I haven't been around much. My writing has been "blocked". Mostly a writers block. I have the words (so many words) but felt unable to pour my heart out.
I feel censored.
I feel judged.
I feel a loss.
I can't really explain. It is mostly emotional, but also I felt that no one would want to hear or understand my gibberish. Have you ever felt that way?
Nothing is wrong, yet everything is wrong.
It's a new day, but, it's a NEW day.
See? I was afraid I might not make sense.
I also have been busy. We bloggers try to make time to write more often. I was doing well to write every couple days for a while. But then, with work, home & life... we get busy.
I have been sick too. nothing serious. Just a nasty cold. My stupid ankle is still jacked up and tonight I will don heels (4 inch stilettos) for a Cocktail Party we will attend. now, I haven't worn heels for two months because of this injured ankle, but tonight I will push the envelope. I mean seriously, Who can wear a cocktail dress without great high heels?
I have been on a job Merry Go Round. I was offered a transfer, (which I gladly accepted) but it got delayed. Then it was denied. I was so looking forward to starting in this department. But, the hammer came down. As of two weeks from now, all contractors, will have completed the "projects". We all got the, "Thank you for your service, we won't be needing you anymore as of 10/29." We knew it was only a matter of time. When a company puts a job freeze on positions and only hires "contracted employees" you know it's all about saving the company money. And they can cut you loose at any time.
Lots of stuff happening.
I gotta get my mojo going.
I need to write~ it's so comforting.
I have so many pieces that need to be finished, and so many thoughts cramped up in my crazy little head.
Be gentle with me... I am going to try to get back in the grove.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Word World
(Try saying that fast three times!)
Amazing how a little word can change so many things. One fundamental word, can change a spirit, a mood, a life.
I love words. I never can get enough adjectives . I love searching for words and learning meanings of new words.
A simple word.
It can make or break you. They do me.
I try hard to use kind words to people every day. Family, Friends, and even Strangers. It is contagious. Try it.
That rude waitress or sales clerk, say something nice. Simple smile even. Let the rudeness role off, and you may change that person's manner. Maybe not, but it is worth the effort.
Or, be cruel. Say one unkind thing, and watch sadness or discomfort arrive. Again, a person's manner will change.
You decide.
I guarantee the first choice will be the right choice.
Amazing how a little word can change so many things. One fundamental word, can change a spirit, a mood, a life.
I love words. I never can get enough adjectives . I love searching for words and learning meanings of new words.
A simple word.
It can make or break you. They do me.
I try hard to use kind words to people every day. Family, Friends, and even Strangers. It is contagious. Try it.
That rude waitress or sales clerk, say something nice. Simple smile even. Let the rudeness role off, and you may change that person's manner. Maybe not, but it is worth the effort.
Or, be cruel. Say one unkind thing, and watch sadness or discomfort arrive. Again, a person's manner will change.
You decide.
I guarantee the first choice will be the right choice.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Fraying Friendships
I am far from an expert on friendships. I have been Blessed to have many friends. Some are new, and some are a lifetime. People have come and gone in my life. Even when a friendship is lost, I look at the blessings of what that friendship brought me.
My parents raised me seeing the importance of good friends. I grew up seeing first hand my parents having friends as an important part of their lives. Many weekends my sister & I would go along with my parents to friends homes. While the parents enjoyed visiting, we enjoyed the children of these friends. I saw my parents friends generously support and be there through many events of my parents lives as well as my parents being there for others. Children learn what they see. I learned the value of a friendship.
Where would I be without the guidance, support or love of my friends? My life has been full of circumstances that the love of a good friend carried me through.
My childhood friends ~ gosh, they helped mold me into who I am today.
College friends? Even though I only went to Vincennes University for one year, those girls will never know how grateful I am that they were a part of my life. I am lucky to still be in contact with three, but my old roommates, well, lets just say I am on the hunt. I loved them and now with my girls having their own experiences in college, I feel an even greater need to reconnect with them. Particularly Angela & Carmen. I hope that with the ease of today's technology, I will find them.
Throughout the next thirty years, so many friends developed through church,work, marriage, and having children. They come and go in my life. Some were keepers, some were just passing through.
I am truly blessed to still have many of them. Lately I have even reconnected with several through the awe of Facebook.
Knowing when to let a friendship end is difficult. Especially when you love that person and what you have shared. A betrayal? Friendships that develop a jealousy? Or when there becomes a drug, alcohol and abusive situation?
Trying to save the friend that doesn't want your help is next to impossible.
Sometimes we change, grow or develop in a new direction and perhaps a friend does not. It can be difficult when a friendship starts to fray. You try desperately to mend it, sometimes with success, sometimes not. Devastating that someone you knew and loved so well is no longer a part of your life. While for some relief is a better word.
Sometimes it is very black and white.
Other times it is not.
You make an honest effort to communicate and the friend isn't reciprocating. Tired of the drama. Had enough of rescuing. Tired of one sided giving into the relationship.It is not healthy to hang onto a friendship where we are hurting more than growing. But feel how can you just let them down and walk away?
And what about when "you" are getting the brush off? When someone has outgrown or for whatever reason, chooses not to remain friends with you. That I will admit is difficult for me. Especially when I do not know what I might have done to cooled the friendship. I crave being liked. Being accepted. My feelings hurt too easily and I am too sensitive. But I realize that just because I like you, you don't have to like me.
Having a true friend can be wonderful and scary at the same time. Sometimes we are called upon to tell something a friend does not want to hear or know. Currently, I know someone that must tell a friend something that he does not want to hear. This person is taking a huge risk of ending his friendship with the news and revelation that is to be shared. But as a good friend, he knows he must. Fearfully, and with much prayer, he will have this difficult conversation.
Friendships are an important part of life. They help us in becoming a better me. But if you are not careful they can bring you down negatively and harm us. There is a balance that you must find. Sometimes, if the friendship starts to fray, you are lucky and able to mend. Sometimes you are not. It is okay to have people come and go. It is wonderful, to rekindle friendships and pick up where you left off.
Even those that leave my life have left an imprint. I do believe I am who I am because of the many that have left imprints in my heart.
My parents raised me seeing the importance of good friends. I grew up seeing first hand my parents having friends as an important part of their lives. Many weekends my sister & I would go along with my parents to friends homes. While the parents enjoyed visiting, we enjoyed the children of these friends. I saw my parents friends generously support and be there through many events of my parents lives as well as my parents being there for others. Children learn what they see. I learned the value of a friendship.
Where would I be without the guidance, support or love of my friends? My life has been full of circumstances that the love of a good friend carried me through.
My childhood friends ~ gosh, they helped mold me into who I am today.
College friends? Even though I only went to Vincennes University for one year, those girls will never know how grateful I am that they were a part of my life. I am lucky to still be in contact with three, but my old roommates, well, lets just say I am on the hunt. I loved them and now with my girls having their own experiences in college, I feel an even greater need to reconnect with them. Particularly Angela & Carmen. I hope that with the ease of today's technology, I will find them.
Throughout the next thirty years, so many friends developed through church,work, marriage, and having children. They come and go in my life. Some were keepers, some were just passing through.
I am truly blessed to still have many of them. Lately I have even reconnected with several through the awe of Facebook.
Knowing when to let a friendship end is difficult. Especially when you love that person and what you have shared. A betrayal? Friendships that develop a jealousy? Or when there becomes a drug, alcohol and abusive situation?
Trying to save the friend that doesn't want your help is next to impossible.
Sometimes we change, grow or develop in a new direction and perhaps a friend does not. It can be difficult when a friendship starts to fray. You try desperately to mend it, sometimes with success, sometimes not. Devastating that someone you knew and loved so well is no longer a part of your life. While for some relief is a better word.
Sometimes it is very black and white.
Other times it is not.
You make an honest effort to communicate and the friend isn't reciprocating. Tired of the drama. Had enough of rescuing. Tired of one sided giving into the relationship.It is not healthy to hang onto a friendship where we are hurting more than growing. But feel how can you just let them down and walk away?
And what about when "you" are getting the brush off? When someone has outgrown or for whatever reason, chooses not to remain friends with you. That I will admit is difficult for me. Especially when I do not know what I might have done to cooled the friendship. I crave being liked. Being accepted. My feelings hurt too easily and I am too sensitive. But I realize that just because I like you, you don't have to like me.
Having a true friend can be wonderful and scary at the same time. Sometimes we are called upon to tell something a friend does not want to hear or know. Currently, I know someone that must tell a friend something that he does not want to hear. This person is taking a huge risk of ending his friendship with the news and revelation that is to be shared. But as a good friend, he knows he must. Fearfully, and with much prayer, he will have this difficult conversation.
Friendships are an important part of life. They help us in becoming a better me. But if you are not careful they can bring you down negatively and harm us. There is a balance that you must find. Sometimes, if the friendship starts to fray, you are lucky and able to mend. Sometimes you are not. It is okay to have people come and go. It is wonderful, to rekindle friendships and pick up where you left off.
Even those that leave my life have left an imprint. I do believe I am who I am because of the many that have left imprints in my heart.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
DON'T WORRY! I'M OKAY!
WTF?
I really am shook up. Don't worry, I'm okay... It really is petty, but eweeeee!
Took the dogs outside, just like every night. In my jammies, just like every night. Standing in the middle of the yard waiting for everyone to, uhm, take care of business. Nice night. Nice breeze. Starry sky.
Everything seems fine. All three dogs are, Good Dogs! WE head back in. I'm sitting on the couch chatting with Sergio looking at my foot telling him,I think something bit me. He's talking about burning some wood this week to get spiders away from it, telling me, ahh you'd know if you got bit. I show him a tiny bite mark on my foot, then notice a tingly feeling and see SOMETHING CRAWLING INSIDE MY PANT LEG! This is what fell out!
Now, mind you I am so kind to every creature... I get teased for saving bugs. Why, I even spend ten minutes carefully removing a tiny spider out of my tub without "hurting" it.
I freaked out! Ripped my jammies off! Sergio is yelling to get it! Get a plastic cup! (Big bug squish would leave a big mess. Why is he not getting it for me?) I run back in {minus my jammies} from the kitchen with my cup & napkin. The Wolf Spider starts to run but I caught it. Sergio starts to tell me what to do but I can't kill it, he'll have to deal with it. I run to the shower...just in case, and to get that feeling off me. He then reports to me it was a pregnant spider... The babies came out when he killed her :(... Now I feel bad.
At least it wasn't one of these big guys!
Now I am off to have nightmares... Good night~
I really am shook up. Don't worry, I'm okay... It really is petty, but eweeeee!
Took the dogs outside, just like every night. In my jammies, just like every night. Standing in the middle of the yard waiting for everyone to, uhm, take care of business. Nice night. Nice breeze. Starry sky.
Everything seems fine. All three dogs are, Good Dogs! WE head back in. I'm sitting on the couch chatting with Sergio looking at my foot telling him,I think something bit me. He's talking about burning some wood this week to get spiders away from it, telling me, ahh you'd know if you got bit. I show him a tiny bite mark on my foot, then notice a tingly feeling and see SOMETHING CRAWLING INSIDE MY PANT LEG! This is what fell out!
I freaked out! Ripped my jammies off! Sergio is yelling to get it! Get a plastic cup! (Big bug squish would leave a big mess. Why is he not getting it for me?) I run back in {minus my jammies} from the kitchen with my cup & napkin. The Wolf Spider starts to run but I caught it. Sergio starts to tell me what to do but I can't kill it, he'll have to deal with it. I run to the shower...just in case, and to get that feeling off me. He then reports to me it was a pregnant spider... The babies came out when he killed her :(... Now I feel bad.
At least it wasn't one of these big guys!
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