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Monday, February 14, 2011

I Found Her Diary...

Jan's diary 1976
Women my age, remember having at least one Diary. Okay, maybe not all but, many of us. In the era before Internet, we had to express our inner most private feelings, and this very familiar book with a tiny lock, was the go to place for many of us. We told our Diaries of secret crushes, of what we dreamed of, and even boring little trivia stuff.

A few years ago, I discovered three of these little books I kept. I had a laugh then pitched them. I wrote stupid stuff mostly. What we had for dinner, what Julie & I watched on television. Pretty boring and never brave enough to truly write about feelings.
A few weeks ago, this one appeared. Just randomly in a box of old stuff. I set it aside, figuring I get to it later. It sat on my desk, unopened.
As you know, I lost my dear friend, Ron, recently. As we are picking up pieces and moving forward, I am amazed at how many little reminders I keep stumbling upon.
The day we laid my friend to rest, I came home and spotted this book. I thought now is a good time for some smiles. And popped open the little lock.

My Diary is dated January 1st, 1976. I am 13 years old, and in eighth grade. I talk about my first crush... a cute boy by the name of Ronnie Seats.
The friend, I just lost.

The Diary is written poorly. My grammar, spelling, and penmanship is horrible. But, I didn't really understand what you do with a Diary. I certainly was silly about what I decided to write.
Poor Ronnie... I chased him for four months. Pretty scary. Then I finally accepted friendship was better than nothing. The friendship lasted a lifetime. For that I am grateful.

When I read some of the weird stuff I wrote about, I wonder what was I thinking? Or more appropriately, thank God, I grew up!

Today's young girls have such a wider opportunity to express themselves. How cool would it be to have had a Video Diary much like the girl "Blossom", a 1990's sitcom character did. I tried to get my daughters interested in writing Diaries. Journals. Even wanted to get them video camera's to video their youth. They were too busy. Not writers.  They both take a ton of photos like their Momma. But they keep them logged in their Facebook mostly and I worry they will lose them one day. They both have many photographs and even scrapbooks from their youth, particularly high school.

For me, my Diary today is my Blogs.  I write about day to day as well as feelings and thoughts. Hopefully, I am not as boring as when I was thirteen.  Luckily, I paid attention in high school and my grammar and spelling has gotten better. (Also we have Spell Check to help).

I have had the song, "DIARY" from Bread in my head since starting this post. Remember it?
"I found her Diary underneath a tree,
and started reading about me..
the words she written took me by surprise,
you'd never read them in her eyes.."

click here for song:  YouTube Diary by Bread

Valentine Loves

I am still amiss and need to get my grove back.  Writing is good but hard right now. With Valentines Day here I thought about writing a post, but get so frustrated with this Hallmark Holiday, I don't always play into it. However, I read something at Wandering Mind from Pink Dogwood that made me smile. I decided it was worthy to do as well so here goes.

Happy Valentines Day
Here is what I love:
  • I love God.   
  • I love my Husband, Sergio
  • I love my Daughters, Emily & Andrea
  • I love the rest of my family..even the crazy ones
  • I love my friends {also even the crazy ones}
  • I love my Dogs: Riley, Bandit & Dakota
  • I love my Cats: Rocky & Mescha...and Emily's Cat, Isabelle
  • I love my Country
  • I love my President, Barack Obama
  • I love my Religion
  • I love Texas
  • I love Arizona
  • I love Fall
  • I love Spring
  • I love Dark Chocolate
  • I love Olives
  • I love Bleu Chees
  • I love my Therapist, Betsy
  • I love Iris' and Peonies
  • I love the smell of Autumn
  • I love being a Mother
  • I love Reading
  • I love Writing
  • I love being Needed
  • I love Old People
  • I love Making Others Happy
  • I love Coffee
  • I love Hot Bubble Baths
  • I love Horses
  • I love Antiques
  • I love my Select Comfort Bed
  • I love Music from Beethoven to ZZ Top
  • I love Marriage
  • I love the Beach
  • I love Learning New Things
  • I love Opportunity
  • I love Freedom
  • I love Blogs
  • I love Sex
  • I love Trees
  • I love Stained Glass
  • I love Having My Hair Washed & Dried
  • I love my Daughter's Smiles
  • I love Nancy Noel's Art
  • I love Feeling Safe
  • I love being told I Love You
  • I love the sound of Children's Laughter
  • I love Quilts
  • I love Keepsakes, Especially Things my Daughters made Me
  • I love Loving
  

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dang! I Love this Girl!

Julie & Jan 1965
Yesterday, my Sis, Julie came for lunch and a much needed go through with many pictures I have inherited.  We enjoyed Roasted Stuffed Tomatoes, Grilled Cheese  (w/ that crushed olive spread I love to make) and a little vino.
I needed to laugh. It has been such a difficult sad couple of weeks. Julie was just the right dose of medicine.

Jan & Julie 1967
I am a picture person. I have always cherished photographs. Even of eras that were sad or troubling. It's like validating what had happened or what we survived. Julie is not so much into hanging onto the past. I admire and wish I too could shut out some of the memories. Everyone has different coping methods. I need to bury some stuff. She helps me do so.

Julie & Jan 1980
Julie also had a little trouble recognizing some faces in the photos. This photo was taken when we were 18 & 20. I was leaving for college on this day, & Julie was soon leaving as well (out of state). We look a little scared. Julie picked this photo up and said, "who is this?" I'm still laughing that she didn't recognize herself!

Jan & Julie 1982
My Sis and I had a lot of "stuff" to endure through life. As everyone does. Some survive, some don't. One thing I am so glad to have had is a sister to look over me and be there through it all. I don't know how I would have been able to survive without her. With the lack of technology we had then, even when we were separate in different cities and states, we still managed to keep in touch. I always had her right there with me. In my heart and head if not by my side.

The best trips have always been with Julie. We have taken a few together but need to do many more. She completely gets me and she accepts and loves me just the way I am.
For that I am truly Blessed and wouldn't trade her for anyone. My parents & God gave me the best sister!
Jan & Julie 1997
Julie & Jan 2009
I love you Jewels♥

Friday, February 11, 2011

Peeling back a Layer


With the recent events of my life, particularly losing my friend, I feel a layer has been peeled much like an onion. ( which by the way, I hate onions, but think this is a great metaphor). In what I feared would be a horrific and heavily medicated couple of days, when by much smoother than anticipated. I definitely was shook up. I went through the roller coaster of feeling as though I would throw up, to feeling Ron was guiding me along.
As I mentioned prior, our friendship goes way back. It also is a friendship in which my husband shared with Ron. Hubby was just as close, if not more so in some ways.
With stripping this layer off, although a bit exposed I am stronger.
I am ready to go on, and not take life for granted. I am ready to embrace what God has planned and to see the beauty in what lies before us.
I want to thank you all for your support and show of love. Ron's service was incredible. He will live on in our hearts and I am a better person because of that.