what I have done. I struggled through high school and only made way through one and a half years of college. In all fairness, I would have gone longer if I had the finances. I also have taken some classes, got my real estate salesperson license, as well as a few other small educational acknowledgements.

I know I am not afraid to learn more.

I am not afraid to ask questions.

I just wish, I could feel more comfortable in my intellect.

Yes, I know what you are thinking... GO BACK TO SCHOOL! Take a class or two. I will. In time. Right now, it is time for my girls. Let me get them through college. Then, when I have paid off the loans, it can be my turn again.