Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Back In The Saddle...again

San Antonio Bi-Centennial Trail Ride 1976
I'm moving forward. 
Life certainly throws some interesting things at us and it isn't always easy to make the right choices.  The thing is you have to make choices and accept the consequences.  In hindsight, would we make the same choice had we known the outcome?  Who knows. 
But we have to trust in ourselves that we are doing the best we can and for me... with a little help from my friends (and family), and a lot of help from God, I am moving forward.

One year ago today, I could not imagine what was to come in the next several months. I feel a bit like a hurricane hit and I am cleaning up the after mass.  You can't expect it to come together quickly.  I have learned that all that praying for patience (my whole life) would come in handy one day.

Several times I have come to my Blog, ready to write... to vent... to heal.  But as the words flowed off the keyboard, I couldn't finish a post.  They are like broken pieces waiting to be fixed. So much to say and yet so much not to share. For the first time in a long time I felt I had to figure this out by myself.  You might say, I am different now.  I would like to say it's a good thing.  But it is also a little sad.

The above picture is a snippet of a very large photograph  taken July 4th 1976.  During one of my treasured summers in Texas, my Grandparents took me along with them on a Bi-centennial Trail Ride.  It took us 3 days to ride horseback from Austin to San Antonio. It was amazing.  If you look close, Grandma circled our faces in this photo, just left of the horse that moved his head.

Just prior to this trip, I was in an accident on my Grandmothers horse, Fancy.  I saddled her up myself.  My Grandparents always told me to knee her chest so she would exhale before strapping the breast strap.  I felt like it was cruel... I wasn't going to"kick" her with my knee.  I felt she was just fine. She wasn't.  30 minutes into my ride, she wanted to go back to the stables.  She was "done" entertaining me.  That's when I realized what my Grandparent was talking about.  She snorted a bit, causing the saddle to loosen.  She started jumping around rearing up and bucking.  The saddle started to slip and some how, my foot tangled between her side and the saddle.  I was dragged a bit, terrified to say the least.  I was so sure she would crush me. My Grandfather caught up with us and calmed her.  I was untangled and pulled to safety.  Once my scrapes were tended and we saw no serious damage.  I was thrown back on her.  Oh My God! The last thing I wanted was to ride!  But, like the wonderful Grands they were, they kept me back on her until my fear subsided and I was back in control.  (Took frickin' forever, but I finally came around... Fancy too, she was pissed!).

Life is that way.
no matter what the fear, the pain, the obstacle... we must find a way to conquer it and move forward.

Much has transpired over the past few months. I have much to share. Hopefully, I will get my comfort back as I jump back onto this saddle.


Kristen In London said...

Dearest Jan, I know how difficult this summer has been for you and I hope so much that you finding healing moments... your friendship has meant a great deal to me and I hope if there is every anything I can do to help you and your family, you will reach out! It was a tremendous treat to see you in Indy... many more like that, I hope. :)

Linda said...

Hi Janis,
I'm glad to see you're back to your blog. I've been wondering about you during this time, how you were doing. That's a precious photo to behold and treasure, such as life is - a precious treasure. Glad to see you're regaining strength to write and look forward to more of your blogs to come.

Love, Linda ♥

Scott said...

I'm glad to see finally back to your blog. I hope this means you do feel yourself getting stronger and turning a corner. That was a wonderful vignette to illustrate your point. Hang tough, my friend.

rosaria williams said...

Isn't that the truth! Yes, your patience and your faith, and your resilience have pulled you through rough patches. Also, your generous spirit, I might add. You are a courageous, authentic human being, always ready to help others.
I appreciate you.

Judy Miller said...

Hope all is looking up for you, whatever you have been going through. I too had wondered what was happening, but then I have not written on my blog for over a year. I need to begin doing that also. Loved the horse story. Judy


Thanks for coming over to cheer me on at my blog. Now, reading what you've written it goes right along with how I've been feeling and trying to figure out how to get back onto the horse. Like Fancy as she bucked, my life has been bucking quite a bit but with all the encouragement I am getting from my blogger friends I'm ready to get back on and ride again!
Thanks again for your kindness. Means a lot to me especially today.

Reality Jayne said...

Well.hello again

Darcel said...

Hi Janis. I went back through your blog and you have been through so much, wow! I hope to be as strong as you are some day. I too have issues with my mom, but I'm not able to be as eloquent and forgiving...I am learning though. I'm so glad your back to writing. Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog the other day. I love that photo in your post.

Teacup Mosaics said...

The lessons of childhood, we didn't even know we were learning at the so many times in our lives.
Have a peaceful week!