Thursday, January 6, 2011

puppet strings...

 Have you ever felt like a Marionette?
Strings attached, making you say this and do that? 
Throughout my life, I often felt, I am not much more than a puppet, with something pulling at my strings.
Often I wondered who was I?  Who would I have been, if not for the strings? 
Is this what I want? Or something someone else wanted of me?
Parents, Spouse, Children, Friends, Co-workers, Strangers... It didn't matter who pulled the strings, just that I don't know who I am without them.
Like Pinocchio wanting so to be a real boy, I want to know how to be me.


ellen abbott said...

go do something that you have never done before by yourself and don't share it with anyone you know. Oh, you can tell them you do it but don't invite them along. then you can be who you want, who you are with no expectations from anyone about who you should be and what you should do.

back when things were not so good, i ran away and became a river guide. not wife, not business partner, not mom, not daughter. these people did not know me, had no expectations of who I was so I could be who I wanted. I didn't really run away for good, just for 3 day weekends four times a year. I left my 'real' life behind. and loved every minute of it.

now, later the parents have passed, the children are grown and I am stronger and more able to resist expectations of others. this part of my life, I am me and not the puppet being yanked around by all those who expect something from me.

Ziongirl said...

Then.....this is your year my sweet friend! I will encourage you to be who you want to be! I love being a mother,daughter,nana, mother in law,sister,Aunt,niece, cousin and most of all "worlds best girlfriend". These are the things that keep me grounded and give my life purpose!

BUT.....most importantly I love being me and the person I am and will become. I am always a "work in progress", as are all of us!

Keep in mind that your babies have just left the nest and that these feelings and emotions are normal.

Start thinking of the things that would like to do..hobbies etc. I know you showed some interest in genealogy and what a great hobby that has been for me as it requires little expense.

so.....this is your year girlfriend.... You go girl....go find the things that make Janis feel needed,loved and give her life more purpose and meaning.

JC said...

I've been doing 'roles' my whole life. Always a title to explain who I was .. in case I forgot for a moment. Now, that my youngest child is on his way to college, I am once again at that point where I need to redefine who 'I' am.

I think I've gotten lost in my roles and forget who I was, should, could be.

Start again and find yourself.

rosaria said...

Ah, you're beginning to feel that your girls no longer need you; your husband is no longer lost without you; your friends come and go. You have actually been their true North, their sanctuary, their steady rock.

You are asking, is there more than this role? Yes, and You have to decide what it is. You have to explore what's in your soul, the needs that you have not met, the dreams you had put aside.

Time to wake up that other Janis and start playing with her, a step at a time, a wish at a time.

I discovered I wanted to write; and though it was hard and painful to expose myself so, I stuck with it, and I've gained another person, another role I'm most fond of.

Go, find your dreams hidden in the recesses, behind all the duties neatly laid out in front. Bring one out and SMILE. Your life is still ahead of you.

Linda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda said...

I wanted to add something to my original comment, so here it is again with the added item:

This one is sad, Janis. :(

No, I actually have never felt like this - I've always been assured in who I am and happy to be just that. And I'm too stubborn and mouthy (lol) to let others pull me in directions that I don't want to go.

I think the main reason I haven't struggled with this so much, is that I've always been a loner - happy being with people, but very happy being on my own, by myself as well, and I've actively pursued my own interests besides those of my family.

That's not to say it's not going to be hard for me when Sarah leaves home because I know it will be exceptionally hard.... but at the same time, I know that I'll be okay because I've already developed and pursued other interests and also she and I have been apart from each other regularly from the time she was born.

Hope you have a blessed new year, where you find yourself. ♥