It's a Beautiful Day In Indiana

my backyard

Ahhh Autumn!
Cool Crisp Days, the trees are full of reds, yellows, greens, and browns. The lovely sound of leaves crunching under your steps. The blue skies with the swirls of white clouds. Even the gray days are simply beautiful here this time of year.

Despite my ickies, this day is bringing me an overwhelming smile.

My beloved ASUS, Laptop computer had a, uhm mishap with a full cup of coffee last Sunday. I have desperately tried to save it... It now is in a coma state, resting in the hands of my dear Brother-In-Law, aka~ ComputerMan! I am hoping he can breathe life back into it... If I lose all my data, including tons of photos, (and yes I know, should have backed up.... but I didn't okay! I live dangerously!), anyway, if I lose it all but still have a working Laptop... I will be thrilled!  I can't stand being stuck back in Hubby's office on the old dinosaur PC (although again, GRATEFUL!). I am so uninspired back her in this windowless room with guy stuff. Work stuff, and all alone. Currently ASUS can't even power up... :( Poor thing, not even two years old yet. I love ASUS. this is true. Best Laptop ever! I want it back.

I also have some icky drama going on. I am amazed at how I have been holding up, using my coping skills, and staying strong. Last night was especially painful, but my darling Hubby stood by my side and well, we got through it together. Amazing the strength you can have with love ones by your side. I am so glad I am able to give this to God, and trust in Him to guide me through. I can't even imagine not having Him through this all.

I really want to do a post about my Annie! My precious BABY GIRL turns 21 tomorrow! ASUS has all the pictures & scanning capacity so, seriously? How can I do a post justice without posting a bunch of photos of her.   Although I will post this one! I took a picture with my iphone of the proofs that came in the other day.

Andrea 2011

Ironically, they stuck the Greek letters up on the corner to give us an ideal, but they used Chi Omega letters, which are her Sister's sorority, Annie is a Delta Zeta Girl. Isn't she a pretty young lady?  I am so proud of her!
I will do a post about her later. When I can access the photos.

Tonight I am going to a Lifer's 50th Birthday Party.   I will take pictures & try to figure out how to post on this computer. I have known Mary for 43 of those 50 years! How Blessed I am to be able to still call her friend.

Oh my goodness! Look at the time!  I must rush off. Things to do, places to go!

Sorry I have been so MIA. Thank you to all that has kept me in Prayer, and thank you for positive energy sent my way.  I am such a lucky person, and so very grateful for all the love I do get.

just breathe j...

I haven't been able to write lately.
I've been incredible Blessed to be busy with my girls at work...
A house calling me to cleannnnnn...
I've been working on the Baby Clothes Project...
Dogs that are demanding...
Daughters to keep tabs on...
...and I've had some family crisis to deal with.
Frankly, while writing about this would help me to breathe and clear my head, it is not an appropriate thing to write about and I must leave the sharing to those that care most about me and keep things private. In due time perhaps, but, not today.
I have actually toyed with the idea of pinning a novel. If I write this life story as a novel, perhaps it would be more accepted and I can blend some fiction into it to make it a better read. And protect the many innocent as well. If someone that knew me or family read this as "fiction", it can't hurt so much. And hopefully some would think some truths were actually the fictional parts, and not become upset.
I don't know.
The chapters are swimming in my brain. Begging to flow onto paper.

However, I know someone, lets just say this person has been trying to pin a book for many years....not only her perception of what happened is inaccurate, she is using false data, and dragging her family into a slippery slope of ugliness. Not pretty at all.  And the saddest part is how it is written. Portions have been shared and I think she is spending far too much for a dead end story. She believes this book will make her millions.
I am not looking to make millions. I certainly am not looking to become well known. To be published, and for me not to loose money...now that would be an achievement that I would be honored to hold.

The words are all here... I lie in bed retelling it and tweaking it.

I think it's better to leave the good & happy in my blog. A whole lot of laughs & fun is better than sorrow and tears.

Anyway....
Having a lovely afternoon. Enjoying a pretty day and trying to get caught up on EVERYTHING!!!
I wanna go "play" in Pinterest Land.  that is such a lovely place.  So inspiring.  I have so many blogs to play catch up. I fear I have lost touch with many and need to check up on my Blogettes.  Hopefully all is good.

Dang... how can it be 6pm already?  I guess I should fix dinner.  Im only home for dinner a couple of nights a week so I really should be a dear wifey & go put some magic together on the stove.

Love to you all~

Fluff

Still not in a good place, but I am extremely strong and loved. Thinking some Warm & Fuzzy is about due so I hope you enjoy.

 

These gave me a smile & I hope they do you too.  For more click my pinterest buttom & go to the Precious Pets board.

the storms

***fotenote~ to my blog friends that only like to read the good, and funny.. you might want to walk away now... this is a little of the ugly***

I have been very hesitate to write some of these feelings and thoughts.  My biggest fear is to hurt or offend someone. Especially someone I love.  But I struggle with... why I started my blog, how I wanted to write about the good, the bad & the ugly. How life throws different things but how we learn to cope and journey forward.  Turning the negative into positive.
I have always tried to be careful what I write. Particularly because of my girls, Emily & Annie. I would never want to embarrass them. They have grown into extraordinary young women, and I could not possibly be more proud of them.
I have gotten negative response on occasion from readers not liking hearing my darker side of life. I have also gotten positive response on how some of the dark helps them as well. So weighing it out.. today, anyway, I will share some thoughts about the not so fun and exciting part of my life that I am dealing with.

I am struggling with my relationship with my parents. I love them so much.  I yearn to have a close relationship. 
For those of you that are fortunate enough to have a Blessed relationship, I am so glad for you! I am overjoyed to know that it does exist and can only pray that my children and their families will feel Blessed to be close to Hubby and I. I try very hard to stay focused on that and perhaps we try harder to make for a calm and peaceful "homelife" so this will be an end result of a "happier family". 

Unfortunately, because of mental illnesses and things that just can not be fixed, neither my husband or myself have that with our parents.  It isn't, "something that happened or something said". It isn't grudges and it isn't resentment. It isn't neglect or even selfishness. 
It is what it is.

As I approach 50, I would love nothing more than to have a close relationship with my parents. I realize that they are only human and can not live forever. I have friends that have lost their parents and miss them so.  Would do anything to hug them again, to have them to love again. Sometimes, I think I am heading there with my parents... I will be talking to them daily, I will be under the impression things are improving and going well.  I will be at that point where I am ready to open up more and embrace them, but then IT happens.

The storm arrives.

Hello manic depressed bi-polar crazy pod person that has invaded my loved one.
The words you say.
The actions you take.
Even after all these years, I am still surprised how they hurt and affect me.
I know you are not my loved one. That person is buried deep within.  That person would never hurt someone so much.

No wine. No magic pill. Nothing to make it go away.

Sometimes, I just have to sit and wait for the storm to take its course and pray the damage isn't too bad.

How dreadful.

Thankfully, I do have so much love and support. My Sis understands what I go through more than anyone can as she too has to live this. I love you Sis and grateful to have you. My Hubby is so supportive and is my rock. Poor Guy just wants to find a way to fix things for me when we know there isn't anything we can do.  Then my daughters... my precious daughters. I promise I will never put you through this. Please know with the right tools, even disorders such as these can be manageable.

I don't need sympathy.  I don't need advice about being positive.
blah blah blah.
I just wanna vent now and then. I will move on.

i promise to post something fluffy soon!

cat donuts

posted on my daughters Facebook wall... I want these!

gimmie gimmie...please

I have found myself soaking up the pleasure of Pinterest stalking.  Some of you know what I am talking about... That wonderfully addicting Social Bulletin Board of "ohhhhhs & ahhhhs" .  The stuff we want, like or make us think... "I can do that!" or "What a great Idea!" The dreams, inspirations, and the fantasies... As well as the bragging for few that actually have or have been blessed with.  It also is a wonderful site of shared books, movies, and clothing. 
I have something like 25 "boards".  Stuff that makes me smile. I have many I follow and even a few that follow me.
It's strange... but ohhh so fun!

I use the quotes I find, my, "Words That Help Me Breathe", for my Girls at ISD, I have turned a few into posters for them and always use a different encouraging quote of the week.

I have a, Once Upon a Happily-Ever-After for the Babies" , full of wedding ideals because, well, one day will be here before we know it.
I'm hoping these will give us a clear helpful path for planning the big events...

One of my favorite boards is for those hilarious things that make me crack up... Good to know there are others with my sense of humor & find the same things that make us giggle.

I crack up every time I see this

But mostly... I just love to creep & pin...Especially the pretty things I want!  If I had the talent that many of my Bloggy Buddies do... I would be making these for myself.

ahhhhhhhhhh...
So much Pinterest Loving going on.
Makes me happy♥

always something...

"You know Janis, it just goes to show you, it's always something--if it ain't one thing, it's another."

Thank you Roseanne Roseannadanna. You give me a smile remembering this.
Today is definitely one of those days. I am grateful for the memory of Gilda Radner's character. For laughing is so much better than crying.

It seems so often things will be so amazingly awesome, I'm on top of the world, and someone has to go and give me a big push. I haven't been knocked completely down... I am hanging on by roots, determined not to fail.

I am reminding myself that I can't fix things... I can't change things... I can't make others follow the rules ... I can't turn that dang chair into a couch. No matter how hard I try.

I am remembering to pray. Really really really hard.  But I am praying for forgiveness of my angry, remembrance that this pain someone is causing is not deliberate. For this loved one can't control their illness that makes them do what they do. I am praying for strength. For guidance, for understanding.

When someone is ignorant... selfish... incompetent... manic... or downright crazy. You can't feel anger. You must be full of compassion and love.
It's a hard one.
A really really hard one.

But...
It is what it is...

And Dang it, I just can't stick a band-aid on it and move on.

I must be patient, and listen to my heart.

{also...prayers...so send on the prayers my dear friends. I could really use them}.