Thursday, February 11, 2010

An Aaa-Haaah Moment

Tonight I had one of those "Aaa-Haaa" moments. You know, when suddenly something has become clear. Crystal clear.

It is a Betsy(my Therapist), evening. I was rambling on about a relationship that hurts me and I just don't understand. Someone, whom I have loved for 20, no, make that close to 30 years. We were close, had a period of time we drifted. Then brought back together. Close again, then, not.

I have always given my all. Always been there, lovingly and caring. Things happened along the way. I always give the benefit of doubt and have also turned the other cheek.

Each time I was crapped on, I assumed this person didn't do it on person. Why would they?

A few things that happened over the years were icing on the cake. I decided, to keep my distance (& watch my back). Because of circumstances, we will always be connected, through a third party. There is no getting around this. However, I have grown a little spine and have set safe boundaries. Why set myself up for cruelity? Some people are just mean.

Back to my moment... This meanie is making waves again. Tonight, I was asking Betsy, why, I can't accept this and move on? Why do I let it hurt me so much? Why do I care?

After hearing our history. She told me about "Karpman's Triangle".
OMGosh! Thank you for having a term for this! I get it now. This person needed me, then turned to resent me for not being as needy as them.

Anyway, I can accept it now. I won't try to rescue this person anymore (the only rescue I have done lately is defend them). I am perfectly okay with what I have done and how I have always treated them. They are not going to get to me and make me become the Perpetrator. Finally I can see it is okay if they want to blame me, make up stories to make me look bad to the third party, and beat me down. The third party, has made it very clear that they know what kind of person I am, I need not feel I need to prove anything.

How does that saying go we all learned in Kindergarten?...
"Sticks & Stones can break my bones, but names can never harm me!"


Natalie said...

Very Interesting! I will check out that link for sure.x

Linda said...

I'm glad you've come to this realization. ♥

Hope you have a lovely Valentine's Day weekend,


RomanaO said...

I love AHA moments. Good for you.

Barry said...

How sad, but good you learned in time.