Sunday, September 18, 2011

That's Not ME!!!

Hubby & I
Have you ever got ready to go somewhere... and felt pretty good about your hair, make up, and clothes? Felt you are looking good... healthy.. grateful for the few shedded pounds, feeling comfortable.  But then, later, catch your reflection, or see a photo and think... who is that? I know I left the house looking better than that!

Yesterday, I had to attend a wake service thingy, for my Brother-In-Law. I chose a brown dress that makes me feel pretty.  Both my Daughter and Father In Law, commented on how I looked, that I looked thinner & pretty. Made me feel very good.

We got home made a quick change & took off for a college football game and tailgating fun.

I still felt good about looking how I felt. I thought my hair was behaving (not doing that stupid cowlick thing I catch in most photos) and was happy that my jeans were actually needing a belt.

Things aren't always the way they seem.  Rather than a person with an eating disease that thinks they look worse than reality, sometimes things are flipped & you don't look as good as you thought.
My friend Carol took this photo...obviously, not a good profile of me. My waist is not that wide... I'm still a size six, but I hope that it's just the damn chair making me look like that... And the bus driver arms... please someone tell me how to rid myself of these cruel oldie reminders..

I use to embrace aging. I absolutely loved the ages 35-45.  I had a rocking little body that I finally accepted. My hair was healthy, and my skin was amazing. Something started changing once I past 45 and let me tell you... it's been down~hilling ever couple of months.

Weight gain... whatever. My hair lost it's shine & has odd gray curly hairs that stick out like floral sprays. I get these "age spots" all over my body, as well as stray "eyebrows" that manage to make their way in the worst places... not to mention the occasional skin tag and sebaceous cysts. My vision has weakened and I can't always see well enough to get make up on without looking like a clown (hence why I rarely wear it).
I am MENOPAUSAL... Oh now this is quite a joyous journey. Mom had a Hysterectomy at 35 so she skipped this little phase of womanhood.  My Sis, just told me her Doctor told her it can sometimes last 10 years. WTH? Seriously?  Not what I needed to hear! I'm always hot... I get teary EASILY... I have to admit, I get annoyed and yes, occasionally bitchy.  (I'm sorry to those in my path).

I wanna be that woman I know I can be & look.  The one I see myself... in my mind... not in the mirror!

I wish Calgon could really take me away in a wonderful bath like the old commercials.  I need my "Peace in the Valley".
sigh

12 comments:

ellen abbott said...

Good luck with that. Wanting to be/look young when you are not is a road to misery, or plastic surgery which is also a kind of misery. I had my last period at 44. My mother, older sister and maternal aunt all had hysterectomies so I had no idea if that was normal for the women in my family or what to expect. I didn't get Geary or bitchy but my internal thermometer flipped and I went from being cold natured to sweating buckets all over and above the hot flashes. And the migrating hair and the spotty skin. Join a gym and that will take care of the bus driver arms but the rest? Embrace it.

janis said...

via facebook: Becky Rebholz Miller
I'm guessing you didn't think this was at all funny while writing it.....but I had to laugh! I pay a hairdresser to handle the grays. However, not sure what to do about the hair thinning & the evidenciary monster hair balls in my shower drain. And I don't understand why I'm still getting acne (in the most bizarre places) at this age. My vision is also weakening....which sucks! My hearing is also not as sharp as it once was. My memory is shot! Gravity has taken over...and its not pretty. I'm gaining weight by the hour.....in all the wrong places! Why won't my boobs ever get bigger? (Without being pregnant?) My cycle is all over the place.....no rhyme or reason. I have recently quit smoking (making my inner bitch surface!)......14 days & counting! And that isn't good enuff for the doc....she wants me to give up sugar & bread & alcohol!! Damn....I might as well shoot myself now!! Hate this getting old thing, too!! Seems impossible to do it gracefully...how do some women do it? I remember feeling so vibrant in my 30's. I was strong enuff & smart to handle ANYTHING! But now....my brain only works sometimes & I'm worn out & just don't give a f**k about most things . (Except of course, not being able to wear the things I could when I was 20!) Just recently, I have found myself always referring to anyone younger than me as "kids". With a late birthday....I have always been the youngest.....in my family....in my class.....in my group of friends. When did that change? Hang in there Jan -- you are soo not alone! :)

janis said...

via facebook:Janice Markellos/ Janis,read your justbreathe,and can totally relate. At least you are married,it is hell for the single gal at 49 and holding on with all she'sgot.

janis said...

Beck~ totally wrote it with humor in mind. Gotta laugh! Janice~ Im honored you read my blog! Ive been writing for a couple years. As for your comment...as much as i love the Hubby...sometimes, especially while menapause is choking the life out of me, i wouldnt mind being single! lol

sheri said...

I'm with you girlfriend! And, once you get through menopause, it's not better! (Although I don't miss the hot flashes.) Sometimes I go in the Ladies room at work, catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and just want to go home and pull the covers over my head.

janis said...

vai facebook: Rhonda Flick Maynard~ I'm totally right there with you Janice! It is NOT fun! Still clinging to the thought that I can lose the 30 pounds I've gained in the last 3 years! :)

janis said...

via facebook: Linda Stites~ Oh please girlfriend! You are beautiful inside and out! Enough said♥

janis said...

via facebook: Rhonda Flick Maynard And obviously my brain power is low! I spelled your name wrong! Sorry!

janis said...

Sheri~ I just hope I make it through menopause!
Rhonda~ your so funny.. but thanks, I do prefer the name spelled the way my Mama gave me.
Linda~ Thank you! I just wish I was more accepting of these oldie things! You are my inspiration! You look GORGEOUS!
And Ellen~ I would so go for the plastic surgery if I could... just to help here or there. I hate the gym! Its too yucky! Although I miss Yoga & looking forward to starting a new Saturday morning class♥

the cake chick said...

I wish I had some cute words of wisdom...I younger than you(not by that much)so I haven't reached the 'wonderful' stage you are at. All I can say is I am totally freaked out by what is coming down the pike.

pink dogwood said...

I don't have any wisdom to help you through this. I clicked on the first picture in this post and you look great - don't be so hard on yourself :)

Bee Lady said...

Well since I just met you in person not long ago, I know you are a skinny minny, so I'm not even going to comment on the fat part, because fat you are not! Oh jeesh I just commented! Anyway, I hear ya sister...I'm with ya too. Been flashing all summer, started with night sweats a few years ago and have a boat load of other complaints....err uhh symptoms...and I hate it all. And I'm with Becky...I've been gaining weight by the hour! CRAP. And the enjoyment I used to find in a glass of wine before bed only makes me hot, hot, hot...and not hot in the way my husband likes me to be, but I'm saying hot like don't touch me I'm hot!!!

Cindy Bee