Capivating Fear

As I sat in the dentist chair, I shivered. Tightly gripping my cell phone in one hand, and Annie's ipod in the other. I completely trust my Dentist and her staff. However, I have had a few mishaps in the dentist chair before and the thought of them sawing and drilling the broken crown out of my mouth put a fear into me. Apparently I had a faulty crown with a hairline crack. It happens. No charge to me, other than the anxiety attack , discomfort and time spend replacing it.

For the next two and a half hours, I cranked up the music, shut my eyes and opened my mouth. Xanax was my friend as it took the edge off. Uncomfortable, scared, but no pain. I have a temporary and get the real McCoy June 18th.

Than is one form of my fears.

I also have fears that I can not control such as finances, job security and economy.

I have the parental fear that my daughters will not need me anymore, or worse, they WILL need me in ways never imagined.

I have fears that involve medical situations.

I have the fear of the unknown. The things to come or not to come.

How will I get through? What is to come? Will I survive as usual? Or will I crash?

Life doesn't come with a manual or instructions.

I dig in, do my best, pray, hope and dream.

I have my posse. Family, Besties, even ordinary people that have a genuine care for me.

With so much on my plate for the next few weeks, I am going to have to hold back another anxiety attack that is biting my ankles. I just don't have the time or patience. So, pray for me, think of me and watch my back...please.

Top Ten Reasons to Avoid the Check-out Lines

Reason #10. The cashier doesn't understand how to bag items.

Reason #9. The person in front of you is gabby to the Cashier.

Reason #8. The person in front of you is gabby to you.

Reason #7. The Cashier wants to tell you what is good and what is not that you bought.

Reason #6. The Cashier flips through your magazines, books, and the cards you are trying to purchase.

Reason #5. The Cashier has to touch all your stuff.

Reason #4. The person in front of you smells funny.

Reason #3. The person in front of you has a child that wants to annoy you.

Reason #2. The Cashier is sick and coughing on all your stuff.

And Reason # 1. You are too tired to fight about these things.

Guess where I have been?

Welcome Indy 500 Race Fans!

Today marks the 100th Indianapolis 500 Race.

33 starters will take the green flag today @ 1:00pm.

The city has been in festive mode all month. Our city is crowded with fans from across the country and across the world. Hotels are filled and restaurants are popping. Fun events all month.

As a child, my parents were big fans and we went often. If not the race itself we went to the track for events leading up to it, then enjoyed Indy 500 cookouts on race day.

Sergio & I enjoyed race events and actual races also. The past few years we have not gone or been as involved. Starting with the changes with the Race cars and the IRL changes. We haven't been to as many cookouts these past years either. I have decided that next year we will have a cookout and try to start up tradition with our friends again. With Annie's graduation, as well as so many of our friends, this year just didn't happen. There is always next year!

Here is my all time favorite Race Car Driver. Mario Andretti. Still a hottie and just so cool! I met him a couple of years ago and am so glad I had my camera! His family is amazing and so interesting. I love them all and wish we were friends! (He laughed when I told him we named our cat after him when we did not have a son to bear his name).

My picks for this years race are Helio Castoneves or Danica Patrick. This should be Danica's year. Go Baby Girl! My wild card picks are Marco Andretti (Mario's Grandson) or Milka Duno.

Here are some fun & interesting Indy 500 facts:
(sources:Indy Racing League Media Relations, Indy Racing League Technical Department, IndyCar Series race teams, Firestone, Honda)

Did you know...
...that the 3.5-liter, 100% fuel-grade ethanol -powered engines of IndyCar Series cars produce more than 650 horsepower, nearly 4xs that of a average street car?
...that each of the eight pistons in an IndyCar Series engine travels nearly1 mile up and down in the cylinder every minute?
...that an IndyCar Series car accelerates from 0-100 in less than 3 seconds?
...the tread of an IndyCar Series tire is 3/32nd of an inch - slightly thicker than a credit?
...at speed, the tread area of the racing tires approaches the temperature of boiling water (212 degree Fahrenheit)? At those levels, the tread actually becomes tar-like in consistency to help the tires and car adhere to the track.
...that the draft (or hole in the air) created by an IndyCar Series car extends 25 feet behind the car?

There is more cool facts. Go to: http://www.indy500.com/ for more information about our cool race.

Similar Dance Memories

Check these out:

Annie and friends at her 8th Grade Dance. These are some of her best friends then and now.

Kalen, Tom, Annie,

Jessica, Julie, & Haley

Here are my Besties and two more dear friends in 1979 at a High School dance.

That is Mary Coleman & Kim Sheets joining Deb, Sher, Lynn & I. (I wish I had Rich in the photo!).

How funny! Tomorrow I must make copies as "my girls" do not have copies. Thirty years later, I think I owe them copies!

Dances are great with a date. But the best memories come from the Dances with your friends. We had dates at the 1979 dance, but I am not sure where the photo of me and the date is! But this one, it is priceless! I am thinking Annie will cherish hers just as much!

This & That...

I am going to try to catch up a bit.

I am home alone and there are so many things calling to me to do and I will try to do a little of this and a little of that. The result will be getting nothing completely done, but dabbling in much. Will make completion of stuff quicker in the long run... maybe.

Anyway.

This morning Annie showed me the completed Graduation Video.
It is awesome. I cried, just a bit. She starts it at birth and ends it with Senior Year. She threw in a few videos and a ton of pictures. It is officially 42 minutes long, but will be played on a loop so it will just keep playing & people can watch pieces of it when they want during the graduation party. I love the music she chose. This song from Vitamin C was tossed in. Do you remember it? It is from around 2001 I believe. I love this song. so I am sharing with you.

I have a nice little "Kool-Aid" wine (that is White Zinfandel, for those of you that don't know). I think I will chill, sip, read & write. I also will throw in a load or two, and clean the kitchen. (That always looks like you have done alot when there are clothes are folded and a clean kitchen).
Ha Ha the secrets I tell!

I also have been trying to catch up on my favorite blogs. I am having trouble leaving some comments on some. Anyone else having trouble? Hmmm, maybe it's me.

More to come! I will be right back.

Handsome Hubby!

This is one of my favorite photos of Sergio. I love the look in his eyes and the smile on his face.

It was taken a few of years ago at South Beach, Florida. Sergio & I took a weekend trip, just the two of us.

It was wonderful.

We haven't had an opportunity to get away since, and we could use a little R & R trip like this. It was the most stress-free vacation ever. Currently, we are both about as stressed out as one can get. We have alot on our plates.

Soon, all of this will pass. We will survive. We will have opportunities to take such trips again.

I anxiously look forward to those "ahhh" days.

ps... isn't he handsome (-8

Do You Cook, Janis?

Today a group of co-workers and myself, walked to Champps for lunch. On the way, we were discussing menu items. One of them asked me, "Do You cook, Janis?".

I found that interesting.

Was it an option?

Most of these women are ten to twenty years younger than I. Maybe they live in a different world than I.

I answered, "Well, of course! I mean, I don't often cook big meals like I use to. With Emily away in Muncie, and Annie always gone. Cooking is often Hamburger Helper or like tonight, Polska Kabaska. But, yeah, I have been the cook in our family for the past 24 years."

Few of these women cook. I am hearing that men cook. Sergio can, when he has too. He cooks a mean steak, chicken or anything on the grill. He also cooks breakfast for the girls sometimes as they all like potatoes and stuff. But, if I don't cook supper, he will eat a turkey sandwich, cookies, snacks and starve.

My girls can cook. Especially Emily. She loves cookbooks and dreams of a stove that works (her apartment has a sad excuse for one that basically is a stove top, the oven is less then desirable).

Speaking of desirable, I think the better the kitchen, the better the cook. Our last house had a friendly kitchen, this home is not gourmet friendly. The next house must have a kitchen calling my name!

When my girls were young, I resembled Cher's character in "Mermaids". I often used cookie cutters for cutting sandwiches, made fun snackie foods, jigglers (I also make great jello shots~ but that is another story!), and deserts. Annie is stepping into my "desert and hors d'oeuvres queen" shoes!

I like cooking. Especially in a well stocked, friendly, happy kitchen. Toss in some loved ones, a glass of wine, and I AM THERE!

Wha Wha Wha!

I need a good cry!

I know things could be worse. I know I am so lucky and have a good life.

BUT....

AARG!

What a crappy day.

It started at midnight. Sergio did not pack for his Cleveland trip yet, so he woke me up looking for things he needed. Then the alarm at 4:00am to wake Sergio. Yes, MY ALARM, and yes, I wake him up. He stumbled about, mad that he couldn't find the garment bag he needed, and ticked that he could only find three black socks. "Two nights and I don't even have two pair of socks!". Apparently in Sergio world, my daughters and I plot on stealing his socks, shoes, garment bag and anything else he can't find. Yeah, shoot me, I dig men's black dress socks. NOT!. come on!

I will miss him as I always do when he goes on business trips, but, then again, maybe I can plot on something new to "hide" from him.

I got up at 6:00am, woke Annie, got ready myself (having a bad hair day though) and out the door by seven to hit traffic.

Work was good, until I heated up a Pop Tart in the toaster. First bite into my warm soft pastry and something went wrong. Something hard and sharp was in my mouth! I tasted blood. I feared something was "in" my Pop Tart. I started spiting in out, and found two sharp porcelain pieces. I couldn't tell if they were pieces of porcelain fillings or teeth! The edges were so sharp, I sliced my tongue and gum. Once I got the bleeding stopped and did the best I could to self examine, I called my dentist. We decided it must be filling pieces or I would be feeling pain. I set up for tomorrow afternoon as I am going for another Cervical check with my on going "situation".

I am starving. Soup, coffee, and mac & cheese just hasn't filled me up!

Speaking of starving, I feed the dogs. Slipped in a water puddle next to the water bowl and twisted my ankle.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
It is throbbing!

On top of all that, I have all that other stuff happening in my life!

OH MY GAWD!

Maybe a little of Deb's Bailey's should go in my coffee tonight!

I think I will go chill with more ice on my foot.

My Tapestry Life

Remember the words to Carole King's Tapestry?
It begins like this:

My Life Has Been A Tapestry of Rich & Royal hue,

An Everlasting Vision, of the Ever Changing view.

A Wondrous woven Magic in bits of Blue & Gold

A tapestry to see and feel, impossible to hold.

I often think about this. How true for me anyway.

Tapestries form beautiful patterns and pictures.

I feel the same about quilts.
Pieces of different materials pieced together to form a beautiful pattern. I love quilts and have always used them as bedspreads and blankets. We wear them down, they get tattered and torn. Although Sergio things they get holey, I think it adds character. Love shines through.

I have added another "project" to my plate. I plan on taking the bags of baby and toddler clothes that belonged to Emily and Annie, the ones I could never part with, and turn them into quilts. Actually, the plan is, to create three Christmas skirts out of them. One for Emily, one for Annie, and one for me. I have had this plan for several years. Just never the time or energy to pursue it. With Annie leaving in the Fall for college, I think the time is right. Cool, huh? I am looking forward and will post you when I get started this fall.

Maybe it will be therapeutic?

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother's Day for us Americans.

I am Blessed. I am a Mother and I am also a Daughter.

I want people to understand something though about Mother's Day. I researched it a little before starting this blog post. I found nothing that I wanted to use. No quotes, no poems, no information about it's origin or it's purpose. I was slightly disappointed. Maybe it is me that has it wrong, but, let me tell you what I think, then you can decide.

I completely agree that Mother's Day, we should remember and honor our Moms, Step-Mothers and Grandmothers. But while I searched the web for what I wanted to use in my post, left many women out.

I have a Mom that loves me very much. She did the best she could. She had many difficult roads to travel in raising me and my sister, but she did good. The best she could. I love her and appreciate her. I learned much from her and attribute many of my better qualities from her.

BUT...

She did not raise me along. I was also so Blessed to have other women Mother me. These women looked after me, advised me, encouraged me and helped me in ways I could never truly express how much I am grateful for.

Grandma Kitty~ had me every summer from 12-17. I learned so much from her and a part of her spirit will always be with me.

Aunt Linda~ was cool. Taught me how I could be cool, and myself. She shared her most prized possessions. Her Horse Diamond, then her son Tulley. She was the first pregnant person I knew that let me touch her moving belly. Explained the beauty of pregnancy and that it would be worth those difficult discomforts to have a loving child myself.

Aunt Shari~ another cool Aunt. Introduced me to music in the seventies. Got me my first album (Three Dog Night) and smoked the ever so cool "Eve" cigarettes with the flowers on them.

Aunt Nancy~ taught me about loyalty; family in a way I wasn't as familiar with; and opened her home and heart to me always. She remembered my birthday every year for 45 years. She now suffers from Alzheimer's and no longer remembers.

Pat M.~ My Camp Fire Leader. I loved this women so much and grateful she brought out the artistic and creative side of me. She believed in me and brought me self- esteem.

Barb B.~ My baby-sitter and friends Mom. She taught me so much about raising children, multitasking and organization skills.

Sandy R.~ Best Friends Mom and loved me unconditionally (although sometimes I worried her). Sandy taught me to the importance of being Lady-like, respectful and taught me a thing or two about cooking!

Chris B.~ First "older" friend. I babysat for her children and she took me under. Lived across the street growing up and helped me "understand" and was a wonderful sounding board.

Judy S.~ First Boyfriends Mom. She was wonderful to me. She also taught me about finer things in life and to expect the best. She taught me to go for it and not cut myself short.

I could go on and on...

I also believe that my daughters have truly been Blessed with women in their lives that are Mothering figures to them.

Sheri~ Godmother, Bestie to Mom. She has been with these girls since BEFORE they were born. She talked to my tummy. She was their first visitor. She has been such a part of them they have her DNA, I swear! Don't know how, but I do believe they do. She has been with them every step of their lives. And still is. She loves them as her own and I happily share them with her.

Deb~ Another Bestie to Mom. Also a part of their lives forever. Although we live in different states and they don't get to see each other as much. My daughters know that Aunt Deb loves them completely.

Aunt Julie~ My girls are crazy for Aunt Julie. They like to share girlie things with her and loved playing board games with her. They always look forward to her Birthday cards with Julies creative artsy writings and doodles. She always worked hard to get them things they liked and share interest with them.

Aunt Delia~Always taught the girls about the finer things in life, taught them about their heritage and has loving interest in them.

Laura M.~ Annie's Journalism teacher. Gave Annie confidence and encouragement. Made her work hard to achieve greatness. Gave Annie reason to be proud of her accomplishments in Yearbook.

Again, I could go on and on.

We open our hearts to women that love us and encourage us. I pray that I have also inspired and given to others as well. You don't have to be my biological mother, step mother or even related to get a Happy Mothers Day from me. I am grateful to them all.

I love You Moms!

Overwhelmed

No time for a nervous breakdown. My mind keeps begging me for one.

I feel numb. Not myself.

I actually hear people talking but am not paying attention to the words they are saying. I see them speaking, but hear blah blah blah.

I only have five minutes to write, then it's back to being a robot.

I miss you Blogworld. when allowed to write daily, I felt safer, saner.

I have had some wonderful parts of the week.
Annie's Award Day, the job is going well...

But I have had some hard parts pf the week.
The economy and Sergio's position in trying to keep UAW workers sane.
Our own finances, with graduation, insurances and license plates due. My dear little truck is still in the shop after a few weeks. The good news is it is a great truck worthy of saving, the bad news is the engine. It had a life of over 250,000 miles, and that is all it could take. We are waiting for a suitable donor engine. Meanwhile I am without a vehicle. As well as the usual bills due and extra expenses of...living.

I know I am blessed with the family & friends. I currently am employed with a job I am enjoying.

But, I am depressed.

I freakin' overwhelmed.

I have no time for me. I am expected to do this and that, and while I am at it, some of this too.

I want to go curl up somewhere comfy. I want to be invisible. I want to ...

relax.

More Songs

A couple more songs for the week.

This one titled "Just Breathe", from Telepopmusic was recommended music from AJ, my new Little Buddy from work. When he heard what my title for the Blog was, he pulled this song out of his ipod for me to listen to.

I liked it. Very different. European sound. Loved the words. Worthy of adding to the playlist this week.

"August Rhapsody", is from the movie "August Rush". I recently saw it (again), and wanted to share this magnificent piece. I enjoyed the music and loved how it protrays seeing music through this characters eyes and how he pulls a different sound from the instruments.

So, I hope you enjoy. If not, hit the stop button.

The Climb

My new song. I really love the words to this. I was surprised it was Miley Cyrus. Never really a Hannah Montana fan, but, the girl has a great voice. Reminds me of a younger Dolly Parton (voice wise!). I hope you like it.

The Climb
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreamin'
But there's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shakin'

But I,
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

Chorus:
There is always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb


The struggles I am facin'
The chances I am takin'
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember the most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on

Chorus:
Cuz, There is always another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Yeah

Chorus:
There is always another mountain
I'm always gonna want to make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Yeah,

Keep on movin'
Keep climbing
Keep the faith
Baby

I'ts all about
It's all about
the climb

Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Woah-oh

Shocking Supermarket Carts

Often when I go grocery shopping, I seem to have trouble with my shopping carts. It isn't trouble with a bad wheel (although that too happened), it is trouble with getting shocked from the handle of my carts.

If my hands are touching the part where the the plastic piece that is screwed onto the metal AND the metal part of the handle. It only seems to happen when I am pushing the cart, not just standing still.

What the heck? It really is like a little electrical shock.

It kindof hurts.

Has this ever happened to YOU? I am not making it up, I even know someone that has said it happens to them too.

How freaky..

And while I am talking about grocery shopping. Tonight was such a crap trip. Trying to save money I went to TWO stores.

"Aldi's" then "Meijers".

If you have done this, you know what I mean, you are literally spending twice as long to shop when you stop at two places. Saturday night is not the night to go. Too crowded, and the shelves are bleak. Store clerks have boxes everywhere as they try to re-shelf.

I believe in job security. The scan yourself aisles were crowded so I went down and choose a live person aisle.

MISTAKE

I should have known. The lady in front of me kept trying to make eye contact, and I avoided her. I noticed her getting frustrating with the check out girl, but shrugged it off as "picky shopper".

Wait... I AM PICKY TOO, I should have paid attention.

By time I did, it was too late. All my groceries were on the belt and I had shoppers behind me.

Cashier Girl, is arguing with shopper about why she thinks it is okay to put pesticide in the same bag with other stuff. ohh ohh.

What's that? Is Cashier Girl coughing? Ohh, not only is she coughing into her shirt, she is coughing in her hand and then TOUCHING the groceries!

OMGOSH! Don't watch, Jan. Be strong.

Oh Crap. This girl is SICK..

Argh!

OMGosh, stop it!

She is touching everything, coughing, complaining.

Poor thing.

By now I am so grossed out, I can't watch. I am thinking about having to wipe everything off (all 63 items).

When I got home, I decided to call the store. I very nicely, told the manager that I was "concerned". I don't want in any way to get this girl in trouble, I just want them to help her. Please give her some medicine, some hand sanitizer, and maybe gloves & a mask...

I am praying it's not Swine Flu...

Golly Ghee... and Whew!

Well, I have been away from Blogworld for a week. I have peeked in at some of my favorite Blogs to try and catch up on your lives, however, have had no time to post one myself.

Busy, busy, week.

Annie had a wonderful time at Prom. Also at Kings Island the following day.

Now for Graduation Rush.

I have spent all week scanning pictures for her Senior Video.

From birth to graduation.



I am lucky that she is so smart and technical. All I had to do was scan the photos onto a memory stick, she is turning them into a video. I narrowed it down to a few hundred photos.

It was harder than I thought.

Tears.

Laughs.

She grew up so fast.

There was a school Awards Program on Tuesday. Annie was recognized for 4 awards. I held back the tears, but I won't be able to at the Senior Awards, Senior Baccalaureate Services, or Graduation.

I am so incredible proud of the young woman she has become.

I also extremely emotional about her growing up.

Have I done enough? Have I taught her all I could? Will she still need me?

I hope so.