Wednesday, November 28, 2012

...away in a manger

With the recent death of my Mom, dealing with the Holidays is an emotional ride I can't explain. Thanksgiving was not only difficult, it was a teary blur.  I hear I hosted a wonderful meal but it was like I wasn't there at all. I was a huge fake.  Everyone worried (except my Dad).  My family could not only see but feel my sadness.  It runs deep and different than other those I know that have loss a parent.  Everyone deals with grief differently, but also, I had this dysfunctional relationship baggage that I am trying to sort out. A lot of guilt and misunderstanding to my grief. I am still trying to fix everything through my Dad... which is a whole different post...

Christmas is upon us.

This year even without the dealing the grief, our plans are a bit different.  We are not planning to drag all of the Christmas stuff out.  I am not even planning to put the tree up.  I am only pulling a few things out. Along with my Christmas containers, I have found a couple of bags of my Mom's Christmas decorations that I salvaged when we moved Dad and condensed their belongings. I barely remember putting them in with mine. But I started going through them today.  Among them was this...
It is my Sister Julie & my Childhood Nativity Set.  It has several chipped and broken figurines. The manger is barely standing with it's weakened cardboard frame torn and caved in.  But other than a couple of the original sheep... I believe it is all here.
My Sis and I would spend hours playing with this.  Re-enacting the story of Baby Jesus born in the Manger.  The Three Kings, the Shepperd's coming with their gifts.  As we grew up we would constantly change the setting stage.  I think I preferred them all looking onto Baby Jesus, and my Sis would switch them to look out to us as if it were a play.
I remember getting new Kings and Shepperds.  We would get them at Ben Franklin or Murphy's.  It was exciting looking them over in the store all lined up waiting to join a Nativity set. The price sticker still remains on  this one.

Through the years, through the chaos... somehow this Nativity Set was not destroyed or lost.  It survived.  Much like my Sister Julie, and I.


JC said...

I know I'm late but I am so sorry about your Mom passing. I too had a difficult relationship with my Mom. When she past, I had to deal with what did and didn't get settled. It takes time to sort out what we wanted and what we got.

I wish you peace and with time you will get that. I did.


Bee Lady said...

I know I said it before but I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. One of my favorite authors is Dorothea Benton Frank. She rights wonderful novels and every now and then one of her characters say something profound that I write down. In Folly Beach one of them said, "We learned that you never get used to losing your parents. You just get used to the pain."

Cindy Bee

Julie Harward said...

Oh Janis, I didn't know about your mom, I am sorry. At this time of year too...sending you a warm hug.
I do believe this, whatever she struggled with in this life, it is cleared up now. Like the nativity set...HE and all that goes with Him is eternal. Families are eternal and she is happy and well and will be watching over you, her daughter that she so loves. I hope you will feel that and have a good Christmas. I know that HE IS REAL...and HE will heal your heart too. Love you.

mandy said...

I wasn't sure what to write, because I had a totally different experience with the loss of my dad , years ago.
I am sad to hear, that you are sad.
The main reason that I like putting my tree up, is the angel. She is the one we had on our tree when I was a kid.....I used to talk to her when I would be in a teary place as a kid.
That angel has seen lots of stuff and knows everything about my childhood Christmases (which were not always cheery)
I look forward to seeing her every year. I am gonna put a pic of her on my blog ...just for you.
Try to get through the holidays the best you can and take day by day.
love ya
reality J.......

Zion Girl said...

I'm so sorry to know that you are struggling! My new favorite saying is this;

"I can do hard things"! Know that I am sending prayers your way!

I have this very same Nativity and it now belongs to my daughter Mackenzie! I believe I bought it about 1985 at a store called Sprouse-Reitz.

Zion Girl said...
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