Thinking about mortality, and how one prepares for the unavoidable, death...
end of life...
Many people can't even talk about death, let alone think about or plan.But, sometimes we are put in a situation where we must. Maybe about ones own death, or about a loved ones.
Have you ever had a pet that was getting old, slowing down, and you knew, time was short? As a good pet owner, you take your pet to the vet, get the medications they need, and do everything we can to keep Fido or Fluffy comfortable. As he declines, we have a choice. We have all been there. Those that really loved a pet. Having to make that decision. For us, it has always been a pretty clear line. As long as the pet, is eating, drinking, pottying, and purring. As long as he is happy and comfy, we hang on making "end of life", as bearable as possible. Once suffering is involved, we go for the euthanasia option. We have done it all for our furry loves. Hand feeding, carrying, cleaning after, and loving as unconditionally as they have loved us. My oldie pets have gone blind, deaf, and had movement difficulties. But, we tended their every need until they died. Sometimes, choosing to euthanasia when they suffered.. Horrible hard place to be, but we try to be humane and do the right thing.
When the same is true with our loved human family and friends, it is a different story.
When we know one is suffering, so many of us handle it differently. While we pretty much all agree that bring on the drugs to reduce pain, but even that has many feeling differently.
When we know that death is upon us, what do we do? What would you do?
Many people react with different feelings depending on if we are talking about our own death or our loved ones pending death.
I know that some are frightened and close up. They avoid the dying having difficult seeing that person, "that way". Others step in to nurturing mode, taking over every need they can handle and then some.
As a Hospice volunteer, I am getting a glimpse into the dying world at a different angle. I'm involved, but I'm not emotionally involved. {please don't misinterpret that, what I am referring to is the fact that I am not related or know the person, other than in this situation in which I have been trained to care for. I am still a very compassionate and nurturing volunteer}.
I see people take on incredible strength physically and ability. A tiny woman, somehow managing to lift, assist and care for a Husband twice her size. A man become a gentle expert at assisting with delicate matters with his Wife.
They keep going and never stop, until they crash. I'm lucky enough to be able to step in and give a needed break or assist in some simple things we may not ever realize someone needed. The caretaker never ask for help.
In the caretakers task, as well as caring for their loved one, they have to take care of preparing for the death. Funeral arrangements, wills, insurance. A world of paperwork and task. The tiny woman, suddenly realizes she has nothing appropriate to wear to her Husband of 50 years funeral, as she has lost so much weight in caring for him. The Husband caretaker, is trying to figure out how he will take care of the children without her. Their are so many things running through there heads, and they don't dare ask for help from the family member that can be near the dying because it upsets them so.
And then there is ourself.
What do we want? We certainly don't want to be a "burden". Should we have a living will? A "do not resuscitate" order?
Will we be able to handle "knowing"?
Will we fear it?
Or will we embrace it?
I think I know how I will handle it. But until I am there, I really don't know. Every situation can be so different.
I do know, as I watch over my 18 year old cat struggling yet happily getting through each day. And as I watch patients in Hospice I volunteer with, it is something that I think about.
Something I respect.
