rejection

Today I found a quote that my daughter use to have posted on her MySpace page. I can't find where it originated, who wrote it, or the exact wording, but it goes something like this:

 "appreciate those who hurt you, because they have made you stronger...

 appreciate those who have deceived you, because they have improved your wisdom...

 appreciate those who slander you, because they improve your personality...

 appreciate those who abandon you, because they teach you to be independent."

Ironic that I found this today.
I have embraced this day, but it has been a little harsh to me.

I tackled putting the Christmas lights up.  Or should I say I attempted. I have learned that it is NOT a good ideal to climb a tree to get lights in it.  The wind and the tree, even the hateful little ladder, played with me and I nearly fell out.  Luckily, I still have quick reflexes.  I also found there is a reason you should have someone steadying a ladder when you climb up to high places to nail a wreath into the house.  Needless to say, I have not completed my task, and have a much higher respect for Sergio who has taken care of this for many years.  I get why he is always trying to find low ideas instead of outlining the house.
My pride was slightly bruised that I could not accomplish this task and surprise Sergio with a well done light spectacular display. HA! I got two boxwood bushes complete, half the Magnolia Tree, and the wreath hung. Rain for the next two days, then I will attempt to finish...

I continue to search diligently for a job.
I am sending out four to seven resumes and applications per week. It is draining. What's worst is I haven't had a single interview.  Today, I got, not one, two, or three, but four Rejection Letters. They are very nice, all say the same thing..."Thank you very much.... we value your interest and qualifications... however, we are pursuing other candidates... we encourage you to continue to seek out future opportunities within our company..."
I seem to have a few strikes against me.  The two most damaging appear to be the lack of a college degree and my age.  The fact that I refuse to take less than my last employment isn't helping.  (Although that was considerably lower than previous salaries.) It is so freaking discouraging! 
I am praying a lot.
I am networking.
I am trying to appreciate this time and get things done that I haven't been able to do (like Christmas lights). I just want to feel like I am contributing more to our household. I want to feel needed and appreciated in the workforce.
The quote somehow connects me to my feeling of rejection and or abandonment from employees.  I know that if they would set an interview, I could get the job.  I have never been turned down from an interview. It's just getting the interview that I need to do!

New Day Meadery Winery

Sergio and I took Emily to New Day Meadery for some more exploration of the art of wine. A very cool winery in the quaint Fountain Square area of Indianapolis. This one is unique as they do not use grapes but rather honey as the key ingredient for their wine. It is different. I liked it, although I am partial to the grape wines.
There is a unique taste that also seems to grasp your sinus cavity in the Dry Mead.. hilarious to see each of our faces when we "experienced" it. Even Sergio, got caught off guard.
We ended up agreeing to the Semi-Sweet Blackberry Honey Wine, and bought a bottle.

Emily and I started our Wine Tasting adventure last time she came home.  We are on The Indy Wine Trail and have three more to go before getting our complimentary wine glass with all the wineries engraved. It is really fun and I have learned so much about wine.

I am looking forward to continuing our journey. If you have wineries in your area, I suggest joining in on this fun way to learn more about wines.  I thought I only liked White Zinfandel, but, tickled to be stepping outside my little comfort zone!

The Ugly Truth

The ugly truth is Leslie Gore lied.

Her song "Sunshine Lollipops & Rainbows", implies that when in love everything is more than peachy.  It's
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay."

Liar.

I am in love. I have been for close to 25 years to the same man. It's wonderful. But not all the time.
Yeah, sure, I get teased because I do still get giddy when I see him.
But...
He also forgets to tell me how wonderful I am. And sometimes he's not so pretty.

Love is grand. But, I hate the picture some songs paint. I also hate how so many people think it will be just like in the movies or television. Even the sitcoms make it seem easy and fun.  If I ever made a sarcastic comment like Debra on "Raymond" or Carrie on "King of Queens", I'd be divorced and living like Rhett Butler's character Grace from Grace under Fire" (minus the abuse & alcohol situations).

My life has never been "The Brady Bunch"  or "The Cosby Show".  I survived my childhood, happy for the most part and with loving parents. At least it wasn't as dysfunctional as Jeanette Walls, from "The Glass Castle".

I have been very blessed to have a great marriage with an amazing husband.  I love him very much, (although he isn't perfect). I have wonderful daughters that I am so proud of. They live off at college and sometimes time slips and I forget that we aren't perfect mother/daughters too. We are not the Gilmore Girls nor the Kardashians. We are close but sometimes get on each others nerves.

Honestly, I sometimes feel jealous of relationships I see between spouses, mothers & daughters, and family in general. But I realize that there are others that are envious of what I have. Isn't it like that for many?  Never quite satisfied with what you have, always curious about the other side of the fence.

Then you realize what you do have is simply marvelous.

Meet my Muse

"Many artists, writers, poets and musicians have said that their creative work has been inspired by an individual whom they refer to as their "Muse". A muse is someone who has such an influence on another that he or she becomes the focus and inspiration for that person's creative work. The term has historically been used by men to describe the women that they have been in love with and made the subject of their work.

The word muse originates from Greek mythology. The Greek gods Zeus and Mnemosyne had nine daughters called the Muses. The nine daughters were of one being in heart, spirit and thought. If the muses loved a man, then the man's worries instantly disappeared. The man who was loved by the muses was considered to be more sacred than a holy man."

I have been in a slump. I have had little creative let alone positive energy. I have let myself get overwhelmed yet again and needed to snap out of it. With the past couple of weeks throwing job loss, financial concerns, health issues, family conflict and death at me, I threw up a white flag.

In comes my rescuers.
First, credit goes to my Hubby. He is my hero and pushes me to do what is best for myself and to stop concerning myself with the rest.  He knows when I need to give myself a break and I am so grateful he guides me to sanity.
Second, I am giving my Bestie Deb the credit due. She is amazing. And I am very grateful for her as well. She helps me put things in perspective and she inspires me. I am at awe in her achievements and very proud to be her friend. She has accomplished much and hardly takes recognition.
I was able to take an impromptu trip to visit her this weekend. That is a seven and a half hour trip one way. Not for the cranky impatient traveler.  I relished every mile as a milestone closer to my dear friend.  483 miles. 2 gas station stops plus one more stop when I had go to the restroom. Driving that far can be such a wonderful adventure even alone. I chatted a bit on my cell.  I sang...a lot and loudly. I played the alphabet game front ways and backwards. (I both won and loss). And I sang some more.
I made good timing and didn't feel so tired as I was giddy about seeing Deb.

My weekend consist of getting to see her beautiful family (the kids have grown so much since I last saw them and they are turning into fine young  -almost-adults), I got to finally see her home (that I had been promising for 5 yrs to come see, and is absolutely gorgeous), we started decorating her house a little in preparation of a upcoming party, we ate (a lot) we watched the HGTV channel and a movie or two (so wonderful watching with a Bestie and be able to be catty), we took in some sights (visited the quaint city of Collierville, check out Memphis as she took me to the beautiful Mississippi River@ sunset and The Peabody Hotel with their famous ducks that live there), and we just hung out and chatted.
Gosh I love her so much! We have been friends for over 30 years. Even got to be roommates for a year when we were in our early twenties. Oh how I wish we lived closer!
However, we cherished every minute.
I feared the trip home would feel longer and that I would be more tired from. Surprisingly it wasn't.
She had inspired me, lifted my spirits, gave me sound advice, and helped me get my Mojo back. I was anxious to see Sergio too.  I wanted him to see how rejuvenated I was and grateful he encouraged me to take this little trip.
So 483 more miles and two stops to the gas station, as well as one stop at Loretta Lynn's Kitchen for yummy lunch, witnessing one car accident (they were okay and plenty of help, so I continued on my way), a couple more phone calls, and a bunch more loud singing, I made my seven and a half hour trip home safe & sound.

Ahhh, a road trip.  Sometimes the best medicine is doing these little things for ourselves.

love from Todd Deutsch

This was in the December 2010 issue of 
Real Simple Magazine.
I love it!
I had to share, just in case you do not get Real Simple magazine.
Mr Deutsch took this photograph of his sons in November of 2007.
Click the photo to read his piece on the photo.
Many of us lucky parents have seen a similar sight of our children. Ahh, but to get it in a photograph is priceless.
Thank you Todd Deutsch for sharing this with us.

Reader's Block

I don't know what is wrong with me.  I can't seem to get into or enjoy a good book lately. I am trying, but I am being awfully picky.

Was told by many that a must read, "that I would love" was "The Shack", by William Paul Young.  It sounded wonderful.  Spiritual. Right up my alley.  Although, I didn't like it. I really attempted it! I should have enjoyed it.  But nahh.  Not a good read for me.  In fact I got through half before giving up on it.

I did finish a couple that I enjoyed. I read, "His Favorite Wife" by Susan Ray Schmidt. Which I thought was amazing! Very gripping and hard to put down. The fact that this is a Memoir is crazy!  Very dysfunctional but because of religious beliefs.

I also finished, "Up From the Blue" by Susan Henderson. Which also a memoir but made into a novel because of a few changes. Another hard to put down for me.  Had a few surprises that threw me.

 

My most current read is was "Her Last Death", another memoir, this one from Susana Sonnenberg.  I have made it half way through and am throwing in the towel.  If I don't see something by the halfway point, then it's history.

So, now I am moving on... Here are my next two to go for:

I hear this one is really good for animal lovers like me. Jim Gorant's "The Lost Dogs". I am sure it's a tear jerker and I am sure my dislike for Mr Vick will deepen. I found it was about to be released and got in line for it at the library. Very excited to be the first to crack this book open :)

I also am about to read Rachel Sontag's memoir titled "House Rules".  This is the one I will begin this evening.

Well, there are my picks and icks.  The beauty is everyone has different likes and opinions.  What I may like you may hate.  But, I still LOVE hearing what you read and what you thought.  

By The Way~ Best read so far this year is "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls.  Hands down. 

Yeah, I like reading about dysfunctional childhoods...

Word Vomit

"Word Vomit: The uncontrollable act of stating valid facts at an often inopportune time in conversation.  Usually in the wrong tone." Lindsey Lohan's character Cady in the 2004 Movie "Mean Girls".
Truly one of the best quotes ever.  I have a case of Word Vomit often.  It's like my mouth says it or my fingers type it before my brain decides to let me know.... WHOAA! Do you really want to say that?  I have done it again.  Said something that I felt needed said, but surely did not think it was hurtful or would offend. 
I was wrong.  I ended up hurting someone that I love very much.
Why do I do this?
Why did I not see the words the way she did? Or why couldn't she see them the way I do?
Choosing words carefully is so important.
My daughter once had a teacher (I may have mentioned this story) that shared this very important lesson.
Words are much like toothpaste and the tube is like our mouth.  Once you squeeze those words out, you can't put it back.
So be careful. Especially with those you love.

Sister~Cousins

Meyer's and Tribby's July 1967

I love this photo.  I just discovered it and I love the how you can see more than just a family gathering photograph.  Notice everyone is tense.  Almost as if we have been yelled at or forced.  I am the little five year old in the green dress with giant flowers in the front row. My cousin Shari is next to me, and we are the only ones smiling. What ever it is that has everyone else so uptight isn't affecting us little girls so much. We just know to smile when told "cheese".  My cousin Billy has a suit & bow tie on. What's up with that?  My Mother, who always is smiling and happy in photos, but here she can barely be seen hiding behind my Aunt Nancy's hair.  My sister Julie also is always hamming it up and this is a rare photo of her being still and somber. Julie is the sweet little seven year old in the center. The other day when this was discovered, Shari, Janet (the baby in the photo), and myself, started trying to analysis this photograph.It was a good laugh.

Family can be interesting.  Very complex or very simple.  Sometimes, I think for most, somewhere in between.  I believe that when you have a dysfunctional family, you are very much clinging to each other, knowing you know each others secrets.  You need each other to survive.

Through the years, I have been Blessed to stay in touch pretty well with my cousins. Of course there are times we get busy and are not as close as we wish, however given the fact that we live across this nation in multiple states (as well as countries, with one cousin that lived in Canada for 7 years), we have always been there for each other. Not so well with my boy cousins, somehow, ever though we love each other and all, we didn't stay as close.  Except the silly boy in the striped shirt.  That is my cousin Rob, whom I was very close to. (He even lived with us for a while).  Unfortunately, we lost Rob to suicide several years back when he was just shy of his 40th birthday.

Through recent tragedy, I have reconnected more with my cousins. We don't have as many distractions now that our children are grown (well, mine anyway). We have vowed to stay connected.  We now feel more like sister's than cousins. We will keep our priorities straight.  We will try desperately to meet yearly with a fun Sister~Cousin trip. 

These girls know me better than anyone.  They understand who I am and how I got here.  My sister and I both are both so lucky to have each other and now we have the cousins to lean on and to embrace.

Janet, Janis, Shari

I am very fortunate to have these women in my life.

Stinker!

Bandit has discovered he can see what's going on by jumping on top his crate and peering through the pass through between my office and the kitchen. He is very curious and always wants to know what everyone is up too. He'd have freedom to enjoy the whole house if he could stop his urge to "mark" certain pieces of furniture!

Let's just hope he doesn't get brave & try to come through! Looks like he is thinking about it.

Ready For a New Chapter

My Life is much like a book.

The story seems to be one you know how it will end, but sometimes you find interesting changes.
Unforeseen events that keep you interested and make you wonder what is next. Expectations change.

And so begins a new chapter to that life story I thought I knew.

These new pages offer me thrill as well as fear. I will embrace new challenges and take on things I am not familiar with. I will pull up my big girl panties and face things that frighten me.

I do believe that good things are to come. Sometimes when we walk through some valleys we appreciate the hills more.  I am okay with that.  I also believe that this is all a part of a plan, a blueprint if you will.  I must be patient and listen to my heart. What is it that God has in store for me? How exciting!

So, I am ready for this change. I am ready for a new chapter. I embrace what God has in store for me, so bring it on!