Thursday, February 26, 2009

Virtue of Chastity

For those of you that do not know who this stunning beauty is, she is Victoria Secret's Super Model, Adriana Lima. This sexy twenty-seven year old just got married (eloped) on February 14th to Memphis Grizzlies shooting guard, Marko Jaric.
So, what is the big deal? She choose to wait until marriage to give her virginity away.

I love this girl! She is a wonderful role model for our daughters.

My girls have always loved her. They also have countless guy friends that have had the posters of her, computer wallpapers of her and well, just really, really, loved her! I am hoping she helped some of the many young men that "wanted" her to understand and respect the concept of Chastity.

A couple of years ago, the virginity issue came up in an interview. Adriana's response was this, "Men have to respect that this is my choice. If there is no respect, then they don't want me."

I happen to know some wonderful young women that have also made this choice. I respect and admire their strength and decision. I can only imagine how hard this can be in today's world.

When in high school and you have such an enormous peer pressure going on plus the desire to "be grown up". This being a grown up activity, can lure teens easily.

When in college and beyond, not only difficult, but hard to believe. Imagine going on a date with a young man that has had countless partners and use to getting sex on his dates. A young beautiful young woman, faced with not only saying no but getting respect for it.

I happen to believe that many many young men not only respect this choice but admire it as well. I believe that there are many young men that also have this same virtue. And I imagine it is even more difficult for them.

One day, when with a group of teen boys from my confirmation group, we got on the subject of the pressures and ease of sexual activity. I brought this to there attention as they were being a bit silly about the "everyone does it", attitude. I said, "From this point on, when you go on a date, think about this girl being someones future wife. Think about your future wife out there somewhere on a date. Treat this young woman, as you would want some other guy to treat your future wife. Some day, when you fall in love, will it matter, the experience your future wife has? How will you feel if you learn that she was pressured into sex, or had different values? How would you feel if your sister was put in a position? How about your future daughters?" My "boys" all were kindof quiet, then one said something like, "I never thought about that."

A year later, I ran into one of the boys, and he said, "You know Mrs G., you remember that sex conversation you had with us last year? Well, I think about it alot. In fact, you kindof ruined the moment for me with dates. I hear your words in my head and I can't help but slow down. I keep thinking, she may not be my future wife, but she is someones. My future wife is out there, and I hope who she dates will be a gentleman" I almost cried. He said he was pretty sure the other boys felt the same way. Wow.

I think that even though the majority of those who chose to wait for marriage are for religious reasons, many have other reason. The fact that sex is something that can be special and shared between only two, is incredible. Some may just feel that they are not ready. Not ready for the consequences that can come with sex. Not ready for the emotional toll. Or they have physical reasons.

I have kept many young women & young men in my daily prayers. This is one of those things I pray for them. Someone needs to be praying for them.

Kuddos to the many entertainers, celebrities and others that send out the message that this is "cool, good, and a personal choice". we need more role models like this for our youth.

17 comments:

Rebecca Ann said...

Wow great post. I wish i would have waited till marriage :( Its something ill regret for a long time.

Natalie said...

Good post, Janis! How right you are.xx

Anonymous said...

I can say with no regret that my wife and I were both virgins when we were married over 25 yrs ago. Our marriage is stronger today for that. Keeping God in our lifes helps.

D

Mark said...

I am raising two teenage sons right now and my message to them as always been about respect. That little girl is a daughter, a sister, an aunt and some day a mom. You have all of these types of ladies in your life, how would you want someone to treat them?

After that morals and I usually miss the same path, big surprise.

Jan your hair looks great, thanks for telling Mary also!

Linda said...

Excellent post and it's something I think on often for my own daughter of course.

I commend this choice also, though it wasn't the route I took. It's also probably different when people wait to much older ages to marry - my parents didn't marry until their 30's - Dad was almost 40. I married for the first time at 30 and obviously, I wasn't a virgin when I married my 2nd husband since I had already been married and had a daughter.

But for young people, this is certainly the route I pray they take. There is such a push for kids to grow up so quickly - I don't know if it's like this all over or not, but it is like that at my daughter's Junior High. These kids already talk about dating and their ex's - we're constantly having to stress to Sarah to slow down. For instance, we're old fashioned and don't allow dating until age 16.

Anyway, thank you for this excellent, thought-provoking post.

Vinita said...

Wonderful post. She's indeed setting a good example. I do not know if you know, that in India, 95% of women are virgins till marriage (especially Christians). We believe in the Sanctity of marriage. I do not know about other countries

Vevay Anderson said...

I wish I would have waited, at least until I was older if not married. I was 12. At that age it was more frightening than anything else, but it was my choice and I can't change it. I can only hope that young people today have someone like you to guide them!

coffee said...

good for Marko Jaric; i would have though Adriana Lima was out of his league

Fire Byrd said...

This is a great post. I think in the UK we have a slightly different value system and staying a virgin till you marry is not happening over here.
But then we also have the biggest group of teenage pregnancies in the world..... Is there a message here I wonder?
x

janis said...

wow. I made alot of people think. Thank you for your comments. It is interesting that the era you grow up in makes a difference. As a mother, I do think about this daily. And I just keep on praying! I wish someone had prayed for me as a child.
Rebecca Ann~ regreting it can't change things, accept it and move on. You seem young, you can always start over, wait from this point on. I know some who have.
Natalie~ Thank you dear, always love hearing from you!
Darin~ You & Pam rock! Miss you.
Mark~ Sounds like you are raising your kids well, that is awesome! I am sure they will make good husbands ( :
Linda~ I know what you mean! Just keep the conversations going with Sarah, try not to freak out when she shares stuff about her friends, remind her just because they do, doesn't makeit right. Help her to learn through the friends mistakes. I have a funny story about first kisses. I think I will blog about it (lond story) email me if you want to hear sooner! Sarah will laugh with you.
Vinita~ Thank you for visiting all the way from India! Yes, I believe that your country has stronger family values that send positive messages to the youth. Particuliarly involving such matters.
VeVay~ 12? Oh my. I am so sorry. I cant imagine. I wish I had been there for you.
Coffee~ You made me laugh! Poor Marko has a lot to live up to. But then again, who is in Adriana's league?
FireByrd~Always wonderful hearing from you too! I was not aware that UK had such a teen pregnacy rate. We probraly would have much higher stats if abortion wasn't so accepted.
Whew! Keep them coming!

lakeviewer said...

Janis, I thought about your blog for a while before returning to it and leaving my comment. That is because "virginity" is a loaded word.

Of coursem, we want our children to be ready for sexual encounters. We want them to be prepared for the physical, emotional and health consequences of sex. Safe or Not. We want our children to be mature and fully in control of such adult committment.

But, are we not sending mixed messages when we admire the "sexy' image of a model who also sells "virginity"? We are a society with hypocritical ideals. Look at how many pregnancies occurr at wrong times, in families with strict upbringing.

We need to educate our children about their bodies, and the various stages of their emotions. Educate. Yet. many parents have not taken their roles seriously, fully. They hide the truth under pat phrases and simple answers.

Besides education, we need to engage our youth in activities that are meaningful and mature, activities that will make them feel good about their bodies, their budding sexuality, and their accomplishments,both physically and mentally. Children who have a healthy self image, who plan a rich future for themselves, will be more careful about their immediate appetites.

Lastly, let's be understanding and caring with your youth. Let's not put undue hurdles in their way. Let's support them when they succeed, and let's encourage them to learn from their mistakes. Let's tell them how we wish their lives to be. But, also, let's tell them that their lives is their responsibility and choice.

Education and caring for the long run will do more to instill strong values than anything else.

Thank you, Janis, for opening up a wonderful topic for discussion.

Lori ann said...

I agree it's a mixed message and can be confusing to girls. and boys. And not only do values differ from country to country, but from home to home. With my own kids I felt the way to go was open communication, it's the only way really.
Thanks Janis!
xx

janis said...

Rosaria & Lori~ Thank you ladies for sharing your comments.
I totally agree that mixed messages can be given. Education is one of the best ways we can give our youth a better understanding. As well as by example, religion and communication. In response to "models that sell a sexy image and promote virginity", again, this has to do with educating. I have no problem being sexy. Especially for my husband. I am an adult. For my daughters, I found the whole sexy image for our young women to be quite a battle. On one hand, my daughters have beautiful figures and to wear form-fitting clothes in style clothing was difficult sometimes with crossing a line. I found myself saying...you are too young for that look. Or yeah, its okay for her to wear because her body fits it different, on you, its another story. Too sexy too young!
What I admire about Adriana and those like her is the fact that they can do their job, and still set an example of choice for purity.
I was lucky to be comfortable and talked with my girls ALWAYS from the time they were small about our bodies, what is appropriate and what is not and why. I am proud of their choices and feel they will communicate with their daughters as well.
I love that we are all talking about it and I have had so many hits since this posted. Maybe it will get mothers & daughters or women & girls talking... Comunicating and getting educated. ( :

Andrea said...

Janice, I really enjoyed reading this post. I agree with you! You really hit the nail on the head, as they say. I teach, and I love it when I have students that come back and tell me that something I did really affected them. It's very special.

Anonymous said...

Wow-- thanks-- we wear chastity neclases and fight the pre-pubescent women off every night. I wish all our roadies could read this. Can't wait till we are all married and get this built up frustration behind us.

Thank goodness for kleenex,

signed,

The Jonas Brothers

janis said...

Thank you Andrea!

"Jonas Brothers?" Ha Ha! You made me laugh. I do think that they are good role models too!

sroman said...

I am very relieved to not be a teenager.