Sunday, August 29, 2010


I graduated from High School in 1980. Yep... Thirty years ago.

Wow... Where has the time gone?
Times have changed. Things have changed. And, people have changed.

This is me at my graduation in June of 1980. I am seventeen.

Seventeen... I didn't have a clue. When this was taken my plans were to attend Oklahoma Baptist University (no I wasn't a Baptist), get a degree in Special Education, marry my high school sweetheart, and have my first child by time I was 24.

Luckily, I followed God's plan instead of my own. Of course as my life progressed and things were not panning out the way I thought they should, I was , well, devastated. Much later I realized life does have a way of falling into place. Happily, God had a much better plan for me.
My parents had a big shin-dig for my graduation. Lots of friends, family and food. As well as booze. Here I am with my friend Marci, toasting our graduation with glasses of champagne my folks gave me. (oops, I am seventeen... ).
I remember everyone coming to our house, then a bunch of us went to the local YMCA for an overnight of swimming, basketball, and just hanging out. I wonder what ever happen to Marci, that was the last time I saw her, as well as many friends. We all went our separate ways. We didn't have email accounts and cell numbers. We didn't realize that we may never see each other again.

Flash forward to today. A little something called Facebook has reconnected friends. The fascination of stumbling onto an old classmates Facebook page is like. It has been alot of fun as well as useful in allowing friends to reconnect and even help each other in times of need.

Yesterday, my high school had a reunion of sorts. It was a Block Party in the neighborhood of the old high school. We were able to block off the street and had vendors selling us food, drinks and stuff. We had six bands, all consisting of at least one Howe HS graduate.

I went solo, as Sergio got caught up in work at the last minute. The moment I step onto the block I was greeted by familiar faces. Unbelievable. You recognize people but sometimes the name is missing. No problem, we are all there, laughing as we are telling each other who we are.

I enjoyed the evening. I hung out with my Sister Julie, as well as running into friends along the way. Pictured with me are: Maureen K., Amy A. & Me. Donna T & me. And Julie,Bryan S & me.

The interesting thing about these reunions are our expectations. What will people think about me? What will I think about them? How have they changed? How have I?

I don't have big expectations at these things. I just want the opportunity to say hello, reconnect and enjoy the company.

For the most part, I have been very blessed to keep in touch with friends. I lose a few now and then, but always rejoice at reconnecting. It is wonderful to be able to pick up with someone that I haven't seen in years, and feel that comfort immediately.
Occasionally, I will run into someone, happily and then start to remember why we drifted in the first place.

I must say last night was lovely. I truly enjoyed all I ran across. Missing a few that I hoped to see, but for the most it was a good night to be a Howe Hornet.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Great Escape

They made their plan.
Found the opportunity.
And off they went!
Things don't always go the way you plan.

I can't get a picture of them together... They pretend they don't like each other.

Here is the "Ring Leader".
MISCHA "PRETTY KITTY" GONZALEZ, age 6. She is a pretty, but, BAD Kitty. Very sweet and lovie, but very destructive, especially to wood door frames.

Her accomplice, the "Partner in Crime".
ISABELLE "IZZY" GONZALEZ, age (almost) 2. Don't let that gorgeous fur and sweet face fool you. She is one mean little Stinker. This is the only cat I haven't won over. (Feral cats even like me). She has quite an attitude and enjoys the pampered life.

These little kitties are indoor cats. Both were rescued and have lived luxurious lives for cats. Very spoiled indeed! We live in a neighborhood that borders fields and small wooded areas. We have had deer, foxes, coyotes and such roam the area. We also have a few feral cats that live in the area. Remember a while back I wrote about one which resided in our crawl space (I think he moved to the neighboring house's crawl.) Anyway, I do not feel safe having my pets roam the neighborhood. Let alone feel it is irresponsible.


I occasionally let the cats out supervised. I can't let them eat grass as they will throw it back up within the hour on carpet. Izzy gets spooked as she lived in an apartment most her life with Emily. The house is huge to her. The dogs and Mischa & Rocky have been an adjustment. That and Emily having to return to school without her this time. She tolerates me, likes me when I feed her. But mostly hisses and strikes out at me when I walk by. {bitch}. Mischa also seems to have an attitude since Izzy moved in. Even before. I have never had a problem with her and her crawls, but she has ruined our slider into the screened in porch, as well as the runners of my antique rocker.

This morning, Sergio got up first, and I slept in for an hour. I woke to see Mescha out on the back patio. I let her in, and asked Sergio about her being out. He was surprised, but we figured she slipped out when he went out to his Tahoe. I went about the morning business, coffee and such. I noticed Izzy wasn't begging to be feed so I went to get their food. This general brings meows and cats under foot as well as the dogs whining about not being first. No Izzy. I searched, thinking maybe she got in a closet or something. No Izzy. Finally, I checked the windows, as a couple were open letting a nice morning breeze in. That's when I spotted the cat hair in the corner of one of the screens. Sure enough... below the window, sat Izzy, not sure what to do. I ran out to her, trying to chase her back into the house at the door. She tried to go back through the window, and I ended up carrying her fat little ass, hissing and all, back in. She was thrilled to be back in.

She must have got ditched once Mischa & her got out. And was too scared to venture away from the window. Mischa on the other hand, had escaped a second time before I even discovered the window exit. While bringing in Izzy, I caught Mischa around the corner. She of course ran as it is the fun thing to do. "Watch Fatty Mom chase me around the yard!" Here she is, coming back to me from the neighbors house.
Both little Kitties are grounded.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Power Of A Scent

I read somewhere that our smelling sense is the strongest of our five senses. (did you know, in women, the sense of olfaction {smell} is strongest around the time of ovulation? I totally believe that!).

Have you ever smelled something and it reminded you of someone? Not talking about when someone is wearing a cologne that is familiar. I am talking that, "oh my gosh, this smell reminds me of Grandpa! ~when the smell is actually of a tack room.

When my father's parents passed my sister & I inherited their dining set. While it resided in my home, and later at Julie's home, it brought us great joy to open the cabinet door and inhale Mamaw's house.

I always thought as I would grow older, my sense of olfaction would dull. But, instead, it seems to heighten. I am noticing more familiar scents. Sometimes some of the most simple things will bring me back. Is it that I am just more sentimental? Growing old so I am reminiscing?

I don't know. What I do know is, I am smelling a lot of memories lately.

BANDIT living up to his Name

Dakota got a new toy!
Cute little rope horse.
He loved it.
Till it got stolen.

Bandit won't give it back... Carries it with him. Dakota loves him so much, he really doesn't care. He just went back to his old torn up lovey toy!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Help, I've Fallen...again

I hate to admit it, but maybe it's time for me to get one of these! The advertisement says, "every senior, over 50 should have one". I am two years away from that age, maybe I should get a jump start. My Mother In Law wears one. Even though I have a spouse, ("who are you going to call if you have fallen and can't get up?") he doesn't always see, let alone hear me, when I have fallen. Sometimes, I think he wishes he didn't just see me fall down, again.

Once I was getting an award for being a great Girl Scout Leader. I stood up took one step and my ankle completely gave out. Down I fell spread eagle to all the troops, parents, and staff. (My troop still loved me).
Once, wearing Harley Davidson boots, I got off our bike, took a few steps, then BAM, hit the ground. No alcohol involved.
I have fallen many times in heels.
Many many many dog walks I have tumbled.
I have fallen walking in to work... three times within one year.
I broke my foot last year falling... in my closet.

Sometimes I trip, sometimes I misstep, usually, my ankle just gives.

A week ago Thursday, I took a tough fall. I had two dogs on leashes, one running free. I was navigating them back to the back yard when I twisted my ankle in a low spot between yards. I heard three snaps and thought for sure my foot had broken off completely. Sergio was in the house, as was my cell, he couldn't hear me nor would I scream. My loving concerned pups got me up and back in the house (sometimes it's really good to have a hundred and fifteen pound strong dog). Oh, BTW, foot was still attached, and amazingly only sprained.
By Tuesday, I was tired of the ankle wrap thing, ice packs and decided enough time. I'm all better. Against my smarter loved ones advice, I freed myself & willed myself well. I had things to do, places to go, and that ugly lace up brace was holding me back...
Until the following Thursday, when I tried to cross a busy intersection downtown Indy during rush hour, and my ankle gave way 3/4ths the way across the street. Now, a car stopped, instead of running me over, but other than that, NO ONE HELPED ME. I fell so hard my finger on the hand that broke my fall, was bleeding. I had road marks on my hip, and shoulder from my "tumble". NO ONE HELPED ME. I mean, really? I pulled myself to the curb, picked myself up, and tears running, I just leaned against a stand, as the dozen or so people continued to cross, walk & stare. Grant it, I may look like a crazy woman, and a few F Bombs probably rolled off my tongue as I took flight. BUT NO ONE HELPED ME! I think I am more disturbed by the lack of kindness than the embarrassment of falling or pain endured yet again.

Of course I have done more damage by re-injuring it. It looks as though the ligament is torn. Now it is swollen on both sides. And now I get to wear a lovely stirrup ankle brace with air bladders. {I am so cool! I know!} I am pretty sure I have an ankle that "gives away". I probably got hurt a long time ago , didn't allow it to heal and now, I am paying the consequences.

It kind of sucks.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Deb Came to Visit!

One of my dearest friends in the entire world came to visit!
She is an original Bestie.
A Lifer.
I have known Deb since elementary school. Had way too much fun being her friend through high school. Actually survived living together in an apartment during our early twenties.And we managed to remained friends even when she moved away.
She has been the glue of my foursome friendship with Sheri, Lynn, Deb & I. She is the calm one. The rational one. She is logical, and well, she does have a degree in Psychology and therefore, can make us all maintain and "chillax".

But this year the girlfriend trip was different.

We originally planned to go to Deb's in Tennessee earlier in the year, but that got scratched. Actually, Sher & I couldn't make it, however, Lynn did make the trip south. Sheri also made the trip earlier the year before. I am the only one that has yet to visit Merino Manor. Something always gets in the way. I must make it a priority to visit before the year is up.

We are women in our mid/late forties.
We have issues.
We have drama.
We have life altering experiences going on in our little lives. Something seems to be going on in each of our lives that is pulling and tugging at us. Whereas we should unite and bond stronger, which we always have been able to do, isn't happening this time. There are some things that are weighing heavy in our hearts. That were "off limits" to discuss this time around. That is hard with four women that have always said what they felt and not afraid of the truth. It is hard to explain, and not appropriate for me to discuss. I just feel sadness as I know things will never be the same.

Some times things happen, and no matter how hard you want or try, you can't go back.

So, we did much of our weekend in parts. Deb spent great times with each of us individually. And great times with us together. The together times were as if an elephant was in the room. Safe conversations only we discussed. We laughed, we ate, and we did enjoyed each others company.

...but it just isn't the same.

Ready to Catch Up!

Oh my goodness!
I have so much catching up! I want to first catch up on reading my bloglist, but also need to post so many thoughts swimming in my head! I have half written postings to finish & other stuff to unload off my mind.
Here goes! Bear with me! And don't forget to comment. I need your energy and thoughts.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I have a bit of writers block. I have the thoughts, the words. But they are not making it to my blog.
A bunch going on. My head is in a tizzy.
Sergio's work is intense.
The Babies have gone back to school.
I am dealing with my own stuff.
And my laptop has gone to have an attitude adjustment. (It is not a virus, but at 6 months, must be the terrible teen years in computer years).
Don't give up on me!
I still have much to say...
Be back soon.
♥love jan♥

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Weight of It's Presences

I can't sleep.
I am haunted this evening.
I saw a Ghost today. The weight of it's presence is with me.
It approached me... wanting something it thought I had.
But it is this Ghost that has something of mine. Not the other way around.

It stole from me, without even knowing, or maybe not caring...

I wish I never saw it's face. I knew it was out there, and preferred not knowing it's face, it's voice, it's nature. I felt cornered. I performed well, never giving it pleasure. It didn't realize it fazed me at all.
How strong I am, or so it seemed.

Good show, jolly good.

But now, the hours pass. My hubby is out of town far from protecting me. I am laying here awake, thinking of this ghost...

I am strong. Stronger than any ole' ghost. Wretched things.

This isn't a very old Ghost. I haven't known it long. Just long enough.

So I lie in bed. Thoughts dancing across my head. I know I need to sleep. I have a busy day at work tomorrow starting early in a few hours.

Time for me to carry on. I tricked this Ghost, so I need to relax. If it shows again, I will be ready, for now I know what it looks like.

It made me stronger.. not weaker.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Luck of the Draw

"Find a Penny, Pick it Up, All Day Long, You will Have Good Luck!"
I still say this when I find pennies. I crack up my co-workers & friends. I don't really believe it but old habits die hard.

How about Four Leaf Clovers? I have found dozens. My daughter Annie has found hundreds. Our home in New Palestine must have been build on a clover lot as we found them all the time. Did they bring us luck? I wonder.

Rabbits Foot? Ewe...really? How lucky was that for the rabbit? You know this "charm" comes from witchcraft... I won't go there.

Fertility Dolls? Another hmmm. Really? I don't think so. Sounds like more witchcraft to me.

Then there are shrunken heads...Oh My Gosh! Is there anything more disgusting that this? It is believed that these were powerful talismans. Trophies of war for the tribesmen of the Amazon River forest. {More reasons that I.. 1~ have no desire to go to the Amazon River and 2~ ever want to go camping again!}.

Some people are afraid of Black cats bringing bad luck. Yeah... I see that. My Rocky was pretty fierce in his day.

Some people think that luck is heighten by lucky charms and hasten by bad charms. Me? Yes, I believe I too have a few.

I think it is lucky to be a Mom.
I think it is lucky to be in love & to be loved.
I think it is lucky to be happy.
I think it is lucky to be Me!