Thursday, September 2, 2010

Never Enough

I am very hard on myself, and often feel that I am not enough.


Not smart enough;

Not strong enough;

Not happy enough;

Not pretty enough;

Not healthy enough;

Not content enough;

Not thankful enough;

Not grounded enough;

Not careful enough;

Not willful enough;

Not competent enough;

Not thankful enough;

And

Not good enough.


Self-esteem issues. I know. I am working on them. Sometimes I go about feeling my best is enough. But sometimes, often, I don't.


I pray about it. I seek counsel. I write and I have coping skills to help.


Sometimes, it isn't enough.


The overwhelming feeling can creep up building slowly, and sometimes just kick me in the behind so fast I certainly didn't see it coming.


It has a grasp on me some days. A strong grasp. The fight within is wearing me down.


I just want to go back to bed.


I know, I know, this will pass. I am good enough really. I have to remember I am like the little engine that thought he could. Just keep working it till I can convince myself .


Maybe one day I will feel it...

5 comments:

JC said...

A big HUG being sent to you !!!

Keep trying. It will get better. A nap always helps me. I too feel that way a LOT. Thus, I can so relate.

Just know I care ...

Anonymous said...

Life is hard, messy, troubling, sometimes dangerous. There's no guarantees against the 'bad.' From the song, "Free:"

"...All the time spent hanging on to anything
All the time spent knowing that they're wrong
All the time wasted, stolen back, innocent
You won't get a second more, so move it along

Because-
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't be what you want to be
Living so free is a tragedy
When you can't see what you need to see..."

Channel the lessons from the myth of Sisyphus--you have to get up every day and roll the rock to the top of the hill. No matter what the day brings, roll the rock.

You can do it, my friend.

Mark Pressley said...

I have always worked with people better than me, smarter than me and always more educated than me. I simply out shine them, I use my weakness has a strength I know they have more talent so I out work them. Work ethic is a choice just like my family life I choose to make it work so it does.

You have a heart of gold that no one else has which in turn means you have loved ones that they don’t so your life is better filled.

Smile on you are fine, that is just those Demons talking.

Lori ann said...

Be gentle with yourself Janis. You are enough of everything, we all are. If you treat yourself the way you do your precious daughters and husband, you will see loving yourself is an easy thing to do.

comparisons are only okay if it's between apples and oranges, people are all delightfully unique and special. :)

Anonymous said...

How about "who gives a sh--"? Feel how you feel and don't worry about how anyone else feels about it!!!!