Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Eating Disorders

I don't look like this anymore. These photo's were taken 12 years ago. I have put on a few pounds since. At the time, my weight was about 102. I am 5'8" tall. It was a difficult task keeping myself above 100 pounds.

I never choose to look this thin. My dream weight was 120-130.

I have always been thin. It is in my genes. At my cousin's wedding, a comment was made that we all looked remarkably alike, at least in our physique. Tall skinny girls.

My "eating problem" was something that was always there. It was not one of those things where I wanted to look thin. I was not Anorexic, Bulimic,or a Binger. I just did not eat.

Ten years ago, I went for my yearly Pap and exam. I asked my doctor to take a look at a patch of skin at my tailbone area. It had a rough texture and was a darken color. I will never forget the look on his face. He looked me straight in the face and said, "I thought that you loved your daughters." I said, "Of course I do! Why would you ask me that?". He said, "Then why on earth are you starving yourself? That patch is where your tailbone is rubbing the inside of your flesh, you have zero body fat, and if you do not change your eating habits, you will soon have a hole in your back. How will you be able to care for them when you are not caring for yourself?"

He gave me the name of a Dietitian and sent me on my way.

She was my angel. I credit her with helping me become healthy.

She never belittled me. She had a gift of making me understand. She helped me condition myself and learn to eat.

She once said it so clearly: A commercial is on, there is a woman enjoying a bowl of ice cream. 98% of the people watching that commercial think about food, how good it looks or makes them think of something they would rather eat. I fall into the category of the 2% people that watch that same commercial & wonder; How would I look with that hair style? She nailed it! That is so me.

I had to learn to schedule eating. And eat a minimum of 2000 calories a day. (Did you know a Taco Salad, shell and all, from Taco Bell is 1000 calories?). I also ate alot of shakes with Ensure added.

I had to get past my food issues.
*stop thinking about this meat was once an animal!
*DON'T watch the fast food people! Don't even look at them.
*don't watch ANYONE eat
*stop getting so grossed out!

My Dietitian gave me a goal. Baby steps are good. Training myself at a slow pace was working. Before I knew it, I was there. I then had to weigh in daily to make sure I stayed within my range.

I am not perfect. I am healthier today, with my weight anyway. I still have to stop sometimes and remind myself to eat. I am fine with the family routine, but with my daughter away or Sergio out of town, I slip.

I am not alone. One of my Besties struggles as well. We share many food issues. We would both be content eating appetizers for the rest of our lives.

For the record, I now weigh 130 pounds. I like this new weight. Although I really need a new wardrobe. Toning would be smart too. At least I know to eat now.


sroman said...

This makes me very uncomfortable. I am so proud of you and I get weird when you think you're fat. Far from it.

You are still my favorite person to eat with. We know to find a corner where we don't have to watch people overload.

Anonymous said...


I was looking in at the other links and Sherri asked what happened to different types of personalities one of which was the druggies. The answer is I made it, two of my friends are dead, and one is MIA the difference is I love my family, so I am sticking around.

You do the same Jan life is good.