I am constantly trying to get acceptance. I want people to like me. I want my family to like me. I want strangers to like me.
I am a people pleaser, for the most part. I am one of those souls that will seek out the lonely, the shy, as well as the mover & shakers. I introduce people. I make sure they are familiar, comfortable and happy.
I like people. I find everyone interesting. I like to know the who, what, and where. I want to know your story. I like to find the good in everyone. I see a potential friend and go from there.
I am lucky with friendships.
I have been Blessed with friends from childhood, from my twenties, my thirties, and my forties. Friends that are very young and friends that are very old. I have a story about everyone I know. I cherish my friends and I cherish what makes them happy. If they are unhappy, I try to turn frowns into smiles. I am a goof, and know how to make you laugh.
I also, for the most part, am friends with my family. I treat them as I want to be treated and expect no more, no less. I like to think that my girls get some of this from me as I see them do the same.
My Sergio is loved and known by everyone. Well, actually he has a few enemies, but even they "like" him somewhat, and most definitely respect him. In his business, he will always have a few people against him and what he stands for. He handles it with such grace, and I admire him so for that. He too has "Besties" or "Lifers" that have been with him for 40+ years.
My Emily has friends from grade school and high school as well as college. She has been blessed and I have seen her friends be there for each other. She has some wonderful lifers within her girlfriends (and a few guy friends too).
My Annie has also manage to keep friends from grade school as well as high school. As her college journey begins, she will no doubt make some incredible friendships and memories to come.
Blooming the friendships
For as much as I do, friendships take alot of work. They need tending much like a garden. I have to feed & water them (with love and consideration). I need to care for them.
And on those rare occasions, I need to weed out the bad. Now, don't get pissy with me. It takes alot, to get me to weed someone out. However, sometimes a person is toxic. Can drag you down. Or like a weed, choke the life out of the delicate.
For me, acceptance is too important. I can't seem to let things go when they don't go according to plan. If I feel unliked or unwanted it gets to me and I over-analysis it. "What did I do? What didn't I do? Why didn't they ask me? Why am I feeling like this friendship is one sided?" Why can't I just have a, "whatever will be will be" attitude?
I have such low self-esteem and issues about pleasing others. If you met me, you would never know.
Even with the Blog, I often worry and wonder what people think or if they do at all.
I realize I have so much and to want more is ridiculous. What the Hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel everyone must approve and accept me? Why can't I learn to be proud and happy of who, what, and where I am?
the long drive and volcanoes
6 hours ago