Sunday, January 11, 2009

Being Afraid

Are you ever afraid? I mean really afraid. The feeling of anxiety and constant thinking of what lurks beyond.

I am a Big Frady Cat. Always have been. Never the adventurous one wanting to go first or lead the way. I think too much about the what ifs. I am the type that lays in bed thinking of the worst scenario instead of the best. I anticipate things are going to be bad.

With my current situation of anxiety and fighting depression, the slightest problem I foresee with the worst thing that can happen. I am a freaking bag of nerves.

On Tuesday, I go in for another cone biopsy on my cervix. The first one I had in May, came back fine. They managed to "snip" all of the precancerous growth and decided I have high grade dysplasa. I then started going in every three months for a new pap smear. The first recheck came back fine. But this last last month came back abnormal again. So, back to getting a biopsy.

I know it'll be fine. But this time I have such an uneasy feeling. I am feeling afraid. I am being a big frady cat.

Keep me in your thoughts, I will let you know how it goes.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Life is full of challenges and you've certainly had your fair share. Despite what you think you are a very strong person. What's the worst that could happen with your cervix, get a hysterectomy? That may be a blessing in disguise, I"ll join you and we can have dual surgeries. Love you...Deb

kim said...

Jan, Love you and all will be well!! God is in control and whether we like it or not...He has it all right in the palm of HIS hand!
Comforting isn't it.
I'm like you, don't get me wrong! We are so much alike in many ways. I still know that no matter how much I freak out cry, worry or anything...HE still has it!
Love and prayers..Kim

Linda said...

I pray everything will go well with your upcoming tests/procedures and that you'll be filled with the knowledge from scripture, 2 Timothy 1:7 that reminds us: "God did not fill us with a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline"

That's what immediately came to my mind when I read your post. It sounds as if you're in fact a very strong person and I know that you'll get through this.

Kind regards, Linda