Friday, November 26, 2010

The Ugly Truth

The ugly truth is Leslie Gore lied.

Her song "Sunshine Lollipops & Rainbows", implies that when in love everything is more than peachy.  It's
"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay."


I am in love. I have been for close to 25 years to the same man. It's wonderful. But not all the time.
Yeah, sure, I get teased because I do still get giddy when I see him.
He also forgets to tell me how wonderful I am. And sometimes he's not so pretty.

Love is grand. But, I hate the picture some songs paint. I also hate how so many people think it will be just like in the movies or television. Even the sitcoms make it seem easy and fun.  If I ever made a sarcastic comment like Debra on "Raymond" or Carrie on "King of Queens", I'd be divorced and living like Rhett Butler's character Grace from Grace under Fire" (minus the abuse & alcohol situations).

My life has never been "The Brady Bunch"  or "The Cosby Show".  I survived my childhood, happy for the most part and with loving parents. At least it wasn't as dysfunctional as Jeanette Walls, from "The Glass Castle".

I have been very blessed to have a great marriage with an amazing husband.  I love him very much, (although he isn't perfect). I have wonderful daughters that I am so proud of. They live off at college and sometimes time slips and I forget that we aren't perfect mother/daughters too. We are not the Gilmore Girls nor the Kardashians. We are close but sometimes get on each others nerves.

Honestly, I sometimes feel jealous of relationships I see between spouses, mothers & daughters, and family in general. But I realize that there are others that are envious of what I have. Isn't it like that for many?  Never quite satisfied with what you have, always curious about the other side of the fence.

Then you realize what you do have is simply marvelous.


ellen abbott said...

Yes what you have is wonderful. What I have is wonderful. It's the ups and downs that make it so. because they are still with you through the downs instead of bailing at the least hint of trouble. we always think the other side of the fence is more better but the thing is, the view is the same no matter which side you are on.

lakeviewer said...

Absolutely, right on the pulse, the total bomb truth! Most people would wish what you have; they are probably not aware of their own lives, just complaining.

If you go through a day not wanting to exchange life with anyone, you got it good!

Mark Pressley said...

I think so many are tied up in their own selfishness that they forget love is a two way street. They only expect good from their spouse and when they don’t always get the good they forget to try a little harder to understand their partner. Marriage is work there is no easy way and it is not perfect.

Nancy thinks we are exactly like the Simmons on Family Jewels I always thought we are more like the first year of the Osborne’s. What ever it is it works because it is worth working for.

Personally, I would have thrown my stinky butt out long ago. I believe she thinks I am the entertainment.

Anonymous said...

When the grass on the other side is greener, water your own lawn.
see you 12/6

Anonymous said...

Hey Jan that last one is from me!
mary d

Anonymous said...

Thought-provoking piece. I have been married twice, the 'practice' marriage was a short, spectacular failure of only a few months during which almost everything that could go wrong, did. The 'keeper' marriage has lasted over 20, and is still going strong. I think I was fundamentally the same person through each, though we certainly become wiser with age and learn how let some things go which really aren't that important in the larger perspective. I think success in relationships depends really on focusing more on the journey than on the goal...the road will not always be smooth, but to have shared the road with someone you've cared about is a wonderful thing.

JC said...

I so know what you mean. My relationship with my husband was purrfect in the beginning. Now, it's ok. Still there are moments when I think how cute he is or how funny. That young man I feel in love with is still there.

Is my relationship like I thought love would be, no. Is my relationship terrible, no. It just isn't what I thought love was.

My life is great though. I do see others that have the closeness in their lives that I don't have with my daughter or my husband but still my life is so much better than so many others.

I don't have a purrfect world but it is mine and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

janis said...

I think some misunderstood my point.. I am very happy & love my husband & family. I worry that too many people (particularly young) think it is a magical perfection once you marry & Nothing should go wrong. Such as tv projects. Personally I think the valleys & mountains within relationships regardless to spouse or family are way worth it an make you appreciate & love each other more. Prevents you from taking advantage of each other.
Something else, I do know I am loved by S & the girls. Just because I have low self esteem, I wish I got praises for the good things I do sometimes instead of always having what I don't do or do wrong pointed out so much.

Fire Byrd said...

Happieness now there's something that is hard to live up to. There are moments in life when I am happy, but they are fleeting. What I have instead is inner peace, contentment about my life. Gratitude for what I've got, hope for the future and joy when I see the birds feeding in the garden (amongst other things!)Love when I see or hear from the important people in my life. And the knowledge that this isn't a dress reharsel (sp, sorry) and life is definately what we make it and it's up to us to enjoy what we've got and fight that demon of envy that rears it's ugly head now and again. Sure I would like enough money to travel first class but I can live without it, what matters is I can afford to travel to see the people I love in the first place. I do have inner security about how I am and the life I lead and that brings peace and that is okay.

Mark Pressley said...

Well said Fire Byrd

Anonymous said...

I have days like that. I always try to remember something my friend once told me...

Ever notice how the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence? Ever think it might be because there's even more crap on that side?

Gives me a small laugh and helps me keep things in perspective. No relationship is perfect, always a constant work in progress. Hope things are going well! I miss having people to talk to.