Family Time

With Emily off at college and Annie busy with Senior year, we don't see much of the girls together. Sergio & I have been busy too with work, home, and miscellaneous needs. Having Emily home for a few days during Thanksgiving has been a blessing. We have actually had time where all four of us are together.

Friday was a wonderful family day for us. After dinner with the Gonzalez Family side, we ventured off together to see a movie. Although I have gone to movies with the girls, to have Sergio join us was a rare treat. We talked him into seeing Four Christmas'(Not his type of movie at all). However, it was wonderful. Not necessary the movie, but the time we spent in the theater, laughing together. After the movie we stopped at Buffalo Wild Wings, ate, chatted, laughed some more, and really enjoyed each others company.

I love seeing the girls as young adults. Our conversations are different from just a few years ago. Emily & Annie are bright, enthusiastic, and interesting. I value their view and comfortingly enough, they seem to appreciate ours better today as well.

Saturday, the girls and I ran off to the malls for big bargain shopping, while we left Sergio to his errands. He called us three times. I think he would have rather shopped. He has learned over the years, it is not about what we are doing, but the time we are sharing.

Always My Fault

When ever something doesn't go according to plan, it seems to be my fault. Seriously, my whole life I can recall either being told it's my fault or feeling as though it was.

As a child, I had a lot going on. The short of it is our family was dysfunctional. I remember thinking it was my fault when ever my parents fought. When I was 9 and my Dad attempted suicide. When my friends couldn't get along. My daily "beatings" as Jamie would put it, when he beat me up every day for a year 6th grade. When my family didn't get along. When I couldn't get a boyfriend. Etc. You get the picture.

As an adult, somehow that guilt thing followed me. I am 46 and still feel responsible for things going wrong. My loving family doesn't help. They tend to blame me as well. The girls get there smart mouth from me (ha ha!). The house isn't clean (guilty). The dog makes a mess. Something is missing. Dinners, or lack of them. Anytime somebody does something that someone else doesn't approve or understand in this household, my fault. My Dad's fourth attempt of suicide (remember from previous Suicide Blog), he even called to tell me it was my fault in case he suceed and couldn't tell me later (no wonder I am f*cked up). Money issues. Mailing in things. Scheduling appointments. Etc.

I think you get it.

I am so tired. I am mentally exahusted from the worry and words and the expectaions. I just want to throw my hands in the air and scream F*ck It!

When will I learn to relax and be calm? When will I learn to teach others that they are responsible for their own actions? When will I know my best is good enough and the world going to Hell is not my fault?

I want to be that person.

Now the Night is Over...

Well, the dinner pulled through. It was actually worth the wait. I had planned to take pictures like my Blog buddy that must be an amazing cook because I am always hungry after reading here blog and drooling on the photos of her fabulous entrees. But with the time and the starving family... It will just be a memory now.

My folks that had dinner first with Dad's Sister & Brother-in-law. Then again with his Brother and Sister-in-law. Now they have arrived at my house just as the dang turkey is finally done. So they have decided to eat again. Okay, we have plenty (Emily is frowning as she wanted much take home for her apartment). My Dad wants stuff not out, so I have to fetch other stuff for him. The coffee pot overflowed, why does this happen at the most inconvenient times?

But, all in all, the meal was wonderful. I enjoyed my family. It was 7:30 by time the meal was ready so we gobbled it down, cleaned up and now it's done.

I am so pooped now. I just want to lay down and be loved.

Yikes!!! Who Turned off the Oven?

With a later dinner, I am not on my regular Big Family Dinner schedule. I found a favorite recipe for Sweet Potato Casserole and excitedly made this dish. Then tossed my turkey in the oven. Same temperature, so I just reset my timer.

Around 90 minutes later, I noticed that I could not smell the turkey cooking. I checked on it and, SURPRISE!

Cold turkey, oven is off.

Dang it! Now we are an hour and half behind and the tummies are growling.