Sunday, July 6, 2008

Anticipating a Visit from Mom & Dad

Mom & Dad are coming for a visit today. They are coming for lunch. I am anxious, happy and scared. I never know what to expect. What moods we will all be in today. Will Mom be manic? Will Dad be depressed? Will I keep my cool?

They are wonderful people. I love and admire them both so much. They have been through so much and have withstood alot that others could not possible survived. They married young, having nearly 49 years of marriage. They had my sister and I before the age of 25. The survived a horrific accident when Julie & I were just babies. Suddenly having to deal with Dad's handicaps while also dealing with two little girls less than three years old. They have dealt with In-Laws having to live with them. Job struggles, financial struggles, health issues, you name it they have dealt with it.

My Mom's coping mechanisms are not usually wise choices. She suffers from mental anguish. She has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, Manic Depression, Alcoholism, and Hypochondriac. It is across the board, and depends on who you are talking to or what mood Mom is in.

We were very close when I was young. Maybe too close and that is part of our problem. Mom was the cool Mom. She talked to my friends, was hip and let us smoke or drink. She was very confiding in me and gave me too much information. Sometimes I felt like the Mom helping her deal with her many problems and situations. I was exposed to much and grew up quick.

Things changed when I got married and had children. She suddenly showed some mothering skills I had not seen and was put off by them. She seemed meddlesome and that interfered. Also my Mom started drinking heavy at this point.

Much happened over the course of a few years, and tensions grew thicker. Mom is a roller coaster and you never know till that moment what side of her you are going to get.

She and Dad have made some poor choices and refused my sister & my advice on several very important issues. There lives are not as joyful as they should be. Dad's health is poor, and Mom works way to hard. It is so difficult to it back as they continue the way they do.

Family get togethers are strained and sometimes upsetting.

On top of all this, my parents do not know about my own troubles or health issues. I could not possible share these with them as they would over react and my Mom would spiral down even more.

I am suppose to avoid them, Doctors orders, as they stress me out beyond belief. I just want to shake them, tell them this is how it is, and take care of them. My blood pressure shoots through the roof when I am around them.

Wine is calming, but out of the question as Mom is an alcoholic (she says she is not ..anymore). So, hopefully my Xanax and Lexapro will do their jobs today and I will chill. Hold my tongue. And be a loving supportive daughter making them feel good and enjoying the visit.

It's complicated to say the least......


janis said...

...a follow up from me.
The visit was lovely. We had a very nice afternoon. Mom even ran to Meijer with me.
Thank God for medication, we were all on our prescriptions, therefore, we all just chilled and enjoyed each other!

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you Jan.

H. Boy

sroman said...

You did it. You moved that rubber tree plant. Your family dynamics may be stressful but you carry it well.