Thursday, February 23, 2012

Today's Favorite Thing...

Feeling kind of melodically today.  Some stress... some emotions. A strange feeling day.
As I walked through my bedroom, I glanced to my dresser and this made me smile.
It is a framed photograph of my girls from about 15 years ago... a basket of stuff I don't know what to do with...and a wooden Breathe cutout surrounded by a pearly necklace that my daughter use to wear.
Pretty much sums it up.
I need to breathe
:)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

oh where to begin...

I hate when I get so far behind in Blog World.  I feel like I have so much catching up, but then, some is such old news, I feel I should just move on.  I have several started post that never got finished... Should I just delete or save for another day? Jeez Louise! I guess I will just move along.

So much has happened in these few weeks.
highs & lows & highs & lows.
A freaking roller coaster of emotion.

Someone I thought was a friend, was extremely cruel and took me by surprise. However, karma snuck up kicked that person in the booty. A friendship has ended, and sadly a trust has been broken.


HOWEVER... an old wounded friendship, has strengthened and taken a tender turn.


We are considering moving... I know. We just moved here two years ago! But, those who really know Hubby & I remember we use to move a lot many years ago, playing monopoly and advancing in the process. Hubby never really loved this house as much as I, there is something...something about this house, that he just can't like.  I, on the other hand, can make any house into a home.  It's about the feeling more than the structure for me. We have been looking at a couple of houses, and considering putting this one on the market. We are just toying with the idea.


We had a car accident last Sunday.  It was so freaky.  Why do these always feel like they are happening in slow motion?  We were very fortunate.  We were coming from a ramp pouring us into the interstate, this guy, came from the medium, jumping over that section nobody is suppose to cross, as if he wanted to try to back off the interstate. Thank Goodness Hubby was driving.. I would have lost control. He pretty much saved our lives..  Major damage to the truck, but we were unharmed.  (As well for the idiot).

We lost a dear friend this week.  Even though it was not completely unexpected, it still was a painful lost. This was one of Hubby's original Lifers.  He was just 53.  The past 25 years Multiple Sclerosis, mangled and stole from this funny and amazing man. He is finally, without the gripping horrific pain. John will be missed.

It made me feel so appreciative. We really are fortunate. Cars are replaceable we are not. And neither my Hubby nor I have a disease that is so disruptive and fatal.

Speaking of appreciation... where as, I still am madly deeply in love with my job, I find it interesting that so many people (and we are talking about kids as well), are so unappreciative. 
What ever happened to manners?  Why do the younger generation feel they deserve everything and don't need to so much as say please and thank you?  Why do they think they can be rude and "it's all about them"?  And I am NOT talking about everyone.  Certainly not.  But the thing is politeness seems to be so rare these days, and I have had a bellyful! As for adults... seriously?  How do you expect children to respect you when you are not setting the example?

MIND BOGGLING!


My college class on American Sign Language is going well.  I am learning a lot. Class is great, participation is interesting.  However, I am somewhat disappointed. The whole class thing, I feel old, I am not as quick to pick up as my younger colleaques. I do really love my proffessor .  I would love being friends with her!

Then there is that weighted tangled mental health issues that has grasped some loved ones. That I am forced to sit by and watch loved ones self destruct. It is such a horrible thing to love someone and not be able to help them.  The help is here...but not wanted.  And no matter what you may think, things aren't always what they appear. Nor are all things fixable. Laws differ from state to state and, well, this is not a helpful state. You can't help someone that doesn't want it. {oh heavy heavy sigh}... I just got off the phone with a family member.. Looks like its time for me to try to step in again. This is one of those stressful anxiety pushing moments.


BUT...
That's all okay, because in the long run, I feel stronger, and I am proud of who I am and who I am becoming.  Who'd have known it would take me a lifetime to find who I really am?

So, on a lighter note...
I am feeling pretty good. 
I feel healthy.
I feel happy. 
I feel competent.
I feel validated.
In spite of what all is on my very full plate, I am coping and putting it all into prespective.
The really great thing...
I'm starting to love the skin I am in and like the person I am.