Take It Down A Notch...

These are the words that are on the tip of my tongue.  My Mom is starting to step into the anxious/manic mode.  Frequent phone calls and emails are flowing to me as she is focused on a new crisis/challenge/adventure.  She is not capable of doing anything at a normal pace.  She does not think things through, she is impulsive, and makes decisions without thinking about the outcome.  In her defense, I know she can not help it, nor is she conscious of it.
This is how Mom is.

me, Mom & Dad around 1968

She has had a turmoiled life, full of dysfunction, tragedy, and unusual situations.  She is stressed.  She is manic.  She has been thought and even diagnosed to be bi-polar.  Manic Depressed. And the one I feel most fits her...
 Borderline Personality Disorder

It is an emotional roller coaster life that not only destroys her own life but those around her.  Especially those of us that love her.  My Sister and I refer to it as "The Vortex", fearing getting sucked into it, and ready to rescue or pull each other out when one of us start falling into it.

When Mom gets like this, it is difficult to figure the best way to handle.  My Heart tells me to love support and nurture her.  But my Brain tells me to remember feeding into it can help destroy her.  She doesn't see things for what they are and is quick to twist the reality into a distorted fabrication.

I worry about her.  I want to take care of her.  Keep her safe and sound. But I can't.  You truly can not help someone who is in this state of mind.  They want help...but not good help.  they want you to support and give in to a negative trap.  A ruin.  A stairway to hell. Things get worse and worse as you look the other way and then before you know it that problem has avalanche into a tragedy.

With my pretty rose colored glasses, I fix everything and we all live happily ever after.

Then realaity sets in and you know all you can do is hope and pray and be as loving and gentle but strong and resilient as possible.

Oh There It Is!

Deb's Pansies

Last night as I was driving home from work at midnight, I felt something familiar. 
What is that?
Oh! Now I remember!
Happy!
That feeling of being happy.

This emotion was on a sabbatical...a leave of absence.  Certainly not excused but for whatever reason... left the building, or in my case, left the body and mind.

It is difficult for me to reason with myself as I ponder the who what and especially whys...  I truly believe that EVERYTHING is for a reason, but that does not make a difficult situation any easier.  Sometimes, I am so....COME ON! REALLY? THIS TOO? ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE? JEEZ LOUISE!  Don't  I deserve a break?

This isn't gonna be a poor poor pitiful me post.  Let's just say, some stuff is over crowding my plate spilling over, therefore has caused some dreadfully dispensed tears. (Seriously!  I hate that so often my tears flow out of control. I'M NOT WEAK! It's just rather than words flowing...tears stream down my face when I am extremely stress/passionate/pissed/offended/etc etc etc.)

Juggling three or four stressful matters is hard enough, but when a handful of unexpected things are tossed in, I'm struggling.

HOWEVER~
I am finding what an extraordinary strength and prevalence I am capable of.  And I actually was able to use one of my "trials" as an example to one of my Dormies to help her see and grow herself.  Yes, we are sometimes meant to go through things so that others can learn from it and hopeful be in a better situation.

Back to last night...
So after a week of turmoil, and Hubby being out of town on business (meaning I had to toughen up by myself).
Yesterday, I was fussing about running late... 
As I arrived to my bank, irritated with myself for not being there 30 minutes earlier...The door is locked... What now?  Oh My! They just got ROBBED!

Oh My Gosh! Had I arrived when I meant to be there... I would have been stuck in the middle of a robbery!...
So much for banking today, but I'm good with that.  More time freed up for errands.
A difficult class situation proved to be not so bad.  Sometimes, showing that you are not going to stay down when pushed can show a certain character that demands respect. 

(no..not mine, but I like it)

I can continue to dust myself off, and get back up.

Some chaos {too be expected}, the last evening before spring break for a dorm full of kids that are ready for a week out of here.  I did get a pleasant surprise learning a favorite co-worker will be working more with me and our Dormies following Spring Break, giving me an ahhhhhh yes!

The day flowed way better than I expected. And as I was on that drive home, I really felt BLESSED.  I started car singing (oh so scary).  As I drove through the ghetto ...{yes I have to go through a ghetto type area}.. at midnight, mind you, I'm sure some of those sketchy characters that looked my way as I am blaring K-LOVE, Christian Music channel, and singing my little heart out

♫My God's not dead, He's surely alive
And He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!♫

 That was when I felt that oh so familiar but distant emotion.

Happiness

yeah...

I think I prefer Happiness.

I think I will try to stay here awhile longer.

Just try to stop me!

Ha Ha Emily

Do you remember a few years ago when so many people not only jumped on board to proudly display their "Support for our Troops" yellow magnetic Ribbons on vehicles... but started doing an overload of support this or that...  Soon it seemed those dang ribbons were EVERYWHERE and in every color!

Now, please don't get me wrong.  I am all about Free Speech and encourage others to be passionate about their causes. 
Once my Besties and I went on a Girlfriends Weekend and were slightly overwhelmed by the over-abundance of Ribbon Power.  We were very politically incorrect at making it a humorous game to pass the time on the highway.
You still see ribbons here and there, but the "craze" has died down a bit.

Enter the new "Look at my statement on my car" fad.

I am sure you have seen them....  Look, this family has six kids.  Oh and how cute... I know what they like by the props they have.
It gets a bit overly TMI, don't you think?
And as my daughter says.... what a stupid way to let pervs know about the fact you have kids , pets, and what you do.  It's like an invitation to your vulnerability.

My daughter hates these, as much as I hated the ribbon power.

So, being mischievous, as I am.... I found some to tag her car. 
Emily loves her cat. Her fat cat.  So, we knew we had to include Izzy.
Sunday she was over for dinner and I had my opportunity to be sneaky.

So freakin' cute!  So funny!  I text her Sis to let her know I finally got them on her car (I have had them since Christmas!)  I keep laughing thinking about tagging her and hope that plenty of time past before she will discover it.

Yesterday, I get a call from her (she is completely cracking up) demanding to know when I did this.  I deny and act like I have no idea what she is talking about.  She discovered while returning to her car after work.. I can't lie... she has so caught me!  We have a good laugh. she has removed them.
Later, she texted me this photo to show they didn't go to waste.. They now reside on her laptop :)

What A Day!

Bandit telling me his side of this story

I had one of those...

OH MY GOSH! kind of days.

I could probably make this into six different post but I will try to reduce it into one.

I'm not even sure where to begin...

Might as well start with the beginning...

 I fell asleep around 3 am (problem sleeping whenever Hubby is out of town). I woke early to the sound of my cell phone  ringing at 4:39am. It was my youngest daughter (away at college).  Now, anyone with college children know the drill...

{WTH? the phone is ringing? OMGosh.. it's my daughter! what's wrong?}

but when I answered... silence... no voice, no sounds, nothing. It hangs up... I call her back and it goes to voice mail... I try again... and again... then I try texting... again... and again.

Somehow, I calmed myself, and actually feel back to sleep after much prayers!

At 7:22am I receive a text telling me, she thinks she must have "sleep called" me... strange child of mine. 

Made me think of my college roommate, Angela... and the MANY nights, she amused herself talking to me when I was asleep.  Apparently I was a chatty sleeper and you could get ALL kinds of honest information out of me when I was asleep. Quite entertaining so I am told.

Back to my day.. so relieved she was okay!

I "woke" up at 8:30am to start my day. (okay...hang on.. I am sure some of you are wondering, what the heck? 8:30? LAZY! But let me explain, I get off work at midnight, therefore I am entitled to a later morning).. So, I get up, have my cup of Joe, read some emails, fed the pets, take out the Dogs, and jump in the car to head to my 10am appointment with Betsy's.  If you are not a follower from way back, you may wonder who's Betsy.  She is my wonderful Angel ~ Therapist... that has taught me valuable coping skills and helps me to stay sane as well as keep things in check.

Great Session! whoa I love this Gal!  I'm on the right path & always feel fabulous after my Betsy hour.  See you in 6 weeks Betsy!

Now, I have just enough time to swing by Target before heading to my ASL classes, so in I pop.  They have WONDERFUL Dollar Deals, and to my pleasure the Dollar Easter Socks are in. So I pick up a couple dozen for my "Girls" to have (I am becoming, "that Dorm Supervisor that always gives out Holiday socks").  Which is fine, as you can never have too many socks & the girls get a kick out of them. 

I realize as I am in line to pay that I have to go pee really bad.  I am standing there doing my Kegals to keep myself together.  I think to myself, do I really want to go into that public restroom?

Naw...

I can hold it! At lest till I get to class.

OR NOT

As I am walking to my car in the parking lot I feel myself sprinkle as I take each step. I arrive to my car...with a big wet spot in my crotch.

OMG!

Did I really just pee myself?

Seriously?

Well, that is some serious... "Becoming an Oldie situation!"

So much for getting to class... I have no choice but to go home and clean up.

You'd think that would be enough...
NOPE!

lets move along to 1:00pm...

We live in a neighborhood that is picky about fences.  The type of fence I am allowed to place would cost us big bucks for the full back yard.  Not gonna happen. So, unfortunately, I am a Hillbilly that attaches my dogs leashes to a long tie down leash outside.  My Dogs LOVE being outside.  We hate having to keep them leashed but, well, Bandit is not real bright, and Riley gets very into scents (she is a Coon hound) and they will take off. We have been using this method for two years, as we debate buying the "Fence" or attempting the "Invisible Fences".
The Dogs were enjoying the sunshine, No barking, just relaxed and happy. They have managed to slip off the main leash a couple of times, but never venture past a neighbor house. Dakota, the little guy, does not require a leash. He stays put although he can be an instigator.
FIVE MINUTES...
I stepped inside for 5 minutes.
Then I checked on them. Dakota was a nervous Nelly, and Riley & Bandit were GONE.
I mean GONE.

I'm running around calling them. No barking, no howling.
I start to feel panicky.
I jump in the car and spin around the block.
Not a Pup in sight.
I drive around again adding the additional streets.

our neighborhood (we are "A")

Where the Heck did my Babies go?
OMG
I have asked every person I see in the neighborhood and NO ONE HAS SEEN THEM...
I exit the neighborhood and circle the exterior perimeter slightly terrified.
I start back into the neighborhood & receive a call. It's a Los Angeles number so I let it go to voice mail  (I'm a little busy).  Then I get another call, this one is from my Veterinarian. I answer...OMGosh..do you have our Dogs? Jenn (Vet Tech) says we have Riley... a Good Samaritan picked her up running down the middle of Brookville Road (very busy street with 55 speed limits).  Riley was with Bandit, who apparently was hit by a car...
He ran off though, she wasn't able to get him in her car, although big ole' Riley was tired of this adventure and more than happy to get her 110 pound butt in the nice lady's car.
Riley was taken to our Vet's Office, one of the Gals that work there headed out looking for my Bandit, as I also continued the search... I pulled off the side side of the road, where Bandit was last seen, calling & searching...but where did my Bandit go?
I get another call...
"Hi, I think I may have your Dog..."
OMGosh!
Is he okay? Where are you? I will come now!
Turns out, Bandit headed South after Riley got picked up.  Met another Dog and followed it home. The man that called, happened to have been a cilent of mine from my Real Estate days. He said Red, (the Dog that brought Bandit home) was a stray that he & his wife befriended & started feeding.  He came up the drive-way with Bandit. They found us through his tags.
I thanked him, loaded my very happy to see me but very exhausted Dog into the car & headed to the Vet.  Bandit has a couple of skinned spots on his leg, but other than than he is fine!  We picked up Riley who was very thrilled to see us.She started HOWLING as soon as she heard my voice.
I brought them home for a good long nap.

safely home

All this took place within one hour.
2:00pm

Off to work.
Now, work stuff I have to be careful what I am allowed to say. So I am gonna try to be brief but give you an idea of the craziness of the day.
3:00-3:15pm
Staff meeting... Grab vehicle keys & paperwork for off campus outing, open Dorm
3:15-3:45pm
Roll call, get Girls off to practices, take some to another Dorm and take one with me to get vehicle
3:55-5:45pm
At Med Check, for a Resident's Physical appointment, fill out a TON of paperwork, get parent on phone to talk to Med Check person, interrupt for my Girl, get HALF WAY FINISHED when they stop the check up & inform me they have made a serious mistake, and can not complete this.  She can not continue here due to out of network and an insurance issue (although, I have already paid out of pocket personally).  Without going into detail, I got reimbursed, and we left, two hours wasted.
6:00-6:30pm
Arby's with my disappointed Girl, talk about possibilities so we can get her IHSAA forms completed and get her playing her team sport. 
7:00-12:00am
Back to work, met with supervisor, take care of my 15 residental Girls, talk to three parents, dissolve some high school girl drama, meeting with supervisors & Dorm Counselor on an issue, tuck my Girls in, clean up Dorm, fill in Night Dorm Supervisor, and clock myself out.

12:30 - 2:30am
Get home, shower, chat with Hubby on phone, (he's in Detroit), grab a glass of wine & LOVE my Dogs.

As crazy as it was, I know it could have been a REALLY HORRIBLE Day.  So many things could have happened...
My Dogs! My precious spoiled Dogs could have been lost, hurt, or killed.
So I peed myself... probably not the last time and
my girlfriends and I have gotten quite a laugh over it.
Work craziness... I may not have gotten accomplished what I sat out to do, but I tried, and I did have a bonding experience with one of my Girls. She will survive and prehaps can get this issue resolved. It gets caotic but it also is wonderful. I love love love this job.  It brings me so much joy.

This all had a lot of value as well. I appreciate the good when I remember that things don't always go as planned. I have once again learned the value of laughing can help you through ANYTHING.
Life is good.