Friday, March 30, 2012

Oh There It Is!

Deb's Pansies

Last night as I was driving home from work at midnight, I felt something familiar. 
What is that?
Oh! Now I remember!
Happy!
That feeling of being happy.

This emotion was on a sabbatical...a leave of absence.  Certainly not excused but for whatever reason... left the building, or in my case, left the body and mind.

It is difficult for me to reason with myself as I ponder the who what and especially whys...  I truly believe that EVERYTHING is for a reason, but that does not make a difficult situation any easier.  Sometimes, I am so....COME ON! REALLY? THIS TOO? ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE? JEEZ LOUISE!  Don't  I deserve a break?

This isn't gonna be a poor poor pitiful me post.  Let's just say, some stuff is over crowding my plate spilling over, therefore has caused some dreadfully dispensed tears. (Seriously!  I hate that so often my tears flow out of control. I'M NOT WEAK! It's just rather than words flowing...tears stream down my face when I am extremely stress/passionate/pissed/offended/etc etc etc.)

Juggling three or four stressful matters is hard enough, but when a handful of unexpected things are tossed in, I'm struggling.

HOWEVER~
I am finding what an extraordinary strength and prevalence I am capable of.  And I actually was able to use one of my "trials" as an example to one of my Dormies to help her see and grow herself.  Yes, we are sometimes meant to go through things so that others can learn from it and hopeful be in a better situation.

Back to last night...
So after a week of turmoil, and Hubby being out of town on business (meaning I had to toughen up by myself).
Yesterday, I was fussing about running late... 
As I arrived to my bank, irritated with myself for not being there 30 minutes earlier...The door is locked... What now?  Oh My! They just got ROBBED!

Oh My Gosh! Had I arrived when I meant to be there... I would have been stuck in the middle of a robbery!...
So much for banking today, but I'm good with that.  More time freed up for errands.
A difficult class situation proved to be not so bad.  Sometimes, showing that you are not going to stay down when pushed can show a certain character that demands respect. 
(no..not mine, but I like it)


I can continue to dust myself off, and get back up.

Some chaos {too be expected}, the last evening before spring break for a dorm full of kids that are ready for a week out of here.  I did get a pleasant surprise learning a favorite co-worker will be working more with me and our Dormies following Spring Break, giving me an ahhhhhh yes!

The day flowed way better than I expected. And as I was on that drive home, I really felt BLESSED.  I started car singing (oh so scary).  As I drove through the ghetto ...{yes I have to go through a ghetto type area}.. at midnight, mind you, I'm sure some of those sketchy characters that looked my way as I am blaring K-LOVE, Christian Music channel, and singing my little heart out
My God's not dead, He's surely alive
And He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!

 That was when I felt that oh so familiar but distant emotion.
Happiness
yeah...
I think I prefer Happiness.
I think I will try to stay here awhile longer.

Just try to stop me!

3 comments:

rosaria williams said...

Yes, it's around and in abundance. Just, breathe and it comes back in your sight.
Have a restful weekend, Janis. Your strength and faith are your armor.

Reality Jayne said...

hmmmm....i do believe that things happen, for later use. Everything is maybe part of a bigger plan.......But...i had a mini meltdown day before yesterday, and i have yet to know why ....lol
I am glad that you are feeling happy and also liking your job.
I have decided that maybe the ghetto is more family oriented than the lucky slobs that take everything for granted

Lori ann said...

sending hugs and extra happy thoughts to you! your happiness is there in you!