Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I am constantly trying to get acceptance. I want people to like me. I want my family to like me. I want strangers to like me.
I am a people pleaser, for the most part. I am one of those souls that will seek out the lonely, the shy, as well as the mover & shakers. I introduce people. I make sure they are familiar, comfortable and happy.
I like people. I find everyone interesting. I like to know the who, what, and where. I want to know your story. I like to find the good in everyone. I see a potential friend and go from there.

I am lucky with friendships.
I have been Blessed with friends from childhood, from my twenties, my thirties, and my forties. Friends that are very young and friends that are very old. I have a story about everyone I know. I cherish my friends and I cherish what makes them happy. If they are unhappy, I try to turn frowns into smiles. I am a goof, and know how to make you laugh.

I also, for the most part, am friends with my family. I treat them as I want to be treated and expect no more, no less. I like to think that my girls get some of this from me as I see them do the same.

My Sergio is loved and known by everyone. Well, actually he has a few enemies, but even they "like" him somewhat, and most definitely respect him. In his business, he will always have a few people against him and what he stands for. He handles it with such grace, and I admire him so for that. He too has "Besties" or "Lifers" that have been with him for 40+ years.

My Emily has friends from grade school and high school as well as college. She has been blessed and I have seen her friends be there for each other. She has some wonderful lifers within her girlfriends (and a few guy friends too).

My Annie has also manage to keep friends from grade school as well as high school. As her college journey begins, she will no doubt make some incredible friendships and memories to come.

Blooming the friendships
For as much as I do, friendships take alot of work. They need tending much like a garden. I have to feed & water them (with love and consideration). I need to care for them.
And on those rare occasions, I need to weed out the bad. Now, don't get pissy with me. It takes alot, to get me to weed someone out. However, sometimes a person is toxic. Can drag you down. Or like a weed, choke the life out of the delicate.

For me, acceptance is too important. I can't seem to let things go when they don't go according to plan. If I feel unliked or unwanted it gets to me and I over-analysis it. "What did I do? What didn't I do? Why didn't they ask me? Why am I feeling like this friendship is one sided?" Why can't I just have a, "whatever will be will be" attitude?

I have such low self-esteem and issues about pleasing others. If you met me, you would never know.

Even with the Blog, I often worry and wonder what people think or if they do at all.

I realize I have so much and to want more is ridiculous. What the Hell is wrong with me? Why do I feel everyone must approve and accept me? Why can't I learn to be proud and happy of who, what, and where I am?


lakeviewer said...

Ah, don't sweat the small stuff. Your attitude is great. People who don't like you, don't deserve your friendship.

Lori ann said...

Lakeviewer is such a sweetheart.

she is right. maybe learn to be a little more selfish Janis. Love yourself. when you do, really love yourself ( the self acceptance kind of love) you won't care so much what others think of you.

it just won't matter. Because YOU are WonDERfuL!

Fire Byrd said...

Oh this is a fantastic post Janis, I could have written it myself about caring for friendships, good and bad.
I nearly always nowadays don't have low self esteem, but boy the days the gremlin bites me, do I go to the place where no-one likes me fast!
So I, all the way over think your cool and like having you in my life.

Mark said...


You are so much like my wife for years I have told her: “Everyone will not like you they are not suppose to do not worry about them.” But she is a mom with a big heart just like you and secretly she still worries.

Don’t weed me out you are one third of my reading population; I can be toxic but Nancy usually just yells at me and rolls down the window.

Fire Byrd said...

There's an award for you at my place.

Fire Byrd said...

To get the award up, double click on it and then save it, then you can use the image when you do a post or on your side bar.
The complete and proper instructions are on Absolute Vanillas blog, ( see my blog roll) and you copy and paste them onto your post. You can do as you are supposed to or you can break the rules like I do!
And yes feel free to transport my house to Indiana, just as long as I have enough money to move to the seaside as a result!!!

kim said...

No wonder we are friends! If you'll remember the way we met....because I thought you had been crying and in reality your contacts were irritating your eye's!! I'm glad I thought you needed comfort! you are definatly a wonderfully sensitive friend for life!! I miss you terribly!! PS...don't feel lonely,I'm still looking for people to please and to gain their acceptence!! Love You!!

janis said...

Rosaria & Lori~ Thank you, you are right, it's just hard to do.
Mark~ When am I going to meet Nancy & you Sergio? Don't worry, I would never weed you out, you have known me too long and still so kind to me.
Kimmie~ My college Partner-In-Crime! What would we have done without each other at Vincennes? We know too much about each other to not be friends! I love you too!
FireByrd~ I am too excited! Thank you very much! Where exactly are you from? I know you are across the world. Is it Australia or United Kingdom? Forgive my dunce, I just can not remember.

A human kind of human said...

Oh Janis, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! The need to be accepted is born into everyone of us and if we try to supress it, it just develops into a hard shell that we hide in. I am so glad that you are a "people-pleaser". Where would people like I be if it were not for people like you to carry us. Thank you?

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