Friday, June 4, 2010

But What About MY DREAMS?

My husband is home from his well deserved vacation. Hiking, camping and just breathing the Arizona air rejuvenated him. He came home home full of dreams and plans for our future. As we reach retirement, my husband is alive with goals and plans.
{The above photo is of the Pinaleno Mountains in Arizona where he visited}

His job is demanding and taxing. He has been beat up a bit with all the GM negotiations as well as the many plants that are folding and dealing with helping all these union members. He also shoulders the weight of "our world", with our own dilemmas, demands and issues. We have Oldies to worry about and college daughters to worry about. If it isn't work, its something on the home front.
I realize many are thinking... who doesn't? We all have stuff to deal with. He doesn't complain much {he is a man so hello? so complaining can't be helped}, he is always taking care of everyone and he has come back to us with certain pride... ideals... dreams...and finally some hope.

He has big dreams and ideals of how to achieve them. He is excited and enthusiastic about these new thoughts and plans. I have listened whole heartedly for the past several days. So pleased to see him happy about our future and wanting the best for us in retirement.

We have been married for 23 years. I took my vows very seriously. I like to believe I am about the most supportive wife there possible can be. I have agreed and abide by his thoughts of what is best for us. He has always made me & the girls most happy and provided very well for us.

The problem I am having will seem selfish. Please know, sometimes to write about these things puts a new prospective on my thoughts and helps me to see and think more clearly. I will continue to do as he sees fit and best. I always have and always will be the "Dutiful Wife". The "Proverbs Wife".
But sometimes I wonder, what about my dreams? What about the things I had hoped to achieve? My dreams? My thoughts and ideals? Are they to be cast aside and sit in this blog for me alone? Does the Hubby forget that maybe, I don't want some of those same plans and that those might not be my dreams? Does he forget when we were young, some of the plans that we dreamed about together? Am I just to be content that he knows best, therefore follow his dreams? Is it too much to wish that he tell me his dreams and ask me what I think? Ask me would I like to consider these things before just assuming?

I gave up on many a dreams long ago. It happens. We grow old and see that some things are just not possible or practical.

  • I will never have 4 kids.
  • I will not live in Texas.
  • I will probably not own horses (I can't give that one up yet).
  • I am not going to win/earn/inherit a ton of money so that I can open "Jan's Ark" my Haven for abused, neglected, and orphaned animals. {horse photo is a rescue horse looking for a home}
  • I am never going to have that ability to make people happy and light up a room.
  • I may never have the confidence I lack.
  • I will never learn to stop trying to fix and save people.

I won't give up on hopes, dreams, and wishes. I just think it would be nice to have my opinion, my input, be considered. I also just want to feel like my feelings are more worthy.


An English Shepherd said...

Dreams are what keep us going :-)


Lori ann said...

Dear Janet,

i hope that you will show your dear husband this post. He sounds like a wonderful understanding man and a good husband and father. But he is probably not a mind reader. Share what's in your heart, maybe everything isn't possible right away, or even ever, but husbands in love with their wives usually want to make them happy.

That said, you are not being selfish. You are taking care of you. And you know that is your first responsibility. It's impossible for your husband or daughters to be the ones to make you happy. You have to do that.

You will probably have grandchildren, you can visit Texas(alot when you retire),be creative regarding the haven for animals (with all the love you have for them, you'll think of something),and you don't realize how happy you make MANY people.
If you value yourself, others will too. I just wrote a short post about believing in yourself.

♥ lori
p.s. i hope you don't mind me saying all this, it's only out of friendship and love.

A human kind of human said...

Believe me Janis, I understand 100% how you feel... and I agree with Lori ann in that we often mistakenly think that our husbands know how we feel. Unfortunately this is not true. We need to tell them how we feel, what our dreams are and even that we would appreciate it if future plans are discussed with us.. or in any case, that is my experience. If you are really serious about your dreams, it would be worth the try to tell him how you feel, and just maybe, he will work out his future plans to accommodate your dreams also. Hang in there girl, planning for retirement can be stressful... I know!

janis said...

Thank you all so much. I know it seems communication would be the key. I absolutely love my husband, but he is a stubborn mule about some things. Part of the "problem" is the culture in which he was raised. I have addressed my dreams & wishes before. He tries...then forgets. He also feels when we do things my way it always disappoints us. I have asked him to read my Blog, he has a few, but he doesnt like or understand BlogWorld. He is a VERY private person & believes TMI is TMI. He appreciates my need for it but would rather me write my feelings in an old fashion Diary.
I will talk with him.
And thank you for the love.

Mark Pressley said...

Lori ann got it right in her words to you.

You are no different then anyone else we discuss retirement plans weekly around here with two different ideas. Nancy wants a beach I want a desert. She will win this discussion as Lori ann said a guy in love with his girl will do what he has to do.

As for dreams I really don’t believe in them if you want something bad enough make it happen all things are possible, even more kids if you want –adopt- my point is wait and see if you want it bad enough then do it.

If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.