Friday, July 30, 2010

Unveiling old Wounds

Sometimes life throws us a curve. How we deal with it will determine the outcome.

It is interesting to me how someone that has a strong memory of things from long ago, can still be able to bury some memories that are too painful to carry with us. Years can pass thickening the skin, hiding the scars.

However, things can happen, things that can trigger an unpleasant memory or a pain from long ago. When this does happen, it is like an unbelievable blow. Or a deva vu.

A while back, Someone mentioned an old "thing". One of those buried memories that I had to put away a long time ago. When it was reveled, I swear I felt the exact same pain, the feeling in the same spot and the sickening feeling in my gut.

I know people that have the gift of being able to block bad memories completely. Someone close to me once said, "I only have small pieces of my childhood in memories. I am scared of what I have blocked and hope that I don't ever recall them."

Someone else close to me, said something very wise. "I don't live in the past. It is the past. I refuse to dwell on it or allow it to sadden me. I live for today. I look forward to tomorrow."

I wish I could do that. I know that when I dwell or over-analyze, it doesn't add one day. It doesn't soften the pain, but I feel driven to understand things better. To have clarity. It does that for me. Once I truly understand the why or how, I can have closure on things.

Sometimes, I amaze myself at how much I have grown and how much I am now able to prioritize and start being able to "forget about it". Sometimes, "it" really doesn't matter.

"Scars tell where we have been, not who we are".


Mark Pressley said...

The nastier the wound the more I do not deal with it; I bury it fast and pretend it did not happen. Ninety percent of the time this works for me, the other ten percent something happens to make it surface and life gets a little rough for me and any one around at that time. I am a sober drug addict and an alcoholic these moments of old wounds surfacing are the times of my biggest tests.

I have tried to write on this topic a few times but the stuff is dark and I prefer to leave it be, when I finish the story I delete it. Years ago finishing my second visit to rehab I was told to journal they never said I had to share it.

Nice post

Lori ann said...

I'm sorry you had to go through this pain again Janis. I like what you said though, espically your last quote. You are stronger, you can deal with this and you will be okay. I believe it.

JC said...

I know a bit what you are talking about. After my coma, I've had lots of memory problems. I will have some of them come back to me like a wave rolling over me. Like it just happened. I've had some bad things happen to me in my life and it's just odd to have them come back to me so hard and fast.

I live in the present now. Whatever happened before I woke up ... well, in the past for me.

I do remember things .. just like they are a soft shadowed memory. I have to be reminded of things.

So, keep on going and do remember to take each day and laugh and enjoy what you woke up to.

xo xo xo